The Day I Quit Smoking

Well I used to smoke. Yes I said I used to smoke. Last Wednesday November 23rd I quit smoking. Well it was actually late last Tuesday night that I quit, but who is counting right. It has been one whole week ago today since I have had a cigarette. And I feel GREAT. Scratch that, I feel FUCKING GREAT!!!!!!!!!

So since I am in such an awesome mood over this achievement I have decided to tell you the story of one of the greatest days in my life.

I started my ten day break from work on Friday November 17th and I had long ago decided that sometime during my ten days off that I needed to quit smoking. I told all of my family and friends to ignore the Asshole that I was sure to become while trying give up smoking.

So on Tuesday night November 22nd after going to church for the annual Thanksgiving feast, I smoked my last cigarette and went to bed around 2-3am. Prior to going to bed I prayed for some strength (to quit and help me), and then I passed out.

I woke up Wednesday morning to sunshine coming through my window. I got up, took a shower, ate some breakfast, and watched a little tv. I did not have an urge to smoke. Not one urge. Even when I went outside for the first time, I had no urge.

After some time I had to leave the house to run to my bank to get a new debit card as my kids had lost my card somewhere in my house. I drove to the bank and had no problems at all. When I got to the bank I noticed this old man standing outside the bank smoking and I just walked right past him. I even thought that the smell was nasty. So after getting my new card, I drove home from the bank and had no urge to smoke. I kept wondering when I was going to break down and want to smoke.

While I was on the way home I noticed how beautiful it truly was outside. There was not a cloud in the sky and it was about 65 degrees outside, we have not had a day like this in a long time here. On my ride home I suddenly decided that I wanted to spend the whole day outside.

When I got home from the bank, I got the entire box of car washing supplies I needed from the shed and I completely washed my car. I took a good two to three hours to completely wash and clean both the inside and outside of my car just to make sure I got the smoke smell out of the car. And after all of that time I did not have an urge to have a smoke. And I was still wondering when I would have the urge to smoke, the cold sweats, and the headaches from the lack of smoking but they never came.

After washing the car I ate a little snack and lounged around outside just enjoying the sunshine. And I did not have an urge. I kept waiting to have an urge to smoke, but said urge never came.

As it started to get dark outside, for some strange reason I shall never know we lost our electricity at home. So I decided to go for a walk with my daughter. We walked together for two miles just talking about life and everything under the sun. She even said as a reward for giving up smoking that I should eat my favorite food that night. So I ordered pizza when we got home from our walk. And I still did not have an urge to smoke.

When we were done with my walk, I noticed how beautiful the sunset was this night. There were tons of different shades of pink, light orange, red, and yellow in the sky. It was just beyond description and had I had my camera nearby I would have taken a picture of it. This was the type of sunset that inspire people.

My daughter and I then went to pick up the pizza from Pizza Hut (they had the best deal that day). When we got there my pizza was not ready yet so we had to sit down inside and wait. Now normally before last week this would have been when I would have gone outside to smoke, but that night I did not even have the urge to. I just sat inside and talked to my daughter while patiently waiting for my dinner. My good mood must have been very apparent because I even got hit on by a young lady while I was sitting there waiting with my daughter. Although I don’t think it was my awesome aura so much as it was she has probably never seen a man interact with his daughter the way I was doing.

My daughter and I went home and ate what must have been the best pizza I have ever had in my life. It tasted beyond wonderful. And after eating I didn’t have a craving to smoke.

Yes I went through this entire perfect day with no cravings at all. I enjoyed the weather outside, I ate, I did things which would normally would have meant I would have been smoking while doing. And yet I didn’t smoke and I didn’t have an urge or craving to even touch a cigarette.

I had tried to quit smoking two previous times one of which was with medication and one was not and both of these attempts were unsuccessful. I had a lot of problems quitting smoking those two times.

Now this might sound crazy to some of you, but hear me out. I was a pack a day smoker for 15 years and I quit COLD TURKEY. No patches, no self help books, no buddy system, no medication, no nothing. The only thing I did was pray about it. And I am pretty sure that I had a few other people (like Miley and my kids) who prayed for me as well.

