Commenter’s Award And Pay It Forward

I was recently given another couple of awards.

The first award is "The Kickass Commentor Award" which was given to me by Pencilgirl. She gave me the award because I always comment on her blog. Thank you to Pencilgirl, and please go check out her blog if you haven't already.

And in turn I am giving this award to all of you who comment on my blog.

I was also recently given another award as well. I was given the “Good Bloggers Pay It Forward” award by Random Girl.

The rule says that I have to pay it forward and pass the award onto five other bloggers. But since I am trying to pay it forward big time, I am giving this award to all of you who read and follow my blog.

So thank you Random Girl and thank you to all of you who read my blog and actually enjoy it. Please go and visit Random Girl's blog.

The Overlord Award

I have recently been elected Overlord.

No not the Overlord above (bonus points if you know where that picture is from though), but the Overlord of the America. You see I was recently given this nice little Overlord Award by the following people:

Bruce

Jewels

D’Artagnan

A Daft Scots Lass

Thank you to all of you who have given me the award. And if I have forgotten anyone, please let me know.

This award comes with some rules like all the other awards. First I have to list three things I would change in the world (to be done below). Second I am supposed to pass this onto ten other bloggers (well I am the fucking Overlord now so there will be no more until I die). Lastly I am supposed to notify the people that I am passing this award onto (well I just said I am the last until I die so that ain’t happening).

So here are my three things, bear with me as they might seem long but if you are not new to my blog than you know just how I feel about these issues.

The media will go to back to reporting the actual fucking news. No more “media bias” will ever be allowed again. Reporters will report the news as it is without their “opinion”. If someone got shot, the news will report who got shot and the details about it. They will also list who did the crime and the details about them. If you reporters who shoved your head so far up your favorite political parties asshole that you have forgotten what investigative journalism is, you will be required to watch the movie “All The Kings Men” which is about how Woodward and Bernstein broke apart the “Watergate” scandal in the 1970’s. And if reporters don’t want to learn to properly report the news, they will be sent to live in China for the remainder of their lives.

People in the media (and in general) who have nothing good to say are hereby banned in this country. You know the people I am talking about, the fucktards who constantly tell you who are to blame for everything wrong in this country or in your lives. The people who insight hate speech, racism, ignorance, and spread outright lies are the people who are never allowed to speak in the public eye again. So in no special order the following people are done talking: Sean Hannity, Chris Matthews, Glen Beck, Rachel Maddow, Geraldo Rivera, Jesse Jackson, Sarah Palin, Al Sharpton, all of the bitches on The View, Al Gore, Rush Limbaugh, Keith Oberman, loud mouth sports stars, and any other nimrod who thinks they have something negative to say can all take a slow boat to the south pole.

I saved the best for last and this one might be a little long. As Overlord I will be bringing common sense back to government. I am creating a new cabinet level position with only one employee. It will be called the Department Of Common Sense and will be the highest ranking government office with all other aspects of the government first going through it. All government employees will now be friendly to the American taxpayers who pay their pay check (I got my eye on you IRS and DMV). All politicians will be required to have the exact same campaign funds and no more billion dollar elections. Politicians will no longer be bought and sold. The “lobbying” business is finished. No more combining bills upon bills (ie no more foreign aid bills to countries we don’t like along with aid to places we do like), want to give money to Libya? Make it a separate bill. No more wasteful government spending will be allowed at all (ie the $800K our stimulus money spent to teach men in Africa how to wash their dicks after sex, yes our tax dollars really were spent on this). All the business of congress will be on tv and not behind closed doors. There will be a webcam installed in the oval office to where all of America can see the President working. Every single visitor to the White House will be logged with their picture onto the web (they are supposed to do this now except for the picture part). Basically all fucking corruption in government will end. See the common sense theme here? Now I know that this common sense approach to things will possibly cost a lot of people their jobs, but just think of all of the money we would save in the long run.

And no I am not running for president. Ever. I have talked too many ladies out of their panties over the course of my lifetime and no one wants to see that story told on TMZ.

Nice Rack

One of blog buddies Bruce over at Stupid Stuff I See And Hear recently passed on a blog award to me. You see this award was not really meant for me, but it was more meant for me to pass on to the ladies.

And since I am not one to buck tradition, well I am going to post about it. The award says that you have to post a picture of your rack and pass the award onto five other bloggers.

Here we go. Here is an old picture of my rack back from the days that I was a stripper.

Now to pass on this great rack award to five ladies:

Absolutely Primed

Random Girl

Ramblings Of An Emotional Idiot

Hello Rosie

Brandi’s Place

Why the fuck didn’t I think of this damn award? I must be losing my creative touch.

