A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Please Don’t Cut That Dick

Sometimes I read news stories on the internet and just ask myself, what is wrong with people.

I read a story earlier this year about a guy in San Francisco who wants to ban circumcisions on males under the age of 18. His reasons are that it is cruel, painful (I don’t remember since I was a baby), and leads to sexual dysfunction (on a side note I have been cut and I have ZERO problems at all with “performance”). And to get the ball rolling on his movement, he had to gather 7,000 signatures to have his idea put on the ballot for a vote before the entire city.

Just last week I read an update to the original story in which the guy in San Francisco has gotten the required 7,000 signatures needed to get it put on the ballot. So sometime in the near future during the next election in San Francisco, the voters will decide whether or not to ban circumcision. If the measure passes in the election, it would make circumcision illegal (a misdemeanor) and punishable by a $1,000 fine and up to a year in jail.
Now everyone is entitled to their opinion, I mean my blog is full of all my opinions in and of itself but I have to say something about this.

I can understand wanting to save all of the penises in the world from cutting, but aren’t there more pressing issues facing San Francisco? Issues like crime, illegal immigrants, drug use, homelessness, illiteracy, suicide, how bad the 49ers suck, and budget shortfalls all seem like things that are more important issues than circumcision. How about solving all of those problems before taking up this issue?

Never mind the fact that is not even a nationwide effort, if passed it would only be law in San Francisco. People who still want to have their son cut just simply have to drive across the bay to Oakland to have the procedure done.

Now I am not for or against this measure, but it just seems silly to me since San Francisco has a lot of other issues and problems that should be fixed/adressed before messing with dicks. Even more silly considering you can just drive to another city to have it done outside of San Francisco.

I wonder if this passes and the city has to implement the law, what will they call the poor sap that has to go around check on this. What will his job title be? Inspector Foreskin?

Friday, May 27, 2011

The Cheatinator

By now everyone on the planet knows that Arnold Schwarzenegger cheated on his wife around 15 years ago with his house keeper and fathered a child with the woman.

Now I don’t condone this cheating behavior at all, especially since just about every woman I have ever dated has been a cheater.

Cheating is nothing new here at all and has been going on forever. But there is a new trend in cheating that I am seeing which is quite disturbing.

This trend is men (and women) cheating on their spouse with ugly people. I mean have you seen the woman that Arnold cheated with? I couldn’t get my dick hard to fuck her if you gave me a 2000 pound Viagra.

I know Maria Shriver looks nasty now, but she is still way better looking than the fat cow he banged.

Why is it that all (or most) cheaters are caught cheating with someone uglier than the person they are with? If you are going to cheat and possibly end a relationship, shouldn’t you try and go up the ladder and not down the ladder? You know make it worth it.

Every woman who has ever cheated on me banged an ugly fat dude. That fact pissed me off more than the actual cheating did.

How many people got mad when it came out that JFK cheated on Jackie? Exactly, no one got mad. Why did no one get mad, because JFK banged Marilyn Monroe and he cheated up not down. That is why.

Do you think that there would have been hearings in Congress if Bill Clinton had banged Jenifer Aniston instead of an ugly intern? I am pretty sure there wouldn’t have been.

When will this madness of bumping uglies ever end?

And ladies before you get mad and torch me, this was purely satire and sarcasm. I hate cheaters as much as the next person since I have been cheated on a lot.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

A Blog For The Menfolk

Back in January I tried to post a rather hot video of Natalie Portman from the lesbian scene in the movie “Black Swan”. Well I posted the post and sometime shortly after the video was yanked from the internets.

I felt really bad about this and letting all of you men out there down.

So to make up for it, I give you this lovely little blog called Guess Her Muff. It is a nice blog that a friend of mine sent me where it shows you are picture of a woman dressed in normal clothes and you silently guess to yourself whether she is hairy, trimmed, landing strip, or completely bald down below.

All you have to do is click on the link for see answer “here” and a new tab will open up for you to see if your guess was correct.