And this time when I quit smoking, it felt like it was different. It felt to me like it was meant to be that I was quitting cold turkey with no medical help. I felt like I had someone there with me watching over me and helping me. I can’t really explain it to you, but it just felt RIGHT to me. And I was not alone in this struggle.

Now some of you may believe in a higher power and some of you may not. Regardless of your beliefs, I felt like I was being helped on that day by a higher power. I mean how else do you explain quitting cold turkey? Do you know the odds of a cold turkey quitter succeeding (it is like 95% against you), it does not end well most of the time. Although in my case, I was not alone and there was no struggle to this. And the difference this time I quit is that I prayed for it. And it happened.

This was beyond a perfect day for me. So many things went right on this day. And I will have you know that I have had ZERO cigarettes since last Wednesday. And I have not even had the urge to smoke. Sure there were a couple of times in the last week that I was stressed out and really wanted a smoke, but I did not have one.

Lee Corso Is My New Hero

I am not sure if you know exactly who Lee Corso is, but he is one of the hosts on ESPN’s College Game Day show. If you don’t know what ESPN is then please remove your head from your ass, unless of course you are outside of America and then it is ok if you don’t what ESPN is.

College Game Day is a show that airs on ESPN each Saturday morning during the college football season. ESPN picks one game each week and the show travels to the location of the game. And they have previews of the day’s game.

The show has three regular guys on it and they also have a “celebrity” from one of the two schools which are playing in the game that they are at. Right before the show is over the four people pick who they think the winner of the game will be. And Le Corso normally does some crazy shit when he picks his winner like he will put on the head of the schools mascot that he picks to win or some other crazy thing.

Thousands of people show up each week at the site where the show is set up for the week. People line up at 2am to get a spot close to the stage. No I am not kidding. I personally know people who have done this.

I have been watching this show for years and honestly can’t remember when I started watching it, but I do know that I really enjoy the banter on the show.

So why am I telling you all of this? Well this past Saturday ESPN College Game Day was on the campus of my university. Yep that is right; ESPN was at the University Of Houston to broadcast live on ESPN, and to also pick the winner of their game with SMU.

In case you don’t remember I went to college at UofH and if you remember I took my kids to their Spring Game (and I knew back in April that this year would be special). I have always been a fan of UofH even before I went there for college and will remain a fan for life.

Which brings me to why Lee Corso is my new found hero, here is the video of the last minute of College Game Day live from UofH.



Yes you heard it correctly, at around 1:05 Lee Corso looks like he is going to pick SMU by picking up a megaphone with SMU written on it, and then he throws it away and says “Ah Fuck It” and puts on the head of Shasta (the UofH Cougar and our mascot) and picks UofH to win. He said “Ah Fuck It” and picked my school to win.

Watch the video again. And again. Watch the response from the guys on either side of Lee Corse. Yes this video is just that great.

Lee Corso says “Ah Fuck It” live on ESPN.

THIS IS FUCKING CLASSIC.

This 2 minute stretch of video that I watched live on Saturday morning made my whole day. I felt so good inside that this tomfoolery took place where I went to college. UofH has never really gotten much attention the last 2 decades so it was nice to see them host College Game Day.

What makes it even better is that at a game earlier in the season against Rice University, all of the students wore red shirts that said “Ruck Fice”. Maybe Lee Corso knew this and acted in his best judgment in what he said, in any case he is my new hero.

Oh and my Cougars beat SMU’s ass 37-7 to become 11-0 on the season and have moved up to Number 8 in the latest BCS rankings.

“Ah Fuck It” is my new saying.

This picture was at College Game Day and it is of a boy dressed and painted to look like the Heisman Trophy in support of Kase Keenum’s run at winning the trophy.

I Am Alive. Well Sort Of.

Well I guess you could say I am alive. Or maybe you could say I am “more machine now than man” (kudos if you know where that is from). Or perhaps I am like the Terminator, half human and half machine. Well at least I feel like I have been half living like a zombie due to how tired I am.

I have been gone from here for over a month now due to working my damn ass off 12 or more hours a day. Since I last posted in the beginning of August, I have had a total of THREE days off from work. And those THREE days off I was stuck working from home.

