A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Don’t Mind Me, I Am Busy Reading

The UPS guy was nice enough to deliver and leave a package on my porch yesterday.

You see I bought this new book online yesterday from Amazon and I have been eagerly waiting for it to come so I can read it.

This book is the mother of all self help books.

Basically this book will help you with anything that is wrong with you whether or not you actually have a problem.

More to the point, this book is the best book ever written in recorded history.

No it is not a bible.

What is this great book you ask?

The book is called “Understanding Women. Volume 1”

The only problem with the book that I can see so far is that it was written by a woman. This explains why it is 12,745 pages long, written in very fine small print, and also not available on Kindle.

I will be back in six or so months to write a review for you.


  1. Interesting post, thank you!
    I love your blog!

  2. Never try to understand women, just nod and say yes in the appropriate places.

  3. I also bought that book a few years back. Unfortunately, the UPS driver was also a woman and got lost. Months later when the book finally showed up, it was too late. Having desperately needed the relationship saving info within this book, I had been dumped waiting for it to arrive.

    Lately it's made a great foot stool, but maybe I should shake the dust off and actually give it a read. Anyone got a big ass highlighter?

    (It's ok, i'm kidding ladies... sheesh)


  4. The question isn’t can you understand them so much as should you understand them.

  5. That made me laugh because it's bloody true, what about the errata as they keep changing the rules?

  6. hahaha!!!! It is easy to understand us! We want Chocolate and Diamonds... it's that simple.

  7. It comes standard with Kindle, silly...

  8. I just obey the boobs, and whatever they tell me. It works, and I don't have to read.

  9. I'll save you the eye strain, OT: there is NO understanding women.

    At all.

  10. @ iNews, thank you.

    @ Tony, that is good advice.

    @ Simple Dude, that right there is classic.

    @ Drake, good point.

    @ Lurker, very true. And hence why there is more than one volume.

    @ Rosie, those are just a start.

    @ Lass, HA.

    @ Lost, good advice right there.

    @ Katsidhe, you bet your ass there is eye strain the book is all written in very fine print.

  11. Understanding woman is similar to our government trying to balance the budget. ;~)

  12. To Rosie's list i would add: backrubs, oral sex and sweet talk. Not necessarily in that order. ;)

  13. I feel like you had a subliminal joke in there.

  14. @ Nubian, good point.

    @ Dawn, I am good all at three of those things. Not so much on the diamonds though.

    @ Copy, of course there is.

  15. She's right, I'm wrong. Understood!

  16. That must be just the chapter on dealing with PMS right? haha.

  17. Oh come on OT - you read my blog! It's the MEN that are hard to figure out! Gawd when it comes down to it all I want is honesty, authenticity and some attention. That isn't so difficult, is it?

    Kelly @ http://myjoyproject.blogspot.com/

  18. @ Vinny, good man.

    @ Barb, you said it.

    @ Kelly, I am very easy to figure out. Feed me and screw me and I am good. lmao

  19. Okie dokie - I eagerly await the book review.

  20. An exercise in futility. We don't understand ourselves. But maybe that's just me...

  21. I bought the DVD collection series when it comes to understanding men... I am on the 218th hour and have decided it would be much easier to just become gay!

  22. Good luck with that. If you crack the code, you will be the first man in the history of the world.

  23. @ Shelby, ok.

    @ Vixen, I am glad you got the joke.

    @ Tracy, you are not the first woman to say that.

    @ Cajun, there is a first time for everything right?

  24. hahaha. I am laughing so damned hard. I promise you that 12,743 of those pages are just reworded repeats of the first 2 pages! Loved this post!

  25. haha all you need to know is feed us chocolate and answer "yes dear" to whatever we say and all is good.

    Everyday Life

  26. OT, I think Jewels was the editor of that book from the sound of it.

  27. Oh OT... if only all men were as uncomplicated as you :)

    Or if only you lived in Victoria! lol

    Kelly http://myjoyproject.blogspot.com/

  28. @ Jewels, you are probably right.

    @ Becca, sometimes that works sometimes it does not.

    @ George, you may very well have stumbled upon the truth.

    @ Kelly, sorry I don't live closer. lol

  29. Brat! lol Women may use too many words, but men don't use near enough. I mean, were you taught to talk in code by the CIA at birth or something? ;)

    Great post!

  30. Oh how my hubby and dad would agree with you!


  31. You like the mystery. As soon as we become predictable, you're bored. Put the book away.

  32. Ummm....I don't get it.

    JK - love the post!

  33. @ Virgin, I know how to communicate. I can't vouch for everyone else.

    @ Canadian, I am sure they would.

    @ Jen, sometimes. Not all of the time.

    @ Janie, yes you do. lol

  34. I'm sure there's an app for that. Ditch the book and get your manly self out there amongst the ladies!

  35. Wow, somebody was able to write a book?

  36. JT you're a dork! hahaha I loved this!

  37. Volume 1 :)
    dont waste your time. women are all different and the fact that some women claims to know what all women want just makes her even less trustworthy. You need assistance with a women? ask her or ask me. I am the master of all things after all.

  38. @ Empress, that might just be an app for that.

    @ Teach, yep.

    @ Yvonne, of course I am.

    @ Mack, that is another good point.

  39. I can't tell if this post is serious or not, but if it is, then it's probably wise that you never try to understand woman. In fact, we are all different anyway so it would be quite impossible.

  40. @ Sarah, this whole post was sarcasm. I know there is no point in trying to understand women because they don't even understand themselves. lol

  41. It is available on the kindle.
    You just have to buy the special edition 100 petabyte version!


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