TSA For Kids

Warning there is SARCASM ahead and this is not to be taken seriously.

As you have all heard the TSA (Transportation Safety Administration) has come out with the new enhanced body scanners (look at your junk machines) and full body pat downs (Gestapo style molestations) in the airports across America.

So to prepare people who are parents with young children, the TSA has come up with some ways that you can introduce your children to the process of being molested searched at the airport.

You can purchase one of these low cost play sets (pictured here) and allow your children to play with them. These play sets will teach children of all ages what to expect when they get to the airport. Follow up your children by talking to them and telling them that they will go through a metal detector (featured in play set) and also a machine that is cool and like an x-ray machine and will take a picture of them. Also tell them that a security officer may have to come and feel on their privates (bendy hose for little boys and too-toos for little girls) to make sure that they don’t have any guns, barbies, knives, plastic army men, heroin, milk in a bottle, hamsters, or other weapons, banned items or toys on them. Also explain to them that the same security agent may have to stick a finger in their asshole (tell them it is just like having their temperature checked) to also check for weapons of ass mass destruction. Hell while you are at it, it might be a good time to explain to your 3 year old the birds and the bees (you can kill 2 birds with 1 stone) at the same time.

If you feel uncomfortable with having that talk directly with your children, you can purchase this fine book at the same time that you purchase the play set. The book covers all aspects of the new security measures that will be encountered by your child at the airport. I mean at the end of the day the government already wants to tell you how to raise your kid anyways, why not go all out and tell your kids how to enjoy their first body cavity search. I would suggest starting to read the book to your child at bedtime at least 2 weeks before your anticipated travel date. And if you child can already read on their own, give the book to your child at least 3 weeks before the travel date so that they have plenty of time for comprehension.

To calm any fears your child might have, just remind your child that you will be there right by their side getting molested patted down and anally probed as well.

I hope you can see the craziness in what the TSA is doing to kids by feeling them up at the airport and are as outraged as I am by it.

Meanwhile in Hell, Michael Jackson is furious that his dream job has been created after his death.