A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Why Yes She Was Born On The Bayou

As many of you may know by now, I have come out and told the entire world how I feel about a certain woman named Miley (and no not the 20 year hill billy redneck offspring to a one hit wonder country singer). I plan on writing some more about her over time seeing as how the cat is out of the bag.

This is a story that I wrote on her blog as a guest post from a year ago when she was busy with school. The story is a summation of our first date from back on April 17 2008. I will maybe one day write more about that night at a later date, but I wanted to tell you this specific story about our conversation from that night.

As I found out that she was from “south Louisiana”, I knew the odds were good that I would find comedy gold in her life story (and when I say south Louisiana think about the movie ‘The Waterboy’). I was not in the least disappointed in what transpired. Here is the story unfiltered from her blog:

Hi my name is Mr. Glasses (aka Oilfield Trash) and I am filling in for Miley as she has been away due to being hella busy with school and being ill. So I decided to write a nice little piece for her since she is too busy to write these days.

As much as Miley says she is not bayou (i.e. coonass, Cajun, or insert your other favorite adjective) and that her family came over on a different boat, I am here to tell you that she is indeed bayou.

The first time I met Miley was in a bar. We had decided to meet there as it was halfway between my place and hers and there was also an 80’s band playing there (she likes 80’s music and I am a thoughtful jackass like that). So we met up and got drinks and went out to the back of the bar (there was a smoking section there) to talk.

She told me that she was from Baton Rouge and I asked her if she had a pet alligator growing up, and she reached across the table and thumped me. I was like “hmm women only get mad when you hit a nerve or something. There must be some truth to this.” As it turns out she has a huge moat, well bayou behind her house that does have alligators in it. 

A young Miley with her obvious pet alligator.

Later on I asked her if she rode the short bus, and she thumped me again on the forehead. And then she explained that she had indeed ridden a short bus to school on more than one occasion but it was because there were very few people who needed a lift to school in the area. This in hindsight is complete bullshit as I visited the house where she grew up in and that damn neighborhood is fucking huge. 

Actual picture of young Miley in front of said short bus

Later in the evening she has been drinking and is opening up more (no not her pants you bunch of damn pervs) and she proceeds to tell me about how her mom sucks in picking men to marry. And that her dad and her previous step dad are like 5th or 6th cousins. And that her mom had 2 kids with each man. That means her half brothers are also her cousins so I was like, “Dude you have Brousins.” Brousins as a word has since been trademarked by me.

After some more time goes by she tells me that her grandparents lived in what was the lower 9th ward in New Orleans and that they had at some point (pre Korean War) financed the purchase of a cow through a bank. I can almost see the Chik-fil-a commercial now, “Eat More Bank Financed Chicken.” Who in the hell finances a cow? A coonass finances a cow, that’s who.

After all of those stories I had been told and heard with my own ears (yes she can even talk bayou), I pronounced to her that she was fully fledged bayou and 1 story away from having starring role in the sequel to the movie “The Water Boy”. She disagreed with me and tried to protest but I knew in my heart that she was bayou. Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with being bayou at all, she just refuses to accept it since she is 200 miles removed from the bayou. But trust me when I say she is bayou.

Don’t believe me? Well I went to her hometown to spend the night in the house she grew up in (i.e. her momma’s house) before we were to take a road trip together the next day. I was shocked at what I saw. As it was just days after Christmas I had to check the tree. Yes you guessed it; there was crawfish, shrimp, and alligator ornaments on the tree. One of the stockings near the tree was Cajun themed. Even a couple of the dish towels were Cajun themed. Hell the whole house was Cajun themed.

As much as she denies it here on her blog and in real life, she is as coonass as they come. Don’t believe her for a minute. She may have run away from Baton Rouge, but let me tell you this much, “You can take the girl out of the bayou, but you can’t take the bayou out of the girl.”

Well there is part of the story of the first date that I had with Miley. She is so going to kick my ass when she sees that I have posted this. Someone send out a search party for my body if your comments to this don’t appear within 5-6 hours.

Oh and here is a recent picture of her holding another alligator. 

I would like to add that she wrote a response to this story, but I will maybe save that for another day because it takes away from the funny of this post.


  1. Looks like she's about to eat that wee aligator!

  2. @ Lass, she has be known to eat gator from time to time.

    @ Lurker, you are correct.

    @ GT, ok.

  3. Woah, I'm glad she has a sense of humor or this could end up being a "only I can call my sister stupid, anyone else gets their ass kicked for saying the same thing" situation

  4. Well, you're still writing and walking so I assume she didn't kill you or use you for gator bait! Great post OT.

  5. @ Randomgirl, yes she has a sense of humor. This post has been published before so she won't get mad.

    @ Eva, no actually I am no where close to deep doodoo. Quite the opposite actually.

    @ Barb, yes I am around and walking. No gator bait for me. lol

  6. If she's as bayou as you say, the picture of her on the alligator must be in the living room.

  7. I can't tell you how relieved I am to know that she's not that other Miley. Whew.

  8. George, that picture had to be dug up by my mom. I would defend myself a ton but... there is a whole rebuttal post about this on my blog. http://musingsofaconfusedwoman.blogspot.com/2010/11/my-rebuttal-i-am-not-bayou.html

    Also, that recent picture was taken as a taunt to friends the Florida Gators fans, as LSU was scheduled to play them the next week. I will say, however, BOTH of those alligator pictures are at my Uncle David's house. He's a taxidermist and lives on a TON of land. Found the baby alligator on the banks of the river than runs through his land and decided to take it back to the house.

  9. Wait. I was NOT born on the bayou. All my brothers were but I wasn't. I was born.. uhh... in another embarrassing state that isn't on any coast.

  10. @ George, now that is what I call funny.

    @ Rottenmom, I know me too.

    @ Miley, I have so much to say to you dear that I can't say right now. But I will say you are bayou. lmao

  11. Two references to alligators and also two to the "water boy." A new record!
    The CCR song is going to be hummed or whistled by me all day now...

  12. You guys need to just shit and get off that friggin pot. When 2 people are meant to be together they anger the universe by not doing so. ツ

  13. @ Pat, I have song the CCR song at Karaoke before while Miley was present.

    @ Nikki, you are so right. Keep reading my blog because your Christmas wish from last year is coming true. And yes I said that out loud. I will have a post coming very soon about this.

  14. Honeyman rode the short bus too. That was the only one that came out to get kids in the country. I believe that cause we are truly in the sticks and he grew up here.

  15. Don't forget that pet alligators are great for getting rid of bodies, my friend!

  16. @ Ruth, I have heard of that before. Although this was not the case in her town.

    @ Jewels, that is very true. I don't think she would feed me to the gators. At least not now. lol

  17. You know being Canadian, most of that post just went over my head! LOL!!!!

  18. Nope. Don't remember her JT. -As for you, boy are you in trouble! hahaha

  19. I don't know why you're complaining because the next time you're in need of a belt, some shoes or a really great wallet you know who to call. Clearly she is the alligator whisperer.

  20. I'm with AG, I have no idea what being Bayou is about. Is it anything like being a bogan from the northern suburbs?

    Ps The alligators were cute though

  21. @ Averagegirl, it is ok.

    @ Yvonne, she has met you one time before but I doubt you would remember. And no I am not in trouble.

    @ Anna, that is so true.

    @ Mynx, it might just be but I am not sure.

  22. I remember her rebuttal.
    I love you both.

  23. One of the most interesting blog post... and comments, I have ever read.

    Merry Christmas To All!
    from: NFL Classifieds!


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