A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Great Inventions #4 – The Superbowl Edition

Well here is another in my series of Great Inventions that have come about during my lifetime. I didn’t invent these things, I am just writing about them to remind you my reader of their greatness. And this week we are focused on the Superbowl.

Big Screen Televisions.

Big screen televisions were invented solely for Superbowl Sunday. If you don’t believe me, then why is it that most of the televisions sold in America are sold in the two weeks before the Superbowl? Exactly, there is a reason for the large number of televisions sold in this country. The first reason is the Superbowl and all of the other reasons don’t matter to me. The big screen television was invented because everyone wanted to see the game on something bigger than a 36” television. This guy who invented the big screen is my hero and I don’t even know who he is (although it would be funny if he were Japanese and didn’t even like football).

Instant Replay.

Now I know some of you are thinking that instant replay is not a good thing, but I think it is. I would rather have a blown call on the field get reversed by instant replay even if it goes against my team as long as it was the correct call. Hell if instant replay existed back in the 1970’s, the “immaculate reception” would have never have happened as it would have been called back. But needless to say most of the time, instant replay gets it correct in the NFL. If it were not for instant replay I am pretty sure the refs would have blown the best catch ever in Superbowl history two years ago when Santonio Holmes caught that ball in the corner of the end zone which allowed the Steelers to win it with 45 seconds to go. Enough said.

 Inflatable Chairs.

Now if you have never watched a Superbowl from an inflatable chair, then you just ain’t living your life correctly. Back when I was a young college bachelor, I went through tons of these chairs. They even got better as the years went on. Some models started including beer holders in the arms of them. The companies who made them even started using better materials so that they lasted longer. I went at least eight straight years with one of these in my apartment. They are cheap, easy to move, and make for great pranks when you want to push someone out of a chair during the game.

Helmet Salsa Holders.

There is no better a way to put salsa or cheese dip in than a football helmet. You can incorporate your favorite team into your snacking during the big game. They literally have hundreds of different football teams helmets made into salsa holders. Not only are you supporting your team with one of these helmets, but you don’t have to get up as many times to refill it since it holds a lot of salsa.


I know what you are thinking here, "Hey Trash, women weren’t invented during your lifetime." Yes I am aware of that fact, but someone has to do the cooking of all the damn food for the big game. And for this fact alone, women are a great Superbowl invention. 

Well there you have it, another post in my series of great inventions.

(By the way, the part about the women is a joke for those of you without a sense of humor.)


  1. I don't mind cooking for the Super Bowl as long as I get to watch it!

    Like you I am also greatful for instant replay...the Santonio Holmes....almost not a catch is still very fresh!

  2. Wait. So you want women around for football or not? Do you think women can cook shit as good as you or are we incompetent? I mean, you really need to make up your mind here...

  3. I've never seen the Superbowl, I'm missing out on so much... TV's, comfy chairs and women!

  4. "Greatest Invention: Women"

    Wow. Look out ladies, captain romance has arrived.


  5. yup on all of these. mY wife no longer cooks for SB sunday, however, it is up to me..

    time to trade her in for 2
    24 year olds!

    Bruce Johnson JADIP
    Evil Twin
    stupid stuff I see and hear
    The Dreamodeling Guy
    The Guy Book
    The Guy Book

  6. Haha. I loved catering to the men during the game when I was in relationships come Super Bown Sunday. Hockey is another thing...he can wait on me...but football...sure.

    That being said...I have never watched the big game from an inflatable chair or eaten out of a helmet...seems I've been missing out.

  7. I don't know whether to be mad about the woman comment or be happy that you think we are one of the best inventions ever. I'm still on the fence :)

    Also totally agree with big screen TVs. I could live without all the other things.

  8. @ Krystle, exactly why I put it there.

    @ Miley, yes some women can cook as good as I can. Although Superbowl Sunday is the one absolute day of the year I can be as lazy as I want so I can enjoy the game.

    @ Sex, yes you are missing out.

