Lee Corso Is My New Hero

I am not sure if you know exactly who Lee Corso is, but he is one of the hosts on ESPN’s College Game Day show. If you don’t know what ESPN is then please remove your head from your ass, unless of course you are outside of America and then it is ok if you don’t what ESPN is.

College Game Day is a show that airs on ESPN each Saturday morning during the college football season. ESPN picks one game each week and the show travels to the location of the game. And they have previews of the day’s game.

The show has three regular guys on it and they also have a “celebrity” from one of the two schools which are playing in the game that they are at. Right before the show is over the four people pick who they think the winner of the game will be. And Le Corso normally does some crazy shit when he picks his winner like he will put on the head of the schools mascot that he picks to win or some other crazy thing.

Thousands of people show up each week at the site where the show is set up for the week. People line up at 2am to get a spot close to the stage. No I am not kidding. I personally know people who have done this.

I have been watching this show for years and honestly can’t remember when I started watching it, but I do know that I really enjoy the banter on the show.

So why am I telling you all of this? Well this past Saturday ESPN College Game Day was on the campus of my university. Yep that is right; ESPN was at the University Of Houston to broadcast live on ESPN, and to also pick the winner of their game with SMU.

In case you don’t remember I went to college at UofH and if you remember I took my kids to their Spring Game (and I knew back in April that this year would be special). I have always been a fan of UofH even before I went there for college and will remain a fan for life.

Which brings me to why Lee Corso is my new found hero, here is the video of the last minute of College Game Day live from UofH.



Yes you heard it correctly, at around 1:05 Lee Corso looks like he is going to pick SMU by picking up a megaphone with SMU written on it, and then he throws it away and says “Ah Fuck It” and puts on the head of Shasta (the UofH Cougar and our mascot) and picks UofH to win. He said “Ah Fuck It” and picked my school to win.

Watch the video again. And again. Watch the response from the guys on either side of Lee Corse. Yes this video is just that great.

Lee Corso says “Ah Fuck It” live on ESPN.

THIS IS FUCKING CLASSIC.

This 2 minute stretch of video that I watched live on Saturday morning made my whole day. I felt so good inside that this tomfoolery took place where I went to college. UofH has never really gotten much attention the last 2 decades so it was nice to see them host College Game Day.

What makes it even better is that at a game earlier in the season against Rice University, all of the students wore red shirts that said “Ruck Fice”. Maybe Lee Corso knew this and acted in his best judgment in what he said, in any case he is my new hero.

Oh and my Cougars beat SMU’s ass 37-7 to become 11-0 on the season and have moved up to Number 8 in the latest BCS rankings.

“Ah Fuck It” is my new saying.

This picture was at College Game Day and it is of a boy dressed and painted to look like the Heisman Trophy in support of Kase Keenum’s run at winning the trophy.

There Has Been A Pigskin Sighting

This past Saturday night there was an incredible sighting of the pigskin that has been missing since January.

You see each year in June there is a high school football game held here in Houston called the Bayou Bowl. This game consists of graduating seniors and all stars from the Houston area versus all stars from Louisiana.
 

The kids participating in the game are here for a week before the game and in addition to practicing the week before they game, they often get to do a lot of fun activities in the area as well. It is almost like a vacation for them.

The Bayou Bowl is often made up of some players from each state that do not yet have a scholarship. So in addition to playing one more high school football game, this game gives some players a chance to possibly get a college football scholarship as there are tons of college scouts in attendance.

So since the game was just a short hop, skip, and a jump from my house, I had to go get my football fix. I packed up myself, my son, and my adopted son (my son’s best friend from school) and we headed off to the game.

It was a great night for football despite the heat wave we have been experiencing here in Houston. It was about 80 degrees in the stands as there was a strong breeze blowing. We consumed a ton of soft drinks, hot dogs, popcorn, and nachos. It was a pure guy’s night at a high school football game.

The game was decent at best since there was a good bit of sloppy play. But since these kids have not played any ball since November or December it was understandable. But I have always been a firm believer that bad football is better than no football at all.

The Texas team came up short and lost to Louisiana 30 to 23, but I was not sad one bit as I got to see my old friend football once again.

This is the ninth year for the Bayou Bowl and since its inception I have only missed two games. I love having this game here in Houston as it means a nice easy Saturday night of football in the midst of the drought of games between the last game and the start of the next season.

This game also serves as a reminder to me that high school and college football season is just a mere short two and a half months away.

For three hours this past Saturday night, I was in heaven.

Do It For The Kids Roger Goodell!

In case you were not aware of it, there is a lockout right now in the NLF. This lock out means that none of the players are getting paid right now, and there may or may not be an NFL football season next year.

The NFL Players and the NFL Owners are in a fight over you guessed it, money. The two sides can’t come to an agreement on how rich they will both become in the future. I really could care less if there is or isn’t an NFL season in 2011 as there will still be college and high school football for me to go and see in person and watch on tv.

