A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Texas Chainsaw Massacre, No Really

A few weeks ago here in Houston, the Houston Police department found a dead man’s body outside of a home. Now I know this is not an uncommon occurrence here in Houston, or in any other big city for that matter.

What was strange here is that the dead man’s head was missing. And the dead man was also missing one of his arms.

Not too far from the body was a large plastic bag containing the missing head and the missing arm.

Also not too far away from the dead body was a bloody chainsaw. Yes I did just say a bloody chainsaw.

Apparently according to the initial news reports, “The victim’s identity has not been released. Police don’t know what led to the man’s death.” Don’t know what led to the man’s death? I am pretty fucking sure he didn’t commit suicide. Could it be possible that the chainsaw might have had something to do with his death? What the paper should have written is, “Police are unsure of the motive for this murder at this time.” I guess they will let anyone write for my local paper these days.

Since the initial news reports have come out, it was determined that the victims best friend and roommate shot the victim twice in the head after a disagreement (insert ghetto reason why-drugs, women, Call of Duty-Black Ops, last slice of leftover pizza eaten, etc). And then at some point the suspect used the chainsaw to cut up the body.

The reason for the suspect to cut up the victim was that the suspect was a very small man and could not move the body of the victim as the victim weighed close to 400 pounds. So the suspect procured a chainsaw and proceeded to carve up the body to make it easier to dispose of. And at some point in time someone saw the body and called police.

The suspect has been charged with enough charges to keep him busy having hot prison sex for the rest of his life.

Now maybe it is just me but the suspect should have thought about the size of his roommate before killing him. Although I do give him kudos for actually trying to get rid of the body in a creative way since he gave me something to write about on Wednesday morning.

Why does it always seem like weird shit like this only happens here in Texas?


  1. It's totally not just there....lol. I live in Iowa. Not too long ago, a farmer just shot another farmer over an argument about a horse.

  2. Tony Van HelsingMay 25, 2011 at 5:35 AM

    The perfect crime, apart from leaving the chainsaw and a significant portion of the body on the street. And I see Blogger is still not allowing me to link my comments. Bogus.

  3. It's like a good episode of CSI:Texas.

  4. That is so hot. and by hot I mean I am so glad that happened there. Because seriously Mississippi already has enough dudes getting arrested for raping their horses and stuff. I can totally see the thought process behind chopping up your room mate with a chainsaw. Your dude's only problem was lack of good friends to help dispose of the body properly. There is no proper thought process behind screwing a horse.

  5. Ed Gein, the supposed "inspiration" for the TCM movie, was from Wisconsin. So, it's not just Texas.

  6. Not just TX, my friend.
    Recent news story in WV? Man found in women's underwear..with porn..and a dead goat.
    Ahhh, WV. It makes me so proud.

  7. I've warned people about the repercussions of taking an already-claimed last slice of pizza.

    They never listen.

  8. @ Heather, did he slice and dice him after wards?

    @ Tony, I agree.

    @ Peachy, you are so spot on with your comment.

    @ Joshua, I have heard that before.

    @ Samantha, I am not shocked by that.

    @ Jeff, same here. I am always telling people not to eat the slice as well.

  9. Ummm, are you serious?! Well thanks for the nightmares! Holy. Cocaine is a hell of a drug :)

  10. Man, if that's how he treats his best friend - imagine the fun he has with his enemies! - Uzi's and bulldozers, maybe?

  11. So really? He goes to all that trouble to kill the dude, get a chainsaw, use said chainsaw, bag up the parts, and then just gets lazy on the disposal piece? There is no pride in a job well done anymore. Geesh. If you are going to do it, go big or go home!

  12. Wow. I really don't understand how some people have the stomach for such things. Like really, cutting into someone's flesh? That doesn't gross them out...at all?

  13. @ Texa, you are correct in that cocaine is a hell of a drug.

    @ Laughingmom, exactly.

    @ Randomgirl, yes pride is a lost art today.

    @ Peace, yep.

    @ Mash, I guess it doesn't bother murderers.

  14. I have to disagree about the murder large city correlation. I live in a city with well over a million people in it and we had a grand total of 15 murders last year, none of them involving a chainsaw.

  15. I am still laughing at "hot prison sex".

    There was a drive-by near the jack-in-the-box across from Rice University while I was in the drive-thru about a decade ago. This trumps that shit for sure.

  16. @ Hero, consider yourself lucky.

    @ D'Artagnan, yes that was pretty funny. And it still shocks me how the area around Rice has the highest property values in all of Houston and some of the worst crimes.