And ladies please don't be shy when accepting this award, remember by posting the pictures you are helping the hearts of us men folk.

Silent But Deadly

I was recently given another blog award, although this one is a little different than most of them. This award was the “Silent But Deadly” fart award and it was given to me by Rosie over at "Hello Rosie”.

This award is basically an award where you tell your readers your funniest fart story. And then pass on the award onto five bloggers that you think would have a funny fart story to tell.

Well all my life I have been a farter, I mean who hasn’t had a bout of the gas from time to time. Although lately my flatulence has been limited to when I eat certain foods, and this story is no different.

Last Thursday there was some meeting at my office for the big wigs (or something like that) and they had BBQ catered in. Now it was not for us “rank and file” employees but when the big wigs are done eating it is open season on the left overs for us “lowly” employees. And since I love a free meal, I got me a large plate.

I had a plate of two brisket sammiches (with onions, pickles, and bbq sauce), potato salad, and baked beans. So I am sitting there eating this free goodness and reading my paper like always at the break room table, when it started. I had to fart. Not just a normal fart either, this one had enough pressure behind it to launch a space shuttle into orbit. As I was the only one left at the table, I decided to release the cracken. It was loud and vibrated my chair so much that it probably was recorded by the US Geological Survey as a mild earth quake. And it stunk, not just stunk, but really stunk. Nothing gives me gas worse than beans and onions, and the two combined is enough to make a weapon of ass destruction.

So I kept eating and farting all by my lonesome. About 30 minutes later, I cleaned up my mess and headed back to my office. I then decided that I needed a cup of coffee if I was going to keep myself awake for the balance of the work day. As I was walking to the break room on the other side of the building, I kept farting. This time the farts were silent, but smelled like a sack of rotten onions. So I get to the break room and get myself some coffee, it is then that I fart one more time. Except this time it is different. There is a “present” along with the fart. Yep it is diarrhea. Just a little bit though.

I walk calmly to the bathroom and yep, my stomach is upset. I finish up the business of the day and tell me boss that I am sick and going home for the day. I will have you know though that no one at work knew what had actually happened to me. Only my kids, my brother, and now you know what had really happened to me.

After I get home I noticed that I had been given this nice little award (how ironic is that). And now you all know why I was sick on Thursday and was not able to write a nice post for Friday.

So the moral of this story is this and it is the best advice I can ever give to you my readers, never gamble on a fart. NEVER.

Rosie wanted a story which included the 10 Percent Theory, well I don’t think this story could have been any more 10 percent than that.

Now to pass this on to five other bloggers that make me laugh and I am sure will have a great story to tell.

Bruce over at Stupid Stuff I See & Hear.

Powdered Toast Man at Just The Cheese.

Mrs Hyde over at A Bitch Called Mom.

The Peachy One at The Pits Of Being Peachy.

Heather over at Sugar Free Thoughts.

I Am A Winner!

I did not win the latest lottery drawing, but I did get myself awarded another blog award on Monday.

On Monday I was given the “Versatile Blogger Award” by Absolutely Primed over at Over Developed, Under Exposed. You should go check out her blog as she has a great blog and is also a pretty cool Canuck. Thank you very much for the award Primed.

I am not sure what the meaning behind the award is, but I guess it means that I am good at going from one totally goofy ass post to something serious. Hey come to think about it, that is pretty much how this blog actually is.

This little award comes with some rules (like all of them really) that must be “followed”.

1. Thank the person who gave it to me which was done above.

2. List seven random things about me which is done below.

3. Pass the award onto 15 other blogs. Well I am too tired to do this one and I think this award has already been spread around more the Snooki’s vagina. So yea I am not going to pass it on.

Well here is the seven random things about me:

1. I really shouldn’t bite my finger nails but I do. Especially in the car on the way to and from work, it is a bad habit and I know I need to stop doing it. Do they make a patch for this shit?

2. I own a cat. Don’t bash me for that, he is a “special” breed of cat and will be the subject of a future post.

3. I once worked as a life guard when I was a teenager. It took me three months of wearing SPF 500 to get a nice tan.

4. I coach basketball in a youth inner city league. I just finished my third year of coaching a boy’s team and a girl’s team. And yes I coached both of my kid’s teams.

5. I still want to do standup comedy somewhere but I am way too shy to get up in front of a crowd and actually do it. I would pass out quicker from being on stage than I would from having to get a shot (remember I am afraid of needles).

