I have recently been elected Overlord.
No not the Overlord above (bonus points if you know where that picture is from though), but the Overlord of the America. You see I was recently given this nice little Overlord Award by the following people:
Bruce
Jewels
D’Artagnan
A Daft Scots Lass
Thank you to all of you who have given me the award. And if I have forgotten anyone, please let me know.
This award comes with some rules like all the other awards. First I have to list three things I would change in the world (to be done below). Second I am supposed to pass this onto ten other bloggers (well I am the fucking Overlord now so there will be no more until I die). Lastly I am supposed to notify the people that I am passing this award onto (well I just said I am the last until I die so that ain’t happening).
So here are my three things, bear with me as they might seem long but if you are not new to my blog than you know just how I feel about these issues.
The media will go to back to reporting the actual fucking news. No more “media bias” will ever be allowed again. Reporters will report the news as it is without their “opinion”. If someone got shot, the news will report who got shot and the details about it. They will also list who did the crime and the details about them. If you reporters who shoved your head so far up your favorite political parties asshole that you have forgotten what investigative journalism is, you will be required to watch the movie “All The Kings Men” which is about how Woodward and Bernstein broke apart the “Watergate” scandal in the 1970’s. And if reporters don’t want to learn to properly report the news, they will be sent to live in China for the remainder of their lives.
People in the media (and in general) who have nothing good to say are hereby banned in this country. You know the people I am talking about, the fucktards who constantly tell you who are to blame for everything wrong in this country or in your lives. The people who insight hate speech, racism, ignorance, and spread outright lies are the people who are never allowed to speak in the public eye again. So in no special order the following people are done talking: Sean Hannity, Chris Matthews, Glen Beck, Rachel Maddow, Geraldo Rivera, Jesse Jackson, Sarah Palin, Al Sharpton, all of the bitches on The View, Al Gore, Rush Limbaugh, Keith Oberman, loud mouth sports stars, and any other nimrod who thinks they have something negative to say can all take a slow boat to the south pole.
I saved the best for last and this one might be a little long. As Overlord I will be bringing common sense back to government. I am creating a new cabinet level position with only one employee. It will be called the Department Of Common Sense and will be the highest ranking government office with all other aspects of the government first going through it. All government employees will now be friendly to the American taxpayers who pay their pay check (I got my eye on you IRS and DMV). All politicians will be required to have the exact same campaign funds and no more billion dollar elections. Politicians will no longer be bought and sold. The “lobbying” business is finished. No more combining bills upon bills (ie no more foreign aid bills to countries we don’t like along with aid to places we do like), want to give money to Libya? Make it a separate bill. No more wasteful government spending will be allowed at all (ie the $800K our stimulus money spent to teach men in Africa how to wash their dicks after sex, yes our tax dollars really were spent on this). All the business of congress will be on tv and not behind closed doors. There will be a webcam installed in the oval office to where all of America can see the President working. Every single visitor to the White House will be logged with their picture onto the web (they are supposed to do this now except for the picture part). Basically all fucking corruption in government will end. See the common sense theme here? Now I know that this common sense approach to things will possibly cost a lot of people their jobs, but just think of all of the money we would save in the long run.
And no I am not running for president. Ever. I have talked too many ladies out of their panties over the course of my lifetime and no one wants to see that story told on TMZ.
Howard the Duck
ReplyDeleteI bow to you, Almighty Overlord. Sounds like a good start.
I was not an Overlord of my own, then I would definitely elect you, OT.
ReplyDeleteYou know, Thomas Paine believed that government even in its best state was only a necessary evil. He'd be so f*@#ing proud of you!
ReplyDeleteUnacceptable Howard the Duck reference, btw. Lol
I want The Department of Common Sense job so I can deal with the fucktards as you put it, nice work sir.
ReplyDelete....and congratulations.
ReplyDelete@ Ruth, thank you.
ReplyDelete@ Katsidhe, good point.
@ D'Artagnan, I am pretty sure he would agree with me.
@ Lurker, the position is open. And thank you.
Congrats on the award! I've missed your posts! Nice to hear you telling it like it should be! As overlord - you should name yourself Director of the Dept. of Common Sense!
