A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Cupid Can Kiss My Ass

I have never really been a fan of Valentine’s Day. I think it is like most if not all other holidays (this will be a subject of a future post) in that it has lost its true meaning and has been way over commercialized. You are supposed to love, honor, respect, and so much more to/for the person that you love all year and not just on some Hallmark made holiday.

Although when I was younger I was a fan of this holiday as all I wanted was to get a special Valentine from a nice school girl classmate. That never happened. You see back in elementary school it was a rule of the class/school that if you brought Valentines cards and candy, you had to bring one for all of the kids. Yet in all my years in elementary school I went home with half of what I always took to school (read I did not receive stuff from half of the class, ie the girls). Such is life I guess.

As I got older I started to see this day for what it truly is, and that is a day designed for the ladies to feel special. Not that there is nothing wrong with that, but if there is a day for ladies to feel special why is there not a day for the guys to feel special as well? Oh I know us men folk are supposed to feel special giving women over priced flowers that will be dead before February is even over with and chocolates that on any other day of the year she would accuse of us men of trying to make her fat.

You see I have never really had much luck with this time of year. Back when I was a married fool, I took my ex out for a nice Valentines meal (it was the first post birth of kids Valentine’s Day) and gave her some overpriced jewelry. I left the next day for a 2 month trip to South America for work. A week after I left I found out my ex was cheating on me. A woman I dated after my marriage ended also cheated on me around Valentine’s Day (a friend of mine took a picture of her with some man feeling her up in bar). A woman I dated in college ditched me for her ex boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. Another woman I dated post marriage walked out on me (in the middle of the night with me asleep) a week before Valentine’s Day while I was on my death bed because of the flu. So needless to say I am a little bitter about this “holiday” and this time of year.

I guess what I am saying is that you should treat someone nice year round and not just on some holiday. If you are a bitch to a man year round, you really should not expect a shit ton of overpriced gifts on Valentine’s Day.

So if you are lucky enough to have someone in your life, treat them right. And treat them right not just on this day, but all days of the year.

As for me, I have decided that I am going to be single for life so I am not participating in this holiday. I figure I am going to save thousands of dollars over the course of the rest of my life on Valentine’s Day shit that I won’t have to buy for some woman who most likely isn’t nice year round anyways.

So while all of you (well all of you non single people) are out waiting in line for a table at an overpriced place to eat tonight, I will be at home thinking of all of you while I am eating my favorite “Hungry Man” tv dinner sitting on the couch in my boxers watching “Patton” for the 176th time.

To all of you single people, I am just as ________ (insert your choice of words) as you are.

Happy Valentine’s Day.


  1. But there is a day for men. It is called Steak and RH Day. Do a search for it. It is March 14th and I think it was started by a couple of guys on the radio up here (Q101 in Chicago).

  2. @ George, that days is not one of the "Hallmark" holidays and therefore most if not all women do not recognize it.

    @ Anna, yes it is. It should be my middle name.

  3. well said. I have spend so many Valentine's stressed out because I failed to book a restaurant and you end up in some dive at midnight where they may just fit you in... it's seriously overrated.

  4. @ Angry, I am glad you got the insert your choice of words part. Good choice.

    @ David, glad you agree.

  5. Wow. You pretty much have every right to hate the day. I have to agree though. You should show the one you love that you love them every day. Not just on Valentine's Day. Boyfriend and I put a $20 limit on gifts and stayed home.

  6. Valentines Day is done wrong by everyone.

    Most people buy into the Hallmark side of the holiday. Just like most people buy into the consumerism of Christmas.

    There is a certain spirit to holidays that you have to get into. I admit it is a little harder to get into the loving spirit when single, but valentines day isn't just about giving roses and chocolates and eating out at a nice restaurant. It's more than that. It's a celabration of Love, I don't see how this is a bad thing.

