A recipe of blurbs by a hungry dad-filled with sarcasm, truth, and a dash of that rare ingredient, common sense.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Zoo Porn

I have noticed a lot of people on here recently have been b logging about monkeys lately. Some have been talking about male monkeys raping other male monkeys to show off their dominance to the group of monkeys. I have also seen people writing about monkeys masturbating at the zoo for the entire world to see. Some other bloggers have been talking about how they want some hot monkey love. Now I don’t know if the latter means that they want a monkey to fuck them or if they want a man to fuck them like a monkey, I am not sure which one it is.

But I would like to say that not all Zoos are filled with animal kingdom fornication behind every glass wall. The Houston Zoo has instituted a series of control measures (read beatings) that keep the animals fuck time limited to after visitors have left the zoo in the evening. Which these control measures saves you from having to explain to your children that the two elephants are really playing around and wrestling at the zoo all the time. Yes kids the elephants really do foam at the mouth while they are wrestling.

While the Houston Zoo does not allow its animals to openly fornicate for all to see, I would like to talk to you about the greatest animal that they have in their collection. This animal is probably the greatest animal known to mankind, well at least men kind. This animal is the forefather for its better known land cousin. I am not sure if the marine version shares the same taste and smell of the land variety, but it does share the same general likeness.

I first saw this beast a few years ago while I took a trip with my kids and some of my friends to the Houston Zoo. And within minutes of my entourage’s entrance into the zoo, we turned right to go into the aquarium. It was there that I laid my eyes onto this beautiful creature’s sight. In the second glass tank from the entrance, was the Vagina Fish.



I could not believe my eyes. Here in this tank was nature’s first vagina. It was this fish that somewhere in the evolutionary past merged DNA with that of a humanoid and brought the vagina to the human woman. I blurted out, “holy fuck Batman, it is the Vagina Fish.” My friends and I all had a good chuckle and spent at least half an hour gazing at it and all its glory.

I wonder though if the aquatic version tries to control the world it lives in. I wonder if this animal makes the aquatic world go round like the land version does. I guess this maybe where the term “smells like fish” came from huh?

32 comments:

  1. Darn!! You stole all my snarky comments – Well except the one about the endless amounts of lube being around.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The sad thing is, I wasn't even trying to be funny.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Setting aside the subject of the Vagina Fish (there's a half-formed joke in my head right now involving battery-operated fish sticks), how in the world do you keep wild animals from mating? And why would you want to?! The kids'll get over it!

    :-)

    Pearl

    ReplyDelete
  4. Battery powered fish sticks, that is hilarious.

    I was kidding about the wild animals mating.

    ReplyDelete
  5. muahaha i vomited a little looking at the pic...well done!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Paige, that is the actual picture I took of the vagina fish. I bet if I could have smelt it, I would have vomited right there.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Damn I thankful that vaginas have evolved and razors were invented, that thing looks like it has been raped by the elephants, the monkeys, and the cavemen!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. So much humorous cannon fodder, so little time. :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. @ SSW, I am also thankful for the razor as well. Hairy pussy is never on my menu.

    @ Sam, that is true.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Holy fucking shit Oily !! That picture made my asshole pucker. The vagina fish.. please tell me there is a fishy phallic counterpart for this thing.

    ReplyDelete
  11. @ Holly, I am glad you ass is tighter now. And knowing the way mother nature has a sense of humor, I am fairly sure that there is a phallic counterpart.

    ReplyDelete
  12. hi, just found your blog!
    wild monkey love, while it can be very satisfying, the shit that is flung on the walls makes almost not worth it...

    ReplyDelete
  13. There is a phallic counterpart. A few actually. One being the puffer fish. Looks all slender and nice, but you get it excited and it gets bigger ;)

    Oh, vagina fish, how I have missed thee.
    Hey, let's take the kids to the zoo this weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Thanks for the Oilfield Trash x-rated trip to the zoo! I was completely unaware that such a bizarre and pervy fish existed.

    As for monkey love, there is a video up on my blog where a zoo monkey is sodomizing a poor wee froggy. I think you can find it in the archieve about two months ago. It was in tribute to that anonymous fuckwit that goes around leaving annoying anonymous comments. Hope you enjoy!

    http://rantersbox.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  15. @ Bird Shit, Thanks for stopping by. And I agree about the wall slinging part.

    @ Miley, I am glad you know the penis animal award. And no I am not doing the zoo this weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  16. @ Empress, glad I could entertain you. And I have seen that video and I was amused. lol

    ReplyDelete
  17. It was a joke, silly. I'll be at my mama's house.
    Besides, if there is going to be monkey sex burned into my visual memory, I want it to be ME involved, not other primates.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hmmm...I'm wondering if Eden Fantasys has a product fashioned after this. Intersting...very very interesting.

    I love learning new things *grin*

    ReplyDelete
  19. Evidently learning how to spell interesting is something I needed to learn today. Sheesh

    ReplyDelete
  20. I had no idea when I stopped into Oilfields world today that I would learn so much about marine life! I'm in shock.
    The Vagina Fish. Wow.

    ReplyDelete
  21. @ Daffy, yes it is interesting. And I am no grammar nazi, so your spelling errors are completely ok with me.

    @ Jewels, I was not even going to post about this story, but seeing all the monkey posts made me want to post it.

    ReplyDelete
  22. who the hell do you follow!? I haven't seen a single monkey sex posting. hahaha

    ReplyDelete
  23. @ Jewels, there was about 2-4 women on here who had made posts about either monkey loving or monkeys loving.

    ReplyDelete
  24. OMG you're right! That does look like a giant vagina...I'm suddenly very fascinated and keep staring at it...who knew I was a closet aquatic lesbian...

    ReplyDelete
  25. BTW...made you blog of the day!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Jewels... it was me. and Holly up there. and 2 others. It was a complete conspiracy. We did it JUST to mess with OT's head. Totally.

    ReplyDelete
  27. I wonder if it menstruates..? Sorry, not a pretty thought. xo

    ReplyDelete
  28. @ Sandra, I know how you feel, I have been staring at it all day too.

    @ Copy, thank you.

    @ Miley, yea.

    ReplyDelete
  29. @ Robyn, yes it menstruates. Where do you think the phrase "chumming up the water" came from?

    ReplyDelete
  30. Well, that's some picture you've got there!

    Actually, I just like your profile picture. It makes me want a grilled cheese. Yum.

    ReplyDelete
  31. @ Lady, thanks. I like the picture as well, but for other reasons.

    ReplyDelete
  32. lol@ vagina fish. thats just pure win.


    also, on the topic of monkeys, there's a funny vid of a monkey filling up his mouth with his own piss. its worth checking out if u havent arledy seen it

    ReplyDelete

I love comments, so please leave one for me.