A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Black Friday Should Be Called Stupid Friday

Each and every single year I watch/read the news to see what kind of new low humanity in America has gone to on Black Friday.

It always seems that people lose their damn minds on or around Black Friday in some retail monstrosity type of store.

You always hear stories of someone beating someone up over some toy their kid and only their kid deserves for Christmas. Or someone robbing someone of what they just bought instead of going out and getting a job and doing things the right way.

What makes someone line up at a store for two damn days in the cold to save FOURTY FUCKING DOLLARS? Or what makes someone become brain dead over a $250 dollar laptop? I fail to get it.

But I digress, each year we see some jackass act a fool on Black Friday.

Did you hear about the guy who pepper sprayed people in a store to clear them out away from the $100 Xbox’s? Yes this shit really happened. Some douche bag pepper sprayed people so that he would have a better chance of getting an Xbox that had been reduced by $75.

Here in my town (for the second year in a row mind you) someone got stabbed at the local Walmart in the parking lot. All over a damn front row parking spot.

I am really losing faith in humans, seriously.

How do we go from a day of giving thanks for everything we have, to the very next day beating someone up for some piece-of-crap-plastic-something-or-another-that-is-made-in-fucking-China anyways?

On a brighter note I had to explain to my ever more curious son that Black Friday was not a racist saying and that it was an “accounting term”. He understood but still said jokingly that it was racist because it implies that black people only come out for a sale. His sense of humor is beyond funny for his age.

Wait, what is that you ask? Do I go Black Friday shopping? Umm how is this for an answer, No. Hell No.

No back that up. No is not strong enough of a word. How about this, I would rather be kicked repeatedly in the balls than go anywhere near a store on Black Friday.


  1. I'm with you on that. You couldn't pay me enough money to go near a mall or a store (besides like Publix) the whole week after Thanksgiving!

  2. A work mate flew over for the sales...the douchebag!

  3. Black Friday Sale? Kicked repeated in the nutz? Hmmmm. LOVE yer work!

    The Angry Lurker> Douchebag is far to nice of a word for that fucking plonker!

  4. I completely agree! Someone my mom knows got PUNCHED IN THE FACE. This woman got punched in the face over A DOLL! Plus, this is Chicago, and every Black Friday it's either freezing cold, raining, or two seconds away from snowing. So not what I enjoy after eating my thanksgiving meal.

  5. @ Krystle, yep I could not agree more with you.

    @ Lurker, that is just damn crazy.

    @ Lass, thank you very much.

    @ Chio, wow I think if someone punched me in the face I would have to kill them. lol

  6. I can totally kick you in the balls repeatedly if you just really want me too. I mean, it's not like the fate of civilization rests on your procreative abilities seeing as you've already had a vasectomy...


  7. OT. Your angst for the common sense intolerant makes me pee my pants a wee bit.

  8. First, the pepper sprayer was a woman. And no one stopped her from taking it, walking to check out, and leaving the store. WTF?

    Two guys were in an argument at the mall 6 miles from my house Sunday night and one shot and killed the other. WTF?

    The Wife went out to Toys R Us for their 9pm opening Thursday. She got there at 8:45 and was home by 11. Got all but one thing. Retail Value of Items Bought: $500. Paid: $185. This proves one thing: don't pay retail for anything.

    Then she got home and went to Target for their 12am opening. No wait outside, 2 hour wait for register.

    Bitches be crazy.

  9. Your son and my daughter would get along great. She is always saying how a certain color is racist. Silly kids.
    I would rather not shop from the end of Nov. clear through the first of the year. I am thankful for online shopping and catalogs.

  10. We don't have Black Friday but do have the Boxing Day Sales. I don't go but my wife once saw a group of Pakistani women swoop all the clothes off a rack and dumpt them on the floor so they could pick through them without other people getting a look in. Wankers.

  11. I'm with you. I never, ever go shopping on Black Friday. It's insane.

  12. haha! your son's interpretation is kinda funny. though i'll prolly regret saying that.

    we don't have black friday up here in the canadias, what is it?

  13. I could not agree with you more, OT. It is beyond stupid. I continue to enjoy my tryptopan induced-sluggery for the entire FOUR days. Like we're supposed to.

