A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Hot Single Dads?

One of the tv shows that I watch a lot of is ‘Law And Order: Criminal Intent’. The cable channel Bravo one day a week shows a marathon of this show at night. I love this show so I tolerate the fact that it is on Bravo as I can’t stand the other shows on this network. I mean who in the hell watches “The Real Housewives of An Alabama Trailer Park” anyways? I mean I couldn’t watch a show about a bunch of whiney ass rich bitches women who have never seen the inside of a grocery store, laundry mat, or a kitchen for that matter. I would rather watch a show about a housewife who is a stay at home mom, raising kids, cooking, shopping at the grocery store, and keeping a house together (you know a real life) than some dumb ass women arguing in some restaurant that I can’t afford to eat in. But I digress.

While I was watching the latest marathon a couple of nights ago, a commercial caught my ears. It was a commercial where a bunch of women were sitting around and talking. Out of nowhere one of the women says, “Nothing is hotter than a single dad who spends time with his kids,” and all of the other women agreed with her. My mouth just dropped. I did not hear the rest of the commercial to even see what the commercial was about or the context of that statement as I was so stunned by this comment.

“Nothing is hotter than a single dad who spends time with his kids.” Let that set in for a minute with you. Got it? Good.

Women NEVER look at me. Yes I said it; women never even look at me or in my direction. No I am not being cynical either; I am saying the honest truth here. I am never looked at by women. It is not like I am unattractive, because I am decent looking. Yet I never get even so much as a glance or a smile from women.

I am the dad who coaches my kids youth sports teams. I am the dad who takes my kids everywhere and does everything with them. I am the dad who hangs up my kid’s artwork in my office at work (see the picture below). I am the dad who takes his kids to Destin, Florida for Spring Break. I am the dad who works his ass off at a job where I am not appreciated and yet still stays there to support his kids. I am the dad who sacrifices his personal life (friends, dating, etc) for his kids. I am the dad who takes everything my kids give me (toys, stuffed animals, Steelers stuff) and put it on my desk at work (also see the picture below). I am the dad who has a zoo in his house because his kids are animal lovers. I am the dad who sacrifices buying a nice huge two story house and a new car so that I can put my kids in private school to have a better education than what I had as a kid. I am the dad who does everything with my kids and everything for them. Hell even back when I was married and they were newborns, I was the dad who took them to all of their doctor’s appointments, not their mother.


If single dads who spend time with their children are so damn hot, I should be on the cover of every fucking magazine sold on the planet. I should be better known than the President of the United States is. TMZ should be following my ass around 24 hours a day instead of Charlie Sheen.

Yet women do not even look at me. No women.

Now I know that I am an awesome person because I am a good dad, I have a great sense of humor, I am a great story teller, I am smart, and I am one of the kindest people you will ever meet. I also know that all of my appeal is on the inside. I am like a time release capsule pill; I take a while to work on you. But would it be too much to ask that at least one or two women look at me occasionally? Or even say hello or something to me.

What that damn commercial should have said was, “Nothing is hotter than a single dad who spends time with his kids who also makes 200K plus a year, drives a BMW, lives in a 5000 square foot house, has rock hard abs, and has a 9 inch penis which is as big around as a tree trunk.”

72 comments:

  1. I beg to differ...you don't need 200k a yr, a BMW, 9 inch penis, rock hard abs, huge house.

    Perhaps you're not as observant as you thought. Perhaps there are women looking at you but you're not looking for them?

    :-)

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  2. Maybe that woman meant a man with a little kid or baby.
    My brother-in-law is divorced with teenage boys and can't find anyone.
    Than you have my husband's best friend who has a little kid and he finds women quite often. But, then again he does have his own house and money with a really great car.
    Not sure about his penis though.But he does have a bow flex.

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  3. I'm not in the market for a guy, but if I were, you would have had me at "Steelers stuff".

    I bet women are looking, you just might be so busy being a great Daddy that you don't notice.

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  4. You are a saint!
    With all that, you're too busy for them anyway!
    You give single dads a good name! I'm proud of you!
    a great and funny post!

