A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Thoughts Of A Jackass #7

Well I really didn’t have time this week to write a proper post, so here is another installment from my series “Thoughts Of A Jackass”. I hope enjoy reading the goofy shit that I post on Facebook and then share here with you.

Why does every one say that today is the first cold day of the year? Did they forget about all of the cold ass days in January and February?

I had a nightmare last night that the Detroit Lions and the Buffalo Bills were playing each other in the next Superbowl.

It is bad enough that you can't go to a damn car dealership without being bugged to death by salesmen, now when you to one of their websites you get a damn pop up window with a sales rep wanting to chat with you.

Today I am thankful my diploma is from UofH and not from Penn State, otherwise I might have to burn it.

That damn blue field at Boise State is just annoying and unnatural. It is like seeing a foot of snow on the ground in Jamaica, it just ain't supposed to happen.

Apparently the reason I am not getting laid is because according to that hippy dude in the sky, I am getting screwed enough Monday through Friday during the day.

I never understood that whole saying/cliche "men like women barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen". Personally I would rather have her not pregnant, in heels and lingerie in the kitchen.

How come those Sleep Number Bed commercials never tell what the best number is for getting your freak on?

I keep seeing all of these "you know you are from...when" and "do you remember..." and all I can say is that I can remember all of this shit was not on Facebook.

Monday, the go fuck yourself of the work week.

I think someone at Rick Perry's little prayer rally forgot to pray that he wouldn't run for president.

I went to Half-Priced-Books on my way home from work and got some decent books. But it got me thinking; back in Biblical times did they have Half-Priced-Scrolls??

How come you never hear "Press 2 for Yiddish?"

When I told my son this morning of Bin Laden's death, his first question was "when is the Call Of Duty: Kill Bin Laden Edition coming out?"

So we are carving pumpkins and I am in the middle of making Bevo pumpkin and my daughter says, "you know dad Aggies really shouldn't carve pumpkins since they are orange."

All of you should not be shocked that Amy Winehouse died. With as much drugs as she reportedly did, you should be shocked that she lived as long as she did.

Isn't ironic that Michael Jackson died at 2:10 pm, where the big hand touches the little hand?

Monday, December 12, 2011

Why Yes She Was Born On The Bayou

As many of you may know by now, I have come out and told the entire world how I feel about a certain woman named Miley (and no not the 20 year hill billy redneck offspring to a one hit wonder country singer). I plan on writing some more about her over time seeing as how the cat is out of the bag.

This is a story that I wrote on her blog as a guest post from a year ago when she was busy with school. The story is a summation of our first date from back on April 17 2008. I will maybe one day write more about that night at a later date, but I wanted to tell you this specific story about our conversation from that night.

As I found out that she was from “south Louisiana”, I knew the odds were good that I would find comedy gold in her life story (and when I say south Louisiana think about the movie ‘The Waterboy’). I was not in the least disappointed in what transpired. Here is the story unfiltered from her blog:

Hi my name is Mr. Glasses (aka Oilfield Trash) and I am filling in for Miley as she has been away due to being hella busy with school and being ill. So I decided to write a nice little piece for her since she is too busy to write these days.

As much as Miley says she is not bayou (i.e. coonass, Cajun, or insert your other favorite adjective) and that her family came over on a different boat, I am here to tell you that she is indeed bayou.

The first time I met Miley was in a bar. We had decided to meet there as it was halfway between my place and hers and there was also an 80’s band playing there (she likes 80’s music and I am a thoughtful jackass like that). So we met up and got drinks and went out to the back of the bar (there was a smoking section there) to talk.

She told me that she was from Baton Rouge and I asked her if she had a pet alligator growing up, and she reached across the table and thumped me. I was like “hmm women only get mad when you hit a nerve or something. There must be some truth to this.” As it turns out she has a huge moat, well bayou behind her house that does have alligators in it. 

A young Miley with her obvious pet alligator.

Later on I asked her if she rode the short bus, and she thumped me again on the forehead. And then she explained that she had indeed ridden a short bus to school on more than one occasion but it was because there were very few people who needed a lift to school in the area. This in hindsight is complete bullshit as I visited the house where she grew up in and that damn neighborhood is fucking huge. 

Actual picture of young Miley in front of said short bus

Later in the evening she has been drinking and is opening up more (no not her pants you bunch of damn pervs) and she proceeds to tell me about how her mom sucks in picking men to marry. And that her dad and her previous step dad are like 5th or 6th cousins. And that her mom had 2 kids with each man. That means her half brothers are also her cousins so I was like, “Dude you have Brousins.” Brousins as a word has since been trademarked by me.

After some more time goes by she tells me that her grandparents lived in what was the lower 9th ward in New Orleans and that they had at some point (pre Korean War) financed the purchase of a cow through a bank. I can almost see the Chik-fil-a commercial now, “Eat More Bank Financed Chicken.” Who in the hell finances a cow? A coonass finances a cow, that’s who.

After all of those stories I had been told and heard with my own ears (yes she can even talk bayou), I pronounced to her that she was fully fledged bayou and 1 story away from having starring role in the sequel to the movie “The Water Boy”. She disagreed with me and tried to protest but I knew in my heart that she was bayou. Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with being bayou at all, she just refuses to accept it since she is 200 miles removed from the bayou. But trust me when I say she is bayou.

Don’t believe me? Well I went to her hometown to spend the night in the house she grew up in (i.e. her momma’s house) before we were to take a road trip together the next day. I was shocked at what I saw. As it was just days after Christmas I had to check the tree. Yes you guessed it; there was crawfish, shrimp, and alligator ornaments on the tree. One of the stockings near the tree was Cajun themed. Even a couple of the dish towels were Cajun themed. Hell the whole house was Cajun themed.

As much as she denies it here on her blog and in real life, she is as coonass as they come. Don’t believe her for a minute. She may have run away from Baton Rouge, but let me tell you this much, “You can take the girl out of the bayou, but you can’t take the bayou out of the girl.”

Well there is part of the story of the first date that I had with Miley. She is so going to kick my ass when she sees that I have posted this. Someone send out a search party for my body if your comments to this don’t appear within 5-6 hours.

Oh and here is a recent picture of her holding another alligator. 

I would like to add that she wrote a response to this story, but I will maybe save that for another day because it takes away from the funny of this post.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Yes There Is Change Coming

And no I am not speaking about the kind of change that people voted for in 2008. I am talking about some personal changes that are going on in my life.

I have normally been a happy person throughout most of my life. When I got married I kind of lost/forgot the person I was prior to getting married. After leaving my ex-wife I was on track to getting back to myself. Then a relationship gave me another setback. After that one ended, I got back to myself again. I had not been as happy with myself at that moment since I was a teenager.

Then I made some really tough decisions/actions/etc two years ago that changed my life for the worse. And it was during the last two years that I started to lose the person that was Oilfield Trash. Well except for here where I write, this was the only place I was still sort of myself. If you noticed, I never lost my sense of humor.