6. Sometimes I wish I had a really big family instead of the small one that I have. But then I remember what kind of a nightmare Thanksgiving is around my house without adding more people to the mix.

7. In college, my minor was theater. I had to take a costuming class and I actually can use a sewing machine without injuring myself. Hey don’t laugh; I needed something to help bring up my GPA.

Well that is pretty much it.

Thank you again Primed for giving me the award.

I Got Awarded Again

A while back I was cool enough to receive another blog award. It was the “Cherry On Top Award” which is “for beautiful blogs with that little bit extra”.

This award was given to me by Jess over at Ramblings Of An Emotional Idiot. Her blog is pretty good so you should go check it out if you have not already done so.

This little award comes with two main rules. I need to write three things about myself which I love and I also need to pass the award onto five other blogs which I liked.

So here is three things which I love about myself.

I love that I am a good father. I was really worried when my kids were born that I would not be a great dad since my dad was such a piece of shit. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about how crappy my father was when I was growing up. And I then remember that I have to be better than that to my kids.

I love that I have such a strong work ethic and a sense of responsibility. I learned both of those mostly by having to move out on my own at age 16 right before I started my junior year of high school. If it was not for having to grow up way earlier than I did, I would probably not be so responsible today.

I love that I have such a great sense of humor. This sense of humor has gotten me through some really tough times in my life. And I really love that I can share this sense of humor with the world through talking to people and through this blog.

Now I have to pass this award onto 5 other bloggers. I decided to pass this award onto people who are new to blogging and or have a small following. So in no particular order we have:

Bold Remarks


Brandi’s Place


Don’t Mind Me. I’m Discombobulated.


William’s Girl


Lowered Expectations

Thanks Jess for the award!!!!

200 Followers And An Award

I was recently given the “7 Facts” blog award from Brandi over at Brandi’s Place, so thank you Brandi for the award. All of you should go check her out.

Well the award comes with some rules which were to thank the award giver (done above), to list seven facts about yourself (done below), and to pass it on (I will try to do later when I have time).

So here are seven random facts about me.

1. I love to eat. No I really love to eat. I eat more than I probably should and it is going to suck when I start trying to lose weight to have to cut back on my portions.

2. I am addicted to caffeine in the form of coffee. If I don’t have my coffee when I wake up, someone is going to get yelled at or die. God help you all if they ever run out of coffee.

3. I spend a lot of time lately thinking about things I have done wrong in my past even though I know it is a waste of time to do so.

4. I am now addicted to watching Holmes on Homes on the HGTV channel (I am watching it as I write this). It amazes me that there are some really shitty contractors out there who do such crappy work and expect to get paid.

5. I don’t eat candy or sweet stuff. I am trying to lose weight and those were easy sugars to give up.

6. I keep a list of blog ideas. I started with one sheet of paper and would write down something as it came to me. Now I have a whole folder full of about 25 sheets of paper with all kinds of ideas of things to blog about. And ironically I have gain more followers right after posting my boobs and bikini picture blogs than from any other one I have posted. And mostly they were women.

7. I am still terrified of snakes and sharks even though I know the odds of either one of them eating me for dinner are slim to none.

Well there was a quick list of seven facts about me, I hope you enjoyed them.

Now onto more of the business of blogging.

Over the weekend I hit a new milestone in blogging. I made it to the 200 follower mark. Pretty impressive if you ask me, and I did ask me. I did a little happy dance on Sunday when I saw that I hit the 200 mark. I honestly never thought I would get to this point in blogging. When I first started blogging I did not think that there would be so many people who seem to share my sense of humor. So thank you for all of you who have followed me and enjoy reading all of my non-sense.

If you are new to my blog, I have made an oath to you the readers that for 50 followers that I get, I will post a cool picture of myself. Last time I promised to post a picture of myself from back in the day when I was an actor. Well here you go ladies, enjoy it.

When I get to 250 followers I will post a picture of me in some form of a drunken stupor.

I Got Awarded And Tagged Again

Well it has been a very busy couple of weeks for me so I am a little late in getting around to the business of blogging. I recently was awarded the “Stylish Blogger Award” by three different people within one weeks time. I was given the award to me by Okie Blogger, Bold Remarks, and by Absolutely Primed. You should go check out their blogs as they are all worthy of reading.

Thank you all three of you for the award even though I am not so sure about how my blog is “stylish” per se since I am not one of the blogs that fits the typical stereotypes of blogs. But thank you just the same.