ReplyDeleteI also gave you that award remember.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm in a major HUFF!
I enjoyed all of these rules and believe that you should be Director. :)
ReplyDeleteI too have been bestowed the Overlord award but I would be willing to consider a co-Overlord situation since you have such fantastic logic. As for the running for prez situation, talking women out of their panties is actually a prereq for the nomination now I think. Just sayin'
ReplyDeleteI loved Howard the Duck, one of my favorite movies.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the award. I think you should run for President and then change the title to overloard.
@ Laughingmom, thank you. I am sorry I have not been writing as much as I normally do, but I have been extremely busy at both work and home. And as a result I have been a lazy slob and relaxing. And my writing time has suffered.
ReplyDelete@ Lass, I am truly sorry. I thought I had listed everyone that gave me the award, and I am going to go back and edit this post to add you to the list. I am sorry I missed you.
@ Krystle, thank you.
@ Randomgirl, I don't have a problem sharing. And I never thought of it like that. But I do guess you are correct.
@ Rosie, I also love Howard The Duck. And thank you. I would run, but sadly the American public is not ready for someone with common sense.
ReplyDeletethe truth is spoken!
ReplyDeletecould not agree more...
i am running for POT USA, so i will have to make you director of commonsenes-ness...
cuz i really don't care about the fact that i have smoked pot, inhaled, lied to get in a (ok more than one) ladies drawers, and have been drunk numerous times, even in the last week...
time to end the fucktardedness...
Congrats on your Award! Sounds like the U.S. will be a very nice place to call home once you've implemented all your new rules. I can't wait! :o)
ReplyDeleteThis might fall under the scope of your Dept of Common Sense... but can you please do something about diplomatic immunity? I don't think diplomats should be allowed to break laws just because they are diplomats.
I'm so glad other people got the Howard the Duck reference. If I was the only one, I'd feel bad for watching that movie.
ReplyDeleteAwesome overlord decrees! Seems like almost everyone attacks the government when in charge, but it's never just one side. Funny how that works...
@ Bruce, the truth is always spoken around here. I could be the common sense guy. Afterall I do have the required skills for the job.
ReplyDelete@ Minxy, thank you very much. I could take care of that as well. I agree with you.
@ Lost, yes others got the reference or I would feel like a moron.
@ Lost, oh and I am not on either side, I am trapped in the middle.
ReplyDeleteWhy do you lump Barney Gumble in with those other ass wipes? You forgot two of the biggest ones - Olberman and Limbaugh.
ReplyDeleteI like all three of your changes. You will be a good overlord. haha
ReplyDelete@ George, you have a valid point. I will take out Gumble, and add those two douches in his place.
ReplyDelete@ TS, thank you.
Congrats on the award! Your rules are badass.
ReplyDeleteHoward the Duck...a movie of beastiality. He's a DUCK and she was making out with him...
ReplyDeleteHey, got an award for you over at my place.
ReplyDelete@ Laynee, thank you.
ReplyDelete@ Brandy, it was just a movie. Besides Lea Thompson was hot back then, can you blame the duck for wanting to give her some Aflac?
@ Paul, ok I will check it out.
Congrats. Love the idea of bring common sense back to government.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe I forgot about Howard the Duck! That movie was awesome. I need to add that to my collection.
I bow to Thee, almighty Overlord...
ReplyDeleteMay you never be replaced. Your rules friggen rock! If only we could do #2. TV and news radio would be more enjoyable
I consider my blog fringe media. So am I banned as well. Congrats on the award. And BTW...is that top photo from Howard The Duck?
ReplyDelete@ Vinny, thank you. Yes you need to go and get it.
ReplyDelete@ Barb, thank you very much. So true.
@ Copyboy, you sir will never be banned. Your "media" is the good kind not the bad kind. And yes it is from Howard The Duck.
I'm sorry.....all I saw when I got here was 250 followers and now I want my nudie pic.
ReplyDeleteA-effin-men to the end of politics and lobbying, oh OT Overlord. Congrats on the awards!