  17. *Sigh* we Texans seem to have a lock on these things. Here in SA, the most common occurrence is the scummy teen parents stuffing their dead kids in garbage bags under the house.

    As a native Austinite, the biggest newsday was some dude getting stoned and taking his clothes off @ Hippie Hollow. My, how times have changed...

    - DT

  18. This sounds like a cross between Dexter and a bad NBC sitcom.

    "He was too heavy, officer. So I chopped him up and made it easier to move. Don't worry, I lifted with my legs, not my back..."

  19. Chainsaws and massacres just don;t sound good with a state like Indiana? Indiana chainsaw massacre?

    No it has to be Texas Chainsaw Massacre...

    Indiana Infidel massacre sounds pretty good though..

  20. @ Thomas, yes I can remember when we lived in a much simpler time.

    @ Lost, lol. That comment is classic.

    @ Greg, you might be onto something there. Turn it into a movie and I will go see it.

  21. OMG, that is horrific and gruesome.

  22. Who chops up people in the street? That is dumb. I always wait until the cover of night to chop people up. duh.

  23. what can i say? more and more ppl is just stupid .

  24. @ Shannon, yes it is.

    @ Anna, if more people were just like you the world would be a better place.

    @ Dejch, exactly.

  25. He couldn't just kill him by shooting him and leaving him in one piece. That's so ordinary. It had to be done in a big way. Cause everything is bigger in Texas.

  26. Because everything is bigger in Texas, like Ruth said. Either that, or because the vast majority of other states don't casually have a chainsaw in their house. I'd say California, Oregon, Colorado, Arizona and Seattle all have good chances of this happening, too.


  27. @ Ruth, yep everything is bigger in Texas. Including my sense of sarcasm.

    @ Car, you bring up a good point.

    @ Nubian, yep.

  28. See in NYC the psychos are too busy to get creative.

  29. This man obviously doesn't watch Dexter, else he's know how to properly dispose of remains.

  30. Is it wrong that I'm sort of laughing at this whole debacle? I'm guessing that only removing the head and an arm of a very large person did not actually help when it came to trying to move the body. Did he get bored, say WTF, ditch the body and go back to playing another round of Call of Duty? Dude needs to learn the importance of seeing a task through to completion!

    The Ranter’s Box

  31. @ Copyboy, that is true they are too busy running the city.

    @ Emma, exactly.

    @ Empress, no it is not wrong to be laughing over this. I sure as hell was.

  32. Them Texans do things in big, interesting ways.


  33. Not just Texas
    Google Snowtown bodies in barrels for some really weird stuff that happened in my city/state

  34. Oh I don't know, I think wierd shit happens everywhere.

    I think its because that people just don't know how to dispose of a body properly like we do here in Connecticut (Google Richard Craft).

  35. not just you sweetie did you ever here of this guy

    Daniel Harold Rolling (May 26, 1954 – October 25, 2006), also known as The Gainesville Ripper, was an American serial killer who murdered five students in Gainesville, Florida.

    yep well my hubby works at the University where this happen and the toen is like 25mins away from me.

  36. @ Robyn, yes we do.

    @ Mynx, I will have to check that out.

    @ G, you might be correct on that.

    @ Becca, did you use a chainsaw?

  37. I'm pretty sure it's not limited to just Texas. We live in a strange world... very strange indeed!

  38. The bit "Don’t know what led to the man’s death? I am pretty fucking sure he didn’t commit suicide." cracked me up and hubby had to ask what I was laughing at but I wouldnl't tell him I was laughing to much..........

    Now I may be a bit slow but if you are going to cut up a body you need to remove more then just and arm and head............maybe the suspect found out it was not as easy to cut him up as he thought it would be..........that said maybe he should have killed a smaller man no no no you can't say that Jo-Anne it is just wrong.

  39. dude, that is the sickest shiz i've heard in a long time. i don't get people. damn.

  40. So from now on whenever someone says " give me a hand" or uses the expression "get ahead" I'm going to think of your headless horseman in the front yard! Gee might keep the neighbor kids away - where can I get one? W.C.C.

  41. It’s a set-up. Clearly the victim chopped off his own head, then carefully wrapped it in a plastic bag for the police to find.

  42. @ Mananger, you might be correct.

    @ Admin, yep.

    @ Jo-Anne, I am glad you got a laugh out of it.

    @ Ally, same here.

    @ WC, you can get one in north east Houston.

    @ Drake, you could be onto something there.

  43. I don't understand why you have to think twice about the weird stuff happening in Texas. JK weird stuff happen all over the place.

    But it just fit. Texas chainsaw massacre.

  44. @ Ditz, I know. But it is fitting though.


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