A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

You Delicious Fatty Bastard

I wanted to take a minute to tell you about what I had for lunch yesterday. You see a new place just opened up three miles from my work that I just had to eat at.

I am addicted to this place like a fish is addicted to water. No scratch that, I am addicted to this place like OJ Simpson is addicted to white women. No that isn’t right, I am addicted to this place like Bill Clinton is addicted to interns and cigars. Yea that is it.

I have been to this lovely restaurant many times when I travel to Atlanta and through the South, but here in Houston there is just one location. And that one location is not in a convenient location for me to eat at when at home or at work as it is 60 miles from home and takes too long to get to from work during my lunch hour.

That is until recently when the second location opened up.

Now this place mainly serves up some great French fries, burgers, and shakes. And well since I am a true red blooded American, I love me some good burgers.

Ladies and gents I give you……………

Steak N Shake.

I know some of you are thinking that Steak N Shake ain’t anything to write home to momma about, but to me it is. You see outside of the one location which is not convenient for me to get to, the next closest Steak N Shake is light years away from my house. And you know how it is; you want stuff that you can’t have. So I have been craving this place for a long time.

I also know that some of you have never even heard of Steak N Shake, and well I truly pity you fools who have never had a meal from Steak N Shake. Go to their website and find the closest one to you and go eat there. You may or may not like it, but how often can you say you ate a 50’s style burger joint?

On this glorious day, I had the double meat chipotle burger with fries, a coke, and followed up with a strawberry milkshake. Then shortly after eating, I proceeded to fall into a deep coma at my desk.

The burger alone was worth the 5 bucks as it was better than licking Natalie Portman between her legs  absolutely delicious.

Now that I have had my burger fix, I will leave you with this picture as my gift to you. Don’t ever say I never shared anything with you.


  1. And now I want fries. At 10:12 in the morning. I'm calling "sabotage" on your ass. :/

  2. Blargh. Not available in Canada. But we have Lick's homeburgers, so I'll survive.

  3. Damn! The finally open another one in the Houston area and it's still far away from me. Of course, that's actually a good thing because I would eat there far too regularly if it was closer.

  4. I love Steak N Shake. Make that "loved" I"m no longer on the road and they have none here. But that's ok, I'll take SoCal over Steak n Shake any day, bring it on bitch! But really, I used to always eat the Chili Mac Supreme assuming it was the "healthy" choice. I looked it up. That fucking plate racked up at like 1,500 calories!!! Whoa heart attack waiting to happen!!! Now I am profoundly in love with Five Guys. Best. Fucking. Burger. Evah. And their fries? Hold the fort, I'm moving in!

    惄 my cyber house rules dot com

  5. Ohhh that is so an American burger joint. All you can eat pancakes?? Half Price Happy Hour?? Hahaha
    Why do they call their hot dogs "Steaks?" I don't get it?
    I do get your appreciation for a good ol' greasy Burger joint. When we drive, instead of flying, to site it's about 800km and we try to stop in Grasslands. There's a burger joint called Walley's there and it's dammmmn good burgers. Homemade fries...and their poutine...oh DROOL. You yanks need poutine. Go all out man.

    Of course I suffer like fuck after eating all that grease but once in awhile it's worth it.

  6. Grrrrrr! I was totally find with munching on my apple and Special K protein meal bar for lunch until I read this.

    Grrr.... now I want meat.

    Damn you

    Lucky you

    Eat well, man....eat well

  7. Shite... thanks for fucking up my Atkins diet plan for the week. Off to Steak N Shake I go for lunch.

  8. are you suuuuuuuuuuuuure it's better than licking natalie portman between the legs?

  9. Mmmm...burgers...

    Excuse me, I have to go clean the drool from my keyboard.

  10. The closet one to me is in Georgetown. Just lookin at that burger makes me want to take a road trip.
    (I think I need a bucket I'm drooling so much)

  11. BLARG, wtf dude? Seriously? That falls in the category. "Shitholes to go when you are so waste you don't care about the urine on the floor". You know like the OBT Denny's or any waffle house on the planet? OMG you probably like that frickin whataburger place too? Somebody throw me some imodium I am queasy just reading this.

  12. I could never be your woman-I don't eat beef. I do enjoy a good turkey burger though. I am addicted to Nifty Fifty's in much the same way! They have amazing chicken ceasar sandwhiches and milkshakes---oh god their milkshakes have been known to induce orgasms. Oh oh oh and their cheese fries...now I'm getting all excited. They are only in the Philly/East Pa area and NJ...but they are to die for. I understand the addiction. Glad your fix is closer now.

  13. @ Sara, I am sorry I have planted the seed of evil in your mind. How long do you have to walk on the fuckmill to burn on some fries?

    @ Pickles, you have Boston Pizza so it is a fair trade in my opinion.

    @ Anonymous, I am sorry.

    @ Nikki, I like 5 Guys french fries. There is a local burger joint that I think is way better than 5 guys.

    @ Galore, you can only eat poutine in cold climates to not get the fatty stuff.

    @ Daffy, I am sorry I made you lose the plot with lunch.

    @ Sausage, I am sorry. Enjoy it though.

    @ Kage, well since I haven't been able to lick Natalie Portman between her legs (yet) I can't make a comparison.

    @ Vinny, sorry about your keyboard.

  14. @ Laynee, take a road trip.

    @ Peachy, I said not everyone would agree with me. I happen to like the place.

    @ Jewels, sorry to burst your bubble.