It goes without saying that this blog is NOT SAFE FOR WORK or for people under the age of 18.

Ladies I am sure there is a blog like this out there for you with pictures of men on it, but I am not searching for it just for you.

Men, you can thank me later after you go through the hundreds of guesses.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Texas Chainsaw Massacre, No Really

A few weeks ago here in Houston, the Houston Police department found a dead man’s body outside of a home. Now I know this is not an uncommon occurrence here in Houston, or in any other big city for that matter.

What was strange here is that the dead man’s head was missing. And the dead man was also missing one of his arms.

Not too far from the body was a large plastic bag containing the missing head and the missing arm.

Also not too far away from the dead body was a bloody chainsaw. Yes I did just say a bloody chainsaw.

Apparently according to the initial news reports, “The victim’s identity has not been released. Police don’t know what led to the man’s death.” Don’t know what led to the man’s death? I am pretty fucking sure he didn’t commit suicide. Could it be possible that the chainsaw might have had something to do with his death? What the paper should have written is, “Police are unsure of the motive for this murder at this time.” I guess they will let anyone write for my local paper these days.

Since the initial news reports have come out, it was determined that the victims best friend and roommate shot the victim twice in the head after a disagreement (insert ghetto reason why-drugs, women, Call of Duty-Black Ops, last slice of leftover pizza eaten, etc). And then at some point the suspect used the chainsaw to cut up the body.

The reason for the suspect to cut up the victim was that the suspect was a very small man and could not move the body of the victim as the victim weighed close to 400 pounds. So the suspect procured a chainsaw and proceeded to carve up the body to make it easier to dispose of. And at some point in time someone saw the body and called police.

The suspect has been charged with enough charges to keep him busy having hot prison sex for the rest of his life.

Now maybe it is just me but the suspect should have thought about the size of his roommate before killing him. Although I do give him kudos for actually trying to get rid of the body in a creative way since he gave me something to write about on Wednesday morning.

Why does it always seem like weird shit like this only happens here in Texas?

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Depression Is Normal, Right?

I wish they made a pill for depression.

What is that you say? Oh they already make pills for depression; well shit I guess I am late to the self help game.

No I wish they made a pill for depression that did not have side effects. All of the pills out on the market today have strong side effects which are worse than the actual depression. You know the side effects I am talking about where the pills give you chest pain (as if you didn’t already have it from anxiety), loss of appetite (as if you could eat anyways), loss of sex drive (if you were getting laid you wouldn’t be depressed right?), insomnia (like you didn’t already have trouble sleeping), gas with an oily discharge (nothing cheers you up like half ass shitting yourself), and suicidal thoughts (isn’t this what you were trying to avoid in the first place).

All jokes aside, I am depressed. I have been depressed for a while for a multitude of reasons that I won’t bore you with. Suffice to say I think I need a vacation. A vacation away from all adult responsibility.

I think I need to look into making a new pill for depression. A pill with no side effects and can tap into already existing problems that I have. You know a pill that could encourage my inner procrastinator side and make me put off my depression for another day. I think I could make a lot of money off of that idea.

Till then I wish they just had this pill below. Yes I know this picture is really old, but it is still funny to me.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Little Fire Fighter

I was too lazy busy over the weekend to sit down and actually do some really good creative writing for all of you. So you will have to live with this nice little joke that I got in an email from a friend of mine. I hope you enjoy it.

A fire fighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a fire fighters helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. “That sure is a nice fire truck,” the fire fighter said with admiration.

“Thanks,” the girl replied. 

The fire fighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

“Little partner,” the fire fighter said, “I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.”

The little girl replied thoughtfully, “You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.”

Have a great Monday and I will try to write something good for you tonight when and if I ever get out of work.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Do It For The Kids Roger Goodell!

In case you were not aware of it, there is a lockout right now in the NLF. This lock out means that none of the players are getting paid right now, and there may or may not be an NFL football season next year.

