A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Thoughts Of A Jackass #7

Well I really didn’t have time this week to write a proper post, so here is another installment from my series “Thoughts Of A Jackass”. I hope enjoy reading the goofy shit that I post on Facebook and then share here with you.


Why does every one say that today is the first cold day of the year? Did they forget about all of the cold ass days in January and February?

I had a nightmare last night that the Detroit Lions and the Buffalo Bills were playing each other in the next Superbowl.

It is bad enough that you can't go to a damn car dealership without being bugged to death by salesmen, now when you to one of their websites you get a damn pop up window with a sales rep wanting to chat with you.

Today I am thankful my diploma is from UofH and not from Penn State, otherwise I might have to burn it.

That damn blue field at Boise State is just annoying and unnatural. It is like seeing a foot of snow on the ground in Jamaica, it just ain't supposed to happen.

Apparently the reason I am not getting laid is because according to that hippy dude in the sky, I am getting screwed enough Monday through Friday during the day.

I never understood that whole saying/cliche "men like women barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen". Personally I would rather have her not pregnant, in heels and lingerie in the kitchen.

How come those Sleep Number Bed commercials never tell what the best number is for getting your freak on?

I keep seeing all of these "you know you are from...when" and "do you remember..." and all I can say is that I can remember all of this shit was not on Facebook.

Monday, the go fuck yourself of the work week.

I think someone at Rick Perry's little prayer rally forgot to pray that he wouldn't run for president.

I went to Half-Priced-Books on my way home from work and got some decent books. But it got me thinking; back in Biblical times did they have Half-Priced-Scrolls??

How come you never hear "Press 2 for Yiddish?"

When I told my son this morning of Bin Laden's death, his first question was "when is the Call Of Duty: Kill Bin Laden Edition coming out?"

So we are carving pumpkins and I am in the middle of making Bevo pumpkin and my daughter says, "you know dad Aggies really shouldn't carve pumpkins since they are orange."

All of you should not be shocked that Amy Winehouse died. With as much drugs as she reportedly did, you should be shocked that she lived as long as she did.

Isn't ironic that Michael Jackson died at 2:10 pm, where the big hand touches the little hand?

31 comments:

  1. OH that BLUE field!!! Makes me think I'm having a seizure or something - please make it stop!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. OMG! Those are hilarious! Thanks for the laughs!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Those are really good. Some are totally hilarious! What is up with that blue field at Boise State?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Maybe they mean the first cold day of this fiscal year.
    I see snow in Jamaica all the time- Jamaica, Iowa that is.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You are hysterical. So glad you're back!

    ReplyDelete
  6. @ Laughingmom, that damn field gives dead people a head ache.

    @ Eva, no problem.

    @ Yvonne, I know I am.

    @ Pat, thank you.

    @ Ruth, ok I guess I should have said Kingston Jamaica. lol

    @ Barb, thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I believe there's a red field now too. What's next, a rainbow field for a San Francisco school?

    ReplyDelete
  8. I used to know a offensive lineman from Oregon State and I asked about the blue field one day and got a 45 minute diatribe on how it is the cause of all that is wrong in the world. I didn't have the geart to ask if it was just as bad if we're color-blind. Is it?

    ReplyDelete
  9. That would be the first Superbowl that did not have a winner!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hey, if she's already pregnant then a. you don't have to wrap it up and b. she can't accuse YOU of knocking her up. just sayin.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Much better than the movies! Is there going to be a book?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh too funny!

    Gia has a good point.

    Do those Sleep Number Beds have "demos" where we can find out our "freak on" number?

    ReplyDelete
  13. HA! The Michael Jackson one has me in stitches!

    ReplyDelete
  14. This is the type of blog I can sit and read :) Your a funny guy and you deserve every follower you get!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Miss you OT and just wanted you to know i have moved my blog. Find me here if you are looking

    My New Blog – “Lizard Happy”

    ReplyDelete
  16. C'mon now Trash, you've had your xmas holiday. Get back to blogging!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Very interesting... I really like it... Thank you so much...

    ReplyDelete
  18. "Isn't ironic that Michael Jackson died at 2:10 pm, where the big hand touches the little hand?"

    Yup, made me LOL (sorry I just said LOL). It took me a while to read this, but I'm glad I did.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Tell your daughter that us Aggies stab the orange pumpkins more than actually carve them.

    I totally feel you on the car salesmen. My husband and I call them "hawks" because they circle the parking lot looking for prey. You can't even get out of your car before they're right-friggin-there handing you their card and asking how they can "help you."

    ReplyDelete
  20. If you crack jokes most of America doesn't get, then which country does?

    ReplyDelete
  21. I can't wait.
    I can't wait for the date of the movie.
    I can't wait.
    And it's all about their hate and their " 7" SEAS.
    They had more.
    They had GORE.
    They had HEPOPADU and LOU.
    They had STING.
    They had the RING of NADEDA and WODEN BLUES.
    Make Daddy a Sammich?
    They got MICHE.
    They got the LEASE in the LEASSETA with FEASH.
    They got RENESS.
    They got LESS. They got all the very best in OSIRIS- HYDRA- TOBALSE ith JESS and TESS!
    I can't wait.
    I can't wait.
    I can't wait.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hey Jackass. I think you have some writing to do. Important stuff going on in the life of the jackass.

    ReplyDelete
  23. come back to the blogosphere. You are missed (it may be only my me but it still counts)

    Haha

    ReplyDelete

I love comments, so please leave one for me.