A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.

Monday, December 20, 2010

I’m Sick

Normally on weekends I like to write all of my blog posts for the week, but this past weekend that did not happen. I ended up with some flu like shit sickness that is going around. My brother had it a week or so ago, my son had it at roughly the same time, and my daughter caught it last Tuesday. So instead of my normally fun, happy, smartass sarcastic post I do on regular days, you are being filled with a story of my illness.

You see on Thursday I woke up feeling like I was going to getting sick soon. I had a sore throat, coughing, and pain in my chest. On Friday I woke up and was in need of an oxygen tank because I could not breathe at all. On Saturday I woke up with glass shards in my nose because it had dried up over night. And I still could not breathe and I also had lost my taste for food. On Sunday I almost did not wake up at all because of all the Nyquil I had taken the night before. Oh and Sunday added a migraine headache and diarrhea to the list of symptoms I had. My digestive tract must be very fucking efficient because it turned four chicken drumsticks into liquid in less than 10 minutes (I know you needed that visual to follow along with the story). Needless to say I was sick all weekend long. And I mean all weekend long.

I spent my Sunday lying on the couch with a massive headache, a fever, chills, not being able to taste the left over BBQ from Friday night, running back and forth between the throne and the couch, and heavily agitated. I had to watch football with my head in fog with a massive headache. Have you ever tried to watch a football game without being able to scream at the damn television and not drink beer?

I don’t get sick very often, but when I do it is usually means a hospital stay for me. The last time I came down with the flu was back in January 2009 and it landed me in the isolation ward of the local hospital for a week. I was on every drug known to man and then some. They had me on anti-viral and antibiotics drugs between injections (remember how I said I don’t like needles), IV’s, and pills. If the hospital had it in stock, they gave it to me including hospital food. I think out of all the shit that a hospital does to you to make you better; nothing does this job as good as hospital food. You know what I am talking about, that tasteless, cardboard like shit that they like to call “food”. Not having to eat hospital food is enough motivation for me to “will” my body to better health so I can leave that place and eat some greasy, delicious, tasty food.

What really sucks is that I am actually kid free right now and could do anything in the world I wanted to do on a kid free weekend. You see my kids were picked up by my ex in-laws (the kids grandparents in case you are slow today) on Saturday and they drove them back to their house in Atlanta for the next 2 weeks for Christmas break. I am also only working four days this week and then I am off for 10 straight days, so I don’t want to be sick on my vacation. See how my luck works?

It goes without saying that I am praying to every god on the planet right now to keep me from getting any sicker and ending up in the hospital. I even got a bucket of KFC and some rum as a sacrifice for Jobu sitting on my fireplace. So I need all of you followers of the trash to pray for, send warm thoughts (if you are an atheist or non-religious), or just send me some damn hospital food so I can get better and enjoy my two kid free weeks.


  1. Hope you feel better soon…I got a form of sore throat and congestion - probably from one of my students. After a week I started to feel better before I caught something almost as bad.

    At least I appreciate feeling well afterwards...

  2. Oh you poor poor baby! I feel ya...I'm sick, my youngest son, my sister and my bf little one are all sick! Hope you get better soon! Great visuals by the way! ;)

  3. Kid free and sick? Ouch!! No fast food and porn surfing. Sorry man. I do feel for you.

  4. @ Teach, thank you. I feel sorry for you because as a teacher you truly are on the front lines of the illness battle ground. I could not be a teacher for that reason alone as I am illness challenged.

    @ SSW, thank you. I always include some great visuals. lol

    @ Copyboy, that is exactly my problem. No fast food and porn.

  5. I've avoided getting sick this year... so far. Couple sniffles or coughs here and there but thats it. I know there is a big one out there waiting for me though as I get good and sick at least once per winter - which for us lasts about 9 months.


  6. Not being able to taste leftovers is the WORST part of being sick! And I hope you feel better if only to avoid the hospital :)

    Hospital food = No bueno

  7. Feel better soon.

    And, btw, I enjoyed your Major League reference. ;) Jobu is wondering if you'll be giving him a Cuban cigar too?

  8. @ Simpledude, if I lived where you do I would be sick year round.

    @ Blah, tell me about it. I hate having to eat and not being able to taste food.

    @ Sam, thanks. I am glad you caught the Major League reference. And if it would help I would get him a Cuban as well.

  9. EEK, hope you feel better. also, hope I can't catch what you have through the computer

  10. I hope you got original KFC to sacrifice. The gods don't take well to that crispy.

  11. Hope you get better soon! I just got out of the hospital. Not just any hospital but one of the best ones in the country. You know what? The food still sucked! It REALLY sucked! I'm thinking the health insurance companies are behind the bad food...
    Can you change your vacation time to sick leave?
    Get better!

  12. sorry your sick. I too experienced having to make the call between acute liver damage and ODing on Nyquil to avoid a hospital stay. Hope you get better soon. Also you might want to included praying to all the Gods NOT on this planet. Zeus is pretty kick ass.