The NFL Players and the NFL Owners are in a fight over you guessed it, money. The two sides can’t come to an agreement on how rich they will both become in the future. I really could care less if there is or isn’t an NFL season in 2011 as there will still be college and high school football for me to go and see in person and watch on tv.

This lockout and work stoppage will not really hurt the owners or the players much as they are both rich already. I am more worried about the average people that this lockout will hurt. You know the cheerleaders, the score board operators, the beer vendors, and merchandise vendors, the guys working the chain gang, the referees, the ticket takers, and everyone else involved in the game without a million dollar contract. That is who I am worried about as those people have real bills to pay as well.

But as sad as it is that those people I listed above going without paychecks are, the real victims here are the children. Yes I said the children are the victims here. You see a lot of these NFL players have kids and need to pay child support. And with the lock out here, these players don’t get paid so in turn the baby mommas out there aren’t getting paid. And that means the children will starve.

Take the New York Jets defensive back Antonio Cromartie who has nine kids that he needs to pay child support for. Yes I said NINE kids. With eight different women. Yes I said he has NINE kids with EIGHT different women. On a side note, I know my vasectomy surgery story is world famous, but damn dude you are losing half of your money each year. It might have been worth it in hindsight.

I am not sure what state or states his child support is under but in Texas, that would mean no less than 40% of his after tax salary would go to be divided up for child support. So with his 2010 salary of $1.7 million dollars would mean that each kid would get around $45,000 a year tax free.

One of the women he owes child support to was brave enough to speak to the media about it. She is a nurse in California and says without the money she won’t be able to pay for child care. A nurse makes around $30,000 or so and with that and another $45,000 a year tax free you can’t make ends meat? Honey you are making some bad choices with your cash. Hell if men could get knocked up and have a kid to collect $45,000 a year tax free I would so be in that line because I could live the high life with $45,000 tax free.

So Roger Goodell you need to get an agreement in place so the lock out is over and these players can get paid and in turn pay those baby mommas so these kids don’t starve. Remember it is all about the children.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Fat Ho Burgers

One of the good things about hard economic times is that it gives rise to new business started up by people who think outside of the box.

One such business is in Waco, Texas and it is a new burger joint. The name of the new burger joint is “Fat Ho Burgers”.

The New Joint

The lady who started the new burger joint wanted a cool name for her place and also something that you will never forget. Well mission accomplished with the name Miss Evans.

Miss Evans also picked the name of the place as a joke to lighten the mood during such hard times in Texas. “The economy is bad. Somebody gotta keep a sense of humor around here.”

Miss Evans

According the news site where I read this story, business there is doing great. And if Waco was not so far away from me, I would come in and get the “super fly ho with cheese” and a “tiny ho” meal for each of my kids.

My hat is off to you Miss Evans for standing up in the middle of a recession and in the bible belt of Texas (who protested over the name of the place) and coming up with a creative name for your burger joint. I hope your business is a huge success.

A Fat Ho Customer

Edited To Add: Some of you asked for their website with the menu, so here you go.

And some of you also asked if they sold stuff (like t-shirts) and apparently they do see stuff and you can get it here.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Great Moments In Self Humiliation

Have you ever hidden something around the house and forgot about it? Only to have one of your kids find it? No I am not talking about Christmas or birthday gifts or something innocent like that. I am talking about something a little more personal.

I am sure many women have had their plastic vibrating “massager” end up being found by their kids. I know for a fact quite a few stoners (friends of mine) have had their bongs stumbled upon by their kids.

Do you see where I am going with this?

The other night my son and I were in my room watching the movie “2012” before going to bed. I was lying on my bed and my son was sitting at my desk. Out of now where my son started going through the drawers of my desk. A few minutes later he pulls out a jar of this and asks me what it is.

If you do not know what that bottle is, it is a bottle of “lube”.

Thank god I have quick wits and I was able to quickly answer him within milliseconds.

“That is a special lotion that you rub on sore muscles”.