Now the award is supposed to have some rules just like all of the other awards out there. I have to thank the people who gave me the awards which I did. I have to tell seven things about myself which I am doing below. And I have to pass the award onto 15 other people. Well I don’t have time to sit down and go through the hundreds of blogs that I read to come up with some. I am just too busy and too tired to do so. And since this award was going around like an std at a high school prom, I am going to refrain for once in passing the award onto others.

So here goes seven truthful things about me:

1. I was not one of the popular kids in high school. I was friends with almost everyone which spanned across the clicks in high school (ie cool kids, dweebs, skaters, stoners, jocks, whores, yellow bellies).

2. I am not a red neck although I do like some redneck things like Nascar and monster truck jams. I mean who doesn’t like to watch a giant ass truck run over a double wide trailer?

3. I think about weird shit all the time. Like stuff I am sure that no one else thinks about.

4. I am not a morning person. I have to drive 50 miles one way for work and I often do not remember driving most of the drive when I get to work.

5. I cannot live on this earth without coffee. If coffee were to go the way of the dinosaurs, I would have to stay home as the urge to drive people off of the road would be too great.

6. I am a hopeless romantic at heart but the same time I am the world's biggest pessimist. 

7. I am beyond glad that my kids like the same music that I do. Although I guess I could blame it on the fact that I am a selfish bastard when it comes to what I want to hear when I am in the car. Although my kids think that I am a huge ass nerd because I also listen to sports talk radio from a couple of local am stations.

In addition to being awarded recently, I have also been tagged as well. I was tagged by Jewels since I made a comment about these question and answer things being fun. And well she digs my sense of humor so she wanted to see how I would answer the questions. Like the award I won’t pass this one like a bad std.

1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals or are the members of your family? Pets in my house hold are treated just like people. They all have names and nick names as well. I have a Norwegian Forrest cat that is more human than half of the people I know and is treated better than most people I know.

2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be? A nice sizeable check from the lottery folks which that one dream come true would take care of all of my other dreams which I need to have come true.

3. What is the one thing most hated by you? I hate politics and politicians of both damn parties. I am beyond sick and tired of their damn bullshit. They have ruined our country.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars? I would get the fuck out of Texas to start with. And then I would travel the world and take my kids with me. I would home school my kids myself and teach them history by taking them to actual places where history happened.

5. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood? Beer normally does the trick. And when I don't have beer, humor usually works for me.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone? I think giving is better than receiving. Unless you are talking about giving me a sammich and then I am a receiver.

7. What is your bedtime routine? See the question below. I spend some “quality” time with myself and then watch some tv until I pass out.

8. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner? I am not currently in a relationship per se, but I am pretty “tight” with my left hand. Me and old lefty met in the womb.

9. If you could watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be? I would like to see what drugs the band The Bloodhound Gang do in order to write their songs. They come up with some of the funniest songs I have ever heard.

10. What kinds of books do you read? I read mostly stuff about history. At the moment I am in the middle of reading four different books about World War 2.

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time? I would just like to be able to see myself in the mirror in ten years. In other words I will be just happy to be alive. Though in ten years I want to see my kids halfway done with college and decent young people.

12. What's your fear? That I will fail as a father.

13. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit outer space? Me give up Buffalo Wild Wings? No fucking way. I live 20 minutes from the Johnson Space Center, that is about as close to space as I want to get. Especially considering that you get to space on something that the lowest bidder made. Not a chance in hell.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married, but poor? Well considering that I have already been married and poor, I will go with the single and rich part.

15. What's the first thing you do when you wake up? The first thing I do when I wake up is throw my alarm clock against the wall.

16. If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner what would it be? Well since I am dating my left hand, I would have to say self lubrication would be nice.

17. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be? I am pretty happy with the name that I have actually. I just wish people would stop calling me Shirley.

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done? I have a hard time with forgiveness. Some things in my mind are not forgivable, like what my mother did. Although I have forgiven her, she will never know my children.

19. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be? Oh wow since I am hungry, I would have to go with some wings. Me and wings are in love with one another. I can put down a farm full of chickens in one sitting.

Well there you go fans of the Trash, there is some get to know you stuff. I hope you enjoyed reading my babbling bullshit and it made you giggle a little.

My Superbowl Day That Was Not So Super

Well as most of you know my Steelers lost to the Packers 31-25 in yesterdays Superbowl. I had hoped that the Steelers would have pulled it out and won, but they didn’t. I am not sad that they lost, nor am I angry or bitter that they lost; after all they were in the Superbowl when 30 other teams wished they could have been there. And the game itself was a good close game, which even in a loss is still a good thing as it was a great game in my book.

My life is ruled by the 10% theory, so it should be of no shock to you that my day was not a good one (in addition to the Steelers losing).

