A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The 10 Percent Theory

I am sure that all of you have heard of Murphy’s Law. You know the law that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Well I don’t necessarily believe in Murphy’s Law (who the fuck is Murphy and what is his/her law) per se because my life does not have bad things that constantly happen. Ok that’s a lie; bad shit does happen to me just like it does to everyone else, but not that often. I have a different theory on things that I believe in which explains why weird stuff happens to me.

See I have a theory that 90% of the messed up stuff in life happens to 10% of the people. And I just happen to fall in that 10% portion of the people. Now I am not talking about bad stuff per se, but just messed up stuff. Like this type of goofy shit that could and does happen ONLY to me.


Some examples of this would be that if I were to go into Wendy’s for say a bowl of chili, there would be a cut off finger in my chili. I know that never happens, but if it did it would happen to me. Or say I could to KFC for some deep fried goodness, with the 10% theory in effect I would get there and they would have run out of chicken (the only thing on your menu is friend chicken, how the fuck do you run out). Another example would be that if I were to go to a strip club, the only strippers there that night would be one armed midgets. Those are some theoretical examples of how my life goes.

If you have been reading and following my blog, then you know of how weird shit always seems to happen to me. My story on my fear of needles is a great example. So is my story of my experience with my vasectomy. My Thanksgiving story is another fine example of how weird and crazy shit happens to me. You can find the tag for 10 Percent Theory to see old and future posts under this category.

As you know my kids were out of town for two weeks during their Christmas break from school. And you also know that I was sick during the Christmas holidays. No I was not sick for just a couple of days, but the entire time that my kids were gone. Every. Single. Day. I was sick. I could have gone and done anything I wanted to do while my kids were gone as I was off from work. And I was so sick that I couldn’t do anything while they were gone other than lay around the house. That alone sums up the 10% theory to a T.

I will have some more future posts of how the 10% theory always seems to come into play in my life. So stay tuned for more of my odd life.

49 comments:

  1. i'm liking your 10% theory it explains alot about life great post

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  2. @ Becca, it does explain a lot about life. ESPECIALLY mine. Go back and read some of the stuff of mine that has the ten percent theory tagged and you will see it.

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  3. Ok so this whole time I thought I was just a magnet for shit, but now I know to refer to this 10% law. Murphy was an asshole to put it nicely.

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  4. I used to be a 10%er but then I took it up a notch and now I am a 3%'er it's a very elite club of people that if you hear their life story you say, NO FUCKING WAY !!! but indeed Virginia there is a FUCKING WAY. Enjoy it, laugh about it, remember how Grandma told you you were special? yeah this is it.

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  5. OMG! This theory explains my life, too! It's a cross between Murphy's Law and the Pareto Principle. I, too, was sick over New Years - my FAVORITE holiday. I hope you're better now. I'm almost there.

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  6. I'm starting to think you are related to my mother, with all the antics that have happened to her over the years.

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  7. Awesome. At least the weird/bad shit makes for good stories to write about!

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  8. @ Sharaf, thanks.

    @ Blah, glad to know I am not alone.

    @ Momma, thanks.

    @ Peachy, glad to know I am special.

    @ Poetry, thank you.

    @ Kernut, I am almost better. Hope you get well.

    @ Krissy, it could be possible.

    @ Shannon, that is so true. You get to laugh at my antics.

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  9. Ha! I'm looking forward to these 10% posts. I sure hope that finger in the chili one actually comes true.

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  10. @ Kelley, you should go back and read the ones about needles and my vasectomy.

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  11. I don't know if I fall in this 10% category or if I'm just horribly accident prone.

    Oh, and my dog's name is Murphy and yes, he's kind of an asshole.

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  12. I think the 10% crowd must all be bloggers. In fact, I think that's why we blog. It's so we can get away from all the stress of the messed up stuff!

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  13. I too fall in that 10% It's an exclusive club.

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  14. @ Heather, that is interesting.

    @ Misfit, I think I agree with you on that.

    @ TS, It is very exclusive. lol

    @ Rawr, yep.

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  15. "if I were to go to a strip club, the only strippers there that night would be one armed midgets."

    that's who the loonies are for, daddy! lol ;)

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  16. and was my verification word really "humpo"?

    on my BIRTHDAY?

    sigh. that's just cosmic.

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  17. @ Kage, ah I was wondering who got the loonies. lol

    And yes that was really the word verification word when I commented on your blog for your birthday.

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  18. Love the theory and it certainly does seem to apply to you. I have also falled prey to Murphy's Law (damn him) so I guess it's a good thing I turned down that engagement to a man whose last name was actually Murphy...I don't need any more poor luck/chance.

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  19. It's like a bizarro version of the top 10% wealthiest in the country. Almost. Right? Ok, maybe not.

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  20. Thank god I'm the 90% that only has terrific things happen to me!...ok, I'm also the person who believes that you can wish good things happen...if I say this enough, a million dollars will land on my front lawn...well, it could! Shuddup.

