A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.

Friday, May 27, 2011

The Cheatinator

By now everyone on the planet knows that Arnold Schwarzenegger cheated on his wife around 15 years ago with his house keeper and fathered a child with the woman.

Now I don’t condone this cheating behavior at all, especially since just about every woman I have ever dated has been a cheater.

Cheating is nothing new here at all and has been going on forever. But there is a new trend in cheating that I am seeing which is quite disturbing.

This trend is men (and women) cheating on their spouse with ugly people. I mean have you seen the woman that Arnold cheated with? I couldn’t get my dick hard to fuck her if you gave me a 2000 pound Viagra.

I know Maria Shriver looks nasty now, but she is still way better looking than the fat cow he banged.

Why is it that all (or most) cheaters are caught cheating with someone uglier than the person they are with? If you are going to cheat and possibly end a relationship, shouldn’t you try and go up the ladder and not down the ladder? You know make it worth it.

Every woman who has ever cheated on me banged an ugly fat dude. That fact pissed me off more than the actual cheating did.

How many people got mad when it came out that JFK cheated on Jackie? Exactly, no one got mad. Why did no one get mad, because JFK banged Marilyn Monroe and he cheated up not down. That is why.

Do you think that there would have been hearings in Congress if Bill Clinton had banged Jenifer Aniston instead of an ugly intern? I am pretty sure there wouldn’t have been.

When will this madness of bumping uglies ever end?

And ladies before you get mad and torch me, this was purely satire and sarcasm. I hate cheaters as much as the next person since I have been cheated on a lot.


  1. terminator will be next chuck norris :D

  2. ....a 2000lb viagra, nice one, maybe he has a fixation for big boobs because that's all she's got going....Playboy next?

  3. Like the saying goes - A stiff dick has no conscious

  4. Maybe there is a mathematical correlation in play here? Like ugliness is inversely realted to the chances of commitment which is positively related to the cheat factor.

  5. bumping uglies!!

    I once asked a male friend what would convince a man to cheat and his reply was "a girl who could suck the chrome off a wheel."
    Therefore, maybe the ugly girls excel in that area?
    Who knows?

  6. I never thought I’d say the words "I wouldn't do her" in my lifetime, but there it is. She makes Joan Rivers look human.

  7. as someone who has cheated :-(the guy i cheated on always thot the guy i cheated with was butt ugly- tho that might be more of just a pride thing... but in my stupid blinded ooohhh someone likes me let me bang him even tho i have a good man at home idiocricy... the men i cheated with... looked good to me at the moment. or maybe it was the tequila??!! jk.

    great post as always :-)

  8. I was cheated on and the guy's excuse was that at least the other girl was the same race as he was. I guess it didn't matter that her ass was HUGE and her forehead was bigger than Tyra's. As long as they were the same race and all. It was downright offensive; all that effort to cheat with an ugly chick!


    That is wicked true, BUT...I do agree cheat up,not down. My wife cheated with a ugly dude back when we were engaged....BUT..I intern bumped a "few"
    Hella beautiful women to even the odd's. She almost lost me to one of them, still miss her from time to time. (ladies..dont cheat ya miss out on a good thing)....Love and respect.

  10. So true.
    Sad to say I know the feeling,my wife cheated with a ugmug back when we were engaged. I even the odds by bedding a "few" hotties, cosidering i'm far from ugly myself. outside of that I too do not believe in cheating and it hurts one person or another.

  11. Great "bumping uglies" analogy! I, too, have been cheated down on, OT. It is very insulting when your partner bumps uglies. When you know in your heart that you are smokin' hot! ;)

  12. I've never been a cheater, I don't think I physically can. Have I had the opportunity to cheat, of course, but I didn't. I don't understand the mindset behind a cheater, even one that would be cheating upwards as you'd call it. It just doesn't make sense. If you want to sleep around be single.

