A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Thoughts Of A Jackass # 2

Here is some more from my series “Thoughts of a Jackass” where I post some of my random thoughts which often turn into a nice little post on Facebook. This is sort of like how a lot of you have a “random thoughts” post but a little bit different.

If Michael Jackson was still alive and on Facebook, do you think he would “Like” young boys?

I hope for his sake that Vince Young runs his restaurant better than he runs the Tennessee Titans offense.

I just got back from lunch at the Lucky Village on Dairy Ashford. They had a sign up that said, "Don't Waste Food." Don't they know I didn't get to be a fatass by wasting food?

First there was dancing with the stars, now there is skating with the stars. What is next, pimpin with the stars?

Just added to Ebay, buy the Houston Astros and get the Houston Texans for FREE.

If you are flying during the upcoming holidays, don't think badly of the anal probing that the TSA Agents are doing to you. Think of it more as a free prostate screening.

"I have been gone for 4 years now and the Texans still suck. You can't blame me anymore." - David Carr

I wonder if the TSA Agents would find it funny if I told them "I am packing" right before they feel up my junk the next time I go through the airport.

I guess they will give any damn nitwit a tv show now. I saw a commercial last night for a show on The Learning Channel starring Sarah Palin. Her having a show on The Learning Channel has to be an oxymoron if I have ever seen one.

Although I did not enlist, I did serve in combat (ie I was married for 7 years) and I would have gladly traded my marriage for two tours in Nam.

I heard this morning on the radio that Texans owner Bob McNair has filed a missing persons report with the FBI for the whole defensive unit of the Texans as they have not shown up all year.

God has to be the greatest inventor of all time. He took a rib from a man and turned into a loudspeaker.

Do you ever have those days where no matter how much coffee you drink you just lack motivation to do anything?

I am watching Cheaters right now and this show cracks me the hell up. They just broke up a wedding for a confrontation with the husband to be.

Today's halftime entertainment is brought to you by ladies college soccer. Dam you college women have some nice legs.
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42 comments:

  1. SausageJanuary 21, 2011 at 5:31 AM

    The Texans need one of those college soccer/hot legs/ball crushers to be their kicker. At least the ratings would improve

    ReplyDelete
  2. GeorgeJanuary 21, 2011 at 5:56 AM

    Michael Jackson on Facebook, classic!

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  3. that guyJanuary 21, 2011 at 6:12 AM

    awwwwwww~some! singsong voice!
    anything else i would add would just be take away from the genius that i have just read! LOL (reeally!)

    Bruce
    bruce johnson jadip
    evilbruce
    stupid stuff i see and hear
    Bruce’s guy book
    the guy book
    Dreamodel Guy
    dreamodeling!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oilfield TrashJanuary 21, 2011 at 7:05 AM

    @ Sausage, I think the Texans should get a hot college female soccer player.

    @ George, thank you.

    @ Bruce, thank you.

    @ Sharaf, thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. BlahCooCooBlahJanuary 21, 2011 at 8:06 AM

    Haha I like that you considered marriage serving in combat! And I think Michael Jackson would "like" not only 'young boys' but also 'Peter Pan' 'Macaulay Culkin' and 'CSI' :D

    ReplyDelete
  6. JeffJanuary 21, 2011 at 8:12 AM

    To be fair, the only way you learn anything on TLC nowadays is if you're interested in being really short, having way too many fucking kids or making really awesome cakes.

    -Jeff
    contentunrelated.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousJanuary 21, 2011 at 8:52 AM

    Personally, don't need the prostrate screening. I did, however, get my yearly breast exam at the airport 2 weeks ago.

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  8. KrissyJanuary 21, 2011 at 9:10 AM

    The question is whether or not Michael would have been smart enough to use a fake name when he "liked" the boys. Probably not.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oilfield TrashJanuary 21, 2011 at 9:36 AM

    @ Blah, well that is how my marriage was. IT was warfare I tell you. Constantly.

    @ Jeff, that is a good point.

    @ Sam, how did the exam turn out?