This lockout and work stoppage will not really hurt the owners or the players much as they are both rich already. I am more worried about the average people that this lockout will hurt. You know the cheerleaders, the score board operators, the beer vendors, and merchandise vendors, the guys working the chain gang, the referees, the ticket takers, and everyone else involved in the game without a million dollar contract. That is who I am worried about as those people have real bills to pay as well.

But as sad as it is that those people I listed above going without paychecks are, the real victims here are the children. Yes I said the children are the victims here. You see a lot of these NFL players have kids and need to pay child support. And with the lock out here, these players don’t get paid so in turn the baby mommas out there aren’t getting paid. And that means the children will starve.

Take the New York Jets defensive back Antonio Cromartie who has nine kids that he needs to pay child support for. Yes I said NINE kids. With eight different women. Yes I said he has NINE kids with EIGHT different women. On a side note, I know my vasectomy surgery story is world famous, but damn dude you are losing half of your money each year. It might have been worth it in hindsight.

I am not sure what state or states his child support is under but in Texas, that would mean no less than 40% of his after tax salary would go to be divided up for child support. So with his 2010 salary of $1.7 million dollars would mean that each kid would get around $45,000 a year tax free.

One of the women he owes child support to was brave enough to speak to the media about it. She is a nurse in California and says without the money she won’t be able to pay for child care. A nurse makes around $30,000 or so and with that and another $45,000 a year tax free you can’t make ends meat? Honey you are making some bad choices with your cash. Hell if men could get knocked up and have a kid to collect $45,000 a year tax free I would so be in that line because I could live the high life with $45,000 tax free.

So Roger Goodell you need to get an agreement in place so the lock out is over and these players can get paid and in turn pay those baby mommas so these kids don’t starve. Remember it is all about the children.

Football Is Back

This time of year is when all of the colleges are hosting their spring practices before taking time off for the end of school and beginning of summer. A lot of colleges also are holding their annual spring football game.

And last Saturday the college I went to, The University of Houston held their annual “Red & White” game. It was basically a glorified practice game which was held on campus, open to the public, and free. So when you throw in the “free” word and “football” together, well the kids and I just had to go to it.

I dragged the kids (no not literally, they were happy to go) to my old school and watched the best two hours of my life since the Superbowl. You see I got to see FOOTBALL being played, live and in person. Yes I know I am into football like a crack addict is into crack, but I was able to get my fix.

We took in the sights and sounds of the game. The hitting, the cheering, the sounds of the ball hitting the ground, the whistles, and all of the sounds of the game in its purest form were heard. And for two hours last Saturday, it was great to have my old friend back.

 The kids had such a great time that they have even semi talked me into buying season tickets for the upcoming season.

Well until August my old friend, I shall miss you.

Worldly Wednesdays – Orlando

It has been a while since I posted a Worldly Wednesday post so I think it is about time that I post a new one. If you are new to my blog, this is where I tell you about some of my travels where I get to travel to a nice location (and usually one someone else’s dime). So you should go back and check out some of the other posts from this series to see some of the nice places that I have been lucky enough to travel to.

Back at the end of 2009 I got a chance to travel to Orlando, Florida for New Years with my good friend Miley (who paid for the trip and since tomorrow is her birthday I was ordered obliged to write this post for her).

Why of all places would I go to Orlando for New Years you ask? Well we went because there was a college football game there on New Years Day. And you all know how much of a college football fan that I am. You see my favorite college team is Penn State and they were selected to play in the Capital One Bowl against Miley’s favorite team LSU.

So on Wednesday evening after work, I drove the 4 hour trip from Houston to Baton Rouge to meet Miley at her parents’ house. We crashed the night there since it was too late to start the drive to Orlando that night. The next morning we got up way too early and head to down I-10 to Orlando. On the way there we stopped a few times for coffee and food. I actually told her to “make me a damn sammich” and low and behold she had packed me a damn sammich in the cooler for the trip. And to reward her for the sammich, on the way there I rolled her finger up in the window. No it was an accident and not on purpose. I was trying to roll up my window and accidentally rolled up her window as she was smoking.

Actual broke finger.

After a long ass day of driving (I forget how long it was but it was at least 10 hours) we finally got to Orlando and our hotel which was right near downtown in front of some lake (well there is a shit ton of lakes there). It looked like it was something straight the hell out of Miami Vice because it was all multi-colored and looked like it belonged in Miami. The hotel was decent I guess as it had a huge living room, kitchen, and a big bed room. There was a nice note on the bed side table from the housekeeping staff which asked for feedback and a tip for good service. Now normally I am a good tipper, but when I find 20 pairs of boxer shorts in the dresser left by someone other guest from god fucking knows how long ago, I kind of got the opinion that they don’t clean that well.

 Miami Vice hotel.

So after dumping the bags in the hotel we headed out for dinner and some drinks since it was New Years Eve and all. We ate fried alligator at some cheap sports bar type place and then walked around the block to the block party which the city had set up a few blocks away. We were not really impressed with the party or we were just dead ass tired from the drive into town. Needless to say we were back at the hotel and asleep before long.