And as you know the last six months at work consumed my life. It became a living hell for me. I became a huge asshole because I was always working, always tired, always stressed, sick daily, mentally exhausted, I couldn’t give any time to anyone who asked. Basically I shut out everyone from my life and I knew it. All I wanted to do was SLEEP.

I basically lost the core person I was and had become someone else that I did not know.

Now I knew back in May and June that I was rock bottom in a hell hole. And I knew that as soon as my work situation got better in October/November that I had to make a lot of changes.

So in October I started working on these changes. In no particular order I am going to do, doing, or have done the follow:

1. I quit drinking Mountain Dew. Yes I said it. I was addicted to Mountain Dew more than sex and I gave it up cold turkey. Yes I had a lot of headaches for a while but it was worth it. Not only am I saving money by not drinking it, but I am also not getting tons of sugar that just made me fat.

2. I started drinking tons of water in lieu of not drinking Mountain Dew. I have been drinking so much water I have changed my name to H2O. And I can’t remember the last time my urine was any other color than clear.

3. I started walking one to two miles a day. Now this one combined with the no more Mountain Dew since mid October has caused me to lose 25 pounds.

4. As you know I quit smoking two weeks ago. And when you combine the first three things with the no smoking, you can see why I feel fucking GREAT each and every day. I literally feel like a million bucks.

5. I am getting more in touch with my feelings for things. I told you earlier this week about how I learned the tough lesson of saying I love you to someone. This one has made me feel a lot better.

6. I am spending more time with my kids and doing stuff just for them and only them.

7. I am taking time each week and each day to do something just for me. This is a huge one for me since in the last couple of years I have forgot that I need to do that.

8. I am also not letting anyone or anything bother me anymore. People at work, situations, etc are no longer bothering me and not worth the time/effort/stress to ever let stuff bother me.

9. I am also being a nicer person to everyone since I have always been a truly nice person to everyone.

10. I am getting back to being more spiritual.

11. I am trying and learning to control my temper. And this is a huge one for me.

Now a lot of this stuff is really hard to do, and I am struggling with them all the time.

As a result of doing all of this stuff, I have got “ME” back. I feel like I did when I was 21. I feel like I can conquer the world. It truly is a great thing to have “ME” back.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Three. Little. Words.

I know I have perhaps been a little different lately in what I have been picking and choosing to write about. But you will have to just forgive me and get over it as I am getting sappy these days.

What I am writing is not just how I feel, but this is also a life lesson. A learning experience. Maybe even a life saving story. You should take this story into your heart and head and understand it. Pass it on. Spread the word about it.

This story of my experiences lately should help you or someone you may know.

A few weeks ago I told all of you that I was not currently in a relationship with Miley and I also did not explain why. I am not going to get into the details of what happened, but I am going to tell you the main reason why we are not together.

I never told her that I loved her.

Yes that is correct.

I never said to her face “I LOVE YOU”.

Should I have said it to her face? Yes I should have said it to her a long time ago as in years ago.

Did she know I loved her? Yes she knew I loved her. But she still wanted to hear and see me at the same time say “I LOVE YOU”. Women apparently need verbal communication.

Why didn’t I say that I love you to her? Well the short and sweet answer is that I was scared, scared of getting hurt. You see I have a huge wall around my heart (think Castle wall), with a moat, and a draw bridge. And every single time I have ever even remotely opened up the castle gate, I have gotten my heart crushed by a woman who cheated on me or did something just as bad or worse as cheating. Think of it as a proverbial Trojan Horse, where the woman was the horse and she was full of evil soldiers out to kill me off and do me harm. And I let her in every time expecting a different result and getting murdered by the soldiers inside the Trojan Horse.

Sounds kind of dumb huh? Well it may have been, but I put up a wall to keep even the remote chance of getting hurt to a minimum.

All while I was busy putting up a wall to keep Miley out, all Miley wanted to do was love me. She wanted to fix what was wrong with my world. Her Trojan Horse was full of bunny rabbits, rainbows, butterflies, chocolate, beer, and all kinds of other things which happiness is made. At the same time I thought Miley’s Trojan Horse was full of ninja’s trying to suck the life out of my soul and stab me. And as a result of having my wall up, I never told her I loved her.

We had all kinds of other little problems going on, which had I told her one time I loved her, she would have overlooked the problems and she would still be with me today.

I have since told her millions of times that I love her. And she is probably extremely tired of me saying it, but she listens just the same now sometimes.

My lesson to all of you out there is this. If you love someone, TELL THEM. TELL THEM MULTIPLE TIMES.

I don’t care if it is your child, your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your friend, a boy or girl you are interested in: IF you LOVE THEM, open your damn mouth and TELL THEM.

It does not hurt saying it, especially after you say it the first time. Trust me on this.

This lesson I am teaching you is just as valid for women as it is for men.

I know that lots of people have trouble saying those three little words. However, I am now no longer one of them.This story will have an updated future happy ending post.

Miley, I love you!

Monday, December 5, 2011

Spam. And Not The Kind You Can Eat On A Sammich.

Have you ever noticed that we get a shit load of spam emails these days? This spam seems to come from all kinds of mindless people in hopes of getting us to order some kind of wonder drug, spay/neuter our mother, donate money to a Nigerian prince, or get an online degree in proctology.

I seem to get spam pretty bad now and I am not sure why. This seems to mainly happen on my personal email address (no thanks Yahoo) and not on my work email (thanks IT guys). Maybe the fact that one is free and the other is not so free might have something to do with it.

So I think I should share some of these lovely spam emails with you.

Zoloft Health Alert – a nice little email asking if I had taken Zoloft. Don’t “they” have records of all of the people who took it? And if I did take wouldn’t I feel more happy about it?

Yourscorechecker – this was a nice little email reminding me to check out my credit score today. Now normally this is something I would need to know if all of my credit cards weren’t maxed the fuck out.

X-Ray Technician Training
– now I would normally not be interested in doing this as a career because I would be too afraid of fucking up, but how fun to would it be to take the x-rays of idiots who get stuff stuck up their shitholes that don’t belong there?

United States Postal Service – this was an email telling me that the letters I had sent were undeliverable and that I needed to click on their link to find them. Now it might just be me but I can’t ever remember the post office emailing me the last time they lost my car note.

– these people say that I can go back to school while at work. Now if I was doing online classes while at work, wouldn’t that interfere with being a smartass on Facebook?

Affordablecellphoneplans – this email promised to save me tons of money on a cell phone plan. Thanks guys but I am already saving a ton of money on a cell phone plan seeing as how my work has been paying my cell phone bill for a decade now.

Christian Singles Site – ok this one promises that they can find me a Christian single woman. But I have already prayed for one CERTAIN Christian single woman, didn’t they get that message from upstairs?

Free Sample Men’s Supplement – this guy promised me that if I took his company’s pills I could “rise to the occasion” and “make her cum over and over again”. Thanks guy for trying to help me out but I don’t even need to take my clothes off to make the woman I love come.