  13. @ Birdshit, I doubt you can catch anything from the computer. Unless you have some bad karma coming your way.

    @ TS, I got both original and crispy as to not offend any gods.

    @ Pat, that sucks and I am sorry to hear that. Yes I think insurance companies might be behind the problems with the hospital food.

    @ Peachy, that is a very good point. I forgot the Greek gods.

  14. And kid-free?! You've got my sympathies.


  15. Yes, PLEASE do not end up in the hospital again. That was total awesomeness for the whole making fun of you, your jacked up hand and overabundance of birth control commercials you were forced to endure but really, it wasn't pleasant to watch.
    Feel better soon.

  16. @ Pearl, that is why I wrote about being sick.

    @ Miley, yes I do not want to watch more Mirena commercials. Finish a book, finish a sentence, finish putting this god damned IV in correctly.

  17. LOL, exactly!! They never did get that IV "correct"...

  18. @ Miley, no they never got the IV correct.

  19. Sorry to hear you are feeling under the weather. Being sick sucks smelly cockadoodledoo. Here is one big batch of healing mojo. Hope you feel better soon!


  20. Hope you feel better man! I hate being sick...

  21. @ Empress, I agree. Thanks for the mojo.

    @ Buy, thank you.

    @ Sharaf, thank you.

  22. You just need to be hop-sitalized in the right wing - eating disorders!

    that's where the best food is ;)

  23. I have remained illness free (knock on wood) for months now and don't know how I have done it. Luckily since I work with kids my immune system is like the damned pentagon...it's nearly impossible for me to catch anything other than a cold. It's usually when I slow down that I get ill...which is why I don't slow down.

    I am SO sorry you are sick. I'll pray for you and your stomach. I am a firm believer that alcohol kills germs on it's way down so drink up my friend.

  24. prayers are going out right now...

    football without beer and cussing is like fucking with ten condoms on...i just cant do it.

    i would have had to pass on the football altogether, or just pound so much beer that i ended up in the hospital...

    wherein the food would cure me...

    bruce johnson jadip
    stupid stuff i see and hear
    The guy book
    the guy book

  25. @ Kage, do the nurse in that wing show cleavage?

    @ Jewels, I am shocked that you are not a walking disease since you work with kids. And we all know that getting kids to wash your hands is like trying to get Paris Hilton to eat a meal.

    @ Bruce, if hospital food cures illness, I am a fucking pimp.

  26. Sorry you're feeling so lousy. Sending healing thoughts and prayers. xo

  27. I do hope you feel better soon! Drumsticks turning into liquid is not a good thing...ever. Actually, I'm sick now. Thanks a lot.

  28. ewwww, way too much descriptive detail. I am sorry you dont feel well. Get better soon. Hugs

  29. @ Kelley, thank you. And as you live in the same city as me, you know it is the 30 degree one day and 80 degree the next day weather that has me sick. I am tired of it. Saturday/Sunday it was in the 30's and Monday/Tuesday it is in the 80's.

    @ Mynx, all my stories have too much descriptive detail. And thank you.

  30. Ain't that the way it always works out?? Kid free and too sick to do anything.
    Hope you're feeling better by now.
    And WTF?? On the weekends you do ALL of your posts for the week?? Dayum..you're good!

  31. @ Holly, yes that is how my life always works. I am still sick as hell and can't breathe. The office next to mine is re-doing their roof today and I can't even smell the nasty ass tar pit that is bellowing smoke.

    And yes I write my 3 weekly posts on weekends after my kids go to bed. It is easier for me to do that than it is to write them at work like I used to.

  32. Damn... a hospital stay whenever you're sick? I would extend my deepest empathy toward you, if only my heart was more than a frozen ball of coal. Hang in there and get better! And down as much of that Nyquil as possible before the FDA comes to their senses and bans that stuff :-)

  33. Wow, you weren't kidding when you said you were sick. Hope you bounce back soon so you can enjoy your time off. I couldn't imagine watching a nail-biter like our Steelers are known for when you feel bad.

  34. @ Dr, yep. Usually when I do get sick it is a pretty messed up thing which lands me in the hospital. And thank Jobu for the Nyquil because without it there would be bodies on the floor. lol

    @ Krissy, no I was not kidding. And watching the game on Sunday did not help me at all.

  35. My first visit to your blog. Thanks for the visual details, by the way. LOL

    I hope you're better soon! Take zinc and extra vitamin C. :)

  36. @ Kernut, Thanks for stopping by. And I am glad you liked the visuals.

    I hope I get better soon as well. I have been taking the vitamin C, but not the zinc.

  37. Holy shit Oilfield, you went and got sick and look at those comment.ra! You should get sick more often! Mmmmm Nyquil... sometimes I want to order a shooter of that stuff at the bar! Get well soon buddy!

  38. @ Nikki, for some strange reason I have been getting a lot of comments lately. I guess I will see how much love the Trashites have for me when I run out of funny shit to post.

    And if we are doing shots, please get the whole bottle of Patron.


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