I wonder if their service is a good as the Fourth Second Bank?

The next morning we woke up to driving rain, 30 mph wind, and freezing cold. It rained for 5 straight hours before we had even left the hotel. Needless to say I was not fucking amused at all. We checked out of the hotel and got on the road for the whopping 3 mile trek to the stadium. Yes it was still raining. We sat in the car for 30 minutes before deciding to head to the stadium. We got thoroughly fucking drenched before we had even got near the stadium. Did I mention that it was FUCKING COLD? Yea it was about 32 F, 30 mph wind, and driving rain.

We managed to get into the stadium without being blown the hell away and it was BEYOND crowded. We trek up to our seats (which were awesome by the way) and we were facing into the wind which is blowing faster than a car can drive in a school zone without getting a ticket. And it is raining hard right in my face to add insult to injury. I am shivering so bad that I can’t even manage to drink my damn beer because I am shaking. Can you say 10% theory for the weather?

The ticket taker looked like Joe Pa!!!

The first half of the game was good but as it had rained for 8 hours prior to kickoff; the field was a complete mud bowl. And as a result of the mud, the game was kind of slow and limited because of all the players slipping around everywhere. Penn State jumped out to an early lead which they held onto through half time.

Some first half action.

We ventured down stairs to try and find some warm food since we were beyond cold at this point. I managed to find a vendor that was selling delicious fatty gyros. But as I only had plastic and no cash I was shit out of luck. Yes the vendor did not take credit cards. At. The. Fucking. Capital. One. Bowl. Can you sense the irony here? Apparently it didn’t matter to them what the hell you have in your wallet. Thankfully Miley had cash and we were able to eat and get back upstairs for the second half.

Kicking the extra point after first touchdown!

The second half saw LSU come back and take the lead 17-16 with about 4 minutes left in the game. It was then at that point that Joe Pa cooked up a comeback. Penn State drove down the field and was able to kick a field goal with a minute left to take the lead 19-17. And that was how the game ended with Penn State winning a thrilling game. I was happy about the outcome, and Miley was fucking angry, pissed off, bitter, bitching about it ie happy with the game.

 A sad as hell Miley when her team lost. Poor LSU fans.

A happy as hell Penn State fan.

As soon as the game was over, we bolted Orlando and headed back to Baton Rouge with me driving all night long. We had to leave asap as I had to pick up my car and drive to Mississippi the next day to pick up my kids from the grandparents, (which Mississippi is halfway between my home and where the their grandparents live in Georgia) as my kids had spent their Christmas break with them.

Even though we only spent a total of 24 hours in Orlando, it was a great trip. I got to see my favorite team play and so did Miley. I also was in dire need of a small vacation and that is exactly what this was. And Miley was a great sport about getting her finger broken, paying for the whole trip, and her team losing the game to my team.

The scoreboard says it all.

I hope you enjoyed this post from my series of my worldly travels, next time I will tell you about one of my travels to South America.

 The stadium on the way out.

My Superbowl Day That Was Not So Super

Well as most of you know my Steelers lost to the Packers 31-25 in yesterdays Superbowl. I had hoped that the Steelers would have pulled it out and won, but they didn’t. I am not sad that they lost, nor am I angry or bitter that they lost; after all they were in the Superbowl when 30 other teams wished they could have been there. And the game itself was a good close game, which even in a loss is still a good thing as it was a great game in my book.

My life is ruled by the 10% theory, so it should be of no shock to you that my day was not a good one (in addition to the Steelers losing).

Saturday my daughter came down with a bad case of the flu plus strep throat. She was up all night puking and coughing. And when I woke up on Sunday morning in addition to my daughter being sick, my son had also came down with the flu as well. Oh and my ex was also sick with the same stuff that my kids had, so when she came over I had 3 people useless sick people laying on my couch all day.

Because they were all sick, I had to clean up my whole house, do all of the laundry, shop for the game, cook all of the food, clean the post party mess, and pretty much do everything all by myself. And since my kids were sick, I couldn’t have all of the company over which I had planned on because they all have kids and well I just didn’t feel like serving them great food along with a few cases of the flu as well.

I also made the mistake of watching the Pittsburgh Penguins hockey game in the early afternoon. They got blown out 3-0 against the Capitals so I guess that in addition to my kids being sick, this should have been the writing on the wall for my day.

I also would like to say that I blame Ms Miley for the loss of the game because she said last week that the Steelers would play like crap. You should check out her blog and leave her some damn hate comments on her blog as she is sometimes funny and she needs more readers.

I was also kind of disappointed in the Superbowl commercials. They seemed to lack imagination in my mind. I did like the “Bud Light home remodel”, the new VW beetle one, the “Pack it in the boot” from Mini Cooper, and the “House” one where they played off of the old Mean Joe Greene Coke commercial.

