I know I have perhaps been a little different lately in what I have been picking and choosing to write about. But you will have to just forgive me and get over it as I am getting sappy these days.
What I am writing is not just how I feel, but this is also a life lesson. A learning experience. Maybe even a life saving story. You should take this story into your heart and head and understand it. Pass it on. Spread the word about it.
This story of my experiences lately should help you or someone you may know.
A few weeks ago I told all of you that I was not currently in a relationship with Miley and I also did not explain why. I am not going to get into the details of what happened, but I am going to tell you the main reason why we are not together.
I never told her that I loved her.
Yes that is correct.
I never said to her face “I LOVE YOU”.
Should I have said it to her face? Yes I should have said it to her a long time ago as in years ago.
Did she know I loved her? Yes she knew I loved her. But she still wanted to hear and see me at the same time say “I LOVE YOU”. Women apparently need verbal communication.
Why didn’t I say that I love you to her? Well the short and sweet answer is that I was scared, scared of getting hurt. You see I have a huge wall around my heart (think Castle wall), with a moat, and a draw bridge. And every single time I have ever even remotely opened up the castle gate, I have gotten my heart crushed by a woman who cheated on me or did something just as bad or worse as cheating. Think of it as a proverbial Trojan Horse, where the woman was the horse and she was full of evil soldiers out to kill me off and do me harm. And I let her in every time expecting a different result and getting murdered by the soldiers inside the Trojan Horse.
Sounds kind of dumb huh? Well it may have been, but I put up a wall to keep even the remote chance of getting hurt to a minimum.
All while I was busy putting up a wall to keep Miley out, all Miley wanted to do was love me. She wanted to fix what was wrong with my world. Her Trojan Horse was full of bunny rabbits, rainbows, butterflies, chocolate, beer, and all kinds of other things which happiness is made. At the same time I thought Miley’s Trojan Horse was full of ninja’s trying to suck the life out of my soul and stab me. And as a result of having my wall up, I never told her I loved her.
We had all kinds of other little problems going on, which had I told her one time I loved her, she would have overlooked the problems and she would still be with me today.
I have since told her millions of times that I love her. And she is probably extremely tired of me saying it, but she listens just the same now sometimes.
My lesson to all of you out there is this. If you love someone, TELL THEM. TELL THEM MULTIPLE TIMES.
I don’t care if it is your child, your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your friend, a boy or girl you are interested in: IF you LOVE THEM, open your damn mouth and TELL THEM.
It does not hurt saying it, especially after you say it the first time. Trust me on this.
This lesson I am teaching you is just as valid for women as it is for men.
I know that lots of people have trouble saying those three little words. However, I am now no longer one of them.This story will have an updated future happy ending post.
Miley, I love you!
What I am writing is not just how I feel, but this is also a life lesson. A learning experience. Maybe even a life saving story. You should take this story into your heart and head and understand it. Pass it on. Spread the word about it.
This story of my experiences lately should help you or someone you may know.
A few weeks ago I told all of you that I was not currently in a relationship with Miley and I also did not explain why. I am not going to get into the details of what happened, but I am going to tell you the main reason why we are not together.
I never told her that I loved her.
Yes that is correct.
I never said to her face “I LOVE YOU”.
Should I have said it to her face? Yes I should have said it to her a long time ago as in years ago.
Did she know I loved her? Yes she knew I loved her. But she still wanted to hear and see me at the same time say “I LOVE YOU”. Women apparently need verbal communication.
Why didn’t I say that I love you to her? Well the short and sweet answer is that I was scared, scared of getting hurt. You see I have a huge wall around my heart (think Castle wall), with a moat, and a draw bridge. And every single time I have ever even remotely opened up the castle gate, I have gotten my heart crushed by a woman who cheated on me or did something just as bad or worse as cheating. Think of it as a proverbial Trojan Horse, where the woman was the horse and she was full of evil soldiers out to kill me off and do me harm. And I let her in every time expecting a different result and getting murdered by the soldiers inside the Trojan Horse.
Sounds kind of dumb huh? Well it may have been, but I put up a wall to keep even the remote chance of getting hurt to a minimum.
All while I was busy putting up a wall to keep Miley out, all Miley wanted to do was love me. She wanted to fix what was wrong with my world. Her Trojan Horse was full of bunny rabbits, rainbows, butterflies, chocolate, beer, and all kinds of other things which happiness is made. At the same time I thought Miley’s Trojan Horse was full of ninja’s trying to suck the life out of my soul and stab me. And as a result of having my wall up, I never told her I loved her.
We had all kinds of other little problems going on, which had I told her one time I loved her, she would have overlooked the problems and she would still be with me today.
I have since told her millions of times that I love her. And she is probably extremely tired of me saying it, but she listens just the same now sometimes.
My lesson to all of you out there is this. If you love someone, TELL THEM. TELL THEM MULTIPLE TIMES.
I don’t care if it is your child, your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your friend, a boy or girl you are interested in: IF you LOVE THEM, open your damn mouth and TELL THEM.
It does not hurt saying it, especially after you say it the first time. Trust me on this.
This lesson I am teaching you is just as valid for women as it is for men.
I know that lots of people have trouble saying those three little words. However, I am now no longer one of them.This story will have an updated future happy ending post.
Miley, I love you!
I say it to my hubby EVERY time we talk on the phone, I tell my children I love them countless times a day. I even tell my friends I love them. I said "I love you" to my mum and dad before they ever said the three words to me. Now they say it all time time.
ReplyDeleteIts important to tell people how you feel. We all crave love, we all need love, we all need to give love, we all need to get love.
So true; they are 3 words that need to be spoken!
ReplyDeleteI like the sappy side of you.