And since I was last here my kids came home from their summer vacation at their grandparents in Georgia, football season has FINALLY started, and my ass is still chapped from that audit that I was in the first week of August.

So I have been extremely busy at work and when I get home I am just too beyond tired to sit down and write. Plus there has been an abundance of soccer and football on tv which explains my absence as well.

I am sorry and I promise to make it up to you by writing some more sarcastic observations that I normally post for you. Of course provided I can find some free time that is.

Although I must say that I am getting caught up at work. My back log of work has disappeared, I have my trainee almost trained, a new person joined my group, and my coworker who is on maternity leave will be back soon. So I will be less stressed out and will go back to working my normal schedule at work (come late and leave early).

I truly appreciate all of the nice emails that all of you sent to me. Well I have appreciated some of them more than others (as you will see below).


Dear Trash, I miss you man.


Dear Trash, I miss you my friend.


Dear Trash, where have you been? I am going through OFT withdrawals.


Dear Trash, please come back. My life is empty without you.


Dear Trash, just checking in with you to see if you are ok. We all miss you.


Dear Trash, hope you haven’t crocked on us.


Dear Trash, miss the oily world view.


Dear Trash, I rub my clit when I read your blog. Please start writing or I will never be able to rub one off again.


Dear Trash, please come back soon I miss your sarcasm.


With lovely fan mail like this, I guess I had better get my ass back to writing again. I wouldn’t want a woman to never masturbate again would I?

The Triple Nipple

People with an extra nipple are nothing new. Many people over the years have had an extra nipple on their chest or torso area.

Well this woman has a nipple in a new area. She has a third nipple and it is on the bottom of one of her feet.

Now I have heard of “pussy footing around” but I have never heard of “nipple footing around”.

Yes I said she has an actual nipple on the bottom of her foot.

I bet she never gets turned down when she asks for a foot massage. Hell I bet she even has guys (and even ladies) begging to give her a foot massage.

Can you imagine the shock and look on the little Asian ladies face at the nail salon when she goes and gets a pedi?

I wonder if it hurts her when she is walking around outside when it is cold.

Can you imagine having her on the bed with her legs over your shoulders, you could pinch two nipples and suck on the third at the same time.

Ok I will stop with the nasty jokes.

I Am An Inspiration. Apparently.

One of the blogs that I follow, My Joy Project posted an interesting post the other day.

Joy was listing the way that she wants to feel with a man. The list included adored, safe, desired, valued, wanted, appreciated, loved, and respected. The list is actually a pretty good list when you think about it.

I commented on her post that most if not all women want/demand to feel that way, but really if ever make men feel the same way. I also told her in an email that men want to feel that way as well, but we don’t say it out loud. Well all of those things except safe, unless you are dating/married to one of those body building weight lifting type women.

So ladies and men folk, what do you think. Is that list a list of reasonable things to want to feel from your partner?

So my comment to her in her original post caused her to write a post today about what she as a woman wants to give a man (I hope it includes a naughty email to me with nice pictures of her since I am pimping out her blog). 

So head over to My Joy Project to see what little Oilfield Trash inspired her to write.

Wild Thing Was On The Juice

I have made it no secret that I think Charlie Sheen is cool or at least used to be before he went off of the deep and lost his job. I also have told you that you can party like Charlie and how he made a cocaine tour stop here in Houston.

Well one thing I have never told you is that I used to think he was a good actor. You know the kind of actor I am talking about, the ones who really put themselves into their role. Like how an actor who plays a homeless person will live on the streets for a while to get the real life experience or how an actor will gain weight to portray an overweight person.On a side not I would like to know what Natalie Portman did to prepare for that lesbian scene in Black Swan.

Well I am here to tell you that Charlie hooked on drugs Sheen is one of those actors. According to the paper yesterday back when they were filming the movie Major League, Charlie was on steroids for six weeks to improve his pitching.

He increased the speed of his fast ball from 79 to 85 miles per hour which is why he took the steroids in the first place, to make your movie more realistic.

Apparently steroids do work and help pitchers. If it helped Charlie so much, I wonder how much steroids helped Roger Clemens?