Solar Installation Jobs – this woman promised to find me a job installing solar panels. Was this part of the president’s “green jobs” plan? How many people can afford these things because I don’t know anyone in the ghetto that I live in that can afford solar power?

Rental Property Search – this company promises to help me “narrow down” my apartment search. Now out of all of the spam I have gotten, this one is one that I actually need.

Latinos Online Dating – this guy promised to find me some “hot latin men”. Well shit is this what I am doing wrong and why I am single? I don’t think so Pedro, I am not gay and I am not interested in “latin men”. Now if you want to send me some “hot latin women” maybe we can work out something.

Classmates.com – they wanted to remind me that I have 56 people from the class of 93’ that are searching for me. They also wanted to remind me that they are still running $5.99 a month specials for access to their site. Now I could be mistaken but I think those 56 people who are searching for me found me on that free website out there called FACEBOOK.

Myspace.com – they emailed me to say that I had a message from someone. Ok I hadn’t been on there in years so I went to the site and logged in. I didn’t have an email but I was able to stalk err I mean visit some people who had deleted me from facebook. I was also able to see some really old pictures of Miley (she hadn’t deleted me there-yay) that I had not seen in years. Some of those pictures were HAUGHT.

Social Work Training
– now this company guarantees I could get accepted into a school for social work. Little do they know that so many social workers have been to my home, that they already gave me an honorary license in Texas.

Your Dream Job – I think this one goes without saying, but they say they can get me my dream job. Can I get paid to lay in bed and let a woman (ie Miley) run her fingers through my hair all day for 8 hours a day? Or getting paid for getting a bj? Catch my drift, those types of jobs don’t exist.

Bathroom Remodel – I am lost by this one that offered to “pimp my throne room” as I live in a rental unit duplex in the hood. And I am not paying for shit to be done to this forsaken place that not even the land lord gives a rats ass about.

Well I guess that is enough of a sample of some of the fucktarded spam emails that I get.

I have noticed that sites like Facebook make the ads that you see match stuff that you post about. If the net and websites like Facebook, hopefully the spammers out there will catch up as well.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Black Friday Should Be Called Stupid Friday

Each and every single year I watch/read the news to see what kind of new low humanity in America has gone to on Black Friday.

It always seems that people lose their damn minds on or around Black Friday in some retail monstrosity type of store.

You always hear stories of someone beating someone up over some toy their kid and only their kid deserves for Christmas. Or someone robbing someone of what they just bought instead of going out and getting a job and doing things the right way.

What makes someone line up at a store for two damn days in the cold to save FOURTY FUCKING DOLLARS? Or what makes someone become brain dead over a $250 dollar laptop? I fail to get it.

But I digress, each year we see some jackass act a fool on Black Friday.

Did you hear about the guy who pepper sprayed people in a store to clear them out away from the $100 Xbox’s? Yes this shit really happened. Some douche bag pepper sprayed people so that he would have a better chance of getting an Xbox that had been reduced by $75.

Here in my town (for the second year in a row mind you) someone got stabbed at the local Walmart in the parking lot. All over a damn front row parking spot.

I am really losing faith in humans, seriously.

How do we go from a day of giving thanks for everything we have, to the very next day beating someone up for some piece-of-crap-plastic-something-or-another-that-is-made-in-fucking-China anyways?

On a brighter note I had to explain to my ever more curious son that Black Friday was not a racist saying and that it was an “accounting term”. He understood but still said jokingly that it was racist because it implies that black people only come out for a sale. His sense of humor is beyond funny for his age.

Wait, what is that you ask? Do I go Black Friday shopping? Umm how is this for an answer, No. Hell No.

No back that up. No is not strong enough of a word. How about this, I would rather be kicked repeatedly in the balls than go anywhere near a store on Black Friday.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Day I Quit Smoking

Well I used to smoke. Yes I said I used to smoke. Last Wednesday November 23rd I quit smoking. Well it was actually late last Tuesday night that I quit, but who is counting right. It has been one whole week ago today since I have had a cigarette. And I feel GREAT. Scratch that, I feel FUCKING GREAT!!!!!!!!!

So since I am in such an awesome mood over this achievement I have decided to tell you the story of one of the greatest days in my life.

I started my ten day break from work on Friday November 17th and I had long ago decided that sometime during my ten days off that I needed to quit smoking. I told all of my family and friends to ignore the Asshole that I was sure to become while trying give up smoking.

So on Tuesday night November 22nd after going to church for the annual Thanksgiving feast, I smoked my last cigarette and went to bed around 2-3am. Prior to going to bed I prayed for some strength (to quit and help me), and then I passed out.

I woke up Wednesday morning to sunshine coming through my window. I got up, took a shower, ate some breakfast, and watched a little tv. I did not have an urge to smoke. Not one urge. Even when I went outside for the first time, I had no urge.

After some time I had to leave the house to run to my bank to get a new debit card as my kids had lost my card somewhere in my house. I drove to the bank and had no problems at all. When I got to the bank I noticed this old man standing outside the bank smoking and I just walked right past him. I even thought that the smell was nasty. So after getting my new card, I drove home from the bank and had no urge to smoke. I kept wondering when I was going to break down and want to smoke.

While I was on the way home I noticed how beautiful it truly was outside. There was not a cloud in the sky and it was about 65 degrees outside, we have not had a day like this in a long time here. On my ride home I suddenly decided that I wanted to spend the whole day outside.

When I got home from the bank, I got the entire box of car washing supplies I needed from the shed and I completely washed my car. I took a good two to three hours to completely wash and clean both the inside and outside of my car just to make sure I got the smoke smell out of the car. And after all of that time I did not have an urge to have a smoke. And I was still wondering when I would have the urge to smoke, the cold sweats, and the headaches from the lack of smoking but they never came.

After washing the car I ate a little snack and lounged around outside just enjoying the sunshine. And I did not have an urge. I kept waiting to have an urge to smoke, but said urge never came.

As it started to get dark outside, for some strange reason I shall never know we lost our electricity at home. So I decided to go for a walk with my daughter. We walked together for two miles just talking about life and everything under the sun. She even said as a reward for giving up smoking that I should eat my favorite food that night. So I ordered pizza when we got home from our walk. And I still did not have an urge to smoke.

When we were done with my walk, I noticed how beautiful the sunset was this night. There were tons of different shades of pink, light orange, red, and yellow in the sky. It was just beyond description and had I had my camera nearby I would have taken a picture of it. This was the type of sunset that inspire people.

My daughter and I then went to pick up the pizza from Pizza Hut (they had the best deal that day). When we got there my pizza was not ready yet so we had to sit down inside and wait. Now normally before last week this would have been when I would have gone outside to smoke, but that night I did not even have the urge to. I just sat inside and talked to my daughter while patiently waiting for my dinner. My good mood must have been very apparent because I even got hit on by a young lady while I was sitting there waiting with my daughter. Although I don’t think it was my awesome aura so much as it was she has probably never seen a man interact with his daughter the way I was doing.

