A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.
Showing posts with label Email Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Email Jokes. Show all posts

Friday, July 29, 2011

The Hookers Union

I ended up going out on Thursday night with a few friends for beers and dinner so I didn’t have time to write a proper original post. So to make up for it here is a great little email joke that I got a while back that illustrates that not all unions are a good thing.


A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.

When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No,” she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20,” she answered.

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop.

His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules."

The man asked, "And, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the union man said.

He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive green-eyed blonde.

"I'd like her," he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam.

Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next.”

Monday, May 23, 2011

Little Fire Fighter

I was too lazy busy over the weekend to sit down and actually do some really good creative writing for all of you. So you will have to live with this nice little joke that I got in an email from a friend of mine. I hope you enjoy it.



A fire fighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.


The girl was wearing a fire fighters helmet.


The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.


The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. “That sure is a nice fire truck,” the fire fighter said with admiration.


“Thanks,” the girl replied. 

The fire fighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.


“Little partner,” the fire fighter said, “I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.”


The little girl replied thoughtfully, “You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.”



Have a great Monday and I will try to write something good for you tonight when and if I ever get out of work.

Friday, April 15, 2011

The Divorced Barbie Doll

My apologies to you trashy readers, I was sick last night so I did not have time or energy to write you a thought provoking original post of mine. I am truly sorry. So to make it up to you here is a nice little joke I got in an email a while back. I hope you like it.


One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.


He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, “How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?”


The salesperson answers, “Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95.”


The amazed father asks: “It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?”


The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: “Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.”

Friday, March 25, 2011

BBQ RULES

Since the warm weather is arriving, that means we are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine...

(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.

(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.

Important again:

(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine...

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ' and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women!

I hope all you have a great weekend!!! Sorry about having to post an old joke I got in an email from a friend, but I have family in from out of town and I did not have time to write a typical Oilfield Trash post.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Courage

I am sorry my friends but I have been incredibly busy with work and stuff at home this week so I have not really had a chance to write some of the “deep funny” posts that you have come to expect from me. So to make up for it I am going to post an email joke I got from a coworker. I hope you enjoy it and I will try over the weekend to get some great stuff posted for you for next week.



What is the true meaning of courage?

Is it to fight a bull in a bullfight?

Is it to fly a fighter plane in combat?

Is it to be a fireman and run inside a burning building to put the fire out?

Is it to practice free fall parachuting?

Is it bungee jumping, wild water rafting?



Bullshit........those are nothing!



THIS right here my friends is the true definition of COURAGE!!!



Have a great weekend everyone.