Saturday my daughter came down with a bad case of the flu plus strep throat. She was up all night puking and coughing. And when I woke up on Sunday morning in addition to my daughter being sick, my son had also came down with the flu as well. Oh and my ex was also sick with the same stuff that my kids had, so when she came over I had 3 people useless sick people laying on my couch all day.

Because they were all sick, I had to clean up my whole house, do all of the laundry, shop for the game, cook all of the food, clean the post party mess, and pretty much do everything all by myself. And since my kids were sick, I couldn’t have all of the company over which I had planned on because they all have kids and well I just didn’t feel like serving them great food along with a few cases of the flu as well.

I also made the mistake of watching the Pittsburgh Penguins hockey game in the early afternoon. They got blown out 3-0 against the Capitals so I guess that in addition to my kids being sick, this should have been the writing on the wall for my day.

I also would like to say that I blame Ms Miley for the loss of the game because she said last week that the Steelers would play like crap. You should check out her blog and leave her some damn hate comments on her blog as she is sometimes funny and she needs more readers.

I was also kind of disappointed in the Superbowl commercials. They seemed to lack imagination in my mind. I did like the “Bud Light home remodel”, the new VW beetle one, the “Pack it in the boot” from Mini Cooper, and the “House” one where they played off of the old Mean Joe Greene Coke commercial.

I was highly disappointed in the Pepsi one where the guy was saying out loud that he wanted to sleep with his date. Seriously Pepsi kids watch the damn Superbowl and are impressionable. Shame on your for showing that commercial because both of my kids saw it and laughed. I covered my kid’s eyes and ears during the Go Daddy commercials, but I didn’t think I had to do that with a fucking Pepsi commercial. So yea Pepsi I am done with you and my 15 year love affair with Mountain Dew now. You will get no more of my money, and I will lose 50 pounds as a result.

The real reason I am sad today is that the future of the NFL is uncertain. You see the greedy NFL owners and players can’t come to an agreement to come up with a new contract for the players. I think both sides are pissing me off and just being fucking greedy. Oh well if there is a lock out they will just have pissed off a lot of fans, me included. At least the colleges and high schools won’t have a lock out next football season.

But Sunday was not a complete wash; I got a Super Blog award from Peachy. I guess she thinks I have a Super Blog. I don’t think my blog is award worthy (especially one of this significance) maybe historians one day will judge me better than I judge myself.

The best part of my day came after the game as me and my kids sprawled out on the couch together and watched Airplane (the edited version for those of you who read my rant about the Pepsi commercial) together. There is no better way to end a rough sad day than to curl up with your kids and watch a classic comedy. I always say that humor is the best medicine.

I hoped all of you enjoyed my week of Superbowl posts that I posted all week long.

Yes Nikki this is my last Superbowl related post till next year so I hope you can sleep good tonight.

The LOL Award

Well yesterday I had the honor of receiving the same award twice in the same day. That has happened twice this month actually. Maybe we need to call Scully to see if this is something for X-Files. If it isn’t maybe she can show me her XXX-Files.

I also got the same very award today from another blogger.

I guess by getting the same award three times in two days I am taking off, and I am on my way to achieving my plan of taking over the blog world.

"Gee Trash, what are we going to do today?”

“The same thing we do every day, try to make people laugh Pinky.”

I was given the “LOL” blog award by Bruce (see his blogs here and here), Mrs. Hyde over at A Bitch Called Mom, and by Blah Coo Coo Blah. I guess I make them “LOL” although I am not quite sure what that means exactly. I sure hope it does not cause chest pain or something that requires a trip to the emergency room as it sounds painful. Speaking of painful, have you noticed how much it fucking costs these days just to take a deep breath inside of a hospital? Can’t fucking afford it is exactly right.

Anyways, I was given this nice little award for making them laugh. Thank you Bruce, Bitch (she’s not a bitch; I just wanted to say bitch), and Blah for the award . You should go check out their blogs as they are all funny bloggers.

This award comes with some rules where I have to thank the people who have given it to me, pass on the award to seven bloggers I find funny, and list seven things that no one knows about me.

So in no particular order here are seven bloggers that I find fucking funny. Please go and check them out as they are good writers and need some more peeps checking out there stuff.

Holly

Kelley

Muffin Logic

Sassy

Kage

Sugar Free Thoughts

The Twins

Here are the seven things which no one knows about me.

1. I am horrifically shy. I don’t hit on women when I am out in public.

2. I have a list of over 150 blog ideas which I need to write about. Some funny, some serious.

3. I love to read, but you wouldn’t know it by looking at me.

4. I am the son of a raging alcoholic but I rarely drink. Except when I am out of town and don’t have to drive. Then I become a happy drunk.