My son responds back, “Ah ok. Is this what you bought when you pulled your back muscles a couple of months ago?”

I responded back with, “Yes sir, now it is time for bed so off you go.”

I really need to find a better hiding spot for that little bottle. And I also need to put a better lock on my bedroom door so there is a ZERO PERCENT chance he could ever walk in on me. I would really hate to hear my son ask me if I pulled a muscle in my “bendy hose”.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Commenter’s Award And Pay It Forward

I was recently given another couple of awards.

The first award is "The Kickass Commentor Award" which was given to me by Pencilgirl. She gave me the award because I always comment on her blog. Thank you to Pencilgirl, and please go check out her blog if you haven't already.

And in turn I am giving this award to all of you who comment on my blog.

I was also recently given another award as well. I was given the “Good Bloggers Pay It Forward” award by Random Girl.

The rule says that I have to pay it forward and pass the award onto five other bloggers. But since I am trying to pay it forward big time, I am giving this award to all of you who read and follow my blog.

So thank you Random Girl and thank you to all of you who read my blog and actually enjoy it. Please go and visit Random Girl's blog.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Hey Blogger, We Need To Talk

Dear Blogger,

We have now had a nice nine month relationship together. It has been mostly filled with fun and laughs without much of a problem.

Occasionally you have eaten my comments here and there but for the most part you have been great to me.

Last Thursday during the day you walked out on me cold turkey with no explanation. You just up and quit talking to me, why is that? I know we all need a break from time to time but you just stop talking to me with no warning. You just took off for 24 hours and left a wake of destruction in your path.

Don’t you know what you did? I lost all of the comments on my Osama Bin Laden post which was somewhere in the ballpark of 70 comments. It was one of my best posts this year. I also lost all of the comments on my post about my 250 followers where I had posted a couple of pictures of myself for the ladies. Those ladies were all stroking my umm ego.
I also lost the four or five posts that I had set up to automatically post in the future. I had a really great post about self humiliation which I will have to post again on another day. Thank goodness I write all of my posts in MS Word and save them on my hard drive. Otherwise I might have lost those posts forever and be upset.

Now that you are back I can still see the signs of the damage you have done. Other peoples post randomly show up on my list even though I have read them and commented on them.

I am not sure why you went away on your 24 hour bender, but now that you are back can you please behave in the future so my blogging experience can be great? That would be great.

Thanks a lot.

Your friend,

Oilfield Trash

Friday, May 13, 2011

Another Milestone, Another Picture

Well I recently passed the 250 follower milestone and I am doing a happy dance. I am really glad that all of you come back to read my nonsense and my ramblings all the time. I promise to keep writing about the shit that pisses me off, the messed up stuff that always and only seems to happen to me, and other stuff that amuses me.

So thank you to all of you people who always read and comment on my posts, I truly appreciate it. And thank you to all of you who are always pimping me out to others. I am tipping my hat and my beer to all of you right now.

I have noticed a lot of posts lately asking for blogging advice, so I will pass some on. I am still fairly new to blogging but I would like to give you some of what has got me this far. I write about stuff that I find funny and I always try to inject humor into my posts. I know sometimes this is hard to do with some subjects, but it can be done. I write mainly for my enjoyment, and I write about stuff that I find entertaining. So my advice to you the reader is don’t get discouraged. Write about what you want to write about and what makes you happy. Eventually people will come around to your blog as there are people who will like your style, remember birds of a feather flock together. So keep up the work and good luck.

As you may or may not know, for every 50 followers that I get, I will post a picture of myself for your enjoyment. Last time I promised a picture of me in a drunken stupor so here you go. Remember ladies I am not responsible for you puking on your keyboard, monitors, or laptops so do not send me the bill.

The picture above is from a night out I had a while back at a local pub. I had tried rather unsuccessfully to hit on a couple of women (in front of my friends) and got shot down miserably. My friends were all teasing me about it and since I was getting drunker as the night went on, I became a little “ornery” as they say. So my friends stuffed me into the “time out” booth.

