A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Road Signs

You have all seen them while driving. Those nice big orange flashing construction signs telling you stuff that you never read. Stuff like “right lane closed ahead” or “freeway closed ahead”.

Now the juvenile delinquent in me has always wanted to break into the compartment of one of these things and change the message to something funny.


A few years ago someone in Austin did just that. When I saw it on the news I laughed my ass off about it.


Well a few weekends ago, someone actually did just that in downtown Houston. You can see from the pictures that it is pretty funny, but I would have done it better than this.



I would have made the sign say something like:

“Oilfield Trash For President”

“Eat More Pussy”

“Save The Shrimp”

“Oilfield Trash Licks Ladies Da Best”

“Everyone Loves Your Momma”

“Pull Out”

“Read Make Daddy A Sammich”

“Shave Your Vag”

What would you have made the sign say if you were able to hack into it?
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53 comments:

  1. Armand CorderoApril 8, 2011 at 5:23 AM

    Poop haha, never seen signs like that in the uk

    ReplyDelete
  2. PearlApril 8, 2011 at 5:51 AM

    How about "Your Blinker is On"?

    :-)

    Pearl

    ReplyDelete
  3. The Angry LurkerApril 8, 2011 at 5:57 AM

    Zombie Outbreak confirmed in Dallas or Arse Gravy.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Jumble MashApril 8, 2011 at 6:35 AM

    Haha that's hilarious. I wouldn't know what to put on it, so I'll just have to steal one of your ideas!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oilfield TrashApril 8, 2011 at 6:59 AM

    @ Armand, that is because no one over there has the ballocks to change the sign.

    @ Pearl, that is a good one.

    @ Lurker, those would be funny.

    @ Mash, thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. RosalindApril 8, 2011 at 7:00 AM

    My favorite saying of all time: Chill Pickle. It means absolutely nothing, but I still love it. I vote for Save the Shrimp and Pull Out.

    ReplyDelete
  7. TS HendrikApril 8, 2011 at 7:03 AM

    Haha, 'everyone loves your momma.' That's great.

    I think I'd go with a classic like 'this way up' or 'I'm with stupid.'

    ReplyDelete
  8. William's GirlApril 8, 2011 at 7:26 AM

    YA YOU DID!!!!!!!!

    Fierce Oily!! I like it.

    I'd say "WATCH OUT BEHIND YOU". then flash "PENIS"

    yup.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Travelin' MikeApril 8, 2011 at 7:50 AM

    I'm not gonna lie dude.... "Pull Out" is awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hockey CardboardApril 8, 2011 at 8:08 AM

    i love me some random ass street signs - always good for a laugh

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oilfield TrashApril 8, 2011 at 8:10 AM

    @ Rosie, that would be a good one.

    @ TS, that is another good one.

    @ Williamsgirl, that is hilarious.

    @ Manager, yea I thought that one was good as well.

    @ Ryan, thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  12. EmmyApril 8, 2011 at 8:28 AM

    I had no idea it was even possible to hack into those signs. I thought they had headquarters somewhere in the country which had a map of all the signs and that some lucky chap had the simple job of making sure the right signs said the right thing. I always dreamed of finding the headquarters, sneaking in like a ninja, and changing all of the signs to something like:
    YOU ARE GOING CRAZY
    I am GUTTED that I won't ever be able to live out that dream now.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Al PenwasserApril 8, 2011 at 9:16 AM

    "I'm Right Behind You."

    But, I can't come close to topping that zombie one. That made me laugh out loud!

    ReplyDelete
  14. KrissyApril 8, 2011 at 10:08 AM

    How about.. "Got tickets? Now you do!" Watch them give themselves whiplash trying to find the cop. :) Location is everything though, like in Dallas I'll love to put "Screw Cowboys.. Go Steelers Nation!"

    I must admit I'm still picturing ninja Emmy breaking into the headquarters though. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  15. Random GirlApril 8, 2011 at 10:12 AM

    What an awesome Idea! I love William's Girl idea,,too funny! WATCH OUT BEHIND YOU". then flash "PENIS"

    ReplyDelete
  16. laughingmomApril 8, 2011 at 10:12 AM

    You should check into renting one for a weekend. Imagine the fun...

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oilfield TrashApril 8, 2011 at 10:48 AM

    @ Emmy, that would be fun to watch.

    @ Al, that would be funny.

    @ Krissy, that would be fun to watch the people crash as a result.

    @ Randomgirl, yep that is a good one.

