Superbowl Traditions

Well it is the week before the Superbowl here in America, and to honor the holiest of days in my world (ie Superbowl Sunday) I will make all my posts this week Superbowl related. And this post is about my Superbowl traditions.

When I was a kid my whole Superbowl experience consisted of watching the game and eating whatever fucking concoxition (boiled crap soup-what kid wants to eat that shit) that my mother would make as family and friends of the family would be over. But that was not the great part of the day, the great part of the day consisted of me mixing drinks (scotch on the rocks) for my drunken dad. So I never really got to enjoy the games very much as a kid since I was playing bartender.

After my parents got divorced my Superbowl experience was limited to me making food for the game with whatever my mom had in the house. And since my mother hates football, well she never felt it was worth the $100 worth of food to get all of the good stuff for the game. She would make shit like baked fish with rice and broccoli. Who eats healthy food for the Superbowl? The Superbowl by-laws clearly dictate that you have to eat artery clogging foods with the game or you can’t watch it. So needless to say that my childhood Superbowl experiences weren’t anything to write home about, especially since I never could truly enjoy the big game as it is supposed to be enjoyed.

Once I got thrown out of my mom’s house I was able to at least enjoy the Superbowl when it came to food quality. I found the joys of beer, Doritos with salsa, wings, and all the other great foods that are often associated with the great game. One year while I was in college the seafood guy in the grocery store I worked at, decided it would be a good idea to drain the live lobster tank and clean it out. But the dumb fuck forgot to check to make sure that he had the salt water mix to fill the tank again, which we did not have. So he had to steam all the lobsters and sell them off CHEAP. So I put six lobsters in the back cooler (they were $5 each for a whole lobster) and kept them until I got off before game time so I could enjoy them. When I got them home I threw their red asses on the grill to heat them up and melted some butter. It was the best Superbowl food moment I have ever had. I ate six whole lobsters with a baked potato, melted butter, and a 12 pack of beer. I was living the High Life (if you don’t know that where that term comes from then you need to watch more beer commercials).

As I got older, got married and had kids my Superbowl Sunday consisted of cooking tons of food at home. Homemade queso cheese dip with breakfast sausage mixed in, mini sausages cooked in the crock pot with bbq sauce, wings, pizza rolls, celery sticks, mini carrots with homemade ranch dip, a big ass cheese ball and crackers, and tons of other stuff were on the table for the game. We would all get together and have family and friends over for the game the delicious food that we would serve.

Now that I am divorced, not much has changed. I still have friends and family over to watch the game. I even have my ex over for the game as well (hey someone has to cook all the food). Me, my kids, and my brother all congregate in the living room with heaps of food to watch the game. And that is exactly what I will be doing this Sunday. I even set up another tv in the house for my kids to watch Animal Planet as they have the “Puppy Bowl”.

I also watch all of the Superbowl commercials as they are usually pretty damn funny. If you have never watched the commercials that air during the Superbowl, then there is something wrong with you. Watch them. Seriously, almost all of them are really funny.

The most important thing to Superbowl Sunday is the damn game in and of itself. Most years of my life my Pittsburgh Steelers have not been in the Superbowl. But they are in the game this year which means my smoke breaks will all be during the commercials so I will most likely miss the commercials. If this Superbowl with my team is anything like the one from two years ago, then I will be screaming and yelling and cussing to the tv telling it “get your fat fucking ass to the endzone” (actually what I said when James Harrison was in the middle of his 100 yard td interception return 2 years ago). Needless to say I love this game and my team. And this year both my team and this game are one and the same.

I guess what I am saying to you is that my Superbowl traditions are to have a lot of very unhealthy food, have friends and family over, and enjoy the game. Plain and simple is best for me since I am a fairly simple guy who is easily pleased. Even if you don’t like football or the teams in the Superbowl, you should partake in this holy day of American sports.