And since you all have been so warm and welcoming to my blog, here is a bonus picture of me about to be in a drunken stupor.

Thank you very much for your support of my blog, and when I get to 300 followers I will come up with another entertaining picture of me.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Osama Bin Laden To Rest

It has been a little over week since it was announced that Osama Bin Laden has been killed by our military. I must say that I am glad that he has finally been killed and I hope his death brings some closure to all the families who were affected by the events on 9/11 and the war on terror. This guy was truly evil and in my mind was in the top ten of the world’s most evil people of all time along with the likes of Hitler, Stalin, Saddam, and etc.

Just like everything else under the sun, I have some opinions / thoughts / concerns about this whole shin dig. Some of you may not agree with me on some of these points, but I can’t please each of you all of the time.

The Media

The media had fucking kittens over this story and I get the fact that this was the biggest news story since 9/11 happened 10 years ago. But could you get the facts straight about it? First it was reported that Navy Seals had a 40 minute gun battle with Osama and his people and that he was killed. Then it changed to it was a 20 minute gun battle. Then they said that Osama was actively fighting back. Later it was reported that he was about to shoot one of the Navy Seals when he was shot. Later that changed to a woman lunged at the Seals and they were both shot. Then finally it was reported that Osama was unarmed and hiding behind a woman when he was shot. I mean holy cow, just once in my lifetime can the media get something right for a change?

The Pictures Of The Body

I can understand the reason why the President said he would not release the pictures in that he does not want to anger the Muslim world. But the Pakistanis already released the pictures of the bodies of the others who were killed that day. I mean if you think for one minute that by not releasing the pictures that the terrorists are all of sudden going to stop wanting to kill Americans, you are gravely mistaken. I mean the act alone of us going and killing him is enough to make others want to continue the fight against us. I mean the Democrats (who were foaming at the mouth) during Bush’s time released the pictures of the abuses at Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq and I am pretty sure those pictures were like pissing gasoline on the fire. And the pictures of Saddam and his kids when they were all killed were released as well. See my point?

I digress though, I don’t want to see the pictures myself but I don’t want any nut job conspiracy theorist to have more reasons to act and think like jackasses. I can’t stand the conspiracy theory jackasses, you know the ones who said that 9/11 was an inside job yet are the same people who said Bush was so dumb he could barely speak English. If you combine the lack of picture evidence with the fact that Osama’s body was dumped at sea, you just gave every conspiracy theorist a raging hard on. Please for the love of god shut them up once and for all with this subject as I don’t want to hear their bullshit for the rest of my life.


I hate politics and I just knew the typical bullshit politics would come into this story. Democrats are saying Obama is the greatest thing since Jesus and Republicans are silent. If Osama was found while Bush was still in office, it would be the other way around with the Republicans singing the praises and the Democrats silent. I have heard and read all kinds of things saying how Obama was a hero for ordering the mission. Really? A hero? He is “Commander In Chief” and that is his number one job to issue orders to the military. I mean Bush Jr., Clinton, Bush Sr., Reagan, Carter, and Nixon all ordered troops into combat or combat missions, that does not mean they are “heroes” as well? You know who the “heroes” are here? The members of the military who participated in this mission are the heroes. I mean no disrespect by saying that, but the president is not a hero for ordering this mission. I have a lot of respect for him now for ordering a mission to kill him using the Navy Seals instead of just dropping a bomb on that compound, but that does not make him a hero.

I don’t know (and never will know) if torture was used in getting the information that ultimately led to the finding and killing of Osama, but I am not against it if it was. I do find it mildly ironic that those people who spoke against it publicly are silent right now about it. I also find it ironic that those same people are against torture but do not have a problem with killing someone (ie Osama).