  7. it is a total fuckeroo of mamofucketh amounts.

    i usually get the old ball and chain a card, and she gets me one, always funny, never mushy. but we have not gone out for a vday meal in 10 years.

    i hate this and sweetest day with a passion!

    when i worked in the food service industy, i loved this day for the tips...and that alone; it was like a second saturday of tips!

    i feel your pain bro!

    but rest assured, you are only saying what most of the v day celebrating world is thinking and that makes you a god in my eyes!

    so ya got that goin for ya!

  8. I do not like Valentines Day at all! But being the good Husband I am I still bought my wife something. I'm such a sucker.

  9. @ Mash, yes I do have a right to hate this day.

    @ Not, I agree people need to celebrate it for the right reason.

    @ Bruce, well I am glad someone thinks I am a god.

    @ Manager, nothing wrong with what you did.

  10. Dude, you are so bang on.

    Any girl that treats a guy shitty for more than the immediate duration after a fight deserves nothing, and the man deserves better. Same if the roles are reversed.

    Love is more than just a commercialized day of guilting into spending money.

    I used to like it until I realized it is really a bullshit holiday. I love my guy, but I don't need Hallmark to tell me to celebrate that.

    Kudos to you, and I am really sorry to hear that those women were such coldhearted bitches.

  11. I'm sorry Oilfield. Happy Monday :-)

  12. @ Stephanie, thank you. Not all of them are/were bitches, they just made really bad choices in their lives.

    @ Cake, happy Monday to you as well.

  13. I am not impressed by flowers and chocolate presented to me because Hallmark says you're supposed to. I'd enjoy a home-cooked meal much more, even if it was mac and cheese.

  14. dude! just so you know!

    Oilfield Trash = god!

    hell, bro if a freak like me can find a woman, then you can too...although, most days i wish i were single...love my wife, love my kids...hate being married.

    you do have the kids as well, so that, is a fucking huge thing!

    this post was spot on and a slice of rye!

  15. I feel like it should only be considered a Holiday if we get the day off.

  16. @ Jen, I like your simple approach.

    @ Bruce, thanks dude.

    @ Krystle, that will never happen because so many people want to go out to eat.

  17. Well, you read my post on the topic so you know where I stand. Hafta say though, your run of luck around V-Day flat out sucks ass. {{hugs}} Enjoy your solitary, but not heart broken, evening!

    A Redhead Named Sam

  18. I'm right there with you on this! My husband and I don't really do anything on Valentine's Day except maybe a card (and that's a big maybe) and little things for the kids. You're right that if you love someone you should show it everyday and not just on this one day.

  19. Good luck mate, doe the hungry man come with the brownie??? it's the best part
    cheers, Sausage...

  20. yey, I'm glad glad we don't get all stressed over this holiday. Just another day in paradise :D in front of the TV and PC :) super-fun!! I like your post.

  21. @ Sam, there is nothing wrong with happy people being happy and celebrating this day. I am not trying to make everyone or anyone feel differently about today. I am just saying that I am not celebrating it.

    @ Hannah, thanks for agreeing with me. Simple things is the way to go.

    @ Sausage, of course the brownie comes with it. It is not a Hungry Man dinner if it doesn't.

    @ Bz, that is the way to do it. Thank you.

  22. Aw. This makes me want to buy you a Hungry Man, and serve it with a little rose in a vase. Guess I'll have to settle for just following you. ;)

  23. @ Dawn, ah thanks that was nice of you.

  24. Just a big virtual hug to you from another hater. Is it over yet? Oy, about 12 more hours and it'll be Tuesday.
    Love to you, Mr. O.

  25. @ Robyn, thank you very much. 12 more hours is right.

  26. Justin. Big hugs. and Happy Valentines Day man. I feel the same way. I have to admit it took a lot of decades to wash that disney princess bullshit out of my head and realize that having a real friend real partner there every day of my life was far more important than being put on a fake red rose and chocolate pedestal once a year, do I still want it, yes deep down in side I do, but is it 1/2 as important as the fact he holds me when I cry, hugs me when I laugh and is there every day of this shit pool life I have? nah I pick all the other days being more important. It took some growing up to realize it. I hope one day you meet a grown up.

  27. wow...yeah um you have every right to hate this stupid day.