  15. I had this exact same thing happen to me. There was a Steak & Shake about 30 minutes away and my parents would never take us there. Finally, FINALLY one opened up that was 5 minutes away. We ate there like once a week for a month, then the novelty wore off, and now I can't stand the place.

    I will still occasionally get me some cheese fries though if I'm in a pinch. :-)

  16. Checked their website and closest one is over an hour away - but rather go an hour than back to Texas!

  17. One big difference I notice between the US and Canada is the portion sizes at restaurants (not all...just the general chains). The US definitely a ton more food!

  18. @ Cake, that is cool that you are near one.

    @ Laughingmom, I will agree with you when I leave Texas.

    @ Galore, that is not always the case. The Olive Garden in Edmonton was bigger than any one I had ever been in before. And I know all about some Olive Garden. lol

  19. I've never even heard of Steak and Shake.

  20. Oh yeah! I love me some Steak N Shake! I don't get it very often either because the closest one to me is about 45 minutes away, but when we are down there, that's one of our favorite places we go! Last time I had this awesome burger with bacon and those french fried onions and barbeque sauce. Heavenly!

  21. I'm kinda pissed you went there and didn't invite me. I mean, seriously. wtf. Not cool, dude.
    It's funny that you posted this today, as I was going to see if you wanted to eat there today since my class got canceled.
    I chose sleep instead.
    Too weird, though.

  22. @ Mash, you are living a very "Sheltered" life. lol

    @ Hannah, I am glad I have been able to reach out to at least one fan.

    @ Miley, that is funny.

  23. I too love me a good burger. I've never heard of this place... but now I want it... I want it so much!

  24. I can hear your arteries hardening from here....


  25. Never heard of this place. now i really want a burger it looks really good

  26. well, I have honestly never been, but maybe i'll check it out soon. I'm sure they have one here in dallas some where..


  27. Looks like a place we have around here, Five Guys. Deliciously fatty foods and every order over $20 gets a free defibrillator. Yum!

  28. Boooooo! None in Washington. I'll just have to take your word for how fabulous it is.

  29. @ Paul, it was good indeed.

    @ Joy, I can hear them as well.

    @ Emily, you should try it.

    @ Amber, I am not sure if they have one near Dallas.

    @ Heather, that sucks I am sorry to hear that.

  30. I totally love Steak and Shake. They are in Florida and when I was getting ready to move, they opened one in the town I lived in. I so know what you mean by you want what you can't have because I need a Chickfila infusion soon! OMG I so miss that!!! Help!

  31. OH MY GOD!!! How can the majority of all of you not know what steak and shake is!

    WTF is with steak and shake shout outs lately...rub that crap in my face why dont you... I am a florida girl transplanted in SoCal and I miss that shit.

    I also miss whataburger in texas...That crap was delicious as well and one of my main after drunk places back in my military days.

  32. i will trade you three steak n shakes, for one fucking waffelhouse

  33. Holy fuck, man. I've been there and it's like an orgasm in your mouth.

    The closest thing I've had locally that can compare is Five Guys Burgers and Fries. MONSTER burgers, amazing cajun fries, and Mr Pibb! They have Pibb still! WOoooooOOoOoO!

  34. @ Tawnya, thank you. And they don't have Chickfila where you are at?

    @ Brandi, I am glad you love Steak N Shake. And Whataburger is great as well. Don't you have White Castle in Cali?

    @ Bruce, no thanks we have those shit holes down here as well.

    @ Lost, I agree with you about that. And I love me some Mr Pibb.

  35. Glad to hear you got your burger fix. Once you get that hankering it is hard to control. I've been like that with donuts lately ...but not enough that I would want to lick them like Natalie Portman (you randy ole' goat)!

  36. No, OT. "Sorry to hear that" was not the response I wanted. It was supposed to be something like, "WTF, Heather? That shit is unacceptable! You get your Irish ass out here and I'll take you for some fantastic Steak N Shake!"

    Wait, I just remembered I don't go to Texas. But the gesture still woulda been nice. *wink*

  37. Listening to all this all I can say is I'm glad I don't know what I'm missing up here in Canada or I'd totally be craving all this right now....LOL

  38. They dont have White Castles here, but they have In and Out...I like the toasted bun and there hamburgers are pretty freaking great, but not something I get often.

  39. I used to get Krystal Burgers on the way home from Daytona when I lived in Florida. Those are pretty freaking good

  40. OH LORD HELP ME!!! I LOVE my Southern fried food!!! Steak N Shake, Whataburger, Sonic, Waffle House, etc. Chicken Fried Steak smothered in white gravy. Ooooooh, how I miss my bad-for-me food. Snow country doesn't have 'em. At least I have my mama...she's a true Southern cook--if you could only hear her around anyone who downs fried food. Lord help them! LOL

  41. No wonder you Texans are big dudes.

  42. @ Empress, ah come on I thought everyone wanted to lick Natalie Portman.

    @ Heather, ok bring your Irish Ass down here and we can go for a burger.

    @ Tav, be glad you don't have it or you would be addicted to it like Charlie Sheen is addicted to cocaine and hookers.

    @ Brandi, I have heard good things about In and Out Burgers.

    @ Frisky, I agree with you, I do love me some southern food.

    @ Tony, burgers are not just limited to Texas. Just so you know.

  43. I don't eat burgers, so that mean food pic you posted doesn't affect me at all. Never heard of Steak and Shake, but I will kill my mama for some Five Guys fries. Really...I don't like that bitch.

  44. I think I felt my arteries harden just from reading this. ;-)

  45. After 5 beers I could really see 5 of those hitting the spot.

  46. This beats the crap Chinese place I went for lunch


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