ReplyDelete@ Heather, you my friend have been waiting for that day to come huh? Ok I will post about it on Thursday.
ReplyDelete@ Dawn, thank you very much. Glad you liked my three things.
I like that you're an equal party hater. Good list on who needs to shut up. :)
ReplyDeleteOh what a wonderful world it would be. Your rants crack me up. Thanks. I heard Meredith is leaving the View. So that's a small step towards a better world.
ReplyDeletexoRobyn
awesome post and consider me a loyal subject i bow to your greatness
ReplyDelete@ Paul, it is no secret that I am not a fan of either party.
ReplyDelete@ Robyn, I am glad my rants crack you up. And Meredith leaving still does not make up for the fact that the balance of them are all looney.
@ Becca, thank you!!!
Now THAT is a cool award.
ReplyDeleteBang on with the "Journalists," my man.
ReplyDeleteYou'd make a decent Overlord indeed.
Since I am still wearing my panties... I say run for president so I can see exactly how you talk girlies out of theirs on TMZ!!!! And since you are overlord and future president, you can decide personally on the footage they show!
ReplyDelete@ Cheeseboy, yea that is the same thing that I said.
ReplyDelete@ Galore, thank you very much.
@ Tracy, well I guess there is still a few that I have not got to just yet.
I like these changes! :)
ReplyDeletehttp://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com/
Mercy! You are an award winnin fool! Is your wardrobe expanding? Are you dressing for the occassions? Or is it the standard boxer and cigar for recieving such honors?
ReplyDeleteAnd you've hit some soapbox issues and due to the hour of the day and the fact that I've already stored my soapbox and humpmepumps for the day I'm going to decline climbing on (no! Its not the chicken shit way out of commenting).
So glad you accepted it and as I suspected you didn't dissapoint me. Loved the rules especially the Department of Common Sense. :) Thanks for the smile-I needed it.
ReplyDelete@ Ditz, thank you.
ReplyDelete@ Daffy, yes I seem to be collecting awards like crazy. And tonight it was just a boxer and t-shirt with a beer kinda night. And after seeing you in the superwoman underwear, you can put your humpmepumps on and climb on any day. lol
@ Jewels, no problem. I am glad you liked my stuff.
Congrats! As for the news, my theory is trite, but the news is always bad news :( so depressing.
ReplyDeleteDon't we all want to see the return of common sense and along with that would love to see the death to those who killed common sense, ya know who you are stupidity and greed and I am sure responsibility would also like to make a come back............I bow to you oh kind overload........no I am not sucking up ok I am but I am allowed to, yes I am stop saying I am not allowed I said I am and hence I have done so..............
ReplyDeleteDon't forget about the taxpayer money that went to teach prostitutes in China how to drink responsibly. If anyone needs to drink recklessly, it's Chinese prostitutes. So, as Overlord, could you please get our money back for that and just send the hos some cheap tequila. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI wholly agree with ya there. It's not so much that they couldn't handle the common sense approach, they would just rather be lied to and told that everything's ok, and that DADDY GOVERNMENT is handling everything for them. So, they don't have to actually lift a fucking finger to wipe their asses anymore. The American Public would rather have a hypocritical President than a honest one, so they can keep telling themselves that McDonald's is to blame for them being fat, the economy is responsible for homelessness, and Hollywood is right Jerry Seinfeld really is funny.
ReplyDelete@ Ally, that is so true sometimes.
ReplyDelete@ Jo-Anne, I would love to see responsibility make a come back as well.
@ Opto-Mom, I have not forgot about that fact. Such a shame our government has become.
@ JEff, I so agree with you on what you said.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't it "All the President's Men?" Or was that the book? I swore watching this movie in high school, that it was the actual name. I like what you would change; maybe you can be a political adviser instead of President, though.
ReplyDeleteAva
@ Car, you might be correct there as I can't remember too well in my old age. Especially since the last time I say it was when I was in college.
ReplyDeleteOh, mighty Overlord, I do love the changes you will be making to our society. *insert graceful curtsy*
ReplyDeleteAwesome new rules ... you rock!
ReplyDelete