A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Superbowl Traditions

Well it is the week before the Superbowl here in America, and to honor the holiest of days in my world (ie Superbowl Sunday) I will make all my posts this week Superbowl related. And this post is about my Superbowl traditions.

When I was a kid my whole Superbowl experience consisted of watching the game and eating whatever fucking concoxition (boiled crap soup-what kid wants to eat that shit) that my mother would make as family and friends of the family would be over. But that was not the great part of the day, the great part of the day consisted of me mixing drinks (scotch on the rocks) for my drunken dad. So I never really got to enjoy the games very much as a kid since I was playing bartender.

After my parents got divorced my Superbowl experience was limited to me making food for the game with whatever my mom had in the house. And since my mother hates football, well she never felt it was worth the $100 worth of food to get all of the good stuff for the game. She would make shit like baked fish with rice and broccoli. Who eats healthy food for the Superbowl? The Superbowl by-laws clearly dictate that you have to eat artery clogging foods with the game or you can’t watch it. So needless to say that my childhood Superbowl experiences weren’t anything to write home about, especially since I never could truly enjoy the big game as it is supposed to be enjoyed.

Once I got thrown out of my mom’s house I was able to at least enjoy the Superbowl when it came to food quality. I found the joys of beer, Doritos with salsa, wings, and all the other great foods that are often associated with the great game. One year while I was in college the seafood guy in the grocery store I worked at, decided it would be a good idea to drain the live lobster tank and clean it out. But the dumb fuck forgot to check to make sure that he had the salt water mix to fill the tank again, which we did not have. So he had to steam all the lobsters and sell them off CHEAP. So I put six lobsters in the back cooler (they were $5 each for a whole lobster) and kept them until I got off before game time so I could enjoy them. When I got them home I threw their red asses on the grill to heat them up and melted some butter. It was the best Superbowl food moment I have ever had. I ate six whole lobsters with a baked potato, melted butter, and a 12 pack of beer. I was living the High Life (if you don’t know that where that term comes from then you need to watch more beer commercials).

As I got older, got married and had kids my Superbowl Sunday consisted of cooking tons of food at home. Homemade queso cheese dip with breakfast sausage mixed in, mini sausages cooked in the crock pot with bbq sauce, wings, pizza rolls, celery sticks, mini carrots with homemade ranch dip, a big ass cheese ball and crackers, and tons of other stuff were on the table for the game. We would all get together and have family and friends over for the game the delicious food that we would serve.

Now that I am divorced, not much has changed. I still have friends and family over to watch the game. I even have my ex over for the game as well (hey someone has to cook all the food). Me, my kids, and my brother all congregate in the living room with heaps of food to watch the game. And that is exactly what I will be doing this Sunday. I even set up another tv in the house for my kids to watch Animal Planet as they have the “Puppy Bowl”.

I also watch all of the Superbowl commercials as they are usually pretty damn funny. If you have never watched the commercials that air during the Superbowl, then there is something wrong with you. Watch them. Seriously, almost all of them are really funny.

The most important thing to Superbowl Sunday is the damn game in and of itself. Most years of my life my Pittsburgh Steelers have not been in the Superbowl. But they are in the game this year which means my smoke breaks will all be during the commercials so I will most likely miss the commercials. If this Superbowl with my team is anything like the one from two years ago, then I will be screaming and yelling and cussing to the tv telling it “get your fat fucking ass to the endzone” (actually what I said when James Harrison was in the middle of his 100 yard td interception return 2 years ago). Needless to say I love this game and my team. And this year both my team and this game are one and the same.

I guess what I am saying to you is that my Superbowl traditions are to have a lot of very unhealthy food, have friends and family over, and enjoy the game. Plain and simple is best for me since I am a fairly simple guy who is easily pleased. Even if you don’t like football or the teams in the Superbowl, you should partake in this holy day of American sports.


  1. Well, you could always take a smokie treat sabbatical during the game so you don't miss the game or the commercials. I do care about the commercials and have no idea what I'll be feeding us since we don't have any food traditions surrounding the superbowl. However the meatballs and homemade queso dip sound pretty damn enticing.

  2. Excellent post! as usual...

    my SB traditions are the same as yours except my team(S) (lions) have never been and (jets) only once..

    but i drink.a.lot. and eat a bunch of artery clogging food!!!

    Bruce Johnson JADIP
    Evil Twin
    stupid stuff I see and hear
    The Dreamodeling Guy
    The Guy Book
    The Guy Book

  3. Mmmm queso dip.

    I'm not a football fan, but I do love attending football parties. The excitement, the food and the company are usually off the hook.

    Here's to wishing you a fabulous Super Bowl Sunday!