I was highly disappointed in the Pepsi one where the guy was saying out loud that he wanted to sleep with his date. Seriously Pepsi kids watch the damn Superbowl and are impressionable. Shame on your for showing that commercial because both of my kids saw it and laughed. I covered my kid’s eyes and ears during the Go Daddy commercials, but I didn’t think I had to do that with a fucking Pepsi commercial. So yea Pepsi I am done with you and my 15 year love affair with Mountain Dew now. You will get no more of my money, and I will lose 50 pounds as a result.

The real reason I am sad today is that the future of the NFL is uncertain. You see the greedy NFL owners and players can’t come to an agreement to come up with a new contract for the players. I think both sides are pissing me off and just being fucking greedy. Oh well if there is a lock out they will just have pissed off a lot of fans, me included. At least the colleges and high schools won’t have a lock out next football season.

But Sunday was not a complete wash; I got a Super Blog award from Peachy. I guess she thinks I have a Super Blog. I don’t think my blog is award worthy (especially one of this significance) maybe historians one day will judge me better than I judge myself.

The best part of my day came after the game as me and my kids sprawled out on the couch together and watched Airplane (the edited version for those of you who read my rant about the Pepsi commercial) together. There is no better way to end a rough sad day than to curl up with your kids and watch a classic comedy. I always say that humor is the best medicine.

I hoped all of you enjoyed my week of Superbowl posts that I posted all week long.

Yes Nikki this is my last Superbowl related post till next year so I hope you can sleep good tonight.

Best Superbowls

Well this is the last of my Superbowl week posts. And I saved the best for last, my top 5 Superbowls that I think are the best.

Number 5 – Superbowl 27 which had the Dallas Cowboys beating the Buffalo Bills. I liked this Superbowl because I was pissed that the Bills knocked the Houston Oilers out of the playoffs as I was hoping for an all Texas Superbowl. But that didn’t happen so it was great to watch the Bills get destroyed.



Number 4 – Superbowl 42 had the New York Giants beating the New England Patriots. Since I hate the Pats I was just happy to see them lose. David Tyre’s catch towards the end of the game is in my opinion the second greatest play in Superbowl history.



Number 3 – Superbowl 44 was the New Orleans Saints playing the Indianapolis Colts. I enjoyed this Superbowl because everyone in the media had picked the Colts to win and they didn’t even come ready to play. The Saints destroyed the Colts with superior play and coaching. And the win finally got the “monkey” off of the Saints back and made the city of New Orleans forget about Hurricane Katrina.



Number 2 – Superbowl 13 was my earliest Superbowl memory. It was a pivotal matchup between the Dallas Cowboys and the Pittsburgh Steelers. The Steelers beat the Cowboys in a shootout that saw Terry Bradshaw throw four touchdown passes and was the games MVP. A lot of people have said over the years that Terry Bradshaw was a dumb quarterback, but if you look at some of the passes he threw and completed, he is a damn good quarterback.



Number 1 –Superbowl 43 was in my mind the best Superbowl ever. It was the Pittsburgh Steelers against the Arizona Cardinals. The Steelers played a great game and was able to pull off the win by going on a "length of the field" come from behind touchdown drive that ended with (in my opinion) was the greatest Superbowl play in history when Santonio Holmes caught the touchdown pass on his tippy toes to win the game. Also James Harrison ran an interception back for a touchdown 100 yards at the end of the first half which set a record for the longest touchdown play in Superbowl history. Even if you disagree with me on the ranking of this one, Santonio Holmes play at the end of the game has been ranked by a ton of people as the greatest play in Superbowl history.



So there is my list of the Top 5 best Superbowls. I hoped you enjoyed it and I hope you enjoyed my week of Superbowl nonsense.

Steelers Rule

I have been doing a little happy dance since last night. Why you ask, well because my favorite NFL football team in the world is the Pittsburgh Steelers. And last night the Steelers won the AFC Championship and are now going to be playing in the Superbowl vs. the Green Bay Packers. So I am on fucking cloud nine right now.

You see I am originally from Pittsburgh and have been a Steelers fan since before I was born. And now my team is playing to get a record SEVENTH Superbowl title. They are 6-1 in Superbowl games. And now with this upcoming Superbowl they have been to the Superbowl 3 times in the last 6 years. Even if you hate them, you have to respect their talent as they have been very relevant for a long time.

And the ironic thing is that I predicted before the season that the Steelers would go 12-4 in regular season and they did. At the beginning of the playoffs I predicted that it would be the Steelers and the Packers in the Superbowl. What is even more ironic is that they will be playing the Superbowl in the stadium of the Dallas Cowboys, the only team to ever beat the Steelers in a Superbowl. All of my friends are Cowboys fans so it is burning their insides to have the Steelers playing in THEIR stadium at the Superbowl.

Here is a little picture of me that I took last Friday. I am holding up one finger for each championship that the Steelers have.

Yes I know I colored out my face, but since I am in the FBI witness protection program due to a couple of bloggers wanting to “bump” me off, well I had protect my identity. I am kidding they don’t want to bump me off, but I am sure they are cheering for the Packers to win.