My daughter and I went home and ate what must have been the best pizza I have ever had in my life. It tasted beyond wonderful. And after eating I didn’t have a craving to smoke.

Yes I went through this entire perfect day with no cravings at all. I enjoyed the weather outside, I ate, I did things which would normally would have meant I would have been smoking while doing. And yet I didn’t smoke and I didn’t have an urge or craving to even touch a cigarette.

I had tried to quit smoking two previous times one of which was with medication and one was not and both of these attempts were unsuccessful. I had a lot of problems quitting smoking those two times.

Now this might sound crazy to some of you, but hear me out. I was a pack a day smoker for 15 years and I quit COLD TURKEY. No patches, no self help books, no buddy system, no medication, no nothing. The only thing I did was pray about it. And I am pretty sure that I had a few other people (like Miley and my kids) who prayed for me as well.

And this time when I quit smoking, it felt like it was different. It felt to me like it was meant to be that I was quitting cold turkey with no medical help. I felt like I had someone there with me watching over me and helping me. I can’t really explain it to you, but it just felt RIGHT to me. And I was not alone in this struggle.

Now some of you may believe in a higher power and some of you may not. Regardless of your beliefs, I felt like I was being helped on that day by a higher power. I mean how else do you explain quitting cold turkey? Do you know the odds of a cold turkey quitter succeeding (it is like 95% against you), it does not end well most of the time. Although in my case, I was not alone and there was no struggle to this. And the difference this time I quit is that I prayed for it. And it happened.

This was beyond a perfect day for me. So many things went right on this day. And I will have you know that I have had ZERO cigarettes since last Wednesday. And I have not even had the urge to smoke. Sure there were a couple of times in the last week that I was stressed out and really wanted a smoke, but I did not have one.

Monday, November 28, 2011

My Third Best Birthday Ever

One of the things that happened back in October while I was away from blogging was that I had my birthday. Last year when I celebrated my birthday, I told you a great story about my Second Favorite Birthday Ever (if you haven’t read it you really need to go and read it) so this year I am going to tell you about my Third Favorite Birthday that I have ever had.

So let’s flash back to October 2008 when I had just turned 34. A few days after my birthday I went to hang with my then girlfriend/significant other/bayou mama/woman-I-should-be-married-to who had invited me over to her apartment for a day of pampering me where I didn’t have to do anything for myself.

I know what you are asking, who is this woman and why haven't you written about her? Well this amazing woman is named Miley, and you may or may not have seen her comment around her before from time to time. I have written about her once before about our trip to Orlando, but as I am shy I have not done so very much till now.

Anyways, Miley had invited me over to her apartment where I was to be pampered. As soon as I got there I was greeted with a rather large hug and kiss. After some idle chit chat we left her place on a destination unknown.

She drove us in her car to a cool place near her house called “The Main Event” which was a huge indoor entertainment complex. They had bowling, pool, shuffleboard, laser tag, arcade games, and putt putt golf. We ended up playing an epic game of putt putt golf together. I honestly can’t remember who won that day but I am pretty sure that Miley won (and I know one of us still has the score card).

After the game of putt putt she drove us to a Star Bucks so I could get me some coffee as I was extremely tired that day due to working a lot (sounds familiar huh).

After a short drive around to the area we found our way back to her house where she proceeded to cook me dinner. The dinner consisted of a delicious steak sammich and homemade sweet potato fries, both of which left me taking each bite into my mouth and closing my eyes as result. Miley had made dessert but I didn’t even have room for it as the sammich and the fries had MORE than filled me up. Did I mention that Miley burned her hand while cook this dinner? Yes she did.

While eating we ended up talking and watching a movie together. After dinner, I was given my gift which I eagerly opened up. It was a Stars Wars Mr. Potato Head Darth Vader. Now it might seem trivial or nerdy to you (but I don’t really give a rats ass) but it was the perfect gift for me as I love Star Wars and always wanted a Mr. Potato Head and never really had one when I was a kid.

I can’t tell you what happened next, well because this is not an erotic blog and I don’t believe in kissing and telling. But to answer your question, yes I did and yes it was.

This day ended up with me spending a lot of time with Miley that day. And I really enjoyed it as we laughed at each other’s jokes, we made fun of each other, we just simply talked, I was able to relax, and we were in love. This day was just so special and perfect all at the same time as it was just plain and simple (I am very easy to please). We were both happy together, being ourselves.

I could not have asked for a more perfect birthday.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Thoughts Of A Jackass #6

Well it is beyond time for another edition of “Thoughts Of A Jackass” where I share with you guys some of my wonderful thoughts and attempts at humor which I post on Facebook.

I wonder if there are at least 5 people alive in America who actually get excited about having hamburger helper for dinner.

Olive Garden's commercials say, "When you are here, you are family." Well if I am there and I am family, why the fuck am I having to pay for dinner?

I have a new medical procedure that will replace the invasive Lapband procedures to help people lose weight. My procedure will only cost $99.99 for me to perform for patients and during clinical trials has a 100% success rate. I will handcuff the patient’s hands behind their back and place a ball gag in their mouth. You can’t down a bag of Doritos with your hands behind your back and your mouth closed.

We have a new kitten in the house now thanks to my daughter. This is not what I was wanting when I prayed for some pussy.

On this day I am thankful that fresh boiled crawfish has returned to my area.

Herman Cain just defended his latest sexual harassment allegation by saying, "All I asked her to do was order me a pizza and hold the sausage."

So Halloween last night was a success. I passed out Reese's peanut butter cups, bibles, miniature Jack Daniels bottles, Chia Pets, and candy apples. I told each kid to pick one and only one. You should have seen the kids and their parents faces at the choices they made.

A year that ends without the Yankees in the World Series is not such a bad year.

I am pretty sure Amanda Knox won't be eating at Olive Garden anytime soon.

So this morning I had to use my sons Axe body wash since I ran out of my brand. I am still waiting for women to jump through the wall to smell me. Damn false advertising.

How come you never see any homeless people drinking Gatorade?

The other night I watched the movie "The Road" and liked it. But when I feel asleep I dreamed that a group of zombie women were out to get me. The twist in my dream was that these women screwed you before they ate your brains. That's normal right?

Anytime you don't feel special, remember: You could have been a blow job.

Do deaf kids sign with their mouths full while they are eating??

In honor of Halloween, today I came to work dressed up as someone who gives a crap.

Facebook really needs to have a brutally honest day where you can tell someone what you really think. Example: "Look lady you are not single because you can't find a man. You are single because you are a bitch and you have held so much cock in your life that you have been given an honorary degree in Urology from Baylor College of Medicine."

Ladies if you are going to get on a dating site and tell the world you have four kids and you are under the age of 30, you don't need to fill out the "hobbies" section of your profile. It is pretty obvious what your hobby is.

Until next time friends….

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

I am Thankful

Well it is Thanksgiving time around these parts in America so I thought I would write out a little list of stuff that I am thankful for this year.

Of course some of these are more serious than others, but hey this is ME writing this so you already knew that didn’t you?