So there you have it, Charlie Sheen is a good method actor who researches his roles. But you already knew that since he played a drunk manwhore on Two And A Half Men although I thought I would just remind you.

We need more method actors like that.I am talking to you Lindsay Lohan.

Fat Ho Burgers

One of the good things about hard economic times is that it gives rise to new business started up by people who think outside of the box.

One such business is in Waco, Texas and it is a new burger joint. The name of the new burger joint is “Fat Ho Burgers”.

The New Joint

The lady who started the new burger joint wanted a cool name for her place and also something that you will never forget. Well mission accomplished with the name Miss Evans.

Miss Evans also picked the name of the place as a joke to lighten the mood during such hard times in Texas. “The economy is bad. Somebody gotta keep a sense of humor around here.”

Miss Evans

According the news site where I read this story, business there is doing great. And if Waco was not so far away from me, I would come in and get the “super fly ho with cheese” and a “tiny ho” meal for each of my kids.

My hat is off to you Miss Evans for standing up in the middle of a recession and in the bible belt of Texas (who protested over the name of the place) and coming up with a creative name for your burger joint. I hope your business is a huge success.

A Fat Ho Customer

Edited To Add: Some of you asked for their website with the menu, so here you go.

And some of you also asked if they sold stuff (like t-shirts) and apparently they do see stuff and you can get it here.

My Lunch Box

Last week I wrote about how my daughter has started making my lunch each day so that I can be a little healthier and save some money at the same time.

I received a few comments and a few emails from readers asking what kind of a lunch box it was. So I thought I would take a picture of it and share it with you so you can see for yourself.

So here you go my lovely trash followers, here is the now famous lunch box. The contents of the lunch box are left over pizza from last night, a cup of Kroger brand peach fruit on the bottom yogurt, a Gala apple, and today's Houston Chronicle news paper.

Yes I read the news paper every day at lunch time, it helps keep my mind relaxed, fresh, and up to date on the current events going on the in world. And since I am sure that you are curious, I read the sports page first, followed by the business section, the local section, the front page, and then the lifestyle section (which contains the funnies).

I should take requests from all of you more often.

My Thoughts On Japan

I have been watching the news coverage of the events which happened a week ago last Friday and also the events which have happened since then. I am addicted to watching the video footage that was shot by average people as the tsunami was coming in. There is not a word in the dictionary which can describe my sadness for the people of Japan and the people who have been in the region and or affected by what happened there on that fateful day.

Unless you have been living under a rock and don’t know what happened in Japan, I will tell you.

On the March 11 an 8.9-9.0 magnitude earthquake struck 50 or so miles off of the north eastern coast of Japan. The quake was so powerful that it made buildings in Tokyo 150 miles away shake and sway violently.

About 10-30 minutes after the earth quake, a massive tsunami wave washed out everything (well pretty much everything) along the coast of Japan closest to the quake. If you have not seen any footage of the wave that came in, it destroyed everything in its path. Look at the picture below. Yes that is a two story ferry boat sitting on top of a two story building.

If an earthquake and a tsunami were not bad enough, as a result of those two things the power and backup systems went out a nuclear power plant there. And as a result of the loss of power there have been multiple explosions there and there is a possibility of a large release of radiation as a result if they cannot get power restored to the plant and soon.

As if the first three things to happen were not bad enough, it was freezing cold there. It was literally snowing in some of the footage of the tsunami that I saw. Imagine losing your home, your town, your family, having no food or water, and you are freezing cold.

I have been praying for these people daily since the disaster struck them. The amount of damage, destruction, and death is just too hard to imagine.

And while watching the events unfold I have some thoughts about the tragedy, some of which you may or may not agree with me on.

Some positive thoughts:

An earth quake, a tsunami, a near nuclear meltdown, and snow all in one day. And you do not see any of the Japanese people looting, stealing televisions, or getting mad at the lack of help. If you ask me I think that this fact alone speaks volumes about the Japanese people and who they really are. I think the people of New Orleans should be forced to study this disaster and the people of Japan. I am sure that they could learn something from this disaster and how the people of Japan have behaved during this tragedy.