    @ Krissy, I doubt it.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Marie NicoleJanuary 21, 2011 at 9:57 AM

    I should schedule a flight soon, I'm needing a free prostate exam. Dam. I hate googling ailments and always finding I have those things. I don't have a prostate but I'm convinced of my self-diagnosis of prostate cancer...

    Random stuff is always best!

    ツ my cyber house rules

    ReplyDelete
  11. watchmanJanuary 21, 2011 at 10:05 AM

    lucky village on dairy ashford? wow I was unaware you were in Houston. I am from katy but I am a student at UT in Austin.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oilfield TrashJanuary 21, 2011 at 10:09 AM

    @ Nikki, yes you should fly soon. Wait they don't have TSA people checking you out as you get on and off of your boat? I mean you did sail by the military base and all.

    @ Watchman, yes I am in Houston. And I am in Katy all the time. IT is a small world. I love that you are going to UT. Go back and read my very first post.

    http://make-daddy-a-sammich.blogspot.com/2010/09/hooked-em.html

    ReplyDelete
  13. Not the HeroJanuary 21, 2011 at 11:38 AM

    There are certain girls sports I'll watch, soccer, gymnastics, swimming, diving, tennis (the grunt gets me, minus the williams sisters, they should have to play mens) and volleyball (especially beach).

    However there are some girls sports that are disturbing to watch, boxing (women covered in blood ugh), hockey (built like men), football(bigger then men), baseball(even more boring then regular baseball), and last but definitely not the least basketball (have you seen these freaks).

    ReplyDelete
  14. RebeccaJanuary 21, 2011 at 12:15 PM

    great post and the MJ on facebook thing was funny

    ReplyDelete
  15. Pat TillettJanuary 21, 2011 at 2:49 PM

    Too funny!The MJ was a classic.

    ReplyDelete
  16. ThePittsofBeingPeachyJanuary 21, 2011 at 4:47 PM

    Not only would Michael Jackson facebook "like" little boys, he would "like" co-sleeping and jesus juice.

    Have you ever noticed that a professional gymnast from the waist up is like a 10 year old boy and from the waist down is like an amazon ?


    Also damnit man it's cold here.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oilfield TrashJanuary 21, 2011 at 5:44 PM

    @ Hero, I so agree with you on that.

    @ Becca, thank you.

    @ Pat, thank you also.

    @ Peachy, you are very correct. And I bet he would "like" Catholic priests as well. And that is sad that you know that. I don't want to know how or why you know that. And sorry about the cold. It is damn cold here too.

    ReplyDelete
  18. ShanLeighJanuary 21, 2011 at 8:05 PM

    Holy Crap, LMAO!

    "I guess they will give any damn nitwit a tv show now. I saw a commercial last night for a show on The Learning Channel starring Sarah Palin. Her having a show on The Learning Channel has to be an oxymoron if I have ever seen one."

    Um, spot on!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comJanuary 21, 2011 at 8:45 PM

    Thanks for the laughs as always, OT. I especially like your routine digs at the TSA. And Sarah Palin is an oxymoron. So is her having a show on the Learning Channel. Will she learn to spell Alaska?
    Cheers,
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
  20. Dr. McCoyJanuary 21, 2011 at 9:30 PM

    Re: Cheaters
    Sad, but funny...but sad...but soo damn funny! They interrupted a wedding so dude's gf could call him out? Nice.

    a bitch called mom

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oilfield TrashJanuary 21, 2011 at 9:38 PM

    @ S, thank you. Glad you liked it.

    @ Robyn, I like what Barbara Bush said about Palin. "She sure seems to like Alaska. She needs to stay there."

    @ Hyde, It was the guy getting married who was cheating. And it was his soon to be wife he was cheating on. And the mistress stayed with his ass. It was hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  22. David MacaulayJanuary 21, 2011 at 11:07 PM

    Funny - I'd be more likely to watch it if it was Pimping with the Stars..

    ReplyDelete
  23. Powdered Toast ManJanuary 22, 2011 at 1:16 AM

    The David Carr quote was my favorite.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Oilfield TrashJanuary 22, 2011 at 7:07 AM

    @ David, you are probably right. So would I.