So in no particular order here is a list of things I am thankful for:

That the six month nightmare at work is over.

That my car is still running after reaching 250,000 miles.

That beer is still readily available to buy and drink.

That I have hope and faith.

That my kids are alive, healthy, and that I haven’t failed them as a father after 11 years.

That this country continues to be resilient after 200 plus years of people trying to tear it apart.

That the small group of people in my life are really awesome people.

That my kids do not like Justin Bieber or his music.

That I am above ground.

That I am still young enough to realize my mistakes and learn from them.

That my sense of adventure is still alive.

That I have my children in my life.

That I have a good job even though sometimes it really stresses me out.

That Tyler Perry has quit making movies. Or least that I know of.

That my small family has accepted me and the hard choices that I have made in life.

That people think I am really awesome.

That football season has been really, really good to me this year.

That I still can afford cable tv because I don’t think I could survive without sports.

That soon our troops in combat will be finally coming home.

That you people are still here to read my non-sense.

That I am capable of loving someone. And telling them that I love them.

That after all I have been through in the last couple of years and my life in general, that I have not let life beat me down and I am happy regardless of what pitch life throws at me.

Well I think that pretty much sums up for me what I am thankful for this year. I am sure that I have forgotten some things and they will come to me after I post this. But that is my list.

So I wish all of you out there a Happy Thanksgiving, be safe, and enjoy your crazy families.

P.S. If you want a really good laugh, click here to go and read about the true history of Thanksgiving that I wrote last year.If you have not read it, it is Classic Oilfield Trash and worthy of reading.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Lee Corso Is My New Hero

I am not sure if you know exactly who Lee Corso is, but he is one of the hosts on ESPN’s College Game Day show. If you don’t know what ESPN is then please remove your head from your ass, unless of course you are outside of America and then it is ok if you don’t what ESPN is.

College Game Day is a show that airs on ESPN each Saturday morning during the college football season. ESPN picks one game each week and the show travels to the location of the game. And they have previews of the day’s game.

The show has three regular guys on it and they also have a “celebrity” from one of the two schools which are playing in the game that they are at. Right before the show is over the four people pick who they think the winner of the game will be. And Le Corso normally does some crazy shit when he picks his winner like he will put on the head of the schools mascot that he picks to win or some other crazy thing.

Thousands of people show up each week at the site where the show is set up for the week. People line up at 2am to get a spot close to the stage. No I am not kidding. I personally know people who have done this.

I have been watching this show for years and honestly can’t remember when I started watching it, but I do know that I really enjoy the banter on the show.

So why am I telling you all of this? Well this past Saturday ESPN College Game Day was on the campus of my university. Yep that is right; ESPN was at the University Of Houston to broadcast live on ESPN, and to also pick the winner of their game with SMU.

In case you don’t remember I went to college at UofH and if you remember I took my kids to their Spring Game (and I knew back in April that this year would be special). I have always been a fan of UofH even before I went there for college and will remain a fan for life.

Which brings me to why Lee Corso is my new found hero, here is the video of the last minute of College Game Day live from UofH.

Yes you heard it correctly, at around 1:05 Lee Corso looks like he is going to pick SMU by picking up a megaphone with SMU written on it, and then he throws it away and says “Ah Fuck It” and puts on the head of Shasta (the UofH Cougar and our mascot) and picks UofH to win. He said “Ah Fuck It” and picked my school to win.

Watch the video again. And again. Watch the response from the guys on either side of Lee Corse. Yes this video is just that great.

Lee Corso says “Ah Fuck It” live on ESPN.


This 2 minute stretch of video that I watched live on Saturday morning made my whole day. I felt so good inside that this tomfoolery took place where I went to college. UofH has never really gotten much attention the last 2 decades so it was nice to see them host College Game Day.

What makes it even better is that at a game earlier in the season against Rice University, all of the students wore red shirts that said “Ruck Fice”. Maybe Lee Corso knew this and acted in his best judgment in what he said, in any case he is my new hero.

Oh and my Cougars beat SMU’s ass 37-7 to become 11-0 on the season and have moved up to Number 8 in the latest BCS rankings.

“Ah Fuck It” is my new saying.

This picture was at College Game Day and it is of a boy dressed and painted to look like the Heisman Trophy in support of Kase Keenum’s run at winning the trophy.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Dear eFriends

I am truly sorry for my absence around these parts of the interwebs.

In case you have forgotten (you can read here), my life has been pretty busy and I just have not had the time or the energy to write anything.

I am still busy at work although it has been getting better for me on a day to day basis. All the hard work I put in over the months of my co-workers maternity leave has been worth it. I am enjoying a very liberal (yes someone else is paying for it) use of all the comp time I earned during that period to take some time off. I basically don’t have to work a Friday till after New Year’s Day. And I am also off all this week as well as few weeks in December.

I have also been busy with my kids and their school, sports, and such. They are doing great and are happy to have me working less time as it means they get me back on a more frequent basis.

So basically I now have the time to write some for you, although I don’t have much time to read much. So if you will forgive me if I can’t get to all of your blogs, but I can provide you with some of sarcasm, wit, and some stuff from heart are all to come. Yes ladies you read that correctly, I said stuff from my heart. Well dammit all the stuff I write is from my heart, but I mean love like from the heart stuff.

I will also write about what some of the things that have gone in my life in the last three to four months as well. Some of it is good and some of it is not, but you will hear about it just the same.

So please forgive me for my absence from writing.


Oilfield Trash

P.S. I normally post a goofy picture of myself for every 50 followers that I get, but to make up for my absence around here I am giving a nice little picture of myself from when I was arrested for threatening a pack of beer at the grocery store.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Roast The Warlock

I am not sure if you know this or not, but tonight on Comedy Central they are showing the Roast Of Charlie Sheen.

Now most of you know that I am a fan of Charlie Sheen (after all I have written about him here, here, here, here, and here) so you know that I will be watching this.

I am also a fan of the Comedy Central Roast’s as they are normally pretty damn funny. I saw the preview for the Charlie Sheen Roast and it looked good.

I really love the Roast’s that Comedy Central does because they tend be pretty damn funny and truthful all at the same time. I mean look at the one that they did for Pam Anderson where they all made fun of Courtney Love because she was completely shitfaced.

In addition to having everyone make fun of each other, the Roast’s also donate money to charity that is raised through the event. On a side note I wonder what kind of charity Charlie Sheen is donating the money to? Blow for Lindsay? Recycle used stripper poles? Cheap button up shirts for the homeless?

Well whatever charity this cornucopia of insults generates one thing is true, this roast will be pretty damn funny.

And don’t you think it is ironic that this roast is airing at the same exact time on the same exact as the first episode of Two And A Half Men without Charlie in it is airing on CBS? I could tell you which one I will be watching, but chances are you already know which one I will be watching.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

I Am Alive. Well Sort Of.

Well I guess you could say I am alive. Or maybe you could say I am “more machine now than man” (kudos if you know where that is from). Or perhaps I am like the Terminator, half human and half machine. Well at least I feel like I have been half living like a zombie due to how tired I am.

