A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.

Friday, March 25, 2011

BBQ RULES

Since the warm weather is arriving, that means we are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine...

(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.

(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.

Important again:

(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine...

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ' and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women!

I hope all you have a great weekend!!! Sorry about having to post an old joke I got in an email from a friend, but I have family in from out of town and I did not have time to write a typical Oilfield Trash post.

56 comments:

  1. I think you forgot to put: woman wears low cut shirt to calm man in case of any grilling mishaps.

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  2. Very funny and made me chuckle, the barbecue season in Ireland is quite short though.

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  3. YES! MEAT!

    And if I tried to pull this off, I'd be missing a testicle by the end of the night.

    But still. WOOO! for BBQ season!

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  4. Do you have a camera in my house?

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  5. THANK YOU, OT, for your blogging and BBQ efforts! You make the world a better and redder, place ;)

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  6. @ Toastman, that is implied in this household.

    @ Lurker, thank you. You can BBQ year round in most of the world, you might get a little cold but you can do it.

    @ Sam, thank you.

    @ Lost, well I carry a strong "Pimp Hand" so that won't happen to me.

    @ Mrs Hyde, yes actually I do have a camera in your house.

    @ Dawn, ah thank you.

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  7. Very funny but also The Man goes to bed and gets ZERO from The Wife! Now who's smart? hehe

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  8. Great post OT - very funny and true! -You should include in step 5 - man drinks, scratches self, stretches and breathes deeply. You don't want it to look like he's lazy or anything.

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  9. haha! great post! indeed, very true!

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  10. HAHAHAHAHAHA... Dude! Awesome post.

    You forgot the step where nobody really eats the salad and the woman cries herself to sleep.

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  11. @ Barb, sometimes that happens. Sometimes it doesn't.

    @ Laughingmom, that is so true as well.

    @ Bz, thank you.

    @ Kev, thanks. That is true, no one really eats salad with a huge helping of meat.

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  12. Amen Brother...
    keep up the good fight
    and keep the lassies away
    from the pit.....

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  13. Ah...What to say when the man has said it all??

    :)

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  14. it's sad how true this post can be sometimes!!!

    i agree with @Powered Toast Man... missing the sexy outfit part...

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  15. I'm sending this to my boyfriend right now. Love.

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  16. LOL so true. Can't wait for this year's first cookout!

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  17. That pretty much says it all when it's time to throw your meat on the grill, or was that what the wife did to you?

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  18. The woman's dressed in a bikini this whole time, right? Or she's not dressed?

    I'm fine with the men doing the grilling, if, for once, the didn't turn out uncooked inside but burnt to a crisp outside. Get it right, you manly men!

    xoRobyn

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  19. @ Sausage, that is exactly right.

    @ Brandi, yep.

    @ Williamsgirl, very true the women need a sexy outfit.

    @ Cake, good idea.

    @ Mash, thank you.

    @ HAnsi, I have no wife. And I would never end up on the grill.

    @ Robyn, a bikini would be PERFECT. I don't burn the meat. Anymore that is. I am a much better cook now that I am older. Slow cooking rather than fast. Much like the "loving" time.

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  20. Excellent post. I've never been one for barbecuse though. In fact the last one I went to was January 31st 1999. It was a bit cold being the middle of winter but it was the millenium.

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  21. Love this - it's soooo true!
    I always run around like a loon getting things ready for a BBQ and then some (insert random guy/boyfriend/male family member) guy would cook, get all the cred and I'd be stuck eating caesar salad.
    Thanks for the Friday laugh...have a great weekend!

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  22. I think you need to barbecue for me at my new pad. I have a kick ass grill, a covered deck outside and seating that has cushions. Oh yeah, party at my house ;)

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  23. Haha - I love it. I think I may just BBQ tonight...I mean the boyfriend will bbq.

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  24. now wait a sec... I am the grill queen at my house :)

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  25. That is exactly how BBQs happen in my home. It's good to give the hubby some praise time since the rest of the week is "awesome wife appreciation" time.

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  26. Um, that's not how we roll up in here. If we are BBQ'ing, that means I made everything the day before and it's serve yourself. We don't eat at a table, we eat on the lawn in front of a bonfire and we don't use napkins. That's why you have grass. I also have to monitor that Matt isn't burning the shit out of everything, but also not serving us chicken that is probably still alive. And it's my job to take something off the grill and throw it at him when he's not looking.

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  27. Not me. If I'm at a barbeque or even if I'm hosting one, you'll find me with a smoke in one hand and a cocktail in the other. I will prepare and/or clean nothing! Nothing I say!!

    Have a great weekend, OT!

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  28. @ Tony, thank you. And get your ass to a bbq.

    @ Tav, thanks. You have a good one as well.

    @ Miley, I will think about it.

    @ Anna, yep.

