Most of you know that I am no damn fan of the TSA and how idiotic they are as a “government” organization. Well they have gone and went batshit stupid in how they handle “security”, and I use that term “security” very loosely.
Here is a video of a TSA agent feeling up patting down a six year old girl. If this does not piss you off, chances are do not have a pulse.
Don’t the airports have the full body scanner? Why not put the little girl through the body scanner? I know terrorists overseas use children in their plots to blow shit up, but this is America not Lebanon. Let the TSA agent do the full body scan of the girl where you won’t find anything, and let the woman and her kid move on. Where is the common sense here? Is it just me or would scanning the kid make more sense than having your child felt up some “stranger”?
Can you imagine having to tell your kids, don’t let strangers touch you. Unless you are in line to go through security at the airport and then it is perfectly normal to have someone put their hand in your pants.
Now if this was my daughter being molested at the airport in this video, the clip would be a lot different than what you just saw. I would have demanded the body scan and if they refused and touched my baby girl, you would have seen me beating the fuck out of that TSA agent.
No child should ever be touched by anyone like this, never.
If you have been following my blog then you are aware of how I am a true fan of the TSA and all that they do. I thought I would take a hot minute to tell you about the 2010 statistics recently released by the TSA on their performance for the year. So here is the breakdown of all the things that the TSA found in 2010.
Dildos confiscated (weapons of ass destruction) – 456
Hernias caused – 1,485
Enlarged Prostates – 8,249
Men with one testicle – 765
Hemorrhoid cases – 3,172
Natural blonds – 3.4
Breast implants – 59,350
Dirty diapers – 113,657
Transvestites – 133
Bottles of lube over 3.5 ounces – 79,342
Under wear containing skid marks - 396.5
Women with padded bras – 34
Hamsters that used to belong to Richard Gere – 5
Cases of undiagnosed breast cancer – 59
Little bags of drugs inserted into someone’s ass – 3
"Fake" redheads where the carpet does not match the drapes - 147
Here are the important stats right here:
Terrorist Plots Discovered – 0
Bombs found – 0
Pissed off American travelers – 300,000,000
So I hope you can see the great job our government has been doing to keep us safe and all while you are traveling. Keep up the good work perverts TSA Agents.
I feel a Real Men Of Genius post coming soon.......
Last week I told you about my humorous story of how you can talk to your kids about getting fondled by the TSA. Well here are my serious thoughts about the TSA and some of the hypocrisy involved with them and our government.
Now unless you have been living under a rock for the last month you have heard about the wonderful new screening procedures at the US airports. It basically goes like this; you can get scanned by their new “high tech” body scanner or you can opt out of going through the scanner and get the full body pat down. Or you can go through the scanner and if they find something you will get the full body pat down. Now I am going to break this down with some common sense.
The scanners emit radiation much like an x-ray machine and the government says that they are safe. Can you believe the government? Of course you can’t believe them and everyone knows this. How many times has the government said that something was safe, and then later it does a double take and says that it is not safe? I can name a few for you. Remember the artificial sweeteners from the 80’s that they said were safe, and then latter said caused cancer? How about DDT and Agent Orange? What about all of the medications that they said were safe and later recalled? What about the tooth paste made in China, or the toys from China? See my point.
Everyone has to go through these procedures. The pilots have to go through this procedure multiple times a day. Why make the pilots go through this procedure looking for a gun or some other weapon? Did you forget that they are pilots and could at will crash any plane into anything that they wanted at any given time? Seems like a waste of their time to screen them as if they are intent on killing people with an airplane, the screener won’t catch that.
The government has said that all the TSA employees are good people. Yet in the past we have heard of TSA agents who were convicted sex offenders having the job of screeners. Yes that is correct. If the government can’t even know who the fuck is working for them and screen them, do you really have any faith in anything that they do which is security related (like the no fly list for example) like screening.
The government has also said that the images from the body scanners are not kept and are destroyed. Well then how come all of these damn images are showing up all over the internet? Yep someone is getting access to them or the TSA agents themselves are not all “good” people as you have told us they are. In either case, the images are not secure.
As I said you can opt out of going through the scanner and having a full body pat down to check you for weapons. So some guy can shove a homemade C4 bomb up his ass and by opting out of the scanner he would only get the pat down which does not check the rectum. So in theory you could smuggle a bomb onto a plane this way. Seems like a dumb ass thing to do to allow people to opt out of the scanner.
The TSA scans the passengers, the airports randomly screens the checked baggage, yet the cargo (mail and packages) does not get scanned. This was one of the major points in the 9/11 commission report. So if you wanted to blow up an airplane all you have to do is mail a bomb and time it to explode while the plane is in the air. Why scan the passengers and their baggage if you don’t scan the mail and cargo? Do you not remember hearing about the FedEx and UPS planes recently having bombs on board? Are the meal carts scanned because you sure as fuck could smuggle a weapon on plane that way couldn’t you. There are so many ways to get something on a plane it is not even funny.