I think this disaster shows how prepared the Japanese people are for earth quakes and tsunamis. The buildings there in Tokyo are still standing and only had minimal damage. The nuclear power plant in question was not built to withstand a 9.0 earthquake and the mere fact that it was still standing after the quake speaks volumes about Japanese engineering. The tsunami warning system was activated within minutes of the earth quake. Can you imagine how many more people would have died had they not been prepared for it and had a tsunami warning system?

In one city I heard reports of the power being out as soon as the quake hit causing wide spread power outages. So the local fire department went out in their trucks alerting the people themselves of the tsunami since the power cut off the warning system.

Some negative thoughts:

After seeing footage of the nuclear power plant in trouble I want to know who the hell puts a power plant right next to the ocean in a tsunami prone region. But then I watched some more news coverage and noticed that someone else had asked the same question and showed a nuclear power plant in southern California right next to the ocean.

Who does the planning for CNN’s commercials? They seriously lack compassion. The show live pictures and videos of the tsunami followed by commercial for Sandals resorts all over the Caribbean. Yes I actually saw that one during a commercial break. Here take your mind off of the tsunami; here are some images of the beautiful undamaged beaches in Jamaica. Give me a damn break.

The blood is not even dry on the concrete in Japan and the media and environmentalists are all over the tube screaming at how unsafe nuclear power is. And the event there at the power plants is not resolved yet, and the investigation has not even begun. And actually nuclear power is one of the safest and cleanest forms of energy.

I actually heard one idiot commentator on CNN suggest that global warming was to blame for the earth quake. Are you FUCKING SERIOUS? Plate tectonics has been going on longer than man has been burning fossil fuels. Plate tectonics have been going on longer than mankind has been on earth. Plate tectonics has been going on since before plant and animal matter even formed the fossil fuels we currently use. In fact plate tectonics have been going on longer than there has been ANY LIFE on earth. And yet this fucktard in the media thinks global warming is to blame.

Where the hell are Bush and Clinton at and why are they not on every damn tv station trying to raise money to help the victims? Oh that is right Japan is a “well off” nation unlike the victim nations of the Indian Ocean tsunami. Fuck that, regardless of how wealthy Japan is or isn’t they have undergone a very destructive tragedy and NEED HELP as well.

I think there should be resources available (ie water, food, clothing, medicine) stock piled somewhere (in multiple countries) which could be deployed in one hours time with wheels up on the plane to aid ANY nation which undergoes a tragedy like this one. Regardless of whether or not they are a friendly nation or not as I would help my neighbor if there house was on fire even though I don’t care too much for them.

I honestly do not think that our country is as prepared for a disaster of this magnitude.

Why the hell has our country (ie the President) not done more to get help there? Why the hell has the rest of the world not done more to help Japan? Maybe the world is trying and our wonderful “media” just is not reporting it. But I would think if the whole world is trying to help out, that someone out there would be reporting it.

Well those are my thoughts on some of what has happened in the last few weeks.

If you can afford to, please donate to the American Red Cross to help out some of the victims of this tragedy. And if you can’t afford to donate to them or another worthy group, please pray for these people.

My Boy Blue Got Shit-Canned

Last year I wrote a nice little post about how I think that Charlie Sheen is my hero. I wrote that little piece because well Charlie gets paid to basically be himself and get paid for it on tv. A pretty sweet deal if you ask me.

A couple of weeks ago Charlie went on another one of his cocaine fueled benders and had a threesome with a couple of whores. Having a cocaine filled night of debauchery is normally a typical week day night thing for him since he has all that money to blow (and I am pretty sure that yes he has indeed done cocaine off of a stripper/hookers ass before). What was weird about the night of Roman like pleasure was that sometime during the early morning hours he checked into a hospital (maybe he had that hard on for longer than the little blue pill recommends having) and then checked into rehab after getting out of the normal hospital.

Well last week CBS came out and said that at the end of this season that they were canceling the show (you can read about it here and here). CBS said that they were canceling the balance of the show due to Charlie Sheen’s recent "statements, conduct and condition."

