I have recently been elected Overlord.
No not the Overlord above (bonus points if you know where that picture is from though), but the Overlord of the America. You see I was recently given this nice little Overlord Award by the following people:
A Daft Scots Lass
Thank you to all of you who have given me the award. And if I have forgotten anyone, please let me know.
This award comes with some rules like all the other awards. First I have to list three things I would change in the world (to be done below). Second I am supposed to pass this onto ten other bloggers (well I am the fucking Overlord now so there will be no more until I die). Lastly I am supposed to notify the people that I am passing this award onto (well I just said I am the last until I die so that ain’t happening).
So here are my three things, bear with me as they might seem long but if you are not new to my blog than you know just how I feel about these issues.
The media will go to back to reporting the actual fucking news. No more “media bias” will ever be allowed again. Reporters will report the news as it is without their “opinion”. If someone got shot, the news will report who got shot and the details about it. They will also list who did the crime and the details about them. If you reporters who shoved your head so far up your favorite political parties asshole that you have forgotten what investigative journalism is, you will be required to watch the movie “All The Kings Men” which is about how Woodward and Bernstein broke apart the “Watergate” scandal in the 1970’s. And if reporters don’t want to learn to properly report the news, they will be sent to live in China for the remainder of their lives.
People in the media (and in general) who have nothing good to say are hereby banned in this country. You know the people I am talking about, the fucktards who constantly tell you who are to blame for everything wrong in this country or in your lives. The people who insight hate speech, racism, ignorance, and spread outright lies are the people who are never allowed to speak in the public eye again. So in no special order the following people are done talking: Sean Hannity, Chris Matthews, Glen Beck, Rachel Maddow, Geraldo Rivera, Jesse Jackson, Sarah Palin, Al Sharpton, all of the bitches on The View, Al Gore, Rush Limbaugh, Keith Oberman, loud mouth sports stars, and any other nimrod who thinks they have something negative to say can all take a slow boat to the south pole.
I saved the best for last and this one might be a little long. As Overlord I will be bringing common sense back to government. I am creating a new cabinet level position with only one employee. It will be called the Department Of Common Sense and will be the highest ranking government office with all other aspects of the government first going through it. All government employees will now be friendly to the American taxpayers who pay their pay check (I got my eye on you IRS and DMV). All politicians will be required to have the exact same campaign funds and no more billion dollar elections. Politicians will no longer be bought and sold. The “lobbying” business is finished. No more combining bills upon bills (ie no more foreign aid bills to countries we don’t like along with aid to places we do like), want to give money to Libya? Make it a separate bill. No more wasteful government spending will be allowed at all (ie the $800K our stimulus money spent to teach men in Africa how to wash their dicks after sex, yes our tax dollars really were spent on this). All the business of congress will be on tv and not behind closed doors. There will be a webcam installed in the oval office to where all of America can see the President working. Every single visitor to the White House will be logged with their picture onto the web (they are supposed to do this now except for the picture part). Basically all fucking corruption in government will end. See the common sense theme here? Now I know that this common sense approach to things will possibly cost a lot of people their jobs, but just think of all of the money we would save in the long run.
And no I am not running for president. Ever. I have talked too many ladies out of their panties over the course of my lifetime and no one wants to see that story told on TMZ.