  4. Here we go Steelers, Here we goooooooooo.
    Steelers are going to the Super Bowl!

    I myself will be eating copious amounts of junk food, drinking too much and cheering on the Steelers!

    Happy Super Bowl Week!

  5. @ Semi, If I do that I will have a stroke. And meatballs and queso sounds great.

    @ Bruce, you have it right.

    @ Sam, you don't have to be a fan to enjoy the game and day.

    @ Krystle, You have the right plan. Love it.

  6. funny - I had to laugh at the idea of you eating broccoli for Superbowl.

  7. DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!!!!!!!!!!!! I miss super bowl parties, screaming at football games, eating shittons of crappy for you food and the entire tradition. I married an ubber geek and haven't had or been to a super bowl party in 17 years. I can't travel. but I have a huge house ( although very dirty) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE bring everyone and all your goodies here, and watch it with me on this HUGE FREAKING TV ( that has only seen nova). The kids have a rec room and a few acres to play on, you can smoke in the house so you wont miss commercials. PLEASE DUDE, PLEASE SAVE ME.

  8. i have a superbowl tradition too! it's called work.

    superbowl is always slammed for us, everyone wants strippers for their half time show. which means i am driving for the first half of the game, taking off my clothes and punching people out for half time, then for the second half of the game, i am driving home again, with my tips and my sore knuckles.

    sigh. the trials and tribulations of celebrity. i tell you.

  9. I used to hate football. About five years ago I started getting into it and now I'm a football nut. Pre-fandom, my tradition was to play Zelda all day long on a separate TV and just watch the commercials. Now I both play, alternating with others and watching the game.

    Course now I just want to add lobster to the mix.

  10. @ David, that is exactly the type of shit my mom would cook for the Superbowl. I like both fish and broccoli but not on Superbowl Sunday for fucks sake.

    @ Peachy, if you lived closer I would come and rescue you from the boredom of geekhood. And if my team was not playing I would come, but since my team is playing I am getting drunk and not going anywhere near a car on Sunday.

    @ Kage, thank you for all that you do. You take one for the team each year and I appreciate that.

    @ TS, nothing wrong with Zelda or the Superbowl. You have combined two great loves of my life into one event. You need a day dedicated to you for your genius.

  11. I love watching the Super Bowl even though we don't usually have a party. But yes, the food and the commercials and of course the football all make it special. (Even though my team got totally f-ed and didn't make it in. So now I hope the Steelers put it to the Packers hard!) I had to laugh when you mentioned the Puppy Bowl because that's what my daughter watches while we're watching the game!

  12. Shit, that's coming up soon?!?!! I better start stalking up on pepperoni.

  13. Whoa....wait a minute? OT, you don't have a DVR or Tevo or anything so you can pause the game for smoke breaks?? You better come watch the game at my house. ;o) Oh, but bring your ex so she can make all the food.

  14. @ Hannah, it can be a small party. Hell my party this year will be a total of 5 people. All blood related. And thanks for cheering for my team. And I love me some puppy bowl as well.

    @ Kev, yes it is this Sunday. And yes you had better prepare.

    @ Heather, I am poor. No scratch that, I am PO. I don't have money for those fancy gadgets.

  15. I am definitely coming to your house for the super bowl. All of that sounds delicious!

  16. the superbowl feels wierd to me this year. For one, it is the first time it's here in dallas... growing up i always watched and it was always someplace I had never been like new orleans or florida and it seemed like some far off thing. well this year, it's right down the road. In fact, the steeler just got here a couple of hours ago, and they are staying at a hotel about 15 miles from my place.. The packer are coming in a couple of hours and they are staying at a hotel like 3 miles from my house. It is wierd having all of the superbowl stuff so close to home. So enjoy watching the game and know I'm right down the road, watching it too.


  17. You've hit it right on the head my friend. Add to that some little smokey sausages with bacon wrapped around them and enough booze to make sure I hit auto purge at some point during the night, and I'm a happy camper...

  18. Superbowl Sunday what a great American tradition. My early memories of this was when we had just moved to the U.S. and my parents would host a SB party for the neighbors, why I don,'t know. All I remember is sneaking off with a 12 pack of High Life and saying to myself "I love America"
    Now it's the 1 day a year to tell you cardiologist to piss off, I like you eat as much shite on that holiest of holy days. I also sit and scratch stuff in open view
    Hope you enjoy yer feas
    Cheers, Sasuage...

  19. You sound as excited as a kid at Christmas. And I just know there will be a tale or two tell after your joyous festivities. Can't wait to read all about it.


  20. @ Emily, sure come on down. Just bring beer.

    @ Amber, you should really go check out the stuff that the NFL puts on. They should have a huge fan exhibit set up somewhere with stuff for fans and kids to do. I know they did that back in 2002 when Houston hosted the Superbowl.

