Silent But Deadly

I was recently given another blog award, although this one is a little different than most of them. This award was the “Silent But Deadly” fart award and it was given to me by Rosie over at "Hello Rosie”.

This award is basically an award where you tell your readers your funniest fart story. And then pass on the award onto five bloggers that you think would have a funny fart story to tell.

Well all my life I have been a farter, I mean who hasn’t had a bout of the gas from time to time. Although lately my flatulence has been limited to when I eat certain foods, and this story is no different.

Last Thursday there was some meeting at my office for the big wigs (or something like that) and they had BBQ catered in. Now it was not for us “rank and file” employees but when the big wigs are done eating it is open season on the left overs for us “lowly” employees. And since I love a free meal, I got me a large plate.

I had a plate of two brisket sammiches (with onions, pickles, and bbq sauce), potato salad, and baked beans. So I am sitting there eating this free goodness and reading my paper like always at the break room table, when it started. I had to fart. Not just a normal fart either, this one had enough pressure behind it to launch a space shuttle into orbit. As I was the only one left at the table, I decided to release the cracken. It was loud and vibrated my chair so much that it probably was recorded by the US Geological Survey as a mild earth quake. And it stunk, not just stunk, but really stunk. Nothing gives me gas worse than beans and onions, and the two combined is enough to make a weapon of ass destruction.

So I kept eating and farting all by my lonesome. About 30 minutes later, I cleaned up my mess and headed back to my office. I then decided that I needed a cup of coffee if I was going to keep myself awake for the balance of the work day. As I was walking to the break room on the other side of the building, I kept farting. This time the farts were silent, but smelled like a sack of rotten onions. So I get to the break room and get myself some coffee, it is then that I fart one more time. Except this time it is different. There is a “present” along with the fart. Yep it is diarrhea. Just a little bit though.

I walk calmly to the bathroom and yep, my stomach is upset. I finish up the business of the day and tell me boss that I am sick and going home for the day. I will have you know though that no one at work knew what had actually happened to me. Only my kids, my brother, and now you know what had really happened to me.

After I get home I noticed that I had been given this nice little award (how ironic is that). And now you all know why I was sick on Thursday and was not able to write a nice post for Friday.

So the moral of this story is this and it is the best advice I can ever give to you my readers, never gamble on a fart. NEVER.

Rosie wanted a story which included the 10 Percent Theory, well I don’t think this story could have been any more 10 percent than that.

Now to pass this on to five other bloggers that make me laugh and I am sure will have a great story to tell.

Bruce over at Stupid Stuff I See & Hear.

Powdered Toast Man at Just The Cheese.

Mrs Hyde over at A Bitch Called Mom.

The Peachy One at The Pits Of Being Peachy.

Heather over at Sugar Free Thoughts.