ReplyDeleteI have a huge wall around my heart too. I only let a select few in, so those that are inside the castle walls hear me profess my love to them multiple times a day, in words and in actions.
I can't wait to hear the updated happy ending post.
aw, OT's got a softer side. sometimes loss makes us better people. gotta get through the shit to make it out the other side.
ReplyDeletelooking forward to your next post.
Wow. I am bunnies and chocolate and beer and rainbows and butterflies? Wow. I am... just wow.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you took your wall down. It's scary when that happens but there is never anything bad about telling someone you love them.
@ Lass, you are so very correct in everything you have said. I agree.
ReplyDelete@ Eva, thank you. I get that concept now.
@ RottenMom, thank you. I know what you mean. And the happy ending post will be great. I promise.
@ Sherilin, yes OT has a soft side. And you are so right about needing to lose something to make you a better person.
@ Miley, yes you are all of that and more.
Good words OT! I'm glad that you saw this for what it is, a chance for you to open up and recognize that this woman is on your side and just wants to be validated through your words in return. I'm glad you said there is a happy ending on this and that you have righted the situation and say it often. It feels good to hear, and hear it often.
ReplyDeleteWell my better half was much like you in the beginning, well for the first year, it was worth the wait though... he phones me multiple times a day just to say he loves me... i never ever get tired of hearing that! I am sorry that you were crushed so many times that you had to build that wall! Not all of us are carrying ninja's in our trojan horse... some of our trojan horses are filled with chocolate and ice cream... I hope another wonderful girl comes around for you!
ReplyDeleteAgreed. Hope Miley gives you a second chance after she kicks your ass for taking your time until it was or could be too late. xox
ReplyDeleteI love I love yous. I think girls usually want to hear them more than even a normal dude is willing to give. It's one of those things you're forced to deal with in a relationship- the inequity between I love yous.
ReplyDeleteNot that you're not normal, by "normal" I mean boys without the castle wall around their hearts.
ReplyDelete@ Randomgirl, thank you. Yes I saw this as what it was and did what I needed to do. And yes there is a happy ending story to this lesson.
ReplyDelete@ Averagegirl, I am glad I am not the only one who has done it. And yes just be patient about it.
@ Nubian, thank you. She has kicked my ass. But I won't comment yet on it.
@ Ms Jenna, yes girls always love "I love you" stories. I don't mind this one though. Good things come from stuff like this.
So true! I used to have so many walls around me, that a former girl friend started calling me Hadrian. Walls do keep you from getting hurt, but they also keep you from feeling the good stuff...
ReplyDeleteFirst, I am happy to be back over here. For some reason, j thought you took a hiatus. Second, this was a tough post. I hate when people are sad! I hope you & Miley can work things out since it is obvious that you LOVE her!
ReplyDeleteThose are three words I am very familiar with. I don't have a problem telling people in my life that I love them. You're absolutely right, I think all women want and need to hear you say it. Men too. Even though some won't admit to it. Good for you JT! :)
ReplyDeleteAwww.. you guys are cute!! :-)
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to put your wall down and let someone in.. especially after you have been hurt. I am at that point.. i am scared to be in a relationship.. to put my wall down and let someone in... let myself love someone again... because once its down... I know I will be hurt... maybe not intentionally.. but there will always be hurt in every relationship... you just have to know when the hurt is just life.. and when its the end and then you run. I am still trying to figure that part out.. im a runner. :-(
Good luck.. :-)
@ Pat, you words are so true.
ReplyDelete@ Kelley, I am glad you are back to be here. I was on a hiatus. Yes this was a very tough post to write but it needed to be done. And thank you. I WILL have an update to this, don't worry.
@ Yvonne, I am actually one of those few men who want to hear it. I shall be telling you more soon.
@ Mama, thank you so much. I know exactly what you mean, I am a runner as well. Wait no I was a runner, but not anymore. And I loved your comment and thank you.
I have programmed myself to be stingy with those words myself. I'll have to keep this in mind.
ReplyDeleteI have never been stingy with I Love You. I say it often...like all the damn time. I NEVER hang up the phone with friends or family without saying it. I love them...why not make sure they know i...without question. I love easily, openly, and often. I never built that wall up because it would mean that I couldn't love and love couldn't find me. Yeah, I've been hurt bad but if I hurt it means I cared and for me that is the only way to live. Just me though.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that you are more vocal with your "I love you's" and that Miley knows how you feel now. :)
@ George, yes you should.
ReplyDelete@ Jewels, I am starting to be just like you. You have to open to love and it feels good. And yes I am glad she knows as well.
I nearly missed my chance in life once before, telling someone that I love them. It was YEARS before my chance finally came back around again. This time I told them. It was as if a burden had been lifted. I still, to this day, love him.
ReplyDeleteThen I was involved with a man who never told me he loved me. Unless he was drunk. When asked, his standard answer was- "You know how I feel about you." If I did, would I be asking? And then he told his ex-wife he loved her too, "Because that's what she wanted to hear..."
The words have to bear sentiment, otherwise they are just words. And if someone means a lot to you, you can tell them you love them. It doesn't mean they will run off screaming because of it! If they do, at least you know where you stand.
My mom always said the words don't mean anything. I don't know if she told herself that until she believed it because my dad never says it. But, it feels so good to hear it and share it. I'm glad you were able to finally get it out.
ReplyDeleteGood advice and one piece I think we could all do well in following better.
ReplyDelete@ Pixie, that is so true about a burden being lifted off of your chest. I can so relate to that.
ReplyDelete@ Ruth, yes it feels great to hear it and share it.
@ Teach, yes it is great advice. The world would be a great place with more love.
You should write more posts about how you love me.
ReplyDelete