No Christmas Gifts

So as all of you know from my last post, I am sick. Well I am still ill and have been since last Thursday. Today I am not really feeling any better, but now my sinuses are draining so I am coughing up this nasty shit that looks like it is the base for the broth in that nasty Russian beef stew (I forget the name). I still have the shrine to Jobu on my fireplace with offerings for him to get me better. I am almost at the point of offering a small animal (or a large one if need be) as a sacrifice if it would help me get better soon so I am not sick and alone on Christmas. Ever heard of someone being too damn sick to be depressed on Christmas because they are alone? Neither have I, but I am pretty sure my body can’t take being sick and depressed at the same time.

My kids last week were acting like brats progressively worse each day at home the closer it came to Friday as it was their last day of school for the year. They could sense the upcoming time off from school like those animals in the Indian Ocean area sensed the tsunami before it hit and they ran to higher ground. They also knew that last week was the only time left in 2010 to get on my ever last never (they won’t be back until the 3rd or 4th of January) so they had to outdo their normal misbehaviors at home. On Friday I had reached my last level of tolerance before either beating them or shooting them with the tranquilizer gun. My brother (who is also my roommate by the way) decided to go to the store for beer (the life blood of the old hippy dude up in the sky) and stuff to make BBQ for dinner. Once I realized that he was getting some beer for me to relax, I calmed down.

10 minutes after leaving the house to go to the store, my brother walks in the front door carrying beer and bbq stuff for dinner. He looks at my kids and starts singing the following song (think the old Christmas song “O Christmas Tree”) to them very loudly:

No Christmas Gifts, No Christmas Gifts,

You damn brats don’t deserve them.

No Christmas Gifts, No Christmas Gifts,

Thy attitude leaves thee never.

You are little brats in summer's prime,

And you are brats at Christmas time.

No Christmas Gifts, No Christmas Gifts,

Thy kids are brats forever.

No Christmas Gifts, No Christmas Gifts….

(yes this is actually my small fake Christmas tree)

I looked at my brother and just burst out laughing. No scratch that, I was laughing so damn hard I had tears coming out of my eyes. My son got all pissy and angry and bum rushed my brother and punched him. My daughter got a little teary eyed and asked if there were really no Christmas gifts this year. Now my brother normally is the one on the other side of the jokes, but when he does crack a joke on someone else, it is fucking epic and worthy of mention in the history books. My brother in one small moment had just made my day and cheered me up and I hadn’t even open up a beer yet. We went outside to light the fire on the bbq pit and had a good 15 minute chuckle over his rendition of the old Christmas song.