5. My first job was as a pizza delivery guy. My first day on that job was on Super Bowl Sunday 1991. My first car was a lowered Nissan mini-truck which had a targa top and small tv inside it. No I didn’t miss the Superbowl that year.

6. The Most Interesting Man In The World and Chuck Norris both refuse to play me in chess.

7. I used to skate board when I was a youth. And I was actually quite good.

Well there you have it in a nutshell. I will try to keep the “funneh” up so you can laugh at what I have to say around here.

100 Followers And Another Award

This past Thursday I received another award on here. It was my fourth award in one week (I guess the word is getting out about me) and I was very happy to get this award. The award seems to fit me pretty well and it comes with no rules (not that I am against rules, but I am a rebel so to speak). The award is the “Your Blog Is Bloody Brilliant” award and I got it from The Empress over at the Ranters Box. You should go check out her blog as she is funny and she writes really well. So thank you Empress, I really appreciate the award.

On Friday I also reached another milestone in addition to getting 4 blog awards in one week, and that is I surpassed 100 followers (well 110 at the time of writing this post). I never thought I would get to the 100 follower level. No really I honestly never thought I would get to this level. Having 100 followers is like starting a business and it taking off really well. And this mark is really an accomplishment for me since I only have 60 posts and that is like almost 2 followers per post. So thank you to all of you who have stuck around with me, and have read the little stories that I like to tell as well as my nasty perverted jokes. Don’t worry, I won’t sell out now that I have reached 100 followers and change my content or my jokes and stories. I plan to continue writing about all of the things that have got me to this level. So stick around because there will be a lot more of my style of humor, common sense, and stories of my life.

So since I got a following now, here is a little bit about me. I like to write but more importantly, I love to talk and tell stories. My sense of humor would be best suited for standup comedy, but since I don’t have my own show I will have to continue to write. I did not always like to write because I suck at grammar and the English language in general. English was the one class all through school and college that I sucked at. But I have found that over time I seem to be getting better (well at least in my small little mind at least) with writing and trying to get what is in my head to come out of hiding and jump into Microsoft Word.

Well you the lovely follower did not come here for me to babble on about myself, you came here for the picture I am about to post. You see if you didn’t already know, I promised a while back that for each 50 followers I get on here that I will post a picture of myself for you guys to see. So without any further delay, here is the picture of myself that I promised you the lovely reader back from my college days when I was a stripper.

When I get to 150 followers I will post a picture of myself from back when I used to be an internet model. Have a great day everyone. I hope this picture of me makes you have a great Monday.

I Got Another Award

On Monday I did a post about how I had received two awards over the weekend and also how I had been pimped out. Well on Monday after I had posted my award post, I received another award from Semi True Storyteller over at Can U Relate. Her blog is awesome so you need to go check it out. She writes about everything and anything that comes to her mind, so please go read her blog.

The name of the award is the “Life Is Good” award which is cool. I do find it ironic that my life can be a complete utter clusterfuck at times, which makes this award a little funny. I don’t write about all the messed up things that go on in my life (only the funny ones) so I guess this is karma saying my life really is good.

So this award comes with some rules. I have to thank the giver of the award (done above), I have to pass the award on (done below here), and answer the 10 questions (below). So I have fulfilled the award rules.

I chose to pass this award onto the following people:

Miss Nikki over at My Cyber House Rules because her life truly is good. She is living on a recently purchased boat and her blog is awesome. Go and read stuff as she is funny.

Powdered Toast Man over at Just The Cheese because he bribed asked me for an award so I am giving him one. His blog is very funny and always keeps me entertained, and also he has trivia as well. Go and check him out for yourself.

And last but not least Midwestern Momma Holly over at Are You Serious. Her blog is hilarious and good so you should go check it out.

As for the required questions, here you go.

1. If you blog anonymously, are you happy doing this? If you aren't anonymous, do you wish you started out anonymously, so that you could be anonymous now? Yes I blog anonymously and I am happy with it. A few people who actually know me in real life know about and read my blog and I don’t mind. But some of the stuff I write about could bring some serious shitstorms down on me/family/friends so I kept it anonymously. Yes that means I have some seriously offensive shit coming soon.

2. Describe an incident that shows your inner stubborn side. Hmm, every day I open my mouth at work.

3. What do you see when you really look at yourself in the mirror? I see myself as a fat guy who is ugly and could lose some weight. But I balance it out when I think that by saying I am a good parent and my kids love me, haven’t flunked out of school, and haven’t turned into serial killers yet. Although they are cereal killers and can knock off a box of cheerios faster than a lake of catfish can.