As for these bloggers they are Bruce and his twin Evil Bruce who made a little bet with me (as he is a Jets fans) and the loser had to post a nice post about the others team. I am looking forward to his post about the Steelers. But really his blogs are fucking hilarious and you should go check them out. He even writes about his awesome black lab puppy that he has. Good stuff I tell you.

The other blogger who is mad at me right now is Mrs. Hyde over at A Bitch Called Mom. You see she lives in Baltimore and is a huge Ravens fan. So needless to say she was a TAD bit pissed off when my Steelers beat down her team a week ago. But don’t let her anger and angst for me and the Steelers stop you from reading her blog, she is hilarious and her blog is excellent.

And here is a bonus blog for you to check out. His name is Bluzdude and you should check out his blog Darwinfish. He is also a fellow Steelers fan and he writes about living in the Devils back yard (ie Baltimore – because he is in Ravens country) and other stuff. So you should check out his blog as it is good stuff.

And since it is Superbowl time around here, next week all of my posts will be Superbowl related. I cannot wait for Sunday February 6th to get here.

Realistic College Bowl Games

Well unless you are living under a rock (or outside of the USA) then you are aware that we are in the thick of the college football bowl game season. Games have already been played already, and we have a whole smorgasbord of games starting on Wednesday and lasting until after New Years. This is one of my favorite times of the year for college football as you see teams that are matched up against each other that normally don’t get to play one another.

My problem with all of these damn bowl games is that they lack imagination in the naming of these bowls. No I am not talking about the big bowl games as they all have great names such as the Orange Bowl, Rose Bowl, Fiesta Bowl, and Sugar Bowl. They all have names which are reasonable and have some meaning to them.

I am speaking about such idiotic bowls out there which have shitty ass names with ties to products that many people have not heard of or have ever used in the first place. And the location of these bowls also has nothing to do with the location where the bowl is being played. These bowls I am referring to are the following: AdvoCare V100 Independence Bowl (wtf is Advocare?), Insight Bowl (smart kids bowl?), Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl (you can get a mortgage for a double wide trailer?), Bridgepoint Education Holiday Bowl, Hyundai Sun Bowl, AutoZone Liberty Bowl (the Liberty Bell is in Philly not Memphis), Ticket City Bowl (what does Dallas have to do with tickets?), GoDaddy.com Bowl (I know of no one who has ever used that site other than to view videos of Danica Patrick), BBVA Compass Bowl, uDROVE Humanitarian Bowl, R+L CARRIERS New Orleans Bowl, BEEF 'O' BRADY'S Bowl, and the New Era Pinstripe Bowl. See how all of those really don’t make any sense?

So I have taken the time to rename these shitty bowl games and give them a new more meaningful names and locations to them. Along with new names, I have taken the pleasure of giving them some new sponsors which actually reflect products us normal day-to-day Americans actually use.

The Smith And Wesson Drive-By Bowl – to be held in New Orleans and if possible always featuring either USC or Miami as they are both located in the middle of the hood in their respective cities.

The KFC Fried Chicken Bowl – held in Memphis and featuring the SWAC champion vs. Memphis.

The Cheaters Bowl (the tv show) – game can be played anywhere but must always have SMU vs. the team of the current season caught cheating (ie Ohio State, USC, or Auburn)

The Tampax Bleeders Bowl – game can be played anywhere but must have the country’s two top hard hitting defenses facing each other.

Fresh Step Cat Litter Bowl – This game can be played anywhere but it has to feature two schools which have some form of a cat type animal as their mascot(Kentucky, Penn State,Kansas State).

The Poligrip/Fixodent Denture Cream Bowl – This game will always be played at Southern Mississippi and should be played between two teams from the south (ie Arkansas, Ole Miss, or Alabama).

The Exxon-Mobil Pollution Bowl – Always to be played in Houston at Reliant stadium and the roof has to be open for the game. Teams should be ones which are near refineries (ie University of Houston, McNeese State, LSU).

The Jack Daniels Bowl – to be played in Nashville featuring two teams from the south (ie Tennessee, West Virginia, Kentucky).

The Kilz Graffiti Removal Bowl – to be played in the Bronx and to be played by two teams which uniforms have way too much fucking colors going on (ie Oregon, Florida, Boise State).

The Suncast Snow Shovel Bowl – to be played outdoors in Minneapolis and features two teams from the south which never play in snow (ie Florida, Arizona, South Carolina).

The We Buy Ugly Houses Homevestor.com Bowl – to be played in Detroit and features two teams from dilapidated housing markets (ie Maryland, Tulane, USC, and any university in Michigan).

The 2000 Flushes Toilet Bowl - to be played at the home field where Boise State plays and features two of the worst teams in college football (ie Norte Dame, Vanderbilt, Northwestern).

The Breathe Right Strips Bowl - to be played in Las Vegas on the strip featuring two of the countries sleeper teams (ie Cal, Standford, Texas A&M).