That Sunday night I actually got into a heated argument on Facebook with a fucktard who made this issue political by saying Bush let this all happen and since it happened under a Republican they are all evil. I went off on his ass reminding him that December 7, 1941 happened while a Democrat was in the White House, and you could suddenly hear the crickets. Sheesh some people really do drink the cool aid.

I mean the killing of Osama transcends politics; it is greater than either party. Just like the events of 9/11 was a greater issue than politics. Now can you sort of understand why I fucking hate politics?


For 10 years now Pakistan has been saying that none of the leaders of Al Qaida are inside of Pakistan. Is it just me or is Pakistan full of shit? I mean two of the top three Al Qaida leaders (Osama Bin Laden and Kalek Sheikh Mohammed) have been either captured or killed inside of Pakistan. Osama was living in a town of a million people of which roughly 100,000 were members of the Army. His compound was 400 yards from Pakistan’s version of West Point and yet no one knew he was there? I mean Osama only had a few people there protecting him; there was no larger force of terrorists with him. Why is that? Is it because maybe just maybe the Pakistani government or their Army was so close that they were protecting him? And why is it that with those 100,000 members of the Pakistani Army so close to the compound that not one single one of them responded to the three US helicopters which were there and the ensuing gunfight that lasted 40 minutes? Someone had to have known he was there and someone had to be helping him.

As for the Pakistani government being angry that we conducted this mission in their country, well get over it as our country is pissed off that your country has been harboring terrorists and allowing them to operate in your country. The United States gives Pakistan three billion a year in “aid” and I think it is high time to stop that flow of money to them since they have clearly been half ass in helping with the war on terror. I also think that we should send Pakistan a video of Bush’s speech after 9/11 where he said something to the effect of “we make no distinction between the terrorists and those who support them” to remind them that they need to get their damn house in order before getting angry at us for doing something they should have done a long time ago.


I don’t know about you but I was a tad bit pissed off at the people who were celebrating in front of the White House that night the news of Osama’s death was announced. Especially the people who were singing the “na na hey hey goodbye” shit I heard on tv. Now I know that most of the people who were there were college aged kids who were sipping capri suns for lunch in 5th grade when 9/11 happened. But I was old enough on 9/11 to remember seeing all the video on tv of fucktards in the Middle East partying, burning American flags, and celebrating on the day after 9/11. You people on that night in front of the White House looked to me how the people in the Middle East looked ten years ago. If I was the President I would have personally walked out of the White House and told all of those people to go the fuck home and that American’s are a better people than to celebrate the death of people like that. And why is it that no one in the government told them to leave since they are so worried about inciting violence in the Middle East? Don’t they realize how this block party would be viewed by the people overseas?

This moment was meant for private reflection, thoughts, prayers, a candle light vigil, crying, and anything but a fucking block party. If you want to have that kind of “American” moment on the steps of the White House, do it when our country wins the World Cup or wins the Gold Medal in Olympic Hockey. Then that kind of celebration would be called for.

Future Threat

Lastly I would like to remind you that the war on terror is not over with the death of Osama. Osama is just but one sprinkle on the cup cake. There are hundreds of thousands of people (if not millions of people) who wish to commit acts of terrorism against innocent people. Nothing has changed in that respect. There were nut job terrorists before Osama and there will be nut job terrorists long after Osama. Please don’t ever think for one minute that we are any safer anywhere in the world because of his death. If anything we are more at risk as his death has now given more people motivation to commit more senseless acts of blowing themselves up for the invisible friend.

Well that sums up my thoughts on the whole death of Osama Bin Laden. I am sure I rambled a bit here and it may not have made sense, but I had to get this out.

The irony is not lost on me in all of this that as much as the terrorists made Osama Bin Laden out to be such a capitalism hating badass warrior that he was killed while hiding behind a woman in house filled with Coke and Pepsi. You can’t be any more of a capitalist pussy than that right?

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The Overlord Award

I have recently been elected Overlord.

No not the Overlord above (bonus points if you know where that picture is from though), but the Overlord of the America. You see I was recently given this nice little Overlord Award by the following people:




A Daft Scots Lass

Thank you to all of you who have given me the award. And if I have forgotten anyone, please let me know.

