A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Years

I doubt any of you will not be sober enough to read this, but I just wanted to say Happy New Years to all of my followers. I hope you had a good night filled with lots of alcohol and explosives followed by a day of rest filled with great college football games.

I celebrated New Years Eve with my brother and a couple of friends that we had over. We grilled steaks, shrimp, shish kabobs, and baked potatoes. We drank some expensive imported beers and mixed drinks and had a good time. I may or may not have gotten a little too drunk and said some offensive shit (which always happens when I drink).

Since my kids were at their grandparents still, we did not buy any explosives to set off. You see most years I go Clark Griswald over board and buy a ton shit to blow up (ie fireworks). Normally the kids and I go to a part of town where it is deserted and fireworks are allowed. And we proceed to blow shit up and the night does not end until one of us either burns ourselves or we run out of fireworks. I guess I will have to wait until next New Years Eve to do some fireworks with the kids.

My love affair with explosives started when I was a pot smoking junior high kid. We used to buy hundreds of dollars of fireworks and have a fireworks war. I would take a poster tube (back in the 80’s when you bought a poster it came in a poster tube-shows how old I am) and super glue a bike handle bar grip to it and I had an instant bazooka. So I would take a bottle rocket, light the fuse, and drop it in the tube, and aim it at my favorite friends. Needless to say we used to have a lot of fun injuring ourselves with poster tube bazookas and roman candles. We were doing shit that was crazy like the cast of Jackass did before Jackass came about.

I also don’t do New Year’s resolutions. I mean it all starts out innocently enough with hopes of doing something and then before you know it is MLK day and you have already fucked up. So what’s the point in doing them in the first place you know. Oh well.

So enjoy your Saturday, nurse your hang over by drinking more of the dog that bite you last night, eat some food, and watch football. Because that is exactly what I will be doing all day, and then some by watching college football. My favorite team Penn State is playing Florida, so hopefully they will kick their ass and make me happy while I am hung-over on the couch in my boxers (I seem to do that a lot lately).

So Happy New Years all of you readers of Oilfield Trash.


  1. I plan on dropping down in front of the couch shortly and not getting up until the last football game is over. Hang over or not (this year it's pretty mild) this is always one of my favorite days of the year. Go Joe Pa!


  2. Blow that shit up! Sounds like Bubba the Love Sponge (radio guy) listen to him?

    Growing up in Canada, I never did this. We did however once have an ice cube war with one team on the roof of our house and one team on the ground. It was awesome until our neighbor rated us out and called my mom at work. Haha, you should have seen her come screeching around the corner Dukes of Hazard style (you're not the only one who's not so young anymore).

    Maybe you & the twins can blow shit up on Valentines?

    Enjoy watching that foozeball!

  3. well, i tried to read this last night when i was still blotto, but damn blogger said this was a bad link...

    if you have the luxury of a real fire pit, you can make abottle rocket self igniting cannon. it is pretty cool.

    1. get a rip-roaring fire
    2. insert a 5 foot piece of black (iron) pipe into the coal bed.
    3. support pipe with a y'ed stick at some aribtrary (close to 76.5 degrees)angle.
    4. allow pipe in coals to heat, time of heating depends on hot hot the coals are.
    5. drop in as many bottle rockets as you deem safe/necessary.
    6. stand back and watch the explosions.

    the heat from the pipe automatically heats the fuse and the bottle rockets ignite ..

    this works for around 30 minutes after it reaches the proper temp, and then it gets os hot in the coals that they just explode in the bottom.

    fyi copper pipe only works for about 5 minutes and then it is so hot it starts to collapse. do not grasp hot end of pipe. use sturdy leather gloves. we usually cool the pipe in a snow bank, and start all over!

    i may or may not know this from experience.

    bruce johnson jadip
    stupid stuff i see and hear
    Bruce’s guy book
    the guy book

  4. I was sober enough! And I got laid. Can you say that? ;)

  5. @ Simpledude, I agree with you. I am doing the same thing.

    @ Sharaf, thanks. Happy New Year to yo uas well.

    @ Nikki, I am glad I am not the only old fart around here. And that story sounds hilarious. Ice cube wars, that is one I will have to try. And we can't do fireworks on Valentines as they quit selling them here in my state yesterday.

    @ Bruce, I will have to keep that idea in mind the next time I get the urge for explosives.

    @ Georgia, I plead the 5th. To both.

