A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Happy St Patrick’s Day

Well it is that day of the year where we all rush out to celebrate St. Patrick ’s Day by drinking green beer and pinching all the ladies on the ass (or where ever you feel you can get away with it at) who are not wearing something green.

I always love this day each year as it is a simple excuse to leave work early and head to a bar (or home) to get completely fucking shitfaced.

If you are not new to my blog then you are aware of how the 10 % Theory seems to always cause me to have some kind of a major fuck up in my life at times. If are you new to my blog please go read all my posts with the tag for the 10% Theory and you will see what I mean on how my life screws up sometimes.

And the tale I am about to tell is no different than any of the other tales I tell, this one is a very real true story.

So a few years back on St Patty’s day a bunch of my friends decided that they would all meet up after work at a local Sherlock’s Pub for drinks and to watch this local band play. Since I didn’t have my kids that night I was game for some green day shenanigans to say the least.

I left work a little bit late and headed out for the 30 minute drive to the Sherlock’s Pub that we normally hang out at. When I got there the parking lot was beyond crowded so I had to park across the street.
I fought my way inside the overly crowded bar (which I am sure was WAY over the fire departments limit for that building) trying to get near the bar to get myself a pint of the green beer. It took over half an hour to get ONE DAMN BEER. Did I mention that this joint was crowded? Because I think I forgot to mention that the bar was crowded.

I bought myself TWO PINTS of beer because I knew Jesus would be back on earth quicker than I could get more beer from the bar.

Once I had beer in hand I set out to try and find my friends inside the bar. I texted a couple of them and they said that they were near the stage. It took me about 20 minutes to squeeze my ass through the crowd to get near the stage. After running the gauntlet to get to the stage I now knew what those babies went through for all of those months inside the octo-mom. Did I mention that it was crowded yet?

After standing there trying to look and see where my friends were at without success, I began texting them to ask once again where they were. They all responded that they were standing in front of the stage. I then climbed onto the stage (the band had not yet started playing) and started looking around the crowd still not seeing them.

I then did the smart thing and called one of my friends while still standing on the stage. I asked again where the hell they were at with the same response, “in front of the stage”. I told my friend, “I am standing on the fucking stage, can you see me?” They responded, “No there is no one standing on the stage.”

Then it dawned on me, I am at the wrong fucking Sherlock’s Pub location. All of my friends were at the location 10 miles up the road.

I got off of the stage and fought the crowd to get outside to the patio where I could people watch, drink my beer, and smoke my sorrows away. Good times.

I mean who goes the wrong fucking bar? I do apparently.

I finished my beer and headed home without even trying to go to the other location because I was so pissed at myself for being a dumbass. When I got home I checked the evite thingy and yep I had misread it and gone to the wrong location. At least I had got to have me some green beer.

So think of me while you are drinking your green beer today and make sure that you go to the right bar to celebrate if you are meeting your friends.


  1. Was it crowded my friend, 10 miles away aswell, just one of those things that happen, Happy St.Patricks Day.

  2. My first ever beer was a green beer; at the Bennigan's on the 610 S Loop right past the Astrodome. I was freshly separated and it was not even a 5 minute walk from my apartments...yeah I lived in those ghetto apartments you can see from the loop.

    That was the day I also experienced Tequila jello shots...

    The beer was disgusting but I loved it because it tasted of freedom! The shots, on the other hand, were fantastic & I fell in love with Mr. Jose that night...o what a night it was.

  3. I didn't catch it, was it crowded in there? I do hate it when I do stupid things. I probably would have done what you did and just headed on home.

  4. That is so something that would happen to me. I am impressed that you could have two pints of beer and text at the same time. Quite the skill set OT! Oh, and thanks for the boobs.

  5. I can't believe you went home! I'd have chugged those drinks and gotten my ass to the right bar with something to make my friends laugh at.

  6. if you got to squeeze past the lady in the picture up top there, then it wasn't a total waste.

  7. The only thing sadder than that is I'm purposely not wearing green today and I'll bet dollars to doughnuts I don't get a single pinch. Woe is me and my lonely ass....

  8. wow! Sorry about that. We only have like... 3 real bars where I live, so no chance of having a mix up, but being the true southern gal that I am... I am always ALWAYS late and so are my friends.
    Hope you have a great St. Patty Day

  9. not a fan of green beer, and can honestly say i have not had one in over 25 years...

    i avoid amatur (sp?)days such as this one when everyone and their dumbass cousin's brother are out drinking and getting stupid...

    there is enough stupid to go around without throwing a bunch of green beer at em!

    i do not need an excuse to drink, however and will enjoy a few stouts later today...

    and hope you find a great place to quaf a few brew as well!

    green or otherwise

  10. @ Lurker, it was worse at the one ten miles away.

    @ Becca, thank you.

    @ Primed, I know exactly where you are talking about. Sadly they went out of business in the States so the building is empty now. And you should try Patron tequila, it is way better than Jose. TRUST ME.

    @ Paul, yep it was beyond crowded.

    @ Randomgirl, yes I am very talented to say the least. And you are welcome for the boobs. I can fit boobs on any post in my blog. Yes I said it.

    @ Krissy, I didn't leave before finishing the beer. The military does not leave men behind and I don't leave a beer un-drank.

    @ Sherilin, no that lady was not there.

    @ Aimee, if you were here I would pinch your ass.

    @ Rosie, exactly. Well there are thousands of bars here so it is not hard to get confused sometimes.

    @ Bruce, I don't mind the green beer one day a year. And you bring up a valid point, but today is a good day for tits and ass so I usually go out to stare at the tits. I mean it is good for my health after all.