Recent conduct huh? He has been a partying man whore for the better part of the last 10 years or so. He was the number one customer for Heidi Fleiss. He has gotten arrested with hookers, beaten one of his wives and beat up a couple of girlfriends as well, trashed a hotel room with a hooker, and he has been mentioned on TMZ more times than any other person in recorded TMZ history. Charlie did nothing a few weeks ago that he has not done in the past since he has been the star of “Two And A Half Men” on CBS. So either you were fucking stupid, blind to his behavior, or you were too busy counting all of the fucking money that his on/off the tv set behavior was bringing into your company through the tv show.

Then it dawned on me what the recent behavior was that got him shit canned form CBS. It was the part of the cocaine sex night where he checked into rehab. Checking into rehab a few weeks ago was the only thing that he has done recently that he has not done since he has been on that tv show. Yes checking himself into rehab was over the top to CBS. Apparently they wanted Charlie to be completely off the wagon for the publicity and the interest in the show that his bad boy behavior brought to it. And we all know that a sober Charlie Sheen was/is not good enough to bring in ratings and advertising revenue for CBS (in their opinion) so they are ending the show. God fucking forbid we have a sober Charlie Sheen.

(By the way the guy who called him Wild Thing in that movie was better than Nostradamus)

Yep that is how I see it.

Well Charlie let me tell you this, Hollywood is a place full of fucktards who can’t make a decent movie/tv show if you held a gun to their pet kick dogs (one of those little dogs Paris Hilton always has shoved up her ass) head and threatened to kill them. I say fuck em’. You don’t need Hollywood Charlie, Hollywood needs you.

You Charlie are my American Hero. I think Disney Land should wrap you up in the American Flag, give you some blow and a couple of hot women, put you on a float, and parade your ass all through their park. What Disney is owned by ABC and if ABC can have a show about horny/slutty/cheating housewives, then by all means they can parade my favorite man whore hero through their park.

You are my boy blue!!!!!!

Edited to add: I would like to say that I wrote this post on Sunday and set it up for auto post for this morning prior to Charlie getting on tv this morning and sounding like a street corner crack head.

Houston We Have A Problem, An Ice Problem

Last week here in Houston we had a nice little cold front blow down through here from Canada (thanks all my Canuck readers). We were told on Monday/Tuesday morning that we were going to have snow on Thursday evening and into Friday morning. Upon hearing this great news, I immediately started making plans for the apocalypse. Yes I said apocalypse as this is Houston that I live in and Houston rarely sees ice.

You see snow does not bother me at all. I grew up just outside of Pittsburgh and I have lived all over north western Pennsylvania and northern Ohio over the years, so I know all about the joys of snow. I left the north to get away from the constant monotone depressiveness of snow shoveling, snow chains, slush, and salt on the roads and moved to a place which does not have all the winter time fun stuff.

Wednesday comes around and the “weather people” are calling for the world to end and you should leave work immediately to buy every item in every store for the impending doom. My kid’s school cancelled classes on Thursday and Friday. On Thursday my office was closing at 4, which meant I was leaving work at 2pm since I was not going to be stuck on the road with 5-6 million idiots who can’t drive on snow. Yes I know that the census says only 2.5 million people live in the greater Houston area, but they didn’t count all of the illegal immigrants. My work had also cancelled work on Friday, which left my mouth watering with the fun of a snow day with my kids.

I get home on Thursday from work and the whole house is all warm and toasty from the $300 worth of firewood my brother has bought. You should see him light the fireplace; it reminds me of Tim The Toolman Taylor. The forecast had changed (yet again) and the snow was going to come over night. After hearing that the snow was going to be delayed I went to bed and passed out.

I wake up at 9 am on Friday to find no snow (think 10 percent theory).

Not.

A.

Fucking.

Drop.

Of.

Snow.

I was pissed to the highest order of pissed-off-dom because I had a whole gallon of yellow food coloring to mess with the minds of the neighborhood kids (ok and my kids as well). I went back inside to turn on the local news which is in full blown the-earth-is-fucking-blowing-up panic mode. Apparently some warm air came up from the gulf overnight and caused us to have freezing rain/ice instead of snow. All of the roads in Houston were fucking covered in ICE.