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  5. Good addition to the original ad, if it wasn't for myself being a dude I'd consider you a catch:P

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  6. Haha! You nailed it: “Nothing is hotter than a single dad who spends time with his kids who also makes 200K plus a year, drives a BMW, lives in a 5000 square foot house, has rock hard abs, and has a 9 inch penis which is as big around as a tree trunk.”
    And chicks be diggin' you on here! One thing? You don't have a picture of yourself here anywhere that I can see. We wanna see your rock hard abs! And whatnot. ;)

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  7. In my defense, I live too far away to look at you, so you can't hold that against me. I can tell you however, that I am convinced that you do get looked at, but my theory is that you are so focused on the things in your life (your kids and all things you do to give them the things you want them to have/experience) that you might not notice the looks when you get them. I think the commercial is spot on actually, and I know a thing or two about being single and dealing primarily with guys that have kids. I truly have no greater appreciation than for a guy that is a great dad and makes that mission 1 in his life. Don't get me wrong, all the other things would be a bonus but aren't required, but that's just me I guess. Maybe it just takes a single mom that works her ass off as hard as you to give her kid(s) the best experiences that life can offer to appreciate someone who does the same.

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  8. ... my only theory is that perhaps because you do all these things, women assume you're married?

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  9. My checklist.
    $200k a year - NOPE
    Drive a BMW - NOPE
    5000 square ft. - NOPE
    Rock hard abs - NOPE
    9" penis - NOPE
    FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
    oh wait I am married
    never mind.
    PS. good luck my fiend....
    Sausage.

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  10. @ Lass, if I was any more observant I would be called an "observatory". I am always "looking" around my surroundings. Trust me on this.

    @ Ruth, you just proved my point.

    @ Rottenmom, no I am not to busy to be observant. I notice everything and the lack of things.

    @ Pat, thank you sir. At least St Peter will be happy with me.

    @ Lurker, thanks.

    @ Dawn, I think you have been drinking too early today. I have posted some pictures of me in the past. And when I get to 250 followers I will post another one.

    @ Randomgirl, there might be some truth to some of what you are saying. The exception is the part about being too busy to see what is going on around me. I notice everything and trust me when I say that women don't look. Not even once. And my whole theory is that they only look at the "outside" first and foremost. And hence why I am "passed" over.

    @ Yandie, that might be a reason.

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  11. that is the problem with commercials...they lie...

    but on the plus side, you are a great guy!
    cuz you are a dad, that takes time for your kids... and is raising them too!

    as a guy i hear all the time about how women cannot meet a decent guy, but rarely hear the other side...

    i got your back on this one oily...

    women are missing out...

    wait...what? that sounded kinda gay...

    but i meant it in a macho, high five, fist bump, beer drinking kinda way...

    whatev...

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  12. I agree with Yandie, but on the other hand... maybe you are not looking in the right place. Maybe the places that you are looking to be noticed at are "family" oriented, most of the women are probably married or are just there for their kids as well? Also, when you stop looking is the time that someone will come along.

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  13. @ Sausage, I feel your pain.

    @ Bruce, you are correct those commercials do lie a lot. Thank you.

    @ Rosie, I disagree. Women don't look at me even when I am without the kids. Regardless of where I go. And I don't agree with that whole "when you stop looking" crap. All my life it has been the same damn thing and it pisses me off.

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  14. Hang in there. Eventually they will start looking at your again - and you'll be too fucking old to care or do anything about it - and women know that!

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  15. Dude. If you build it, they will come. And you just built it.

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  16. Hey, sometimes it better to be single. Or maybe it's something I meant more for single moms. My mom was a single mom with four kids, and she rarely found anyone but when she did, the dudes all had some sort of deep psychological problems. Like: guy who acts like he's 19, guy who "oops, is married!", guy who is a child abuser and loves teenage girls.

    Trust me, sometimes it's better to be single.

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  17. You're a wicked Dad for doing all that stuff.

    Are you actively interested in dating? If not you might just have your blinders on.

    Now shut your fucking whining and OWN THAT HOTNESS!!!

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  18. @ Sixty, the whole part of them wanting me when I am old and need a pill to get it up is what I am worried about.

    @ DBS, I don't think I have "built" anything.

    @ Chio, you have a very valid point there.

    @ Galore, I would like to date, but it is hard when the female gender does not even notice you. And this really wasn't a "whine" it was more of an observation.

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  19. It must be hard to date as a single parent, b/c you're not just dating the person; you have to potentially have your kids meet her and spend time with her and you have to have super high standards to protect them.

    You're a good dad :)

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  20. Become attached. More women will notice (and want) you if they think you're already taken.

    I'm working on bottling and eventually selling a cologne called "Taken." It makes you smell like you're in a relationship, thus making you irresistible to women.