  11. well played sir, well played!

  12. @ Bruce, I figured you would enjoy that.

  13. I tried ordering a green beer, hold the beer, once. The bartender did not find it as funny as I did.

  14. Good story!! Shit does happen! I hope to not be drinking green beer by myself tonight tho!

    Happy St. Patty's Day!

  15. Happy St. Patrick's Day to you too!

    I haven't celebrated in 3 years. That's not because I'm sober or anything like that...I've just been on the same damn rotation so I'm up North working.

    Ah well. At least I'll have a snake to chase around. ;)

  16. Happy St Patty's Day to you!!!

  17. I seem to remember throwing up huge volumes of green beer at some point in my life. NEVER again! Now I just throw up amber colored beer...

    What a funny and classic story! St. Patrick's Day and Cinco De Mayo, are two days I ALWAYS stay home on. That wasn't always the case, but it is now...

  18. Here's hoping you find the motherlode of all St. Patty's day treasures: a friend willing to buy, enough talent to keep you happy looking and no hangover tomorrow!

  19. @ TS, most bartenders lack a sense of humor.

    @ Williams Girl, I hope you aren't either.

    @ Galore, that sucks that you are stuck up north working.

    @ Brandi, thank you.

    @ Pat, puking anything up sucks. And thank you I am glad you liked my story.

    @ Tav, I doubt I will ever find the mother lode. Oh well.

  20. "I knew Jesus would be back on earth quicker than I could get more beer from the bar."

    Hahahaha! Funny shit!! Wait. Who's Jesus?

    Happy St. Paddy's Day my friend! I'll drink one, er, a few in your honor tonight. And tomorrow. And the next day....Cheers!

  21. Back to the boobs again...

    There is no green on me today in honor of the fact that I am NOT Irish. I am however, showing off much more cleavage today than the gal in your picture.

    Great story OT - I'll take red wine over green beer any day ;)

  22. Slammed and scrammed....to the next bar. :o)

    Erin go braless!

    Bottoms up!

  23. I knew you were going to go to the wrong bar when the friends invited you and you were late haha.

  24. Enjoy getting shloshed. Hope it is a safe one for you. Have a great Saint PAtties Day.

  25. @ Heather, thank you. And thanks for drinking in my good name.

    @ Joy, yep back to boobs. And pictures or it didn't happen. lol

    @ Daffy, yep it sounds slammed to me. lol

    @ Ditz, I am glad you got it before I did.

    @ Cheeseboy, I will try to.

  26. I usually go to the wrong bar after I've had a few beers. Or, as happened several years ago in Boston, I was too drunk to enter a porno movie house. Porno movie house!
    "You too dlunk! You too dlunk!"
    The bright side is that we then had to go to another bar (yeah, we needed it) and found our friend, who HAD wandered into the wrong bar.
    Didn't feel too good come the morn, though.

  27. But was the bar crowded, though?

  28. How many fake Irish people are there in the US?

  29. @ Al, that is a hilarious story.

    @ Mrs Hyde, yes it was.

    @ Tony, 364 days a year not too many. On St Patty's Day there is roughly 300 million.

  30. You know I said to someone earlier today: 'Pinch me and I'll dropkick you.' I may put some green food coloring in my Gin & Tonic just to be festive. You know?

  31. shoulda just gone to a strip bar! lol

  32. @ Anna, you don't want to be pinched? lol

    @ Kage, can you recommend a good one?

    @ Ryan, yea I was thinking the same exact thing.

  33. Wow! Jesus would've beat you to the other bar too.

  34. How did you juggle two beers and text? =O That talent more than makes up for going to the wrong bar.~

  35. WOW that is a typical sad Irish tale- you are now officially Irish. Add some wee's, pub, lasses, britches, and you might have just written an Irish classic! ;) Cheers!

  36. those bands (MOM and VOD) are veterans on the LIHC scene - glassjaw is one of my all-time favorite bands, even though they've refused to put out music for several years...anytime I can see them live, I do

    it's mood music - aggressive moods

  37. Kat and Kristen.. Impressive, huh? A true Irishman is all about the drinks before finding his friends. LOL

  38. @ Copyboy, you are probably right there.

    @ Katsidhe, I am talented like that. I tried to tell you all that I am talented.

    @ Kristen, well my dad's side of the family is of Irish descent so I guess it has rubbed off on me.

    @ Ryan, ah thats cool. I will have to check them out.

    @ Krissy, yes I am all about getting my drink/drinks in my hand before finding anyone.

  39. That's something I would've done -- were I to go out to meet up with friends at a pub. And if I were you.

    But it would've been just as hellacious at the other pub on St. Patty's, right?

    I do hope you had a good one this year, OT.

  40. Think of it as the St. Paddy's Day when you got to drink green beer and get up on stage ...oh, and no doubt rub up against a lot of boobies in the crowded bar. How's that new spin on your night?

  41. Hahahaha. I've done shit like this before. The worst was when I drove to Cincinnati (Ohio) for a horse show I was in only to learn that the show was in Dayton. I was so upset and angry I just drove back to Columbus.

  42. @ Robyn, yea that is true. And it was ok.

    @ Mack, I plan on it.

    @ Empress, that is a pretty good spin on the story.

    @ Cake, I am really glad to know I am not the only one who does shit like that.

  43. Oh no! That sucks. At least you had the beer...it would have sucked a lot worse if you couldn't even get a drink.

  44. @ Virgin, yep it did suck. And the beer was the only thing which kept my top from blowing.


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