Pussification Of Football

I would like to take a moment to tell you about something that is near and dear to my heart, and that is football. This season there has been a lot of whoey being made about tough hits in football and how the NFL is cracking down on them. I think the hits on the field are being over sensitized, over analyzed, and over dramatized.

Now I am not talking about the helmet to helmet hits as they are bad and cause concussions, I am talking about the everyday hits that are happening. I saw a call on Sunday during the Colts-Eagles game that was thrown for a hit on a “defenseless receiver” even though it was a legal hit and the receiver had caught the ball and ran two yards and was anything but defenseless. The receiver got hammered by three Eagles defenders and left the game on a stretcher. Yes I feel sorry for the guy who got hurt, but at the end of the day football is a contact sport. And everyone who puts on the helmet and the pads is aware of the risk. And if you are not aware of the risk, you don’t need to be on the field to begin with.

I was born in the 1970’s and began watching football back then when men were men, and there was hitting in football. There were no rules for hitting a defenseless receiver or a hit on a quarterback. The game was played and it was good because there was hard hitting. Remember the Steel Curtain defense? Hell most of the defenders from the 70’s are in the Hall Of Fame and they didn’t get there by not hitting people.

Fast forward to today and there are all kinds of rules on when you can and when you can’t hit someone. Hell now they even have a rule for offensive players hitting defenseless defenders. As a result of Hines Ward from the Steelers going out and actually blocking and hitting defenders (which no other receivers in the NFL today block like he does) the NFL made a rule about hitting defenders who are too stupid to watch out for a blocker about to hit them. So let me get this straight, you can’t hit a person who is dishing out hits all the time? Now this season they want to stop the hard hits period and I have had enough.

You can get hurt playing any sport that is out there to be played. You can break bones or blow out your knees in a basketball game. You can destroy your legs in a soccer game. In diving you can hit your head on the diving board and drown. In bowling you can blow out your shoulder. In hockey you can lose teeth and mess up your whole body. In baseball you can get beamed with a pitch or a line drive. In MMA or boxing you can get your bell rung and just beat the fuck up. Even in curling you can fall down and bust your noggin all up. Hell even in flag football you can get hurt. In every single sport there is a risk of getting hurt. EVERY. SINGLE. SPORT. Everyone who plays sports knows there is a risk (well except the Special Olympics) to get hurt and the participants all know the risks.

I mean taking the hitting out of football would be like apple pie with no apples. It would be like a pizza with only the crust. Imagine Christmas with no gifts, Thanksgiving with no turkey or ham, or a blow job with no happy ending. What is next, fighting a war with no bullets and only using paintballs? It just does not make sense, hitting is a part of the damn sport. Deal with it.

I guess what I am saying is that football is a contact sport and the hitting needs to stay. It is as much a part of the sport as the football itself is. Don’t mess with my game. Leave it alone. I enjoy watching a game with some hard hitting on both sides of the ball. If you take out the hitting from football, you will have countless numbers of fans suffer from severe depression and suicide. And this will cause more carnage in the long run than that of any injuries suffered on the field. So please keep this hitting in football.

If I wanted to watch a game of football without any hitting, I would watch some of the picture below. Well I may watch the below any ways but not for the hard knocks, but more for the hard knockers.

My Second Best Birthday Ever

Well as my birthday is this week I have decided to spare all of my fans from another political, sarcastic, and sexist post and share something from the heart. I am going to share the tale of my 12th birthday. This, by the way happens to be my second best birthday ever. Now I know what you are all thinking, why not talk about your best birthday ever? Well that one is too easy to write about and I was planning on sharing that story later. And considering that throughout most of my life pretty much all of my birthdays have sucked donkey balls, you will see why this birthday is special to me. This story might seem a little like an Al Bundy story to you, but take it in stride and remember that I love me some football.

Flashback to October 1986. It was a Friday afternoon the day before my 12th birthday and I was walking home from school on a nice cool fall afternoon. I turned the corner onto my street and noticed that my grandparents motor home was taking up my drive way. I ran the last 100 feet or so home because I was thrilled that they had drove the 24 hour drive down from Pittsburgh to see us as we never really got to spend much time with my grandparents in Texas. Well after getting home and talking to them I found out that they were down here for my 12th birthday and to also watch my little league football game the next day, which made my day as they have never seen any of my games before.

On Saturday afternoon we all (me, my mom, my kid brother, and my grandparents) headed off to my football game in town in which I was playing our rival cross-town rivals, the Cowboys. My dad even showed up which shocked me because since my parents had divorced a few years earlier, he had been in a bottle of scotch and had been rarely active in my life to say the least.