I have been gone from here for over a month now due to working my damn ass off 12 or more hours a day. Since I last posted in the beginning of August, I have had a total of THREE days off from work. And those THREE days off I was stuck working from home.

And since I was last here my kids came home from their summer vacation at their grandparents in Georgia, football season has FINALLY started, and my ass is still chapped from that audit that I was in the first week of August.

So I have been extremely busy at work and when I get home I am just too beyond tired to sit down and write. Plus there has been an abundance of soccer and football on tv which explains my absence as well.

I am sorry and I promise to make it up to you by writing some more sarcastic observations that I normally post for you. Of course provided I can find some free time that is.

Although I must say that I am getting caught up at work. My back log of work has disappeared, I have my trainee almost trained, a new person joined my group, and my coworker who is on maternity leave will be back soon. So I will be less stressed out and will go back to working my normal schedule at work (come late and leave early).

I truly appreciate all of the nice emails that all of you sent to me. Well I have appreciated some of them more than others (as you will see below).

Dear Trash, I miss you man.

Dear Trash, I miss you my friend.

Dear Trash, where have you been? I am going through OFT withdrawals.

Dear Trash, please come back. My life is empty without you.

Dear Trash, just checking in with you to see if you are ok. We all miss you.

Dear Trash, hope you haven’t crocked on us.

Dear Trash, miss the oily world view.

Dear Trash, I rub my clit when I read your blog. Please start writing or I will never be able to rub one off again.

Dear Trash, please come back soon I miss your sarcasm.

With lovely fan mail like this, I guess I had better get my ass back to writing again. I wouldn’t want a woman to never masturbate again would I?

Monday, August 8, 2011

300 People Like Trash

I am sorry for my absence last week; I was extremely busy getting fucked in the ass going through an audit at work. Most of the time when we get audited at work it is pleasant, but no not this time, this time the audit was more like the Spanish Inquisition.

And at the end of each day I was so mentally drained, that all I did when I got home was drink. And drink heavily I did.

So I am sorry that you had no posts of mine to read. I know each and every one of you who follow this blog was on the verge of suicide since I was not posting. So I am back now and you can step away from the shotgun/ledge/pills/draino and go back to reading my blog.

I am also sorry that I was not able to read your blogs last week as well. I will try and make up for it this week.

But while I was getting fucked audited at work , something good did happen here. I was able to get to my 300 th follower on here. And I could not have gotten here without your support.

Here is a little screen shot of my stats from my blog. Most of the visits to my blog come from people searching for pictures, but a lot of them come from you trashy guy followers. So I thank you.

(Sep-282, Oct-733, Nov-1150, Dec-1594, Jan-2628, Feb-2768, Mar-3490, Apr-8774, May-9908, Jun-9631, and Jul-6611)
As you know for every 50 followers I get here, I post a funny picture of myself. Well here you go ladies; he is a goofy picture of me from a Halloween party from a few years ago. I was dressed as a monk and I was getting a nice spanking from a dominatrix. Who laughs when getting spanked? Well apparently I do.

So when I get to 350 followers, I will post another goofy picture of myself. Someone last time requested I post a picture of myself in a loin cloth in the kitchen making a sammich. Maybe I will do that, maybe I won’t. Until then keep reading my non-sense and have a good laugh.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Do You Watch Porn At Work?


Well don’t feel bad, I don’t watch porn at work either.

But some people do, and sometimes we (us tax paying for us) get to pay for people to watch porn at work.

Do you remember when housing market was going tits up? Well the guys over at the SEC (Securities and Exchange Commission) were supposed to be watching the market go tits up and not some porn stars tits bounce up and down. Which it came out that a lot of them were watching porn at work. I guess this explains why my 401K got fucked around the same time.

Well it gets even better.

This week here in Houston it has been reported that this guy right here was busted watching porn at work on his personal computer using the company network. No he is not some low level guy either; he is the CEO of METRO (you know the Metropolitan Transit Authority funded with our tax dollars). Yes I said he is the CEO of Metro, you know the people who run the buses and the play cho-cho train that goes between two points no one really wants to go.

So what punishment did he get you ask? Well he got suspended without pay for a week which is going to cost him $4,500. Yes he did not get fired and yes this guy makes roughly $234,000 a year.

The thing that pisses me off is that the paper’s story said that his punishment was more severe than it normally is. Huh? You mean you get busted watching porn at work and you get less punishment than a week off without pay? I am curious to know how many times you have to get busted watching porn at work before you get fired. I know in the private sector you would get fired for this.

The funny thing in all of this is that this guy was brought in to replace the previous guy who was fired for gross corruption. Way to go cleaning it up, keep up the good work.

The one glaring comment I have is do we really need someone running and cleaning up Metro that is not smart enough to at least get a broad band card or an i-Phone to watch porn at work so he doesn't get caught? 

Friday, July 29, 2011

The Hookers Union

I ended up going out on Thursday night with a few friends for beers and dinner so I didn’t have time to write a proper original post. So to make up for it here is a great little email joke that I got a while back that illustrates that not all unions are a good thing.

A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.

When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No,” she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20,” she answered.

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop.

His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules."

The man asked, "And, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the union man said.

He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive green-eyed blonde.

"I'd like her," he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam.

Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next.”

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Thoughts Of A Jackass # 5

Well it has been a couple of months since my last post in my series “Thoughts Of A Jackass” so here is another installment. This series is where I take some of my jackass Facebook posts and share them with you.

I just spent all day removing a virus from my laptop. It got a virus last night while I was reading a news story about Congressman Weiner. Even the news about him is infectious.

Am I the only one who has the urge to rip the speaker off the top of ice cream trucks when they roll through the neighborhood?

Hey menfolk, if you want to keep a woman from going through your cell phone, just rename it "kitchen" then it is almost guaranteed that no woman will go in it.

I think the powers that be need to invent a spray for wasps that does not kill them, but rather makes them leave your house and go to your neighbor’s house and sting them.

If I get married again I am going to Lake Charles instead of Vegas.

After -re-watching the US Women's world cup soccer game yesterday against North Korea, I must say I feel sorry for the people of that oppressed country. I mean how good can life be there when your country makes all the women on the soccer team have the same exact hair cut.


If ABC was smart, they would have put Charilie Sheen on Dancing With The Stars....

I miss football so bad I am watching a Canadian Football League game.

I am curious to know which day of the week more people quit their jobs on. I am pretty sure it is Monday.

Walmart finally has the oral health isle figured out. They had toothbrushes, toothpaste, floss, and feminine products all on the same isle during my last visit.

Now that his term as governor is over does this mean that Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to go back to making shitty b-rated action movies?

It should be mandatory in this country that in order to get a driver’s license you should be able to prove that you can walk through a crowded Walmart without walking into people and their baskets. If you can't do that you have no fucking business driving on the roadways.