    @ Kev, there was nothing romantic about it. It was a sexist joke. Not the best way to go about getting women.

    @ Bruce, that sounds like a plan. Bonus points if they are twins.

    @ Jewels, that is not a bad idea.

    @ Mash, it is a joke. Please see the "warning" page at the top of my blog.

  9. Okay...you know I was about to be all over your ass about that 'women' comment. I knew you were joking, though because I, too, like to say shit just to piss people off.

    Enjoy the game! I will be sulking that whole day, just to let you know. So you can enjoy my angst while you're at it. ;)

    a bitch called mom

  10. What the hell is this blasphemy you are spouting about the Immaculate Reception not being good?!! Oh, where is that article I read where they had a mathematician and scientist break it down?

    I'll make the food for the game, but what isn't made beforehand ain't getting done. I'm watching the game, dammit.

  11. @ Mrs Hyde, I am glad you catch my drift about the joke. And I know you are bitter about your Ravens losing, now go and put your big girl panties on and get over it.

    @ Krissy, it is not blasphemy, if they had replay back then it would have been called back. I know it. But they didn't so the play stands. lol

  12. http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/04292/397451.stm

  13. @ Krissy, that is a great article. Thanks for sharing it.

  14. I am SOOOOO pissed about your women comment, HOW DARE YOU! LOL I am so excited for the Super Bowl even if my Eagles aren't playing. I just love football

  15. Well, Adam was made from a bone taken from he woman's rib, so in essence, men are the greatest invention too.

    Instant replay kicks ass...not only do you get reassurance that calls were made correctly, but you also get to make slow motion sounds when they play back a tackle!

  16. @ Birdshit, you will get over it. Yes you will. And I am excited as well.

    @ Lonely, umm I think you have it backwards. Eve was made from Adams rib. At least it was in the bible I read. That is true about instant replay.

  17. I can't believe you didn't include crockpots into the SB Sunday greatest cooking inventions! After the women finish the cooking and wander off to do 'womanly things'...the crockpot keeps the queso or meatballs or lil sausages warm! ;)


  18. @ Sam, I actually thought about putting the crockpot on this list but I figured that they were invented long before I was born.

  19. I'm laughing at Kev D's comment. It's a good one.
    Are women supposed to cook for Superbowl Sunday? I thought you guys just do the doritos, beer and salsa thing, no?
    Happy Superbowl anticipation week, Mr. O.

  20. @ Robyn, yes his comment was funny. Umm sometimes they are. Sometimes we are. It depends really. Since this year my fav team is in the game, I am not cooking. Last year I cooked everything except the cheese dip. This year my house will be jam packed with people. I will be lucky to have 3-4 women cooking food. There will be cheese dip with sausage in it, bacon wrapped jalapenos stuffed with cheese, wings, veggie trays, bbq chicken and a ton of other stuff as well. It will be a artery busting day that is for sure.

  21. Bullshit. All I ever hear from you is how damn busy you are on superbowl sunday. You just WANT to be the one not doing fuckall.
    You say there will be 3-4 women there... Here's my predictions: 2 will be high and one will be drunk, the 4th will be both. Please... you are sooooo going to be pissed off by the end of the day after you have cooked, people have crawled in your colon and the Steelers have given a less than stellar performance.

  22. That is not said rudely... I'm just thinking you will be wishing your arteries would burst b/c of all the NOT relaxation you'll be having with so many people around talking and NOT watching the game, therefore interrupting your game time lol

  23. Ah big screen tv's, another reminder that I need to get with the times and get a proper television (unlike the 'chubby' old kind I have). As for the women comment, I always thought they were invited to cook AND so that guys have a place to rest their beer ; )


  24. @ Miley, you SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE with that talk of the Steelers not playing well. Now if they play bad on Sunday I will hold you PERSONALLY responsible.

  25. I'm supposed to cook? Must be why I'm still single.

  26. @ Miley, I will be fine. As long as I don't run out of beer and food.

    @ Empress, you are correct. Just not in my case with the women who will be in my house.

