A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Roast The Warlock

I am not sure if you know this or not, but tonight on Comedy Central they are showing the Roast Of Charlie Sheen.

Now most of you know that I am a fan of Charlie Sheen (after all I have written about him here, here, here, here, and here) so you know that I will be watching this.

I am also a fan of the Comedy Central Roast’s as they are normally pretty damn funny. I saw the preview for the Charlie Sheen Roast and it looked good.

I really love the Roast’s that Comedy Central does because they tend be pretty damn funny and truthful all at the same time. I mean look at the one that they did for Pam Anderson where they all made fun of Courtney Love because she was completely shitfaced.

In addition to having everyone make fun of each other, the Roast’s also donate money to charity that is raised through the event. On a side note I wonder what kind of charity Charlie Sheen is donating the money to? Blow for Lindsay? Recycle used stripper poles? Cheap button up shirts for the homeless?

Well whatever charity this cornucopia of insults generates one thing is true, this roast will be pretty damn funny.

And don’t you think it is ironic that this roast is airing at the same exact time on the same exact as the first episode of Two And A Half Men without Charlie in it is airing on CBS? I could tell you which one I will be watching, but chances are you already know which one I will be watching.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

I Am Alive. Well Sort Of.

Well I guess you could say I am alive. Or maybe you could say I am “more machine now than man” (kudos if you know where that is from). Or perhaps I am like the Terminator, half human and half machine. Well at least I feel like I have been half living like a zombie due to how tired I am.

I have been gone from here for over a month now due to working my damn ass off 12 or more hours a day. Since I last posted in the beginning of August, I have had a total of THREE days off from work. And those THREE days off I was stuck working from home.

And since I was last here my kids came home from their summer vacation at their grandparents in Georgia, football season has FINALLY started, and my ass is still chapped from that audit that I was in the first week of August.

So I have been extremely busy at work and when I get home I am just too beyond tired to sit down and write. Plus there has been an abundance of soccer and football on tv which explains my absence as well.

I am sorry and I promise to make it up to you by writing some more sarcastic observations that I normally post for you. Of course provided I can find some free time that is.

Although I must say that I am getting caught up at work. My back log of work has disappeared, I have my trainee almost trained, a new person joined my group, and my coworker who is on maternity leave will be back soon. So I will be less stressed out and will go back to working my normal schedule at work (come late and leave early).

I truly appreciate all of the nice emails that all of you sent to me. Well I have appreciated some of them more than others (as you will see below).

Dear Trash, I miss you man.

Dear Trash, I miss you my friend.

Dear Trash, where have you been? I am going through OFT withdrawals.

Dear Trash, please come back. My life is empty without you.

Dear Trash, just checking in with you to see if you are ok. We all miss you.

Dear Trash, hope you haven’t crocked on us.

Dear Trash, miss the oily world view.

Dear Trash, I rub my clit when I read your blog. Please start writing or I will never be able to rub one off again.

Dear Trash, please come back soon I miss your sarcasm.

With lovely fan mail like this, I guess I had better get my ass back to writing again. I wouldn’t want a woman to never masturbate again would I?