This award comes with some rules like all the other awards. First I have to list three things I would change in the world (to be done below). Second I am supposed to pass this onto ten other bloggers (well I am the fucking Overlord now so there will be no more until I die). Lastly I am supposed to notify the people that I am passing this award onto (well I just said I am the last until I die so that ain’t happening).

So here are my three things, bear with me as they might seem long but if you are not new to my blog than you know just how I feel about these issues.

The media will go to back to reporting the actual fucking news. No more “media bias” will ever be allowed again. Reporters will report the news as it is without their “opinion”. If someone got shot, the news will report who got shot and the details about it. They will also list who did the crime and the details about them. If you reporters who shoved your head so far up your favorite political parties asshole that you have forgotten what investigative journalism is, you will be required to watch the movie “All The Kings Men” which is about how Woodward and Bernstein broke apart the “Watergate” scandal in the 1970’s. And if reporters don’t want to learn to properly report the news, they will be sent to live in China for the remainder of their lives.

People in the media (and in general) who have nothing good to say are hereby banned in this country. You know the people I am talking about, the fucktards who constantly tell you who are to blame for everything wrong in this country or in your lives. The people who insight hate speech, racism, ignorance, and spread outright lies are the people who are never allowed to speak in the public eye again. So in no special order the following people are done talking: Sean Hannity, Chris Matthews, Glen Beck, Rachel Maddow, Geraldo Rivera, Jesse Jackson, Sarah Palin, Al Sharpton, all of the bitches on The View, Al Gore, Rush Limbaugh, Keith Oberman, loud mouth sports stars, and any other nimrod who thinks they have something negative to say can all take a slow boat to the south pole.

I saved the best for last and this one might be a little long. As Overlord I will be bringing common sense back to government. I am creating a new cabinet level position with only one employee. It will be called the Department Of Common Sense and will be the highest ranking government office with all other aspects of the government first going through it. All government employees will now be friendly to the American taxpayers who pay their pay check (I got my eye on you IRS and DMV). All politicians will be required to have the exact same campaign funds and no more billion dollar elections. Politicians will no longer be bought and sold. The “lobbying” business is finished. No more combining bills upon bills (ie no more foreign aid bills to countries we don’t like along with aid to places we do like), want to give money to Libya? Make it a separate bill. No more wasteful government spending will be allowed at all (ie the $800K our stimulus money spent to teach men in Africa how to wash their dicks after sex, yes our tax dollars really were spent on this). All the business of congress will be on tv and not behind closed doors. There will be a webcam installed in the oval office to where all of America can see the President working. Every single visitor to the White House will be logged with their picture onto the web (they are supposed to do this now except for the picture part). Basically all fucking corruption in government will end. See the common sense theme here? Now I know that this common sense approach to things will possibly cost a lot of people their jobs, but just think of all of the money we would save in the long run.

And no I am not running for president. Ever. I have talked too many ladies out of their panties over the course of my lifetime and no one wants to see that story told on TMZ.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mothers Day

I just wanted to take this time to say Happy Mothers Day to all of you mothers out there. And thank you for all that you do and have done during your lives. The world would not be the same without all of you mothers out there.

I used to always joke around that this day should be celebrated by doing the act that made them a mother in the first place. Well apparently Mother Nature gets that joke. I just snapped this little picture of these two on my front porch.

Happy Mothers Day!!!

EDITED TO ADD: I went back to check on these two and the deed was over. He was asleep on the brick wall and the girl was no where to be found. So when us men ask you ladies to leave after wards, it is just in our "nature" to do so, so don't be mad. lol

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Rape Is Not The Victims Fault

Over the years we have all heard how some people have made excuses for or have justified rape. Most of these are really lame like, “she was asking for it” or “she was wearing a low cut skirt”. I have even heard stories of men whose wives won’t have sex with them and have raped them. While I can sympathize with you for being in a sexless marriage, raping your wife is not ok. Divorce her and find some skank who likes to have sex.