  27. @ Jen, it is not a requirement that the women cook. But in my case (if you knew of my life) you would know that to have the "women" that are going to be in my house that day have to cook. It is their "ticket" into the house so to speak.

  28. i love miley-

    cuz now if the steelers loose there is a fall guy(ette)..

    but hey if my lions(1st team /jets 2nd) ever even sniffs the hallowed turf of the superbowl where ever it is played, i will prolly not remember it cuz i will be on like a two week binge and blackout... before the game...

    of course i will dvr the game, but watching after you know the results is fucking lame, and you KNOW some jackasshat will spill the beans as i lie in an ER bed, wherein i would land from said binges and blackouts...not letting me know the sweetness of a SB game, irrelevant of the win or loss in real dvr time..

    so you see....

    it could be a lot worse my oily friend...a.lot.worse.

  29. You are so right, I remember trying to watch the SB with a small TV, it sucked. Someone was always in the way... What a great day it is, just remember to keep off the roads if you can afterwards....

  30. @ Bruce, I am going to take that with a grain of salt. But I would cheer for the Lions in the Superbowl if they ever make it. Of course as long as they were not playing the Steelers. I used to root for the Lions back in the day because I really liked Barry Sanders and how he ran the ball with such ease and grace.

    @ Pat, I will be at home the whole day and not leaving so no problems there.

  31. My team has been there four times, so I know you're having a great week! Enjoy!
    I remember when I bought a brand spanking new TV to watch the Giants beat the Bills. It was glorious.
    That TV is now down in my cellar, relegated to only being used to play video games.
    And the Giants pissed all over themselves and didn't make the playoffs-again.
    Methinks there's a cosmic kind of connection between the two.
    No bandwagon for me, but...Go Steelers!

  32. Bruce, I am taking boyfriend applications. ish.

  33. @ Al, I would have rather the Steelers played the Giants than the Packers. Oh well such is life. Thanks for the support.

    @ Miley, you just got cut out of the will.

  34. miley-
    FYI-i am terrible boyfriend material....i drink, smoke (well not any more) cuss, watch sports, drink, and am unemployed, as well as opinionated, snore, drink, and hate mornings...

    oh and i hear you are outta OFT's will....

    so where do i get this application????

    oft- you know i HAVE to root for the steelers... i just cannot get past the packers being div rivals and all that...

    SimpleDude put it best, but i foregt what he said verbatim, but it was something like the packers fucking suck..

    i have to agree...

  35. A while back, I got home one day to see a big screen LCD sitting in the living room. My wife just said, "Surprise. I couldn't help myself."

    I don't think I ever loved her more.

  36. Oh, well since you are unemployed that cuts you out. The rest of that I totally was okay with or do as well - ask OT there. Man snores like a train.
    BUT... I do still want to be in OT's will so that I can get the stuff back that I gave him when we were together. Otherwise it will get burned or some shit.

    Oh, and I can totally be the fall guy if the Steelers lose, just don't tell Mewelde because I'm pretty sure he can find out where I live really easily since we went to school together back in the day.

  37. @ Vinny, that is a good woman you have there. Keep her.

  38. I remember being so pumped because I sent away for an inflatable miller light chair. My friends popped it in the 3rd quarter.

  39. miley-
    yeah... i wonder why the unemployment thing is usually the deal breaker, but it is...

    i still love you, cuz if by some miracle the fudgepackers beat the steelballerz our boy OT will be in a foul mood...glad you will take the fall...

    somehow gotta figure out a way to stay in his will....

    a few bottles of patron may(notice i said may) do the trick!

    and i kinda like him in this pregame spirit!

  40. @ Copyboy, don't feel bad the same shit happened to me as well.

    @ Bruce, she has gone and fucking jinxed us now. And no amount of Patron can make up for that.

  41. Oh no, I don't want OT in a foul mood. I didn't even say the Steelers wouldn't win. I said that with his luck, they would be playing "less than stellar"... remember his 10% theory? It comes in right... about... NOW.