4. What is your favorite summer cold drink? Mountain Dew is my favorite, and I can down a can of it like nothing at all in no time flat.

5. When you take time for yourself, what do you do? Well as I rarely get time at all for me, I tend to either watch some sports, read, or write stuff for my blog. But “me” time is more rare than a non corrupt non lying politician.

6. Is there something that you still want to accomplish in your life? There are a lot of things I would like to accomplish. Keeping both of my kids from having kids before marriage, keeping my daughter off of a stripper pole (relax Kage I am kidding), getting both of my kids through college, and a ton of other stuff.

7. When you attended school, were you the class clown, the class overachiever, the shy person, or always ditching? I was actually the shy class clown. No one ever got my humor or much less appreciated it. Now all of my former classmates find my shit funny on Facebook. Which is ironic because my sense of humor has not changed in 35 years.

8. If you close your eyes and want to visualize a very poignant moment in your life, what would you see? Hmm I would have to say two events come to my mind. One is when my kids were born and the other is the day I moved out of my ex-wifes rent house.

9. Is it easy for you to share your true self in your blog, or are you more comfortable writing posts about other people and events? Well lets just say I am sharing with you with every post. It is like putting a 1000 piece puzzle together and only doing 3 pieces per week.

10. If you had the choice to sit down and read a book or talk on the phone, which would you do and why? I would choose to sit down and read a book because I am always on the phone with people. My phone never stops ringing between my brother and my kids.

I Have Been Pimped And Awarded

Recently one of the blogs I follow The Ranters Box pimped me out on her blog. Her blog is hilarious and you need to go and read it. Seriously, drop what you are doing and go read her blog now. She really deserves to be Bon’d (Blogs Of Note you perverts) on here as her blog is great. So give her a read.

I was also given a pretty sweet award on Friday and again on Saturday by two different bloggers. I was given the award on Friday by Jewels and on Saturday by A Redhead Named Sam. Both of their blogs are good and you should go check them out. Jewels writes about her experiences with trying to find a man, turning 30 years old, and her big Greek family. Sam writes about her life and some pretty tough choices she has made in the last couple of years. You should go read both of their blogs.

Now onto the award and it is called “The Irresistibly Sweet Award” and was created by Mynx and you should also check out her blog as well. The award is “for bloggers whose posts are always dragging you back for more. Someone who makes you smile when you see that their latest post is on your reading list.” So I guess this makes my blog very addictive. And the award comes with a few rules which means I have to pass the award onto 3 other bloggers that addictive to me and I also have to list 5 guilty pleasures.

So to comply with the rules here are 3 bloggers that I follow that are great:

First is Life By Chocolate which is a nice little gem of a blog by a middle aged young funny as hell Jewish lady. She writes about her wild experiences with dating, chocolate, and life in general. She always leaves me in stitches from laughing so hard at her.

Second is a blog by a guy who writes stuff that is crazy funny. His blog is Not Worth Mentioning and his blogs always tell a great tale and are filled with information you probably have never even thought about knowing that you might just need to know. Go check it out.

And last but not least is Peachy over at Being Peachy. Her blog is hilarious and often filled with great stories of her family and friends and some of her posts from Facebook. She is seriously funny and deserves your attention.


Now for my 5 guilty pleasures that I must tell you about:

1. I enjoy watching the ID Discovery Channel and all of the forensic shows that they have on there. The shows on there are both sad and hilarious to me as how some dumb asses think they can get away with murder and also kill someone over such stupid shit.

2. I am a history nerd. I spend hours watching the History Channel and also reading books about history. Just tonight I took my kids to a used book store and walked out with 5 used books about World War 2 history. If I ever hit the lotto I plan on going back to college and getting a PhD in History so I can either teach or write a book.

3. I enjoy watching the tv show Hoarders. It blows my damn mind how some people live like that. I watched one episode last night that had some woman in a house that was filled with rabbits and rabbit shit everywhere through the house. I make my kids watch it as well so that they see what their house would look like if it was not for me cleaning all the fucking time.

4. I blog and share my fucked up sense of humor with you the reader. It makes me feel decent inside to know that some of you enjoy reading about my messed up life and my even more messed up sense of humor.

5. I watch the tv show Cops whenever I can get a chance to. It cracks me up to see how dumb some people in this country truly are. Like you are really going to out run a bunch of cop cars when there is 10 of them and a police helicopter in the air as well. And don’t even get me started on the dumbass youth of today who think they can out run a cop on foot when their pants are hanging half way down their legs. Fucking morons I tell you.