  28. @ Peachy, I understand what you mean. I am not looking to meet "any" grown ups. So yea.

    @ Paige, thank you.

    @ Heather, thank you as well.

  29. I have never been a fan of Valentines, nor any other holiday. I have had broken relationships and horrible Valentines days past thanks to some of the jerks I used to date.

    Now that I have two sweet little girls I use it as an opportunity to show them how much I love them. My husband just use it as another excuse for buying a cheap card, eating mexican food, and farting on each other in bed.

  30. I would much prefer some M&M's or watching a movie on the couch and eating popcorn. Today is just a expensive date day. Not my cup of tea. I agree that the one you love should be treated special every single day not just today. Oh and fyi- You are awesome!

  31. ....boxers with cupids would be a nice touch. This stupid holiday all started with St. Valentine who was killed for his faith on February 14 because he refused to worship pagan gods. He pass notes to his love, the daughter of his jailer, signed "from your Valentine." False Gods, Jail, and Secret Notes - sounds like something to celebrate to me.

  32. I never liked Valentines Day. It's on this day that I feel compelled to rush out and buy some bauble, geegaw, or knickknack just so my conscience is clear. If I don't, I feel like a schlemiel (which, I think, means "schmuck"). I agree with you, why not treat your wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/sheep/blowup doll the same the whole year? I don't need some diapered baby with wings threatening to plug my fat ass with an arrow if I don't plunk down a fortune for that candy heart and dozen roses. It's Hallmark Extortion, that's what it is. Same goes for that pain in the ass Easter Rabbit.
    Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go take my wife out to dinner.
    It's Valentines Day, after all.

  33. @ Miss Rosie, sounds like you have the true meaning down pat.

    @ Laynee, yes I also think it should be a simple day. And I would not say I am awesome, average maybe. But not awesome. But thank you anyways.

    @ Tracy, wow I think you just described OJ Simpson there.

    @ Al, I could not have put it any better myself.

  34. I haven't had much better luck than you have with this holiday, but I seriously want to go hug the elementary school OT who didn't get his Valentines from the girls. How pitiful is that?!

    I will say, I bought my mom some tulips on Saturday for Valentine's Day because she's been sick and I thought of her when I saw them. She absolutely loved them, so that made me feel good.


  35. I used to want to be put in a coma the day after halloween and not revived until the day after valentine's day. I'm happy that my wife truly doesn't want anything other than a card on this day. We do what we want, when we want anyway, so it's really nothing special. I'M SO GLAD SHE FEELS THAT WAY, because I really don't like it either...

    great post...

  36. drink beer and everything will be just ok :P

    Im BACK  >>HERE<< and  >>HERE<<

  37. Good point, I always looked forward to V-day, now it's just another day...Plus side is, I wait til the day after to get chocolates half off!

  38. @ Krissy, I am glad to know I am the only one with crappy luck on this day.

    @ Pat, I agree with that. Coma for me sounds good for those months. And you are a lucky man.

    @ Mister, yea beer helps.

    @ Blah, see there is the silver lining. Half priced candy.

  39. You make some valid points about this day - way too commercialized to the point of nausea. And seriously - you know you get some of THE worst service at a restaurant on these types of "holidays" (for real, a "holiday???")? My BFF and I decided to be each other's Valentine's and we went to dinner over the weekend. He gave me chocolate and I gave him those little "message" hearts, and we laughed about the retardation of the "holiday." So, tongue in cheek, we poked fun at the holiday so that we could say, "Oh yeah, MY Valentine brought me candy and we went to dinner!" But it was nice to hang with my best friend without the pressure of that dumb, "Will this be cool enough?" (and dropping an assload of money on dumb shit) for Valentine's day. I think you should have a beer and some chocolate with one of your homies and make fun of the holiday too!

  40. Wow...thats some shit luck with Valentine's Day...I wouldn't like it either if I'd had those experiences. I would like to point out that when you have a good woman 8 out of 10 days (we can't be perfect everyday) is an official Appreciate My Man Day. At least with me it is. The best way to make sure your man treats you well is to treat him well also. In my personal opinion the little things we do to show love and appreciation (short of sex) are over looked...you guys have more days than you realize.