If our country really wanted to stop the terrorists cold in their tracks, all the US has to do is make a 100 woman army made up of pissed off ex-wives along with 1 divorce attorney and drop them into where the terrorists are. The war would be over in days.

Did my ears deceive me just now? I thought I heard the guy on Fox say that an Astros player was playing in the All Star Game. Surely he can't be serious.

"Imma let you finish your trial Casey Anthony, but OJ Simpson's not guilty verdict was better" - Kanye West

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Apparently I Am An Addict.

My kids tell me I spend too much time on the computer. Well I probably do. But they say it is not the computer, but rather Facebook that I spend too much time on.

Last Friday I was on Facebook before leaving work, I noticed that one of the local sports radio stations was doing a giveaway on Facebook.

They said, “like this picture and be one of the first 100 to do so and we will have a drawing for a free copy of the Playstation 3 game MLB2K11.” So I “liked” it and got off the computer and proceeded home.

After eating dinner late Friday night I got on Facebook to check things out. It was then that I noticed a post from said radio station saying, “Congrats to Oilfield Trash, you have won the giveaway. Please call 555-UWon to come and claim your game.”

I jumped up and screamed, “hell to the YEA!!!!”

I then decided I needed to send my kids an email telling them how I got paid to be on Facebook and that I had won the game (because after all they will play said game with me).

This is the actual email I sent to the kids.

Biggie and Sissy,

I don't want you to ever say anything about your dad being on facebook again. Why, because I just won a PS3 video game "MLB 2K11" from a local sports radio stations Facebook page. So take that you two for hating on your dad for being on facebook.

Peace, Love, and free video games!!!!

Love, dad.

My son emailed me back and told me that it was cool that I had won the game and he can’t wait to play it with me when he gets back from vacation. He also apologized for saying I was addicted to Facebook.

Dad 1, Brats 0.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Hey Can I Borrow Some Ends?

I am beyond sick of Washington and the great debt ceiling debate that is going on right now.

Neither the Republicans nor the Democrats are behaving. And neither have the desires of the American people at heart. They are both only looking to do what we will get them re-elected in 2012. Well guess what, we are fucked in the process.

The Republicans only want to cut spending, and the Democrats only want to raise taxes.

If you want to stop the bleeding and adding of debt, you have to cut your spending.

If you want to get out of debt, you have to cut spending and also raise revenue. To get out of debt you have to do both in cutting your spending and bring in more money.

It seems simple right? Well apparently the concept that my kids understand is not something that Washington seems to know anything about.

Neither party seems to understand the root cause of how we got into this mess in the first place. And that is by spending too much money.

Now don’t think I am taking sides here (remember I am in independent) because honestly both the Republicans and the Democrats are totally guilty when it comes to spending. For decades now both parties (with both holding the White House and congress at alternating times throughout the last 30 years) have spent us blindly into oblivion. It is time to have a serious talk about it.

We need to cut spending. Like when I was born. But since that time has passed we need to cut spending. I know some of you are fans of big government and some are not. Regardless of where your political affiliations may lay, this spending problem is hurting all of us. There are tons of money that are wasted daily by our government and we need to get better returns for our tax dollars. Because honestly right now we are not getting our money’s worth.

At the same time, we need to increase revenue by closing out some tax loopholes and get everyone paying their fair share in taxes (I am looking at you GE who paid ZERO in taxes in 2010).

Seems like an easy solution right?

Well it is too complicated for Washington because frankly the President’s only solution is to raise taxes and not stop the spending. I mean that is like you having a brother who is a meth addict and instead of putting his ass in rehab to help him (ie fix the cause of the problem); you just go out and buy him more meth. Yes it is that insane.

Needless to say we are screwed and it is not looking good right now for our future.To quote a great movie in Gremlins 2, "I am advising all of my clients to invest in canned goods and shotgun shells."

Monday, July 25, 2011

The Triple Nipple

People with an extra nipple are nothing new. Many people over the years have had an extra nipple on their chest or torso area.

Well this woman has a nipple in a new area. She has a third nipple and it is on the bottom of one of her feet.

Now I have heard of “pussy footing around” but I have never heard of “nipple footing around”.

Yes I said she has an actual nipple on the bottom of her foot.

I bet she never gets turned down when she asks for a foot massage. Hell I bet she even has guys (and even ladies) begging to give her a foot massage.

Can you imagine the shock and look on the little Asian ladies face at the nail salon when she goes and gets a pedi?

I wonder if it hurts her when she is walking around outside when it is cold.

Can you imagine having her on the bed with her legs over your shoulders, you could pinch two nipples and suck on the third at the same time.

Ok I will stop with the nasty jokes.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Oh No She Didn’t !!!!

Men you may not want to read this if you just ate your lunch. Or breakfast.

I don’t know if you heard about this or not, but this woman cut off her husband’s penis and stuffed it down the garbage disposal and turned it on.

Yes you read that correctly, she cut off his cock and put it down the garbage disposal and destroyed it.


Double ouch.

This whole story is beyond disturbing.

The guy was apparently divorcing this bitch/cunt/crazy demonic piece of shit woman and allowed her to continue to live at the house until she could find a place to live (mistake #1-you kick them out).

At some point she drugged his dinner (mistake #2-you never eat food cooked by crazy bitches) and the man went to lay down (mistake #3-never turn your back on a crazy bitch) because he felt ill. Shortly after going to bed the man passed out.

It was at that point that she tied him up, cut his dick off, and proceeded to the kitchen where she put it down the disposal.

The woman called 911 asking for medical help for the man. The police showed up and arrested her. She told police that he deserved it. She was charged with false imprisonment, assault with a deadly weapon, and aggravated mayhem. Now why does aggravated mayhem sound like that dude from the Allstate commercials.

The man was taken to a hospital where they were able to control the bleeding. A poor cop had to retrieve what was left of the penis from the sink (now there is a job I am very thankful I don’t have-can you imagine coming home from work and explaining how your day was?) and it is unclear if they will be able to re-attach it. If they can’t re-attach it they will be able to make a prosthetic penis.

Now I have a few comments about this. Ladies, it is not ok to do this. I don’t care if he fucked your mother and you walked in on it, nobody deserves this. You get a divorce and end it. Period. End. Of. Fucking. Story. The only time this is ever allowed is if the man is beating you and you slice it off to protect your life while he is beating you. That is the only time it is ever acceptable to do this.

There should be a law for this to where they can charge someone who does this kind of heinous crime with capital murder. Hey Trash did you just say capital murder? Hell yes I did. She killed his sex life. Forever. So yes this should be a crime punishable by death. Yes I am serious.

I feel sorry for this man. I really do. I have not seen an update to the original story to see of they were able to save his penis or if he had to have a prosthetic penis attached. But after seeing this picture of a garbage disposal below, would you really want it back?

Poor man, I will drink a beer, light a candle, and play Taps in your honor tonight.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

He’s A Chip Off Of The Block As Well

Last week I told you about how my daughter sent me a funny email. Well I also recently got one from my son as well.