As no stranger to ice, I knew I was not leaving home till the afternoon because of the “asshole” drivers (read southerners) that reside here in Houston. These people are fucking nuts on the roads. Nine months of the year we are blessed with the horribly powerful thunderstorms with greater than 60 mph winds. And these “asshole” drivers will get out on the freeway and do 80 mph in the downpour. So that is why I stayed home on Friday, because ice is nothing to a fucktard who does 80 mph in a downpour.

The news started showing pictures of all the local freeways covered in ice and empty. Normally I would rather have a root canal, a colonoscopy, and open heart surgery done by a Hooters girl while inside a local taco truck than drive with these assholes in rush hour. So it was a mild shock to say the least that the freeways were all empty.

Except for some of the “southerners” I mentioned early.

I guess the person who edits the captions on the local news station got "iced in".

Apparently they decided that their car is the superman car of the car world and immune from ice covered roads. Well they were wrong. I watched wreck after wreck after glorious fucking wreck on tv. LIVE. According to the “traffic” people there were roughly 900-1000 auto accidents between midnight and 11 am when the roads warmed up. Normally there are less than 90 in Houston on a normal day.

Around noon after I had gotten my fill of dumbasses on tv, I ventured out with my kids. Yes I left the house, because well by this time all of the idiots had finally listened to the advice of the news folks and stayed home. I drove my kids to the grocery store for food and it was a ghost town. I went to Home Depot for more firewood and it was empty of people (even the illegals). I then took the kids to Chick-Fila for lunch and you guessed it, it was as dead as the chicken that they were serving.

Now I know all of you “northern” friends of mine are saying that a little bit of ice ain’t shit. And normally I would agree with you. Yes you have a horrible winter time and are “used” to it. These “southerners” are not used to old man “winter”.

Look at it like this, you “northern” folks don’t have 90 plus degree heat 9 months of the year. And for the month or less you do get it, it makes national news because so many of you don’t have air conditioning. Here in Houston it is 90 plus from March until November with 1000% humidity. You “northern” folks also don’t have hurricanes to deal with. So between the heat and hurricanes, these “southerners” are even with you when it comes to winter and summer. Trust me on this. You Yankees would melt in the street here in August. I have seen it happen before; it looked like the bad guy melting in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit.”

So why did I tell you all of this babbling bullshit? Well to spread the word that when all of the media tells you to stay the fuck home, you should listen to them and stay home. Unless you are an experienced “northerner” and leave once the jackasses hunker down and it is safe to do so.

Your My Boy Blue

A couple of weeks ago it was reported in the media that actor Charlie Sheen had been all high on cocaine banging some skinny porn star and had caused $7000 worth of damage to a hotel room. And since no crime was committed, he was not charged with anything. He paid for the damages and that was it. Or it should have been it.

But the nice little biased media decided to constantly report about it and try to make him into some kind of bad guy. The coverage on the news here was almost nonstop and he wasn’t even in a white Bronco running from the cops. They made him sound like he was an out of control guy who had no grip on reality and I am getting a little tired of hearing about it.


Now keep in mind Charlie Sheen is the star of “Two and a Half Men” on CBS, which is one of America’s most watched tv shows. On the tv show he plays a smart ass guy who drinks, cusses, is a jackass, and gets lots of poon. Basically for all practical purposes he plays a guy who is my idol.

And then outside of work he goes and drinks, snorts, cocaine, and shags a bunch of women and the media says he is a bad guy. So let me get this straight, he plays a drunken manwhore and you act all shocked and shit when he does the same thing in real life. Give me a damn break.

I worship the guy now because basically he gets paid $1.25 million an episode (one of the highest paid tv actors by the way) to just be himself on tv. That’s right he has the dream job, he gets to show up to work and just be himself like he is at home. That has to be the easiest acting job an actor has ever had, he doesn’t even have to act. I wish I could have that job.

Now I know he has been accused of beating women, and that is part of him I don’t like and don’t condone. I am referring to the drunken benders with hot women that I am speaking of.

Now stop acting so shocked when he goes out on a bender with some hot chick and destroys a hotel room fucking her stupid against a wall. You are paying him to act like that on tv, so don’t be so damn shocked when he goes out and does it at the Holiday Inn, leave my idol alone.