A little background on my little league football life, the league I was in had 14-20 teams or so evenly split into two conferences. Each “team” was comprised of 4 teams, a freshman (3rd grade), a sophomore (4th grade), a junior (5th grade), and a senior (6th grade) team. My freshman and sophomore years we won the Superbowl of the league and my junior year we lost in the Superbowl. The kids on my team and I had a history of winning, as most of the team stayed together through our 4 years together playing for the Oilers. And my senior year was no different. So to say that this league was competitive was an understatement. My first three years of playing little league I was a little chubby and always got stuck playing either guard or tackle on the offensive line. But sometime between 5th and 6th grade I went through a huge growth spurt and suddenly became tall and lanky, so I was moved to offensive end.

So the game gets going and we were up 7-0 through most of the game. Now most of the time we did not pass very much as we had a NFL-like running game, but from time to time we did pass the ball. And on this day we had trouble running the ball (hey it was a rivalry game and you know how those always turn out). Now normally as left end I had to line up next to the tackle, but on pass plays I was split out off of the line.

Sometime in the 3rd or 4th quarter we are in the huddle and I hear that the coach called for a pass play. I was happy because it meant I didn’t have to block the fatass across from me on the other team. I was so happy in fact that when we broke the huddle I ran full speed out to the left side. I asked the ref (like you are supposed to do) if I was lined up correctly and he said I was. I then out of now where told the ref, “You might as well go ahead and put your arms up for a touchdown because I am about to score”, which I probably said because no one of the defense noticed I was lined up for a pass. So the ball is hiked and I run down the field with no one covering me, and I turn around to see the quarterback throwing the ball to me. About 10 yards later I caught the ball (now all of this is in slow motion at this point in time) and I kept on running for what seem like a damn eternity. I got down to about the 4 yard line and felt a tug on my leg which was the safety who had finally caught up with me and was trying to bring me down. I struggled and struggled but kept trying to get the last 3-4 yards to heaven. I felt like Charlie Brown always getting denied the chance to kick the ball because that little bitch Lucy kept pulling the ball back. But I was not going to be denied on this day because I kept trying to get to the end zone. I ended up tripping and losing my balance and I fell across the goal line into the end zone flat on my stomach. I had just scored my first TOUCHDOWN ever!!!! And on my birthday!!!

I looked back to see the kid who was trying to keep me from my date with destiny and noticed he was holding my shoe by the laces. My dumb ass self had just ran a 60 yard touchdown pass with untied shoes, story of my damn life. So I got up and handed the ball to the ref and reminded him that he was going to need to put his arms up, and he said, “Good catch and run kid”.

I was on cloud 9 as I ran back to the sidelines and all I could hear was cheers from the crowd and my family. Later in the game we had the ball and we right in front of the stands and I was lined up in the 3 point stance, and the guy on defense jumped offsides and knocked me over before the ball was snapped. Being in such a good mood, I immediately got up, turned to the crowd, and pretended to be the ref and acted like I pulled the flag out and shouted to the crowd, “encroachment on the defense, 5 yards, replay first down”. Everyone in the stands was laughing as well as my team mates and coaches.

We ended up winning that game with our cross-town rivals 14-0. After each game the home team would have a raffle drawing to raise money for the teams and they would raffle off the game ball which was used during the game. So after the team meeting and drinks, I get to where my family is gathered up and find out that my grandparents had won the game ball. My mom had been trying for 4 years to win a damn game ball and my grandparents won the game ball which I scored a touchdown with. How fucking more awesome could this day get?

Well after the game we all went for lunch together and everyone (my dad included) came and everyone got along (which never happened). My dad and mom fought all the time before and after marriage. And my dad never got along with my grandparents. Gifts were given to me and there was also cake.

So to give you a brief summary of my 12th birthday: My grandparents drove 1200 miles to see me and also my football game on my birthday. I scored my first and only touchdown ever in my 10 years of playing organized football. My dad was at the game and sober. Everyone got along. I ended up getting the game ball.

It was like the stars/planets were all aligned, karma was in my corner, lady luck had visited. Everything that could go RIGHT that day happened. It is a shame that I lost the game ball from that day when I moved out of my mom’s house. I am pretty sure that the game ball would have been a good one to use for my ashes to be put in when I am gone.

I can’t tell you (because I honestly don’t remember) what I got for my birthday that day, but I got the best gift I could have been given and that was some of the best memories of my childhood for my 12th birthday.

And yes this picture is really me from that season in 1986.

I Love You

This is a little story of who I am as a man today.

I was born and partially raised in Western Pennsylvania. So between my dad and family I grew up loving the Pittsburgh Steelers and Penn State Nittany Lions. Saturdays and Sundays were dedicated to football and the watching of football. All kinds of family and friends would come over and there would be tons of food consumed. It was almost like a family reunion every weekend.

When we left Pennsylvania when I was 8 years old and came to Houston I started liking the Houston Oilers, the University of Texas, and the University of Houston. Football was still watched in my house but it was not the same as back home in Pennsylvania as we had no other family in Houston to enjoy games with.

As I grew older I got involved in playing football. I played 10 years of organized football between little league, junior high, and high school and loved every minute of it.