He sent me one the other day with a picture of a pimped out car attached. He was all excited to show me this car since he loves cars and he also loves the University Of Texas.

The email was good in and of itself as it was the picture and a little bit of small talk, but that was not the funny part. You see my son had not only sent the email to me, but he had also copied his mom, and my brother in the email.

It was at that moment that I had noticed that my wonderful son had listed me in his address book as “step dad”, as well as his uncle as “step uncle”, and his mom as “step mom”.

That little shit does have a sense of humor. One that is just like mine.

I guess this means he is indeed my son and I need to stop that DNA test to try and get out of paying child support.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

My Thoughts On Casey Anthony

Unless you are dead you have heard about Casey Anthony, the death of her daughter, the trial, and the not guilty verdict in her trial.

Well as all of you who read my blog regularly know that I have an opinion on anything and everything, and this subject is no different.

So here are a few thoughts to think about with regards to this whole thing because I seriously think that America has lost its collective mind about this case.

Yes she was found not guilty of murder. Get over it. The jury found that there was not sufficient evidence to convict her of capital murder. Yes I know there have been people convicted on little to no evidence before (think Scott Peterson) but in this case there was no way that with the evidence presented that they could convict her of murder. They couldn’t even prove how the child died and that right there means they couldn’t convict her of murder (ie if it was an accident and covered up that is not murder). Did she actually do it, I am pretty sure that she did but it couldn’t be proven.

The justice system is not perfect but yes it worked in this case. It is not broken as the news media has suggested. The jury did the right thing. Remember it is better that a guilty person go free than to have an innocent person behind bars or executed.

The prosecution should have done a much better job with this case. They should have charged her with a lesser crime than capital murder where the burden of proof would have been less. They could have got a conviction with a lesser charge. I blame them for this complete bumbling of this case.

A not guilty verdict does not equal innocent. It just simply means that someone is not guilty in a court of law. Remember OJ Simpson, yea he was found not guilty but we all know he killed his ex wife. The same statement about OJ applies here with Casey Anthony and her case. Yes we know she had something to do with it, she lied her ass off to the police about this from start to finish.

Shame on Casey Anthony for letting her defense team openly accuse her father of molesting her in court while he was on the witness stand. What a complete cunt for that. I don’t care if her father fucked her or not, that fact remains that is not an excuse for killing a two year old kid or lying to the police.

And all the people who have been threatening the judge, the jury, the lawyers involved, and Casey Anthony herself, you need to stop. Violence is not the answer here. The only acceptable form of violence would have been if she had been convicted of capital murder and would have been put to death as a result.

I waited and waited for Nancy Grace’s head to fucking explode after the not guilty verdict was read, but alas it did not happen.

Look I know all of you know me and how I am with crimes against children, and you are right that I think they deserve horrible things to happen to them. The same week that the trial ended a man in Ohio raped his 6 month old baby. Yes he raped his own son. So trust me when I say that people like this man and Casey Anthony will get theirs in the end.

Casey has pissed off more than just us. She has pissed off God/mother nature/higher power as lightening struck a tree at the site where Kaley’s remains were found just after Casey was sentenced. But more so than God, she has pissed off the biggest bitch on the planet and that is Karma. And we all know that Karma catches up to people in the long run. Hell just look at OJ and where he is now. Casey will fuck up again and she will get hers.

She will have to live underground for a very long time since so many people want to do her harm. She was offered a spot in a porno and they took the offer back because so many people were upset about it. So you know you are one hated bitch when you can’t even do porn. The only job left that she can do is become a two bit stripper.

So everyone please take a deep breath and put your faith in Karma as that bitch will take care of her. And when Casey gets to hell, just take pride in the fact that she will have to spend eternity sitting next to Barney the dinosaur, Saddam Hussein, and Michael Jackson with the only songs being played are from Celine Dion and Barbara Streisand.

On a side note, why am I always the voice of reason?

Monday, July 18, 2011

We Lost, But It Was Still A Good Game

Well yesterday the USA women’s team played Japan in the final of the FIFA women’s world cup. And they lost.

The game was very exciting as both teams played an outstanding game. The US had many shots on goal in the first half but luck just wouldn’t put the ball into the net.

Each team ended up scoring great goals during the second half which forced the game into overtime at one goal apiece.

And each team scored a great goal in the overtime period which sent the game to penalty kicks.

The USA did horrible during the penalty kick shootout and Japan didn’t which is what gave the game to Japan.

I am not mad or sad about losing the World Cup final to Japan as both teams played a classy game without many fouls. The both played the beautiful game the way it was supposed to be played, and that is how it should be.

The USA women’s team should not be sad either. You had to win a playoff game to just qualify for the World Cup. Then you lost a game to Sweden in the group stage only to bounce back to play the epic game against Brazil. Then you beat a very talented France team to reach the final.

So USA, keep your chins up you will be ok. You have a very talented team and there is still more soccer to play. Next summer is the Olympics (which they have won the last two times) to look forward to. And I also heard that the next women’s World Cup is in Canada, hmm I may have to take myself and the kids up there to see it.

Oh and to the USA goalie Hope Solo, you can come play goalie with me anytime you hot thing you!!!

Friday, July 15, 2011

She’s A Chip Off The Old Block

So my kids have been up at their grandparents in Atlanta for the last three weeks and I have been missing them. I couldn’t take my normal month of vacation off from work to spend it with them this year due to stuff beyond my control and it is severely depressing to me.

So for the last year I have been teaching my kids the joys of email and how to use it as a great form of communication when separated by long distances. Occasions like now when they are 790 miles away from me.

So yesterday evening I got the following email from my daughter.


I am the ruler of what?


You never forget that or else!

Bacon lovers unite!

I love bacon and you may to but not as much as me!


Did you see that? It is bacon!

Never forget that I am the ruler of Bacon!


Peace, love and bacon.
* My Bacon*

You see I love bacon and I think my love for it got passed through my DNA to my daughter. The ironic thing about the email was when I received said email I was eating some leftover bacon pizza that I brought home from work that day.

So I guess I have taught her well.

Next I think I will teach her about my love of Brazilian BBQ restaurants. And maybe when she is around 40 I teach her about my love for Patron.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

I Am An Inspiration. Apparently.

One of the blogs that I follow, My Joy Project posted an interesting post the other day.

Joy was listing the way that she wants to feel with a man. The list included adored, safe, desired, valued, wanted, appreciated, loved, and respected. The list is actually a pretty good list when you think about it.

I commented on her post that most if not all women want/demand to feel that way, but really if ever make men feel the same way. I also told her in an email that men want to feel that way as well, but we don’t say it out loud. Well all of those things except safe, unless you are dating/married to one of those body building weight lifting type women.

So ladies and men folk, what do you think. Is that list a list of reasonable things to want to feel from your partner?

So my comment to her in her original post caused her to write a post today about what she as a woman wants to give a man (I hope it includes a naughty email to me with nice pictures of her since I am pimping out her blog). 

So head over to My Joy Project to see what little Oilfield Trash inspired her to write.