Well there you have it. There is my sweet award. Remember to check out the blogs that I follow and show them some love. And help spread the word on my blog because when I get to 100 followers, I will post another hot picture of me from back in the day when I was a stripper.

Nifty Fifty And Award

Well it has been roughly 3-4 months since I started blogging on here, and I have to say that is has been interesting to say the least. I have reached the mark where I have 51 followers of my blog. I am really shocked by this as I never expected to get above the 5 follower mark as I don’t think my sense of humor is that good. To have 51 followers in just a few months I guess is like NASA landing people on the moon back in the late 60’s and early 70’s. It is a miracle to say the least in my eyes as I never ever thought other people would find my writing funny and informative, much less actually read it and follow it. So I am very thankful to my followers.

Actually I should not call all of you my followers; I should call you straight jacketers because if you like my sense of humor, you are not normal either. But your mental problems are for another time and place in my future blog postings.

As I have said before, I started this blog as a way to put into paper (rather ePaper) my thoughts on various subjects that come to my mind. Sometimes these thoughts are about politics, sex, common sense, things I see in the news, and things I find odd or funny. I keep a little list of stuff that I need to write about it. So I will continue my popular “Great Inventions” and “Worldly Wednesday” posts as you seem to like them. I also will have some upcoming posts about my experience with my vasectomy, politics, how I would handle illegal immigration, more sex tips, political correctness, more on the TSA, and many other interesting topics. So stay tuned.

Since I said if I reached 50 followers I would post a picture of myself. So I am doing that. Here is a little picture of me and my friend Lafawndah. Yes the Lafawndah from the Napoleon Dynamite movie. Yes we are homies. And yes the picture was photo-shopped. I don’t know any celebrities, but that is beside the point. Although I once met George Carlin in the Pittsburgh airport, and yes I did recite one of his jokes when I met him. He was shocked that I mentioned that particular joke as he said no one ever comments about it. He laughed and said I was a funny kid and autographed my copy of the paper from that day. I still have that paper in a tupperware container at home. I should frame it since he is my all time favorite comedian and he passed away back in 2008.

In the future I will post a nice little picture of myself for every 50 followers I add to my blog. So when I get to 100 followers I will post a picture of myself that was taken back when I was a stripper. Yes I said a stripper picture. So spread the word on my blog so you can one day see my photo spread.

Enough about me. Onto the award which I was recently awarded, which is the “Tanned Hide Award”. The picture looks really cool and since I do enjoy spanking a nice little lady so I guess it fits with my sick twisted sense of humor. I don’t know what the rules are for this award or what the qualifications are for getting this award, so I am going to tell you about the person who gave me the award. One of my followers Bruce gave me the award. He is one funny dude and he has two blogs where he has Bruce and his Evil Twin which each write a blog. They are fucking hilarious and you should check the blogs out (especially if you like the word FUCK).

Well enough for now as I have work to actually do today at work. Everyone have a great weekend. Remember; if you can’t be good, then fucking be good at it.

I Won The Election

Last week on a blog that I follow (which the post can be seen here) there was a giveaway contest which I will here forth refer to as The 2010 Election. There were no rules for this Election process, all you had to do was to leave a comment on this blog stating why you should win. And the winner was given a choice of one of three DVD sets (the entire Sopranos collection, True Blood season one, and Entourage season four).

So after reading the non-rules list I decided to base my campaign for contest winner on a funny yet very truthful comment. I ran on the “I should win because I can’t honestly remember the last time I had a bj” platform, which in the blog world is a huge comment to admit to. So after posting my truthful comment about why I should win this Election, many people chimed in to vote for me. I had more women vote for me to be elected than men did, which is funny considering some of my opponents false claims that I am a misogynist.

Well after a week of early voting, it was announced last night that I had won the Election. So I made my choice of picking the entire series of The Sopranos. I figured you can’t go wrong with a show that has a character named “Big Pussy”. Since I have been elected on the “Not Enough BJ’s” platform, I promise to try and find a BJ and I also pledge to watch at least one season per month.

In addition to being elected, I was also given the “Ass Kickin’ Beer Drinkin' Blog Award" by Simple Dude In A Complex World. And since the blog award comes with no rules, well I don’t have to do anything. But I will say THANK YOU! And I encourage you to go and read his blog, as his sense of humor and his sarcasm are far superior to mine.

And it is no mistake that I posted this on Election day, so I urge you if you have not gone out and voted yet, please get off your butt and do so.