Normally on weekends I like to write all of my blog posts for the week, but this past weekend that did not happen. I ended up with some flu like shit sickness that is going around. My brother had it a week or so ago, my son had it at roughly the same time, and my daughter caught it last Tuesday. So instead of my normally fun, happy, smartass sarcastic post I do on regular days, you are being filled with a story of my illness.
You see on Thursday I woke up feeling like I was going to getting sick soon. I had a sore throat, coughing, and pain in my chest. On Friday I woke up and was in need of an oxygen tank because I could not breathe at all. On Saturday I woke up with glass shards in my nose because it had dried up over night. And I still could not breathe and I also had lost my taste for food. On Sunday I almost did not wake up at all because of all the Nyquil I had taken the night before. Oh and Sunday added a migraine headache and diarrhea to the list of symptoms I had. My digestive tract must be very fucking efficient because it turned four chicken drumsticks into liquid in less than 10 minutes (I know you needed that visual to follow along with the story). Needless to say I was sick all weekend long. And I mean all weekend long.
I spent my Sunday lying on the couch with a massive headache, a fever, chills, not being able to taste the left over BBQ from Friday night, running back and forth between the throne and the couch, and heavily agitated. I had to watch football with my head in fog with a massive headache. Have you ever tried to watch a football game without being able to scream at the damn television and not drink beer?
I don’t get sick very often, but when I do it is usually means a hospital stay for me. The last time I came down with the flu was back in January 2009 and it landed me in the isolation ward of the local hospital for a week. I was on every drug known to man and then some. They had me on anti-viral and antibiotics drugs between injections (remember how I said I don’t like needles), IV’s, and pills. If the hospital had it in stock, they gave it to me including hospital food. I think out of all the shit that a hospital does to you to make you better; nothing does this job as good as hospital food. You know what I am talking about, that tasteless, cardboard like shit that they like to call “food”. Not having to eat hospital food is enough motivation for me to “will” my body to better health so I can leave that place and eat some greasy, delicious, tasty food.
What really sucks is that I am actually kid free right now and could do anything in the world I wanted to do on a kid free weekend. You see my kids were picked up by my ex in-laws (the kids grandparents in case you are slow today) on Saturday and they drove them back to their house in Atlanta for the next 2 weeks for Christmas break. I am also only working four days this week and then I am off for 10 straight days, so I don’t want to be sick on my vacation. See how my luck works?
It goes without saying that I am praying to every god on the planet right now to keep me from getting any sicker and ending up in the hospital. I even got a bucket of KFC and some rum as a sacrifice for Jobu sitting on my fireplace. So I need all of you followers of the trash to pray for, send warm thoughts (if you are an atheist or non-religious), or just send me some damn hospital food so I can get better and enjoy my two kid free weeks.