The Human Spirit

While I was watching the miners in Chile getting rescued a few weeks ago, I was reminded of how powerful the human spirit and the will to survive truly are. No one can even begin to understand what those men were going through or the thoughts that were going through their minds while they were down there in that mine. It was hot, dark, sweaty, and not to mention the smell from the crapper as well. I was happy to see them all rescued and how that country and the world came together to help get them out of that mine. Even the company I work for was involved in what they called “plan C” and that was drilling a shaft to get them out. But “plan B” was the quickest to get to the miners and save them.

While I was watching them get rescued one by one, my mind wandered to other get rescues and great survivor stories throughout human history. I thought about the survivors of the USS Indianapolis during World War 2 where those sailors were in the waters of the South Pacific for a week with no water or food and sharks eating them. I thought about the stories of survival and heroism on 9/11 from the security director of Morgan Stanley in one of the towers who managed to get all but 6 or 7 employees out of over 2000 alive because he had drilled them monthly since the first attack on the towers in 1993. I also thought about the survivors of the Titanic and how they were in the cold wintery north Atlantic waiting to be rescued. And I also thought about the story of Apollo 13 and the story not just on the ground to figure out the solution but also the story in space.

Then it dawned on me about a story I was all too familiar with and honestly had forgotten about until then, and that story has to be the greatest survival story known to man (in my opinion). Back on Friday October 13th 1972 a plane took off from Uruguay (with a college rugby team and their family/friends aboard) and crashed into/onto a mountain in the Andes Mountains on the border between Chile and Argentina. Of the 45 people on the plane, 17 died either in the crash or shortly thereafter. The plane crashed at roughly 12,000 feet on a mountain and needless to say it was very cold there. The only food that they had was some chocolate and a few bottles of wine. And the only shelter that they had was the fuselage of the wrecked plane. None of the survivors had any winter clothing as October is the start of spring time in South America, and well they were dressed for sea level, not a crash landing in the mountains.

They had a small am radio and had heard that the search parties had given up the search for them after roughly a week due to the odds of them surviving were slim to none. Roughly two weeks after the crash an avalanche hit the remains of the airplane and killed 8 more people. Some others had died between the crash and the avalanche. At some point and time after the avalanche, the survivors had used sheets of metal from the plane to reflect sunlight and use it to melt snow for water to drink.

And at some point the remaining survivors ran out of food and had decided that the only way that they could survive was to eat from the dead bodies of their friends, family, and team mates. And as the bodies had been under snow and preserved, it was the only choice for them to make. So they wrestled with their religious beliefs (they were Catholic) and personal beliefs and decided to eat the dead as they felt that the dead would have wanted them to do it in order to survive.

On December 12th, two of the survivors loaded up some clothing and rations, and a “sleeping bag” that they had made, and set out to leave the mountain. They walked, climbed up, and went down many peaks over many miles on a roughly 10 day trek out of the mountains and into Chile. They were eventually rescued and led a team by helicopter to rescue the last of the survivors on December 22nd and 23rd. So in all they had spent 72 days on a mountain top at 12,000 feet in the snow, had very little protection from the elements, and had resorted to eating the bodies of the dead. Of the original 45 people on board the flight when it took off, 16 people were alive on the last day of the rescue.

Now I am not taking anything away from the miners in Chile when I say this, but I think the people on the mountain for those 72 days are part of the greatest survival story ever. The miners had an air shaft by which food, water, and air were sent down to them. Even at some point a guitar was sent down to them. They had people at the surface they could communicate with. The people on the mountain had nothing. No food, no winter clothing, no nothing other than the will to survive. Can you just imagine the decision to eat the bodies of your friends? Can you imagine living with that decision for the rest of your life? While I was watching the miners being rescued I shared the story of the Andes mountain plane crash with my kids. And they were shocked at the cannibalism part of the story. My son said he would not have done it, but my daughter said she would have done whatever was needed to survive. Now if I could just get them to clean up after themselves I would be happy.

If you have never heard of this story before, you can learn more about it by going here. Another great way to learn about the story of the crash and survival is to see the movie "Alive” from 1993. The movie does a really good job of telling the story and I HIGHLY suggest that you see it if you have not already seen it as it truly exemplifies the human spirit and the will to survive.