Not a day goes by that I don’t wish I could go back to my youth and play again. The overpaid assholes in the NFL have no clue how lucky they are to be able to still play. I would play football for my current salary if I could play in the NFL. I think those guys don’t love the game as much. That is why my favorite football is high school. Those kids are doing it for fun and not for money. They still have a grasp of the pureness of the game.

Today I love football just as much as I did as a kid, but I just don’t get to play as much as I used to. Sure on weekends I go outside with my kids and throw the ball around, but it just is not the same as it was when I was putting the pads on. It just does not feel the same to me.

Although I still enjoy watching it all the time. I mean on Thursdays you have college games. On Fridays you have high school games. On Saturdays you have college games. And on Sundays you have the NFL. And on Mondays you have the grand daddy of them all, Monday night football. And when we watch games at home we always enjoy food with the games just like I did when I was a kid with my family.

And I don’t just watch football on tv. I take my kids to games. We often go to watch my old high school play many times during their season. We go to college games as well and just recently went to see the University of Texas play. We also go to pro games and I have taken them to see the Houston Texans play on more than one occasion.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I love me some football. It is a part of who I am as much as blood, bones, and dna are a part of me.

My ex wife recently said something recently that made me think for a minute that she actually has a soul and knows something about me. She said, “When you die in 70 years or so, we are going to cremate you and have your ashes put inside a football and stitched up. Then we will put the ball in a glass case on the fire place mantle for everyone to see.”

I could not have summed it up better myself.

I Miss You !!!!

I have someone that departed from me last December and has not been seen or heard from since then.

This person used to fill me up with so much joy and happiness and I have been sad since you left that winter day. You made me smile, you made me laugh, and sometimes you made me cry. But I loved having you around as no matter what you did, you made my whole body full of warmth. I have been lost without you in my life.

Even when you came to visit and sometimes brought friends of yours over which I did not care for, I was still happy to have you in my home.

The spring and summer months are too long and hot and time just seems to drag by without you in my life. I need you in my life year round.

My kids even have missed you so much, as you are often around me with the kids as well. The love it when you are come over to our house because it always means that they can stay up late on school nights.

We have been looking for you high and low to no avail. Although I had heard the rumors of your demise, I was a true believer and knew that one day we would find you again. My kids and I looked for you all weekend long, and I think we have found you as I heard your footsteps just around the corner from us. I hope that you will be over tonight for dinner as I have a big meal planned for all of us to enjoy while you are here.






Who is it that I miss you ask?






MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL.

Hooked Em !!!!

So blog number one is finally here. This is like the first round draft pick having to play up to the level of expectations in his first game right? I do not know, but here goes.

Since my life revolves heavily around my babes (my own term of endearment for my kids), I shall start with a little diddy about them. I have two kids, they are age 9. Yes they are twins for those keeping score at home or the library or Starbucks. One boy and one girl, and no they are not identical for those of you who do not know any better (yes I have been asked if they were identical when I tell people I have twins-one of each).

Today was the first Saturday of the college football season and THE University of Texas was playing here in Houston at Reliant Stadium vs Rice. Well I knew that this game was on the schedule last year and knew I would be taking my fat butt and the babes to the game. So I bought some really great seats a couple of weeks ago. My kids have had today circled in the calendar-o-mind for a while so you know that they were excited. We all get the burnt orange attire on and head to the stadium. I wanted to tail gate, but my kids said no because it was going to be hot. So after donating my right arm as payment for parking, we parked up close to where all of the people were tail gating in the lot we were in. There were all kinds of people bbq’ing, playing football, and all kinds of other activities both adult and kid friendly. So my son asks why we didn’t tail gate and gets mad, and I was like I wanted to and you said no. So he says “well I did not know what this greatness was all about.” Welcome to big time college football my child.

So we walk to the stadium from the lot (which I am sure was longer than the walk Moses took out of Egypt) and head inside. We go up to our section to get drinks and food (where I donated my other arm as payment and now qualify for disability benefits) and head to our seats. We are sitting there and my son notices that there is a huge “R” painted on the 50 yard line and blurts out, “what the French toast dad? Why do they have an R for Rice on the field?” I explained that this was a home game for Rice and he was like, “dad look around there are 70,000 orange shirts here, this is a home game for UT!” He is not so good with “technicalities”.

The game started and me and my son talked about all the plays and cheered together. However all my daughter could muster to do was give me the play by play on what Bevo (the UT longhorn) was doing. Which I can’t blame her, she was up late because her bff spent the night last night.

The game was good as UT won the game 34-17, but they could have played better. But it was the first game of the season so I forgive them. But we all had a good time. I even met up with my childhood besty and got to talk to him and his mom. My kids had a blast, and thoroughly enjoyed it.

The most important thing was that I did what I always do; I spend time with my kids.


So for a brief summary:

3 tickets to a UT Game: $175
Park Lot Pass: Right arm
Food and Drinks: Left arm
Taking my kids to their first college and first UT game that they will remember for LIFE: PRICELESS