Here is a good follow up story to the tale about my vasectomy. If you are new to my blog you need to go and read it as it is a hilariously horrific story. If you have already read that story, than you can relax as this story is happy and my balls were not hurt in the making of it.
A couple of months after having my vasectomy I got together with a small group of friends at a local pub on a Sunday night for their weekly steak night. It was my first trip outside of the house other than to go to work since my surgery, so I jumped at the chance to get out of the casa.
After dinner was over we were all talking and the subject of my vasectomy came up. I told the horrible story of how the actual day went (again if you have not read the story, go read it). Needless to say after telling the story a few shots of Patron were bought for me in sympathy.
One of my friends was asking me all kinds of questions about my vasectomy as he was considering having one himself. Why anyone would want one after hearing my nightmare of a time with mine is beyond me.
One of the questions he asked me was, “do you still…you know…. shoot your load?”
I replied back, “yes you still shoot your load after having it. What man would get a surgery on purpose if he could no longer blow his load?”
My friend then asked me, “Well if you still shoot your load, than what is different?”
Since I just had a fresh glass of ice tea (without the sugar in it) dropped off at my table, I told my friend, “you see my jizz is a lot like this glass of iced tea. Before my vasectomy, my jizz was like a glass of iced tea with sugar in it. And now my jizz is like this glass right here which does not have any sugar in it.” (Think tastes great less filling for the ladies).
My friend looked at me confused. He then said, “Your jizz was sweet before you had your surgery?”
I replied back very snarky, “dude ask one of the skanks who have gone down on you and swallowed because I don’t taste my own jizz.”
My good friend still had a confused look on his face like he did not understand what I was saying about the iced tea analogy.
So I told him, “Ok here it is in a nutsack. Imagine that before my vasectomy that my jizz was like vitamin D whole milk containing all the stuff milk comes with naturally. And now post vasectomy, my jizz is like skim milk and does not contain all of the stuff that makes a woman fat, I mean pregnant.”
Everyone (well at least the men) laughed. One of the women at the table slapped me across the arm rather hard because she thought my comment about jizz making women fat was sexist.
Eventually after a few minutes my friend got it and understood what it was I was trying to say.
And that right there is how I became to be known amongst a small group of my friends as “skim milk”.