Great Inventions # 6 – The Easter Edition

Here is another post in my series of Great Inventions where I remind you of some of the great inventions that have been made or perfected during my lifetime. Today since it is Good Friday I will tell you about some great Easter related inventions.

Peeps.

Nothing says Easter is here like the arrival of Peeps in the stores do. I have been enjoying these marshmallow surrounded by sugar and covered in food coloring treats since I was a kid. They used to only come at Easter time and in the shape of an little chickadee. Now Peeps are available in some form or fashion for all of the candy holidays. If you have never tried one of these, you lived under a rock as a kid. And these great treats have also taken over pop culture, just google "peeps" and see for yourself.


Jelly Beans.

I know you are thinking that these were invented way before I was born, and you are correct. However the ones which were made before I was born were boring and lacked flavor. The jelly beans available today come in many more flavors than they did when I was a kid. Now we have all kinds of great flavors like grape, straw berry, peach, and Dr Pepper. Love them or hate them, you have to respect their greatness.


The Jesus Toaster.

I am sure you have all seen on the news occasionally how someone will see an image of Jesus on a rock, a pizza, a cake, a shadow, or some other strange place. Well now you can make your very own image of Jesus right on your very own breakfast toast. Just think of all of the friends you could make if you had this toaster available here. And even if you don’t make friends from having this toaster, look on the bright side you can at least have The Father, The Son, and The Holy Toast for breakfast.

Well I hope you have enjoyed another round from my series of Great Inventions.

Great Inventions # 5 –Spring Break Edition

Welcome to another addition of my series of “Great Inventions”. These posts are where I tell you about some great inventions that have been invented during my lifetime. I did not invent all of these cool things, I am just writing about them to remind you of all of their greatness. And since Spring Break is here I offer up to you the Spring Break edition of Great Inventions.

Digital Video Cameras.

Video cameras have been around for a while, but they have always been huge, bulky, had low battery life, and required a PhD to operate them. Over the years they have become smaller and more user friendly. I got one about 8 or so years ago and use it all the time for filming my kid’s soccer games, plays, etc. The only bad thing about it was the little video tapes you constantly have to buy for it. Now the ones today have built in hard drives which do not even require an expensive little tape. You film and within minutes can have your video uploaded to youtube (or youporn if you are a freak like that). I know some of you are asking what does this have to do with spring break, well what do you think you capture video of hotties your vacation with.

Funnels.

This little gem was invented just for spring break drunken shenanigans. There is really no explanation needed for this one. You simply put your alcoholic beverage of choice in the top, and then open up the line and chug the entire contents of the funnel. I have never really been a fan of these things as I like to slowly enjoy my beers, but hey it is spring break and tons of college kids love them.



Margarita Machine.

I know some of you are thinking that margarita machines have been around for a long ass time. And you are correct. But this margarita machine comes with a plug in for your car. Yes people this one can go to the beach with you. What more could you ask for on a warm day at the beach than a margarita right in your car. I have a friend who has one of these and it rocks.



Bikinis.

Bikinis were not invented during my lifetime, but they have been perfected during my lifetime. I don’t think you need any words or description from me on this one so here is some pictures for you.

Well I hope you enjoyed another great post from series of Great Inventions.

Great Inventions #4 – The Superbowl Edition

Well here is another in my series of Great Inventions that have come about during my lifetime. I didn’t invent these things, I am just writing about them to remind you my reader of their greatness. And this week we are focused on the Superbowl.

Big Screen Televisions.

Big screen televisions were invented solely for Superbowl Sunday. If you don’t believe me, then why is it that most of the televisions sold in America are sold in the two weeks before the Superbowl? Exactly, there is a reason for the large number of televisions sold in this country. The first reason is the Superbowl and all of the other reasons don’t matter to me. The big screen television was invented because everyone wanted to see the game on something bigger than a 36” television. This guy who invented the big screen is my hero and I don’t even know who he is (although it would be funny if he were Japanese and didn’t even like football).



Instant Replay.

Now I know some of you are thinking that instant replay is not a good thing, but I think it is. I would rather have a blown call on the field get reversed by instant replay even if it goes against my team as long as it was the correct call. Hell if instant replay existed back in the 1970’s, the “immaculate reception” would have never have happened as it would have been called back. But needless to say most of the time, instant replay gets it correct in the NFL. If it were not for instant replay I am pretty sure the refs would have blown the best catch ever in Superbowl history two years ago when Santonio Holmes caught that ball in the corner of the end zone which allowed the Steelers to win it with 45 seconds to go. Enough said.