  13. And now we have a new definition for "bumping uglies," so thank you.

  14. I'm sorry to hear that you've been cheated on so much Oilfield :-( That's fucking rough.
    That being said, she is really frightening now, but I have to see a picture of her 15 years ago to make the final judgement. She LOOKS like she could have been hot and not linebacker shaped at some point.

  15. @ Dejch, yep.

    @ Lurker, those boobs are all fat.

    @ Sausage, yep.

    @ Laughingmom, you might be correct.

    @ Sarcasm, that might be true.

    @ Drake, thanks for that comment you made me snort and laugh.

    @ Mama, hmm....

    @ Chio, I agree.

    @ Kriz, that sucks sorry to hear that.

    @ Dawn, that is so true.

    @ Hero, I agree with you there.

    @ Joshua, yep you are welcome.

    @ Cake, it is ok I am used to it. It don't even shock me anymore. And I am pretty sure she was ugly back then as well.

  16. um, that...lady...is what arnie threw a hump at? maybe zay go to zie zame gym.

    ach du lieber himmel!

  17. Haha, you were saying what eeeevvvvveeerryyyone was thinking. She is nastay looking. Sorry, went there too!

  18. We should have bumper stickers made that say, "Fuck Up, Not Down."

    Also, they were talking about rescinding Arnold's award from some fitness group. If athletes who fathered children out of wedlock were not allowed to receive awards, would there even be a Hall of Fame for any sport, except maybe bowling? Oh, never mind....bowlers are dirty perverts too.

  19. I'm a (so called) "lady" and I totally agree with you. I've always been afraid of some hot chick hitting at my man, but the trend shows that I should be more wary of the ugly ones. What is up with that???

  20. @ Kage, exactly.

    @ Texa, yes I sure did. And I normally do.

    @ Opto-Mom, dude you just have me an idea there. Now I am off to make money.

    @ Shannon, it is not the hot ones you have to worry about, it is the really ugly ones.

  21. Honeyman explained it to me this way a long time again. Since he has been friends with people that were and still aren't too selective. They pick them because they have issues. They are insecure so easier to get in bed if you tell them what they want to hear.
    I've been cheated on in previous relationships and the women were fat and ugly. I never really gave thought to what they looked like. Just that I got cheated on.

  22. Bravo OT. I couldn't have agreed with you more on all fronts.

  23. Apparently he wanted to feel physically more attractive than the woman he was cheating with. Also, considering all of the points you so clearly mentioned about the housekeeper, it is obvious why Maria never had a clue.

    On another note, word has it that Arnold is changing his name from the terminator to "The Inseminator" ; )

    The Ranter’s Box

  24. @ Ruth, that makes a lot of sense.

    @ Barb, thank you.

    @ Empress, that might be it. I have heard that one and it is funny. lol

  25. proof men only think with the brain below the belt and not the one above

  26. I feel every woman would agree with you. I know I would be half as angry if whomever my spouse cheated on me was at least better looking. But to be degraded to... THAT? What a slap in the face! Poor Maria; but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.


  27. Yeah, she's a pretty wide load. I've been thinking about this bizarre phenomenon since Halle Berry was cheated on years ago (again and again). Is ugly the new sexy? Maybe they're intimidated by attractive women who seem to have it all together...? Makes no sense.


  28. @ Becca, I don't always think with my dick.

    @ Sara, yes it is a slap in the face.

    @ Robyn, well if ugly is the new sexy than I should soon be seeing a ton of action from the ladies......

  29. If Ahnold's boy wants to workout, he can lift Mom. Ooh, sorry, that's probably unkind.
    I meant to say, she has a face that looks like a hat fulla assholes. Ooops, that's a little harsh, too.
    "I lift things up and put them down."

  30. I think I read something that he purposely cheats down because then he feels better? I mean, that's kind of fucked up. Granted, he's probably been on a lot of steroids and working with a shrunken dick so maybe a super hot woman wouldn't be so impressed.

  31. Oh OT, how I have missed you.

    My sister was with her college boyfriend for two years before he suddenly dumped her and was in a relationship with some other girl literally the next day. She, my mom, and I looked at the Facebook pictures of the girl and we all just went, "Huh?" because she was ugly and skanky. Never made sense to me.