    @ Laughingmom, I might just do that.

    ReplyDelete
  18. JoyApril 8, 2011 at 11:51 AM

    OT the mum in me wants to protest at your choices that I wouldn't want my kids to see... but the frisky girl inside me wants to choose "eat more pussy" as my favorite......

    ReplyDelete
  19. Major MackApril 8, 2011 at 12:54 PM

    That first sign is awesome.. I would like to hang out there with a camera just to see how people respond when they read that.

    ReplyDelete
  20. MammaApril 8, 2011 at 1:04 PM

    LMAO! I don't know which I like more "Eat More Pussy" or "Pull Out".

    Comical!

    ReplyDelete
  21. LemmiwinksApril 8, 2011 at 1:35 PM

    "road closed due to aids"

    ReplyDelete
  22. Oilfield TrashApril 8, 2011 at 1:35 PM

    @ Joy, I can live with that. No problem.

    @ Mack, that would be fun to do.

    @ Mamma, both are good in my book.

    ReplyDelete
  23. RebeccaApril 8, 2011 at 2:37 PM

    haha loved this

    ReplyDelete
  24. Average GirlApril 8, 2011 at 2:43 PM

    Well......... if I saw a sign that said

    "shave your vag", I would instantly change it to say "Just say NO!!!!"

    Shave your vag? shave your vag? *shakes her head* followed by mumbling of "I hope that guy comes back as a woman in his next life and someone gives him the brazillion of a lifetime and see how much he would like to have no hair there* followed by *I am going to buy OT tickets to see the vagina monologues and then he will never ask for that again*

    :-) *wink wink*

    ReplyDelete
  25. Oilfield TrashApril 8, 2011 at 2:57 PM

    @ Becca, thank you.

    @ Averagegirl, I was kidding. Maybe I will add another one that says "nair your vag."

    ReplyDelete
  26. G. B. MillerApril 8, 2011 at 2:57 PM

    I would use the catch phrase from the show "Magnum P.I."

    Oh. My. God!

    ReplyDelete
  27. KristenApril 8, 2011 at 3:05 PM

    Men Pretending to Work Ahead.
    I've been Molested
    Burnt Orange Alert- Man changing signs on the Loose
    If I was your spouse you would ignore me too

    ReplyDelete
  28. The EmpressApril 8, 2011 at 3:07 PM

    Stealing one of those signs and reprogramming it would be so much fun. I love the ideas you came up with. Perhaps I would add "Watch for dicktard drivers" OR "honk if you're horney" OR "Ha! Ha! Made you look" OR "Pot hole, vere left"...

    Happy Weekend!!!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Dr. McCoyApril 8, 2011 at 3:21 PM

    TURN OFF YOUR FUCKING TURN SIGNAL!

    ReplyDelete
  30. The Frisky VirginApril 8, 2011 at 3:40 PM

    *Shakes head, blushes, and laughs*

    Hmm, maybe some Harry Potter references for fun: "Stupefy!" "Beware Dementors!" "Dementor's Kiss Ahead."

    Then, I dunno, maybe just my blog name and some random things like:

    "I'm pacing myself."

    "Vampires escape the coffin! Curfew 8 p.m."

    "100% Off Handbags At Neiman Marcus!"

    "Stop picking your nose!"

    ReplyDelete
  31. Oilfield TrashApril 8, 2011 at 3:50 PM

    @ G, that would work.

    @ Kristen, if I had a spouse she would never leave the bed long enough to talk. lol

    @ Empress, thank you. And you have a great weekend as well.

    @ Mrs Hyde, that one would definitely be on there.

    @ Virgin, those are good as well.

    ReplyDelete
  32. AnonymousApril 8, 2011 at 4:14 PM

    Love your proposed signs...if you ever decide to break into one of those bad boys I will start the collection for court costs! hehe.
    I love William's Girl's idea!

    I don't know...probably "Dude-I saw you picking!"

    "Flyers Fans ROCK...Penguin Fans need mental help!"

    "Form one line for ass raping"

    the possibilities are endless!

    ReplyDelete
  33. KrissyApril 8, 2011 at 4:37 PM

    OT... Nair your vag? Really? Nair your face one time and then come say that again!

    Jewels... You did NOT just go there! Hmmmm, rethinking my love of you at the moment, dear.

    ReplyDelete
  34. The ReckmonsterApril 8, 2011 at 5:09 PM

    Out of your choices, I vote for "Eat more pussy." Because I think men should. 'Nuff said.