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  21. Sorry Love, don't know what to tell you. Wish I could give the perfect advice to help, but then if I could do that, I'd be rich and famous.

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  22. @ Chio, it is. You nailed it perfectly.

    @ Lost, that actually sounds like a great invention.

    @ Rosie, it is ok.

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  23. I agree with Bruce. Commercials present the idealized version of things, not things as they actually are. It's just like when some women say they want men who will treat them well, but pick losers who abuse them. Or men who say they want smart women, but who pick vapid bimboes.

    My advice (if an unmarried, childless woman's has any merit) is just to hang in there and focus on your kids. It's a cliche, but a true one, that the best romances seem to come out of nowhere.

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  24. Nothing's hotter than a single dad who spends time with his kids? That's the weirdest fetish I've ever heard of. haha

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  25. I don't think its the income or the peen. (hee hee) But, I do remember you admitting to wearing white tennis shoes with jeans.

    I think that's why. Or maybe only MEN look at you and you haven't realized your true self yet? (hee hee) But I'm willing to bet some nice lady from your office is secretly in crush with you. And maybe you're not aware of it because you don't really look at her. But I'm willing to bet she's out there wishing you'd notice her.

    But in any case I'd suggest new shoes.

    ツ my cyber house rules dot com

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  26. Hey Oilfield - nothing is at it appears, is it? And most certainly not in a commercial!

    I've done the single parent bit forever and decided not to settle for something below my radar just so I could be part of the status quo.

    There's no easy answer to your dilemma, suffice it to say, you're not alone though.

    Cheers,
    Jenny

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  27. Maybe you should put a sign around your neck that says single dad? Make it more obvious for the less observant.

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  28. @ Bagel, I don't agree with you because I don't like that cliche. Maybe I should become a monk.

    @ Ts, that is something I had not thought about.

    @ Miss Nikki, there is nothing wrong with my shoes. And I am shocked that you remembered that. And no I am not switching teams. And no there is no office hottie crushing on me.

    @ Pearson, thank you.

    @ Brandy, I am not sure that would work either.

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  29. You know, commercials are SELLING things. If it was easy they wouldn't have to promote it! I'm sure that you have riches galore in your kids, but understand the desire to be an object of desire...hang in there and the right one will shine!

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  30. “Nothing is hotter than a single dad who spends time with his kids who also makes 200K plus a year, drives a BMW, lives in a 5000 square foot house, has rock hard abs, and has a 9 inch penis which is as big around as a tree trunk.”

    You need to do this. I'm working on it.

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  31. @ Laughingmom, yes I know I am rich in my kids. And St Peter will be happy, but I would like a little earthly pleasures before I die.

    @ Jung, I am glad a guy agrees with me on this issue.

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  32. Perhaps it is time for you to start reaching out and connecting with the ladies. There are plenty of good looking women who don't get hit on by men because men assume those women are already taken. All women appreciate a guy who respectfully compliments and/or shows an interest in them. Take charge and share your awesomeness and confidence with the ladies. They will be eating out of your hands in no time! xo

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  33. @ Empress, that sounds great in theory, but you missed the point of where women don't look at me. If a woman won't look at me to begin with, I sure as hell ain't wasting my time talking to her. Make sense?

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  34. I wonder if depression will help with my weight loss in order to get those rock hard abs that you need to get a lady.

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  35. Dude, why do you think Matthew McConaughey doesn't own a shirt? Lol.
    Listen, I'd be the first to call bullshit this ladies opinion. It sounds nice, but people don't notice humor or personality at first sight. That being said, I also agree with the -you're not paying attention- consensus. You know, in one of those "a watched pot never boils" or "if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, it doesn't mean she wasn't scoping your package" kinda ways?

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  36. I think any dad with his kids is hot and I love to watch them having fun together. I am also married and not interested in anything more than watching so maybe it is just married women that think dads with kids are hot...which doesn't do you any good

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  37. @ D'Artagnan, you are correct. I disagree with you on the not paying attention thing, because that is all I do these days is pay attention.

    @ Cake, well that is sweet of you to think that. And you are right, it does me zero good.

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  38. I was very disappointed when "Law and Order: SUV" went off the air. Apparently, the viewing public isn't ready for a crime show about sport utility vehicles.
    You're a good man, OT. That whole 9" penis thing is overrated, anyway. Those guys faint when they get erections.