  6. Hellz Yeah!! We have a closet full of fireworks. It's all because of me....and the potsmoking teenage days is what fueled that addiction. (My fiancee was always such a good geek till he met me.mwhahaha)
    We're watching www.drinkingmadeeasy.com and drinking beer to cure our hangover.

  7. Despite the copious amounts of cocktails consumed last night, I am indeed sober enough to read your post. Very glad I did as all the fireworks talk reminded me of a time when I was a kid. One spoiled cousin of ours had a brillant mom who decided that since it was windy outside that her kid should be allowed to set off fireworks INSIDE the barn. Well, you can imagine how well that turned out. My brother came home from visiting the shallow end of our family gene pool only to happily proclaim that "they burned down the barn" over the weekend. Apparently smoke bombs, firecrackers, bottle rockets and hay do not make a good combination...

    Happy New Year and hope you enjoy your lazy day of football today.


  8. Yeah I quit smoking last night so...uh ..i dont do resolutions either.....im smoking right now..:)
    happy new year!

  9. Was watching on TV how some people here in South Africa blew up a couple of fingers from fooling around with fireworks. Not a great start to the year at all!


  10. @ Galore, I am glad to know I am not in alone in my pot filled youth exploits. And that sounds fun.

    @ Empress, I am not shocked by that story as I have heard other similar stories like that.

    @ Major, I agree they don't work.

    @ Mthoko, every year I hear of similar stories from here as well. Thanks for stopping by.

  11. Happy new year, Oilfield. Thanks for the assured dose of entertainment with every visit to your blog.

  12. @ Robyn, thank you for your continued reading of my blog. I am glad that you enjoy my twisted sense of humor.

  13. I, for one, support any team that kicks the collective ass of the Florida Gators. (Seminole, me.)

    Hope you enjoyed your sofa-filled Saturday.

    - B x

  14. Happy New Years you explosive fool you.

  15. I'm guessing folks don't argue with the offensive shit when you are clutching a load of explosives. Call it a hunch. Hope NYE was good.

  16. @ Barreness, well my team lost to Florida. But I like you hate Florida.

    @ Copyboy, thanks. Happy New Year to you as well. You need to go back and read my post on Hostage Santa that you inspired.

    @ David, no folks don't argue about anything at all when you are holding fireworks.

  17. I hope you have a very Happy New Year as well. I also admit that I don't do the Resolution thing, generally because I apply myself to what needs get done. That aside, fireworks are always a blast (esp. the ones that go boom). :)

  18. @ Game, thank you. Happy New Year to you as well. And I agree, spend time of stuff that actually needs to get done.

  19. Wow, that brought back memories. I haven't done fireworks in years, but I loved it when we were kids.

    Enjoy your day on the couch. I gotta wait till next week to "watch" my LSU Tigers in the Cotton Bowl. I say "watch" because we don't get the game here so I basically just get to watch the score on my iPhone. Geaux Tigers!

  20. @ Cajun, yes it brought back memories for me as well.

    And I am waiting for that game as well. I am leaving work early so I can watch that game. You should check out www.espn3.com and see if that game is being shown on there.

    And I was at the LSU-Penn State game last year, and if this upcoming game is as good as last years it will be a great game.

  21. i tried to open this last night too, but couldn't ;(

    happy new year, oilfield daddy :)

  22. Wow! What a fantastic menu!

    I remember all about the poster-tube explosives.

    You didn't make anything else out of those tubes, did you?

    Happy New Year!


  23. @ Kage, Happy New Year to you as well.

    @ Pearl, yes the food was delicious. And the poster tubes had 2 uses when I was growing up. Launching explosives and hitting my younger brother with. I did not need to figure out any further uses for them as the first 2 uses usually destroyed the tubes eventually.

  24. Happy New Year. Sounds like you had yourself a good time. I am sure there will be plenty of opportunities to blow stuff up in 2011. :-)

  25. We used to have bottle rocket and roman candle wars. I'm amazed I still have all my fingers and can see (kind of) out of both eyes.

  26. A very Happy filled New Year to you and I hope Penn State won :)

  27. @ Jewels, yes thank you. I sure hope so.

    @ Jen, I agree with you. I am shocked none of my friends or myself are not missing limbs.

    @ Marsy, thank you. My team lost but it was a good game so I was happy.

  28. Great post! In a little town close to where I live (Seal Beach), there used to a bottle rocket war every fourth of July. (gotta find photos). Anyway, there would be a hundreds of people shooting these things at each other.
    Good times!

  29. @ Pat, thank you. That place sounds like some where I need to visit sometime as I would have fun there.


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