  14. By the way, the douche bag that pepper sprayed people was actually a woman I think. LOL. I do not go anywhere on Black Friday. Hell no. Too many crazy ass people out there! I used to have to work in the craziness and not anymore!

  15. I have never done and will never do the Black Friday thing. I celebrate by sleeping in.

  16. dude, you could just go shopping late thanksgiving night and then you'd get a good solid ball kicking and also perhaps a bargain! at the walmart closest to me, an employee got punched in the face because he didn't unwrap the pallet of sale items fast enough.

  17. I am not one to camp out in line at any damn store for a sale. Not even for concert tickets that are usually waaay overpriced anyways.

    I may go to a store on BF but it depends on which store and what I ran out of. Other than Walgreens or the local grocery- forget it. Not one to ramp up for Cyber Monday either.

  18. So, it's NOT African-American Friday?
    That's what I thought.

  19. I love you guys but honestly, this just reinforces the fact that Americans are nuts.

    (sorry for the generalization, but pepper spray? Really? So stupid)

  20. @ Miley, I think of my productive ways for you to bust my balls.

    @ Ib, I guess that is a good thing.

    @ Joshua, all people be crazy sometimes.

    @ Ruth, online seems to be the way to go.

    @ Tony, that seems like pretty much the same thing.

    @ Eva, exactly.

    @ Kage, it is a lot like Boxing Day to you.

    @ jlow, that is how it supposed to be done. That is so true.

    @ Tawnya, exactly why I stay home.

    @ Robyn, you and me both.

    @ Sherilin, I have no desire to even do that.

    @ Pixie, you are a lot like me

    @ Al, you might be onto something.

    @ Karen, yep same here.

    @ Mynx, not all of us are like that.

  21. Yes I can relate to this we have the same type of idiots here in Aus although we don't have Black Friday we do have other big sales like the Boxing Day sales and the things people do to save a few bucks is beyong me............I can't see the point..............

  22. I know you aren't crazy, you are way too adorable.

  23. Stabbings over parking spots, trampling other human beings, pepper spray, all out fist fights, standing in the cold for hours, grabbing over the last "it" item of the season...holds no damned appeal to me. I spent Black Friday in a cold ass ice rink cheering on an 8yr old playing hockey...it was perfect. :)

  24. I totally don't get it either. I mean why line up at a store for days And fight the crowds to give them your hard earned money just to buy crap when you can get the same deals online from the luxury of your couch while sipping a cold one. I must admit that I did partake of the Black Friday shopping from my lounge room in Sydney. No pepper spray there.

  25. I don't shop. I pick the crunchy tootsie rolls from the cat litter and give them as presents. Tends to keep the holiday traffic down.

  26. It's cray to me the American public has been baited into shopping on "Black Friday" by these companies. The term "Black Friday" used to be hush hush among retail companies. Most people don't even know why it's called "Black Friday."

    These companies are counting on Suckers to spend money to take them from the Red to the Black as far as profits go.

    No. I did NOT going shopping on this day with all the crazies.

    Ok. Off the soap box.

  27. @ Jo-Anne, yes boxing day is exactly like it.

    @ Mynx, that was just too sweet of you to say.

    @ Jewels, that seems like such a much better way to spend the day.

    @ Cajun, I knew you would have probably done that from home and there is nothing wrong with that.

    @ Bushman, I may have to try that.

    @ Manager, the accounting part is what I explained to my son. And I can't believe there are so many suckers out there.

  28. I absolutely agree with you. You wouldn't catch me at any black friday shopping event, that's for sure.

  29. I don't do the black friday thing, just like how when I was in Canada avoiding boxing day (same principle but always the day after Christmas). But I love listening to the Howard Stern show since they always give me such a good re-cap of how people really are monsters at heart. The pepper spray was a great one!

  30. Oh and by the way where the fuck were you??? ツ

  31. @ Pope, exactly how I feel.

    @ Nikki, I so know what you mean. And I was in a really bad place, but I am back now and that is all you need to know.

  32. Amen. Although when Tiffany's decides to join Black Friday, I will be the first in line. Until then I am home eating left overs and taking naps.


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