    That being said...single for life looks about right for me too. Thank God I fly those men in 2xs a month for weekend long love fests. ;-)

  41. Come to think of it, I got dumped on a Valentine's Day too, back in 1992. Showed up at her door with a special present for her and she told me she was going back to her old boyfriend. (that she had spent the last 3 months complaining about.) I told her to keep the present and to have a nice life, and walked away. (It was not worth the hassle to return the thing.)

    Must be some bad mojo in mid February.

  42. You're at home eating a frozen dinner? No. Not ok. See? Now I feel like I have to send you food. Nobody should have to eat a frozen dinner, holiday or not. (Unless it's pizza rolls because I'm a fan.)

  43. @ Reck, that sounded like a great plan. I will keep that in mind for next year.

    @ Jewels, I am glad that you see it my way. Maybe I should fly me in some women.

    @ Bluz, that really sucks. Glad to know I am not the only one to have gone through that shit.

    @ Sara, actually I ended up with a chicken fried sammich from Dairy Queen. My kids didn't want to eat a Hungry Man for dinner and talked me out of it. I am a sucker for my daughters smile and she used it on me tonight to get DQ.

  44. Hope that you survived! Been married so long - I wouldn't know a Valentine from a collection notice!

  45. I see Valentine's Day like all holidays (Valentine's, New Years, Groundhog Day, Arbor Day,,,) - an excellent excuse for nooky!

    That said, I too have had some super crappy V-days, spent with unappreciative boyfriends. Let's say you show up and, as usual for V-day, your GF answers the door wearing new lingerie, cooking dinner, and is hoping to **** your brains out. What do you do? A. Show up with flowers or a gift or even just a card? or B. Show up totally empty handed hoping to get some?

    If you chose B. you get none. He chose B.

  46. @ Becca, thank you.

    @ Mom, yes I survived. My daughter spent all night telling me how great I am so that was a good end to a bad day.

    @ Kernut, I think everyday is a good excuse for nooky as well. And I would have chose A. But I know that there are douchebags who chose B all the time.

  47. I am with you on this one. I hate to be anti-social, but really, this one it too much. The Aussie and I do not trade Valentines (although we both picked up something small for the kids)but just celebrate with a nice dinner at home like every other night. We don't do anniversary presents either.

  48. WOW. You really have had it stuck to you on/around this holiday!! That's just awful!!! There are choice words for women like the ones that did those things to you.

    You already know my feelings on V-Day...I may have a very tiny, microscopic hope that it will change one day, but I'm certainly not banking on it--Cupid has misfired his arrows every single year.

    Oh, and HAPPY FEB. 15th!!!!!!!!! ;)

  49. Just so you know, OT, I'm giving you an award. It was passed onto me by another fellow blogger. It's a little "girly" for an award, but I think you'll accept it nonetheless. Refer to my page for instructions and copying the award photo!

    You're welcome.

  50. @ Cajun, that is exactly how it should be. I envy your relationship since it is simple.

    @ Virgin, yes I have gotten the shaft with that day.

    @ Lonely, thank you sir. I will post about it soon.

  51. Your Valentine's days sound like my New Years Eves. But yeah, I effin' hate VD too. It's bullshit.

  52. I once sent a guy I was engaged to a care package for Valentine's Day ( he's in the military ) and he sent me an "I no longer want you" e-mail. But... I still enjoy the day, not because I get candy or whatever ( I don't, never have and don't suspect I ever will ) but because my nephew Ethan is a Valentine's baby and my nephews Andrew & Elijah were born the day before Valentine's. Which means I get birthday cake & ice cream both days. High five!

  53. @ Jessica, wow that is pretty shitty way to get told that it is over.

  54. lol. *shrugs* You get dumped one crappy way after the other it looses the sitng after awhile when it happens again.

  55. @ Jessica, yes that is very true. I can agree with that.


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