 Inflatable Chairs.

Now if you have never watched a Superbowl from an inflatable chair, then you just ain’t living your life correctly. Back when I was a young college bachelor, I went through tons of these chairs. They even got better as the years went on. Some models started including beer holders in the arms of them. The companies who made them even started using better materials so that they lasted longer. I went at least eight straight years with one of these in my apartment. They are cheap, easy to move, and make for great pranks when you want to push someone out of a chair during the game.




Helmet Salsa Holders.

There is no better a way to put salsa or cheese dip in than a football helmet. You can incorporate your favorite team into your snacking during the big game. They literally have hundreds of different football teams helmets made into salsa holders. Not only are you supporting your team with one of these helmets, but you don’t have to get up as many times to refill it since it holds a lot of salsa.


Women.

I know what you are thinking here, "Hey Trash, women weren’t invented during your lifetime." Yes I am aware of that fact, but someone has to do the cooking of all the damn food for the big game. And for this fact alone, women are a great Superbowl invention. 








Well there you have it, another post in my series of great inventions.

(By the way, the part about the women is a joke for those of you without a sense of humor.)

Great Inventions #3 – The Christmas Edition

Well here is another fine installment from my series of “Great Inventions” that have come about during my lifetime. Now I know this Christmas edition is a couple of weeks late, but I had other great stuff that needed to be posted before I got around to this blog. So enjoy the Christmas Invention edition.


Christmas Lights.

Now I that Christmas lights were not invented during my lifetime, but they sure as fuck were perfected during my lifetime. You see back when I was a kid prior to hanging any lights on the house or the tree, you had to plug the strands in to make sure they worked. And back then when one bulb was burnt out or broken, the entire strand of lights would not work. Do you know how big of a fucking pain in the ass that used to be checking EVERY SINGLE FUCKING BULB? It was a huge pain in the ass as it took longer to do the checking of every bulb on the strands than the time it took to actually hang the damn things. So sometime in between my childhood and adulthood they have invented strands of Christmas lights that will still light up when one or more the bulbs is burnt out. This invention has saved more migraine headaches than Tylenol has.


Artificial Trees.

I am not trying to start a great debate here about whether real vs fake tree is better. I am just saying that for some people the invention of the artificial tree is very helpful. I can remember when I was a kid that the artificial trees were very expensive and my dad opted to buy one of the do it yourself home kits which was a tad bit cheaper than the ones which were already completed. I remember helping my dad drill the damn holes in the 10 foot long tree shaft and putting it together. I actually have an artificial tree and think they are a good idea as you can pay for one and not have to buy another for a long time. Also if you are lazy like me you don’t have to worry about forgetting to water the real tree. And at the same time you can say you are helping to save Mother Nature.


Extension cords.

Now I am not talking about your every day ordinary extension cords as those have been around way before I was born. I am talking about the recently invented ones which have a nice little button on it where you can click it on and off with your feet. Now if you are like me your remember being younger and having a huge fucking tree with a ton of lights on it and also a ton of shit around it (I always had a model train set going around my tree) which made it difficult to unplug and plug in the tree lights. And with this nice little invention, you can save your time and your back to turn on and off your tree. I am reminded of this nice little gadget as my extension cord like this has broken and I have not replaced it and I almost fell into the tree trying to plug the fucker in.


Gift Cards.

Gifts are by far one of the best Christmas inventions of all time. If you read my great post about Boxing Day than you know how hard it can be to shop for someone. I think it is great that you can save time and just go get someone a gift card to their favorite store and let them pick out what they want. Can’t find a gift for your mole faced Auntie? Give her a nice little gift card to her favorite plastic surgeon. Now I know some of you are saying these gift cards make you a thoughtless (hey at least you are getting a fucking gift card) but if you are as busy as I am then you understand that you don’t have much time to shop for people. And by giving them the gift cards you make them spend their time to shop for themselves instead of you using your busy time to shop for them.


Christmas Lingerie.

Now this is the greatest Christmas Invention EVER. No words are needed in giving you a description of them, so I am just going to leave you with some pictures which can do a much better job than I can with my babbling bullshit.

Well I hope you have enjoyed another installment of Great Inventions.

Great Inventions #2

Here are some more great inventions that I think have brought happiness to the world since I have been born.

GPS.