    @ Shelby, exactly.

    @ Rosie, same here.

    @ Chio, glad to know that is how it is.

    @ Sara, you sound a lot of like me.

    @ Heather, as long as you are in a bikini there is nothing wrong with that.

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  29. what IS IT about guys wanting us to do housework in bikinis and exercise in the nude??? . . . and then they get all butt hurt because we want them to keep their clothes on . . . at least while the guests are still present . . .

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  30. @ Jlow, I don't know I think it is just in our DNA.

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  31. I wish...
    I was outside grilling in the rain yesterday. I saw hide nor hair of my wife outside of the house. She was probably inside trying to decide if she was freezing or burning up!

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  32. Shit, OT, a repost joke and you still have 32+ comments currently.

    My poor Feyonce is stuck with the buying and prepping the meat, because as a vegetarian, I start gagging if I see blood or fat or that pimply chicken skin.

    SO only half of this applies to me. lol.

    Enjoy your company!

    StephanieC

    _

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  33. I actually wouldn't hate this scenerio of the man helped out with the clean up and dishes after dinner... Other than that small change, I have no problem with it :)

    In fact, as a woman who hasn't had a man bbq for her in about 3 and a half years - if you alter #10 with my suggestion above, and change #12 to "man takes woman right there in the kitchen and rocks her world" then it sounds like a great night!

    :) Kelly

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  34. @ Pat, I am sorry.

    @ Stephanie, I know I can't believe it myself. And I am sorry for you man.

    @ Joy, I do the dishes all the time so that is not a problem here. And was that an offer? LMAO

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  35. Now HERE'S a man who knows how to treat his princess! How refreshing ;)

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  36. We know that is our role and most of the time it's not a problem for us because men tend to look so damned proud and sexy by that grill. It's all about making your man feel like a man...and nothing makes a man feel more manly than grilling meat, drinking a cold beer, watching his woman take care of things, and surveying his land. Yup...so sexy. I don't even mind doing the work as long as he gets to work that night in bed. Rawr!

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  37. @jewels - here here!!!

    and @OT - are you bbq-ing crawfish....?

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  38. @ Aimee, yes I do actually know how to treat the ladies.

    @ Jewels, that sounds like how it should be.

    @ Joy, I could BBQ them but they are better boiled.

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  39. You know how to treat the ladies? "Bitch, step out of my kitchen"
    Actually, you are good about it. If I cooked, you always insisted on cleaning.

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  40. @ Miley, you stepped out of the kitchen didn't you? Enough said. lol

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  41. As horrible as this is, it's true! The other night was my stepdad's night to cook, and my mom did everything, literally EVERYTHING except throw the ribs on the grill!

    I was like "thanks for dinner, Mom" and she actually said "don't thank me, thank your stepdad"!

    hed hed above water

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  42. good post even if it is an old joke...

    being the head cook in our house, i particularly love me some bbq season...

    i drink whenever i cook, which is all the time but, i particularly like cooking outside...

    heck i drink whenever!

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  43. Thought process through the whole thing "sure I can do that....no problem....would enjoy it...working together is good....damn no man here to do that.....okay.....shit....no grill either.....

    Plan B....borrow a man and a grill.... I'm thinking I might borrow the woman too. Then I can just sit back and enjoy ;O)

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  44. ha - so true re the three meter exclusion zone.

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  45. I love barbecuing. Mostly because I love fire. The safety zone at my mumma's house (they won't let me use fire at my apartment) is about a three yard radius. Not yard, as in three feet, yard as in my neighbors installed a bomb shelter after my first cooking experience.

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  46. @ Hed, that sounds like the truth to me.

    @ Bruce, I agree with you. I like to drink. I like to cook. Sometimes I do both at the same time.

    @ Daffy, I like your idea better than mine.

    @ David, yep you have to have the exclusion zone set up.

    @ Katsidhe, well I guess in your case you don't have to worry about pesky neighbors.

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  47. The funny thing is, that is the way that it usually goes...

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  48. Lmao!! The man and I had a good laugh over (the truth) of this one.

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  49. When I put the meat on the grill, it burns like hell.
    I just wish they liked chicken instead.

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  50. @ Teach, that is very true.

    @ Brandy, I am glad you two had a good chuckle over it.

    @ Al, that sucks for you.

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  51. ...and yet my man doesn't even grill, so i do everything...

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  52. @ Wye, I am really sorry to hear that. Want me to talk to him??

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  53. hadn't heard it so it's new to me. funny stuff, following.
    appellatesky.blogspot.com

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  54. That maybe true when there is a BBQ PARTY coming around, but what happens when it's just the family. Woman prepares all other food, man pulls out grill and puts meat on grill, man walks away, woman comes and saves meat before burnt, man takes meat off grill and gets annoyed at woman.

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