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  21. While I love reading your highly amusing 10% stories, in 2011 lets get you focused on the other 90% awesomeness that is your life! Big hugs to you my friend : )

    http://rantersbox.blogspot.com/

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  22. OMFG I HAVE GONE TO KFC AND THEY HAVE BEEN OUT OF CHICKEN. I shit you not.

    Okay it was like 45 minutes to close, but they tossed all the chicken (WTF?) and we would have had to wait for 10 minutes for fresh chicken. We were hungry and fat, so we left.

    Seriously...I'm in that 10% too...

    hed www.hedabovewater.com

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  23. Geez, I just read the vasectomy story. You poor bastard. When hubby got snipped he was fine, we actually went shopping after.

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  24. @ Jewels, yea you are best not to marry a Murphy.

    @ Copyboy, yes it could be like that.

    @ Sandra, I am glad you agree.

    @ Empress, don't let this story here fool you, I am a very optmistic person. (when I drink). No really good stuff does happen to me, those stories just don't always get told as well as the ones which dumb stuff happens to me.

    @ Hed, wow. I don't know what to say about that.

    @ Mynx, poor bastard is not even descriptive enough.

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  25. I don't wanna be in the 10%...you can have my 10%...mmmk? And seriously, stay away from fast good places *gack*

    Sooo...does this 10% extend to like the bedroom? Could it be considered the 10% if say you were having great circus sex and started to fall off the bed but got caught in the sheets and ended up half dangling off the bed and somehow twisting your bad knee? It was hyper extended and then you were in a leg brace for awhile because of it? Not that I would know...just an example...hypothetical 10%er....

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  26. Man, I hope that stuff isn't catching. The 10% stuff, that is.

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  27. @ Daffy, I agree. And that story cracked me up. Sure it could apply to the bedroom. lol

    @ Janie, No it is not contagious. lol

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  28. I think you are so right! I spent years on that list, but now I think I'm on the other end of it.
    We also had 10% rules when it comes to employees. As in, 10% of your employees cause 90% of the problems. Also, we had a big storage area called the "10% area." As in, the stuff stored there was 90% junk and 10% usable.

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  29. @ Pat, I am glad you agree. I also see stuff at work like that as well.

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  30. I think I might be in the 10% too. How many people break both of their feet within 6 months of each other? Or have their car catch fire while they are driving it? We should probably never meet in person - it could be a disaster.

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  31. @ Tib, yep you are in the 10% club. Wow both within 6 months, that puts you in the same boat as me for sure. And I agree, if were were in the same state, I am pretty sure something biblical would happen.

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  32. i don't know how i missed this post. the rest of the commenters have said it all...

    i am not a 10%, cuz i delude myself...

    Bruce
    bruce johnson jadip
    evilbruce
    stupid stuff i see and hear
    Bruce’s guy book
    the guy book
    Dreamodel Guy
    dreamodeling!

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  33. @ Bruce, it is ok.

    What is your choice of deluding beverage? lol

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  34. whiskey. canadian. crown if i can afford iT!

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  35. @ Bruce, those will all work great.

    I like tequila and vodka. Oh and scotch.

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  36. fucking scotch...and tequila...love those two as well...they both treat me with less than stellar respect...

    tonight is crown...

    life is good!

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  37. @ Bruce, yea they leave me with less brain cells the next day. But I figure I didn't need those cells anyways.

    And me and crown go way back.

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  38. Thanks so much for visiting and referencing this post, OT. My knee is feeling better already, especially having read Daffy's comment. I appoint myself an honorary member of the 10% club. I'd say let's create a platform, but we'd fall off of it.
    xoRobyn

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  39. @ Robyn, thanks for the laugh. I just snorted when I read the falling off of the platform comment.

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  40. I loved/hated your vasectomy story. I emailed some of my guy bloggers to read it. I think my balls are still shaking from that tale.

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  41. @ Toastman, thanks for the pimping of that story. All men need to read that story before under going the knife and scissors.

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  42. OhMyGawd I think Rawknrobyn nailed it with the platform comment.

    I am sooo in the 10% club, coupled with a boyfriend who NEVER has bad things happen to him (thank goodness for him, but MAN, does it ever make me look bad in comparison!).

    And I think I made the 3% club when it comes to health.

    We should have a Facebook group. Or... a self-help group. Or we could just all blog.

    It's us ten-percenters that make the funny-blogosphere go 'round!

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  43. @ Stephanie, yes Robyn nailed it for sure.

    And at least you know someone who is not in the club.

    And I am also in the 3% club, see my story of my vasectomy for proof.

    And yes a self help group would work, but we would some how screw it up.

    And yes us 10%ers make the world go round.

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  44. right there with you... if its going to happen, it will happen to me. Mine is mostly drama, but I always seem to catch the a$$ end of everyone's BS.

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  45. @ Rosie, I know exactly how you feel.

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