I think that GPS or the Tom-Tom or whatever you want to call it, has helped a lot of clueless people out. No not me as I was born with GPS, but other poor hapless souls who are piss poor with directions. Think about it, you can have a little box on your dashboard which you can easily see and it also tells your dumb ass you when to turn left. Or right. I mean it is just as good for going on long trips or going somewhere locally that you have never gone before. I think though with all of the time that these handy little things have saved women people by not being lost, why is dinner still always done late?


The Internet.

Even though I hate to give credit to Al Gore, I would have to say that this is the greatest invention of all time. Just look at the wealth of information out there on the internet, not to mention the stuff you can do from home. You can change your address, renew your driver’s license (and not have to wait in line behind 30 unclean nasty people and deal with the angry government worker), read the news, shop, cyber stalk, research for papers, etc. So many things that you used to have to actually leave your house to do. You can read news from far far away, follow up on your favorite sports team, and keep in touch with friends and family. I could write a thousand things about how great the internet is.


Digital Cameras.

As an avid photographer my whole life, I think that the digital camera has affected me the most as a technology. I love taking pictures everywhere I go of vacations, friends, my kids and their adventures, scenery and pretty much anything and everything. I used to spend a ton of money on getting film developed, and now I spend very little money on printing off pictures. Yes I understand that the film industry has lost a lot of money with the invention of digital camera and essentially gone out of business, but it was worth it to me. You can even take naughty pictures now and not have to worry about getting them developed anymore. Hell that was the whole reason for the creation of the Polaroid. Plus with digital pictures combined with the internet it can make sharing pictures with family and friends so easy. Can anyone tell me the last time they actually used snail mail to send a picture to someone? Such a great invention the digital camera was.


Well I think that should be enough to keep your mouth watering for a while. Keep an eye out for another post in my series of great inventions.

Great Inventions

I think that in my short lifetime that there have been some really great inventions. So I am going to say a little about some of them that I think are influential (well at least to me).


The iPod.

When I was a kid I had hundreds of cassette tapes and hundreds of vinyl records because I loved music and also because I was a DJ. I did private parties, weddings, and of course my own house parties. Anytime I had a gig, I had to haul around hundreds of pounds of gear, equipment, and the vinyl. Then came cd’s and I had to get everything I had on vinyl and cassette and go buy it on cd. So many years go by and I have hundreds of cds and any time I take a road trip, I have to take tons of cds with me. So skip ahead to today with the invention of the mp3 players, I got an 80gb iPod years ago and loaded up all my cd’s and cassettes onto to it and I love it. I can take thousands of hours of music with me anywhere I go and play them and only have to carry one small little iPod. If I only still was a DJ, life would be very easy now as they have mixers which can accommodate iPods. But the iPod has saved my life at work as I listen to music all day and it makes the day go by faster.


Smart Phones.

Remember the old cell phones which had a car battery sized battery back that you had to lug around everywhere? You know the ones with the 1970’s monochrome red Radioshak calculator display? Well today cell phones are small, very small and getting smaller all the time. And they have all of these great features as well now. You can look at the internet, listen to games, text message, find directions to places, order food, and a million other things. Can you imagine how much more fun church would have been when we were kids if we had smart phones back then? You could play games, chat with other friends stuck in church as well, play on Facebook, and download pictures of hot nuns all from you pew.


Remote Controls.

I remember when I was a kid and my parents would make me go change the channel. Or go turn the tv volume up or down. I hated that shit. Then we got a tv that had a remote, but it had a cable attached to the tv, but it was only 10 foot long. And this new remote did not reach my dad’s spot on the couch, so I still had to get up and change the damn channel. Then many years later when we moved to Texas we got a nice new tv that had a remote which was a true wireless remote. It was great as I no longer had to get up to turn the volume up or down and to turn the tv off. But the cable tv box had a dial which still had to manually be changed so I still had to get the fuck up to change the channel for my lazy ass parents. Then after many years the cable company caught up with the tv companies wireless remotes. Then some more years go by and we finally got a cable box which had a wireless remote. I was in HEAVEN as I no longer had to get up and change the channel for my parents. Or so I thought, by then I was then old enough to be forced to make them each a mixed drink. Oh and instead of getting up to change the channels for them or turn the tv volume up or down after all the remotes were in our house, do you know what they had the nerve to do? You guessed it, my lazy fucking parents would ask me, “Hey can you hand me the remote that is on the tv?”


I will have some more posts about some of the things in which I think are great inventions and also some of the things which I think had no business ever being made. Stay tuned.