    @ Pat, I will have to add those to the menu.

    @ Sausage, I am glad to see you learned the American way early in life. And yes it is the perfect day to tell your cardiologist to piss off.

    @ Empress, yes I am excited as a kid on Christmas. You should see how excited I will be if my teams wins it.

  21. Geez, you have my mouth watering now. This is exactly why I decided my diet or healthy eating plan was going on the back-burner until after the Super Bowl. I could have avoided a big event and gorging if our Steelers weren't in it. Once they beat Baltimore, I said, "Oh, hell. This isn't going to work if we get to the big game." Glad I have Monday off because I plan on eating all afternoon and drinking all night. :) Btw, great plan for a week worth of Super Bowl posts!

    Here we go, Steelers. Here we go!

  22. yummy food and great post as always

  23. Effin yum! Very nice post.


  24. @ Krissy, I always start a diet after the Superbowl. It is pointless for me to diet in January with all the playoff games, bowl games, and then the Superbowl. Well I am glad you like my evil little plan, check back everyday of the week for another great Superbowl post.

    @ Becca, thank you.

    @ LA, thank you as well.

  25. Way back when Houston had a good football team, it was the Steelers that blocked us from getting to the Superbowl.

  26. Dude I'm so hungry reading your SB history. Especially once you were in control of your own menu. Baked fish and broccoli? Ewwww!!!!

  27. My stomach hurts just thinking about 6 lobsters...you are insane. Delicious but insanity. We have never done much for the Super Bowl, not being football people, but I've been to plenty of parties and LOVE the food and getting into the game. When I'm around people who are passionate about the teams in it or football itself I get excited and it always makes it more fun. Can't wait to hear all about your Super Bowl this year...hopefully it's a happy blog! :-)

  28. My favorite Super Bowl weekend memory:
    My three brothers came to visit me in Maine on Friday back in the 90s. We spent the evening imbibing and, when we stooped to drinking cooking wine vinegar and pickle juice in my fridge, we visited a friend's house. When we finished her beer, we raided the fridge of her neighbor, who was out of town. When the sun finally came up, we did the next logical thing. Go have pancakes. Or eggs. Or cheeseburgers. Whatever.
    After an eight hour nap, we visited an upscale gentleman's club (aka Booby Bar). We were shocked-shocked!-that there was nudity. OK, not really.
    Oh, the Super Bowl? The Redskins were in it. My wife made lasagna and garlic bread. The four of us were asleep by halftime. I'm not sure who won, but it was a fun weekend.
    Enjoy the Steelers!!

  29. Six...lobsters??

    You sir, are a king among men!


  30. "beer, Doritos with salsa, wings"

    You know, I had no idea that any other food existed other than these three staples until I read this post. Teach me.

  31. @ Jen, that is true. I remember going to watch my Steelers play in the Dome.

    @ Copyboy, thank you. I can't believe my mom made eat that shit. NASTY.

    @ Jewels, yes SIX lobsters. It was the best meal I have ever had. And you should go to someones house for the game.

    @ Al, that is the best kind of Superbowl.

    @ Hed, yes six lobsters. It cost me $30 bucks for all six. Hell yea I bought them and ate them.

    @ Dr, Stick around and I will teach you all about food.

  32. I gave up a bit early this year but we still watch the Superbowl and will be cheering for the packers to get creamed! we are Viking Fans. We are just having a small group too. Have fun and if it wont get you into trouble post some pic's(please).

  33. Well, the Broncos are worse than ever this year, but at least I have the Superbowl to look forward to. Always a new chance to try out some fun recipes, stuff myself retarded, and drink until the million dollar commercials are funny.

  34. @ Marsha, thanks for you support. I will try and take some pictures and post them next week.

    @ Beer, yes they are down, but they do have hope for the future. And "stuff yourself retarded" is a new one. I like that phrase, and that is what I plan on doing all weekend long.

  35. You have me salivating. I mean, those brawny men in their tight fitting uniforms getting all sweaty...lobster sounds good too.

  36. @ Robyn, I don't think that they have to be "brawny" for you to be salivating.

  37. Oh, how I LOVE football. I live and breathe it. My Dallas Cowboys had an unfortunate year *cough, choke, sigh*

    Hope your Steelers win for you! :)

    I'm reeeeaaalllly looking forward to NASCAR...not long and it's the Daytona 500--bring it on boys!!!

  38. @ Frisky, I would have loved to see the Steelers vs the Cowboys. I wanted that all season long, but it didn't happen.

  39. Excellent pieces. Keep posting such kind of information on your blog. I really impressed by your blog.
    Super Bowl Commercials 2012


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