    What would I put on a sign? "Drive it like you stole it!"

    ReplyDelete
  35. StrugglecityApril 8, 2011 at 5:18 PM

    Oh man I want my own sign!!
    I would have to put:
    "Look out below!"
    "That's what she said"
    or "Yer mom"

    ReplyDelete
  36. Oilfield TrashApril 8, 2011 at 5:20 PM

    @ Jewels, your stock just dropped a whole lot with that comment.

    @ Krissy, it is statistically proven that women with a bare vagina have men eat them more. I am just trying to help the ladies.

    @ Reck, that is not a problem I have.

    @ Lex, I want my own sign as well.

    ReplyDelete
  37. KellyApril 8, 2011 at 6:00 PM

    I'm a 24-year-old woman and I laughed harder at "poop" than anything else.

    ReplyDelete
  38. RuthApril 8, 2011 at 6:12 PM

    They're coming for YOU!

    welcome to me

    yummy stuff

    ReplyDelete
  39. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comApril 8, 2011 at 7:16 PM

    I have never had the pleasure of seeing an altered sign like this. You've got some great suggestions. I like Miss Rosie's and Frisky's too. I dunno, maybe something like "Wide load? Call Jillian."
    Happy weekend.
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
  40. UnknownApril 8, 2011 at 9:14 PM

    I would have kept it as POOP. That really made me laugh out loud! I didn't know this type of thing happened. Love it!

    ReplyDelete
  41. AnonymousApril 9, 2011 at 10:41 AM

    I have now added "Break into construction sign & change message" to my bucket list!

    I will be sure to take a picture...

    ReplyDelete
  42. that guyApril 9, 2011 at 12:23 PM

    LOL @ Jewels! and Oily...let the goddamn playoffs begin and we'll see the results...

    my team is looking weak this year, but it is only the 20TH straight year for a post season appearance...some kind of record or something...

    btw...dude i feel your pain with the injuries to em and sc...

    but i of course would go with three little words...

    *fuck you asshole!*

    i always feel better when i utter those words...

    the colors area bit brighter and the world a bit better!

    ReplyDelete
  43. Oilfield TrashApril 9, 2011 at 4:51 PM

    @ Bagel, I am glad you got chuckle out of it.

    @ Ruth, exactly.

    @ Robyn, thank you.

    @ Kelley, yes it happens.

    @ Primed, that sounds like a great plan.

    @ Bruce, yep. I am not worried about the playoffs, I know we have injuries and will not go far.

    ReplyDelete
  44. hedApril 9, 2011 at 8:06 PM

    omg at "Shave your vag". I would laugh so hard and then get paranoid that the sign was made JUST FOR ME.

    (What? Hubs is in Australia lol!!)

    hed

    ReplyDelete
  45. AnonymousApril 10, 2011 at 3:12 AM

    I think you've set too good a precedent, but...

    "Vagina is for lovers."

    "Got that not so fresh feeling? Try Ziploc."

    "Just douche it..."

    "It's not her, it's you."

    "She's had bigger."

    "You totally farted!"

    ReplyDelete
  46. Oilfield TrashApril 10, 2011 at 5:01 PM

    @ Hed, I will forgive you on that one. So you have a pass so to speak.

    @ D'Artagnan, those would be good as well.

    ReplyDelete
  47. katsidheApril 10, 2011 at 5:04 PM

    I saw the zombie one!!! I loved that!

    ReplyDelete
  48. TinaApril 11, 2011 at 4:07 AM

    Size Does Matter- Potholes and Penises

    Thegoodthebadthewtf.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  49. AnonymousApril 11, 2011 at 11:08 AM

    You've got some good ones here. I like to add some conspiratorial ones. ;)

    "I See You..."
    "Still Watching..."
    "Can't Escape Me..."

    ReplyDelete
  50. Oilfield TrashApril 11, 2011 at 11:40 AM

    @ Katsidhe, thank you.

    @ Tina, those are good.

    @ Sam, thank you very much.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Pat TillettApril 11, 2011 at 9:12 PM

    I'd love to see the Zombie warning. They are coming you know....

    ReplyDelete
  52. Oilfield TrashApril 12, 2011 at 7:44 AM

    @ Pat, are you kidding, they are already here. And the vote.

    ReplyDelete
  53. AnonymousApril 23, 2011 at 12:47 PM

    I would make my sign say "God can see you" or "stop texting"...something like that. :P

    ReplyDelete

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