    @ Toastman, I posted that on Facebook one day while I was watching the Houston Texans implode on National TV.

    ReplyDelete
  25. mamtcJanuary 22, 2011 at 8:05 AM

    Too bad God's rough sketch before the masterpiece was born deaf, so he made loudspeaker from rib bone but still it didnt seem to work. :)
    http://meandmythinkingcap.blogspot.com/2011/01/social-network-movie-review.html

    ReplyDelete
  26. Oilfield TrashJanuary 22, 2011 at 9:29 AM

    @ Cool, yep that is too bad.

    ReplyDelete
  27. AnonymousJanuary 22, 2011 at 1:14 PM

    another gem. Gotta love a man who can make you laugh. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  28. SandraJanuary 22, 2011 at 3:10 PM

    If I hadn't come here, I would not know that a loudspeaker could be made from a rib.
    I feel smarter already! :)

    ReplyDelete
  29. PaigeJanuary 23, 2011 at 8:42 AM

    i just peed a little...

    ReplyDelete
  30. That Janie GirlJanuary 23, 2011 at 10:13 AM

    Dude.

    You crack me up!

    ReplyDelete
  31. StephanieCJanuary 23, 2011 at 1:28 PM

    Nice legs.

    Jackass.

    ;-)

    Seriously?... Reeeally??... Seriously?

    Also? Jackson would have been ALL over liking that. You know it!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Oilfield TrashJanuary 23, 2011 at 1:40 PM

    @ Jewels, if only love was that easy. If humor was all it took, I should be fighting the ladies off. Yet my phone never rings or my door is never knocked on.

    @ Sandra, I am good for tons of useful information.

    @ Paige, I have been told I make women wet, but never that kind of wet.

    @ Janie, thank you.

    @ Stephanie, if you would have seen their legs you would have agreed with me. I was watching Georgia vs Florida in the SEC womens soccer conference championship. They were all hot and they all had nice strong beautiful legs.

    ReplyDelete
  33. JenJanuary 23, 2011 at 3:53 PM

    The entire team is missing. They missed their bus home. Some joker parked it in the end zone and they couldn't find it.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Oilfield TrashJanuary 23, 2011 at 4:18 PM

    @ Jen, that is so damn true it is beyond funny.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Dr. CynicismJanuary 24, 2011 at 7:24 AM

    Now thinking of college women's nice athletic legs...

    ReplyDelete
  36. Oilfield TrashJanuary 24, 2011 at 10:24 AM

    @ Cynicism, I think about them 24/7. I hope I can win the lotto so I can a few sets of them for my house. lol

    ReplyDelete
  37. Merrell MichaelJanuary 24, 2011 at 11:17 AM

    Man, I dont get all this Texans hate. I really think they have a shot to turn things around this year...also Ive been thinking about buying season tickets with some overtime money. I get that they have some terrible players (kareem jackson) but they also have Andre Johnson ans Arian Foster.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Oilfield TrashJanuary 24, 2011 at 11:22 AM

    @ Jarhead, I ain't hating on the Texans. I am a fan of them as well. I like 2 NFL teams. The Steelers #1 and the Texans #2. And I only like the Texans because they are here in Houston like me.

    The comments I made on this post were ones I made on Facebook during Texans games when they were letting me down.

    Andre and Arian are what has kept them in games this year. I love how those 2 guys play. I wish Andre would go to Pittsburgh, but that won't happen.

    ReplyDelete
  39. A Beer for the ShowerJanuary 24, 2011 at 6:29 PM

    Your jackassery has earned our followship. Nicely done. Love the blog.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Oilfield TrashJanuary 24, 2011 at 7:03 PM

    @ Beer, thank you very much.

    ReplyDelete
  41. LayneeJanuary 25, 2011 at 7:08 PM

    Cracked me up! Too funny!

    ReplyDelete
  42. Oilfield TrashJanuary 25, 2011 at 8:24 PM

    @ Laynee, thank you very much.

    ReplyDelete

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