  32. yeah is it just me? does she look like arnold? :)

  33. @ Al, both of those are hilarious.

    @ Sara, that makes a lot of sense.

    @ Bagel, I am glad you missed me and my messed up posts.

    @ Mack, she kind of does.

  34. The 'bumping uglies' comment was just too much. You kill me. I told you she won the ugliest housekeeper in Sacramento contest. Hey, maybe she took Arnold's steroids and voila' giganto boobs...

  35. Maybe because they have to find somebody desperate enough to overlook the fact that they're cheaters?

  36. as I am reading this, I am thinking about Sandra Bullock and her dirt bag husband. He definately traded down in my opinion. Cheaters are scum anyway. Well my ex certainly was.

  37. People who cheat are usually looking for admiration -- the ugly can be so grateful...



  38. That shit is hilarious! It reminds me of when mark grace was saying that he'd bang the burliest, nastiest chicks when he wasn't hitting the ball well. He called it slump busting.

  39. i don't think cheating has anything to do with the other person they're cheating with. i think people just like the idea of being with someone, anyone new.

  40. @ Alessandra, thank you very much.

    @ Sally, that might be some truth to that.

    @ Mynx, I agree about Sandra Bullock. If I was married to her I would never let her leave the bed. lol

    @ Pearl, that might be true as well.

    @ D'Artagnan, thank you. I have heard that saying as well.

    @ Ally, that might also be true.

  41. hey sweetie leaving you a gift in tomorrow's blog post. enjoy

    My Life

  42. Too funny - simply put - too funny!

    Really, what was Mr.Universe thinking!

    Well, there is no accounting for taste, is there?

    Great Post as always!

    Cheers, Jenny

  43. Great post! MY response to Arnold's and every celebrity who was caught cheating hype is Who really cares? I sure don't. I sympathize with the child though!

  44. she could very well have been hiding that kid in her womb this whole time!

  45. This cracked me up! But it's so true!!!! Cheaters are scum of the earth, in my opinion. So sorry it's happened to you OT/JT (ha!) but I hope it's not jaded you. A good woman will come into your life. She has to, you're a great guy and an awesome dad!

  46. @ Becca, ah thank you.

    @ Pearson, thank you.

    @ Cajun, I agree. The poor child.

    @ Elliot, that is one very good point.

    @ Yvonne, I am glad you laughed. Most of my stuff here is all about the funny. And I know, I just have to be patient.

  47. I'm glad you said it. When I saw the women he cheated on Maria with, I'm pretty sure my face contorted from shock. What the hell? Well, look at the women Tiger cheated with compared to his now ex wife. I mean...really?

    On a side note--I don't get why people cheat. What's the mindset? And if they truly feel the urge to cheat, why not discuss it with your significant other first? Maybe communicating those feeling BEFOREHAND would spare a lot of hurt feelings. Just sayin'.

  48. I thought the same thing when I saw her and I do not understand why people cheat with ugly people and yeah beauty is in the eye of the beholder but if you are with a good looking person and cheat with an ugly fucker there must be something wrong with you.

  49. @ Virgin, I don't know why people cheat either.

    @ Jo-Anne, I am glad I am not the only one who thought it.

  50. What these people need to realize instead of jumping straight to cheating is trying to make the sex between their spouse and themself work. I mean if they really wanted sex that bad then they should communicate with their partner...Just saying.

    I hate cheating period whether it be up or down.

  51. @ Ditz, sometimes that is not possible. Especially if you are married to an iceberg.

  52. I have never gotten that, OT. So often the other woman/man is a step down in the looks department not to mention personal ethics.

    The other thing I really don't get about cheating is when the other woman successfully steals her man, marries him once he's divorced the first wife, expects him to be faithful, and is completely shocked when she finds out he is cheating on her. Why is this always a shock for these people?

  53. @ Cajun, I agree with you on both parts of what you have said.

  54. I never cheated on you. Just throwing that out there.


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