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  39. I don't think the commercial is exactly lying, it's just that by first glance you can't tell if that guy is a great dad, or even if he has a 9" penis (unless they are naked and aroused) so don't worry about people "looking" at you, it's when they "listen" to you that matters.

    Besides, who wants to date someone who is more concerned over someone's appearence (sp?) than what kind of person they are?

    Oh btw to Al up there... 9" is NEVER overrated.. hehe :)

    AmberLaShell Rants

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  40. 9 inch penis? Who the hell would fold it in half to get someones attention? Crazy bitches! Somewhere somehow some dame is gonna find ya kids or no kids. Most probably just think your married. Other than that just be yourself and keep it Simple!

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  41. Yea. I have no idea why that commercial would say something like that. I don't find a guy with kids attractive...usually because I assume he has a wife maybe? I'm still too young maybe. However, I do have some very attractive male friends who have kids - I learned that after the fact. I find guys attractive for other reasons is all I'm saying.

    You do seem very nice though. ;) <--there's your smile.

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  42. @ Al, I agree with you about the SUV.

    @ Amber, yea that is it. I always say that about appearances, but hey what do I know women aren't banging down my door to get in.

    @ Bushman, that made me laugh, thank you for that.

    @ Shelby, thanks for the smile.

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  43. i wonder what the ad was about... hmmm

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  44. Maybe those women are just crafty at not letting you see them checking you out. Or, maybe they assume you are married because you have children.

    This post shows how attractive and sexy a single dad is--it's actually really beautiful.

    And Destin, Florida--one of my family's favorite places ever. We went there for years and years. I do miss the way Alvin's (yes, I like all those kinds of shops) used to be--it changed hands, I think.

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  45. I have to admit that if i weren't married already and i had seen you i would have definitely looked however you would have never looked back. But maybe because you are so perfect woman assume you are already taken or maybe the woman are looking and you're not seeing it. either way i'm sure someone will come along that will totally impress your children.

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  46. @ Williamsgirl, I wish I wouldn't have been so pissed off when I heard that commercial so I could have actually seen what it was about.

    @ Virgin, that may be true but I doubt it. And that is an "inside" thing which the outside of a person does not see.

    @ Becca, I am FAR from perfect. FAR FROM IT. I am not even any where close to perfect.

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  47. I'm actually curious now what that commercial was for, because it surprises me and I would tend to disagree. I think MOST people who saw a man being a good father to his children would assume he is MARRIED, not single.. because most of the time the mom seems to spend all the time with the kids after divorce. That's just kinda how it goes, no? Well I don't know, but I think there is a lot to be said for the sacrifices you're making.. at the end of the day you're doing the right thing by your children, and they won't forget that! Don't you have a daughter packing your lunches or something?? It's the little things.... :-)

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  48. @ Jenny, I wish I knew. I was too shocked/mad at the time to notice. That might be true what you say. And being a good dad is good for the kids and St Peter, but it don't feel up the empty place inside. You know?

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  49. Hell to the YEAH! "Nothing is hotter than a single dad who spends time with his kids who also makes 200K plus a year, drives a BMW, lives in a 5000 square foot house, has rock hard abs, and has a 9 inch penis which is as big around as a tree trunk.”

    If you find one of those, kindly send him in my direction!

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  50. I think I'm going to echo others.. I think that women are looking at you, you're just not noticing. And I think you should do online dating because you will have fantastic stories to tell. I have two friends doing it right now and seriously- I almost piss myself with updates from it. :)

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  51. @ Bay, Ha. That is hilarious coming from a Newfie.

    @ Sara, I already tried that whole eDating thing, it did not work out so well so I gave it up.

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  52. I feel ya, Trash.

    That's the downside of having a sparkling wit and conversational ability... You have to actually get in a conversation for those skills to become apparent. And if they're not looking, they're not talking.

    When they're seeking a six-pack, it's tough to show up with a two-pack and a beer ball.

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  53. I can say that everytime I take the kids to baseball, hockey, or karate I am checking out the dads and looking for rings. I am not sure why since I don't want kids and hesitate to enter into relationships with men who have kids but when a guy is involved in their kids activities, make them an obvious priority, and talk to them on their level like human beings instead of dogs...well first I do an "awww" and then I melt. Even a man who I wouldn't normally be interested in becomes sexy. I know you don't believe me, and that is fine, but I swear it is true.