Basically what I am saying is that there is never a reason or an excuse to rape someone.


Back in November of 2010 in Cleveland, Texas just outside of Houston an 11 year old girl was raped. Not just raped, but raped repeatedly over the course of a month by 19 boys and men ranging in ages from middle school age to 27. It made the news both locally and nationally and has been updated over the last couple of months as more charges were added.

Some of the suspects have already pleaded guilty, some however have not. All of them are currently awaiting trial.

This story pisses me off to no end and it should piss you off as well. Even more so once I tell you some more about the case.

How could an 11 year old girl be raped repeatedly? Well apparently this girl’s parents were not at home when all of this happened. And since the police got involved because of the crime, Child Protective Services has taken the girl out of their care. DUH! I don’t know the details of how and why the parents left this girl alone, so I really can’t say much about that nor will I judge them since I don’t know the details. But it does break my heart to hear that this happened in her own home while her parents were away.

As if the rape was not bad enough in and of itself, a local “community activist” has run his mouth in the local media making all kinds of crazy statements.

The first dumb thing the “community activist” said to the media was “why are the only people charged in this crime black?” Umm maybe because that is who committed the crime? What a “defense” to rape charges that is. Never mind the fact that some of the “suspects” recorded the incidents (both pictures and video) on their cell phones and these videos and pictures made their way around schools. And said videos show the “suspects” in the act (no the videos were not released by the police commented about them). Yes in 2011 someone made this claim.

Later on the “community activist” made a comment to the effect of “this girl had posted provocative photos of herself on Facebook and she looked older.” Really? That is your defense of these 19 scumbags? I don’t give a fuck if the 11 year old girl posted a picture of herself in a bikini while hanging from a stripper pole. That is NO FUCKING EXCUSE for raping an 11 year old girl. Hell that is not even an excuse for raping any woman. And if these young men could not tell the difference between a grown woman and an 11 year old girl, then they need to be locked up for that alone. But regardless of how old she is, rape is not acceptable to do regardless of how old the victim is.

As if those “excuses” were not enough from the “community activist”, he then claimed that “he has knowledge that people of other races were involved.” Well if that is true then why did you not pass this on to the police instead of telling the news that? Don’t get me wrong, if other people were involved, the police should investigate them as well. Instead of having these young men own up their actions you are claiming racism here? That is no excuse for rape.

Before I go I will tell you that the victim is hispanic, the accused are black, and the police/law enforcement are white. Does that really matter? I don’t think so.

What matters to me is that this “community activist” has a rather LONG HISTORY of claiming racism where it does not exist. I think instead of claiming racism all the time, this “community activist” should preach the message of “you need to get an education, you need to get a job, and you should not be out committing crimes”, then just maybe there would be less crime out there. But preaching that message does not pay nearly as much as the racism gig does. And it sure does not get your face in front of the cameras for the prime time news either. Now if this “community activist” had come out and told this community, “look you can’t be raping people and committing crimes”, then I might have some respect for the guy. But alas he has not said that or anything like it.

Now you might be asking why this story pisses me off so much, and that is a really good question. I will tell you. It pisses me off so much because my daughter is the same age as this young girl who was raped. And no girl should ever have to go through this. I hope all these young men are taken to trial, convicted, and sent away for the rest of their lives for what they have done.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Zombie Road Signs

A few weeks ago I posted a nice little piece about how someone hacked into a TxDot sign in downtown Houston and changed the sign to read “Poop” and “LOL”.

Well it has apparently happened again here in the Houston area.

This time a sign on Galveston Island was hacked to read “Zombies on Mainland”.

After a thorough search by the local media no zombies were located.

No I did not do this to this sign as a way to promote my friends upcoming book release where he wrote a novel about zombies.

Sorry for my lack of posting in the last week, but work and my kids have been kicking my ass.