  42. bro- come on...its the fucking packers.

    they lost to the lions this year 7-3. and barely beat them in the other game...

    they really have no business being in the sb...they beat a bears team (in the conf game)that really lost to the lions twice except for totally blown officiating (game one CJ scores game winner, but the continuation of the bears prozass is invoked the
    other game they throw the flag on a legal hit on that fucking jay "i can't finish the most important game of my life cuz i have sand in my vagina" cuntler) the fuggiepack will be exposed.

    if i had any fucking money i may even place a bet, and we all know how often i win those..

    so yeah, miley did not jinx the steelers....

    think postitive bro! positive!

  43. @ Miley, so you continue to jinx it even more by bringing up the 10% theory. Nice.

    @ Bruce, yea it is the damn Packers. I don't count the game against the Lions because it was a rivalry game and rivalry games are strange beasts. I am trying to stay positive, but after the jinx I am not so sure. At least tomorrows post will be more positive.

  44. hey, you know what's fun? if you replace the word "superbowl" with the word "porn". as in "Big screen televisions were invented solely for Porn", and "I know what you are thinking here, "Hey Trash, women weren’t invented during your lifetime." Yes I am aware of that fact, but someone has to do the cooking of all the damn food for the big game. And for this fact alone, women are a great Porn invention."

    you know, cuz i don't know anything about football.

  45. I will counter any of Miley's prospective jinxing by performing an elaborate Terrible Towel wave and anoint the TV with Iron City Light.

    We can't let the mojo get hijacked!

    Me, I'm hoping Pinky will stay at her place on Super Bowl Sunday, but I doubt that will happen. I don't mind some yappin' when it's just a regular SB, but when the Steelers are playing, I demand radio silence.

  46. @ Kage, I love your funny jokes. That was the reason for the big screen tv on the other 364 days of the year. lol

    @ Bluz, we need to do something to get rid of her hex.

  47. Don't worry. I won't watch the game. I won't even think about the game. I will go run off in fields of poppy and think about butterflies and shit.

  48. @ Miley, you can watch the game. I am hoping my work sends me out of town this weekend since you already 10 percented it. lol

  49. i was just commenting on a friends wall and I came across your grilled cheese avatar and had to check your blog out. Im glad I did, and Im following now. Not to mention we would both like to go back to brazil...what part did you live in? Are you a fan of futbol?

    P.S., the helmet salsa holder made me laugh

  50. What. The. Fuck! Miley, I thought we were friends. Geez, enough of this even KIDDING about the Steelers losing and that "j" word I won't even say. I'd really hate to have to hurt a bloggy friend, but people have been injured for much less in my past. :) Now play nice until our Steelers get on the field to kick some ass, please!

  51. @ King, thanks for stopping by. I was in Macae and Rio. Glad the helmet made you laugh. And yes I am a fan of soccer.

    @ Krissy, That is kinda what I was thinking as well.

  52. I NEVER SAID THEY WOULD LOSE!! Sheesh! I just said they would play "less than stellar".

  53. @ Miley, you brought up a potential "10%" thing, that is all I am saying.

  54. Miley, stop the madness! Our boys can never win the easy way, so it will be a nail biter. But the football Gods do NOT need to hear your negativity, missy. *walking off giving you a dirty look* :P

  55. the 10% was just about you having a shitty day with people in your colon all the way up to the large intestine. NOT the game itself.

    Krissy, of COURSE it will be a nail biter. Now that MY football season is over (LSU), my nails are intact. I am fully aware of the nail biting issues hahaa

  56. @ Miley, please make a sacrifice to Jobu with a bucket of KFC to ward off the bad spirits. Thank you in advance.

  57. Big screen tv's are my vice. I love 'em. Won't watch football, basketball, hockey, or NASCAR on anything else.

    Inflatable chairs are fun to bounce on. There, I said it.

  58. @ Frisky, that is true. Shame I will never own one because I can't afford it. But yes I agree.


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