    Men are sexy when they are in their track suit coaching on the sidelines, pushing a kid on a swing, or walking through the zoo with their kids. I swear I want to pull them aside and have a crazy makeout session with them. My friends and I are constantly checking out fathers who are good with their kids. Have faith-there are definately women out there checking you out when you aren't looking (we are REALLY good at being subtle).

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  54. You probably need to start driving something really classy like a Pontiac Firebird.

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  55. hey oilfield daddy, i'm baaaaaaaaaaaaack.

    personally, whenever i see a guy with kids, i always assume he is married. and then i look around and make sure his girlfriend/wife/owner doesn't see me looking at him and set fire to the clothes i'm wearing.

    the point is, sometimes people just don't think, but they do easily catch fire.

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  56. I don't get looked at either, but I'm told that it's just because I don't notice it or the guys are being coy. I think this must be the case with you, OT. Remember, women tend to be shy around hot guys.

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  57. @ Bluz, I am glad that a guy has chimed in with the truth.

    @ Jewels, you are few and far between.

    @ David, I already drive a really classy Pontiac Sunfire, no need to upgrade here.

    @ Kage, I am glad you are back. Thanks for the comment.

    @ Kat, thanks for the input, but I am not "hot".

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  58. I'm laughing at Baygirl's comment and agreeing with Yandie's (and Baygirl's).
    When I see a caring dad with his kids, I assume he's too good to be true (in other words, married). I also think there must be something wrong with Texan women. I'd be looking at you if I could. ;~)
    xoRobyn

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  59. I think women probably think you are married or that you belong to someone already. Maybe where you are, you are surrounded by married women. Since I am married, I don't often look and SMILE at a man that I find attractive. Boundaries, you know? You need to post your picture on your blog so that I can start passing it around to my single girlfriends. We live in the same city, man!

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  60. @ Robyn, I laughed as well. And you may be onto something there about Texas women.

    @ Kelley, that might be true. And I will be posting another picture of myself when I get to 250 followers.

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  61. Pssst...I was just teasing you about the whining thing. ;)

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  62. @ Galore, I know you were teasing. I am a mind reader, didn't you know?

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  63. As a single dad I am very happy to have what some would perceive to be a “small family”. three children, two dogs, one cat, and yes the pets are part of our family. It’s not the size of the family that counts but the family inside that counts. Have a great day....

    help for single Dads

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  64. Rock on for you for being supportive of your kids, the world needs mpre parents like that...no matter what commercials are saying or advertising.

    You have to remember that these are the same commercials that have overweight men out in the forest who crack open a six pack and a herd of beautiful women appear out of nowhere...yeah, there's reality for you.

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  65. @ Dan, that is very true.

    @ Teach, you have a very good point there.

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  66. Maybe you're not paying attention when women are looking at you? Maybe you're waiting for overt attention instead of causal? I definitely think it's cute when a guy is playing with his kids. I think women (especially ones that want kids) are hardwired to look for "good fathers" so naturally a good dad would appeal to them. Maybe women don't realize that you're single. Who knows.

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  67. @ Cake, I have no idea. If I knew the answer to this problem I would fix what ever is wrong.

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  68. Oilfield trash I feel as though you are getting it wrong...any woman I've ever dated didn't "look" at me, i went up to her and asked her out. If you are confident you will win. Claim it. Quit whining. Why do you need to be looked at...that's so made for tv

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  69. @ BV, while I appreciate your opinion this was not a "whine" it was an observation.

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  70. Well to say the least you are a good dad. Yes dads that do take care and spend time with their kids is amazing, but you also got to factor in is that you spend so much time on getting stuff for them (not say that it's bad!) that you do what many moms do, don't spend time just for yourself.

    Not that I'm saying that you don't, just with what you've said in this post that's what you give me an impression of.

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  71. @ Ditz, thank you for your kind words. I am busy that is true, but that does not explain the lack of looks.

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  72. Much respect here... I'm a single dad too. Here's the deal though my friend. Women don't just flock to men- the general truth is that they are programmed to *be* approached. Trust me, they were looking, they noticed and many of them WANT what they see. Unfortunately, unless it's leap years day or the stars align, you have to do the work. Start with a smile and a "hi"... If they like it, the conversation will flow- keep it going. If they don't...or conversation was short..." Nice seeing you here" and on to the next one.

    The only way to actively attract women is to... Be active in your efforts. BEST of luck... and may your priorities forever be as grounded as they are!

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