I think that the TSA and the government should use profiling in doing the screenings to some extent. Now all of you are saying “Well Mr. Trash racial profiling and profiling is illegal and we can’t do it,” and I say bullshit. Police forces use profiling all the damn time. Every time a woman is murdered who is it that the police look at first? It is the husband, boyfriend, ex-husband, and ex-boyfriend that get looked at first. That is profiling and the police use it. Anytime there is a serial killer or some mail bomber who is it that they are looking for? It is a white male, early to late 30’s, lives alone or with their mom, is educated, and has problems being social with people. Yes that is profiling and the police use it. So use some common sense here in the airports and use profiling. It is Muslim men who are the ones trying to do the bad things on and to airplanes and their passengers. Look at the picture of the 9/11 hijackers, do you see a 3 year old black boy? Do you see a 65 year old white grandmother? No you don’t. Use some common sense in doing the screenings and look for the people who are actually doing the shit that you are trying to prevent.
Contact the Israelis and ask them what they are doing right with their airline El Al. They have not had a hijacking since the mid to late 1970’s. So I would find out what they are doing to prevent chicken shit terrorists from getting on their planes. Now I know that they have a fraction of the airports and daily flights that the US does, but still you could learn something from them. Most of the world hates them and wants to see their destruction so they are always on their toes security wise and have a system in place to prevent any problems with their airline.
I just think common sense should be used in stuff like this. Well really in damn near fucking anything in world should be done with common sense. Let me tell you a little story which can illustrate this better. Back in 2002 I was flying home from Brazil for Christmas on Christmas Eve. I was flying home first class (I used my frequent flyer miles to do so) and as the first to board the plane, I noticed who was around me. There was me, two white guys from the same town I was working in, an old white grandmother, and a middle aged Muslim man dressed in the garb. Guess what 4 people got the random search in the Rio airport, that’s right, the 4 non-Muslims going home to celebrate a Christian holiday. Now who of the people in first class would you suspect of causing trouble with terrorism? I did find it funny that when I was joking about that fact with the other people in first class, that the Captain of the flight had come out of the cockpit wearing a camouflage hunting jacket and a “I Love To Hunt” camouflage hat on. I knew we were getting home safely after seeing that the captain was a redneck hunter.
I also find it funny that the ACLU completely fucking silent when it comes to this issue of the scanners and the pat downs. The only time it is legal in this country to be searched like this is when you are being arrested. So why is it that the ACLU is silent? Oh yea that is right, the ACLU does not mind rights violations as long as it is a Democrat that has put the practice into law. Do you remember how vocal the ACLU was when Bush got the Patriot Act passed? Can you imagine how vocal the ACLU would be if it was Bush who had the TSA doing pat downs on people like they are now?
Do you remember the shoe bomber who attempted to ignite a bomb which was concealed in his shoe? The only thing which stopped him was the passengers on the plane who got up and stopped him when he was observed trying to ignite the bomb. Do you remember the Christmas Day bomber from last year who tried to ignite a bomb on a plane which was concealed in his underwear? He was also stopped by passengers around him who were not going to be blown up with some damn terrorist. And then Homeland Security head Janet Napolitano said that the system worked. Bullshit you ignorant woman, the system did not work. The system would have worked if this asshole was caught before he boarded the airplane. If the “system” is the passengers stopping terrorists, we are truly fucked.
I guess what I am trying to say is that common sense should be used in trying to stop terrorists from doing what they want to do. At the end of the day though if you don’t want to be felt up, then don’t fly. And also you can’t really stop someone from doing bad if their mind is dead set on doing evil. But since common sense is never used by our government, don’t be shocked to see Congressman Barney Frank feeling up the men, Ellen Degeneres feeling up the women, and someone like Michael Jackson feeling up your kids.
Warning there is SARCASM ahead and this is not to be taken seriously.
As you have all heard the TSA (Transportation Safety Administration) has come out with the new enhanced body scanners (look at your junk machines) and full body pat downs (Gestapo style molestations) in the airports across America.
So to prepare people who are parents with young children, the TSA has come up with some ways that you can introduce your children to the process of being molested searched at the airport.
You can purchase one of these low cost play sets (pictured here) and allow your children to play with them. These play sets will teach children of all ages what to expect when they get to the airport. Follow up your children by talking to them and telling them that they will go through a metal detector (featured in play set) and also a machine that is cool and like an x-ray machine and will take a picture of them. Also tell them that a security officer may have to come and feel on their privates (bendy hose for little boys and too-toos for little girls) to make sure that they don’t have any guns, barbies, knives, plastic army men, heroin, milk in a bottle, hamsters, or other weapons, banned items or toys on them. Also explain to them that the same security agent may have to stick a finger in their asshole (tell them it is just like having their temperature checked) to also check for weapons of ass mass destruction. Hell while you are at it, it might be a good time to explain to your 3 year old the birds and the bees (you can kill 2 birds with 1 stone) at the same time.
If you feel uncomfortable with having that talk directly with your children, you can purchase this fine book at the same time that you purchase the play set. The book covers all aspects of the new security measures that will be encountered by your child at the airport. I mean at the end of the day the government already wants to tell you how to raise your kid anyways, why not go all out and tell your kids how to enjoy their first body cavity search. I would suggest starting to read the book to your child at bedtime at least 2 weeks before your anticipated travel date. And if you child can already read on their own, give the book to your child at least 3 weeks before the travel date so that they have plenty of time for comprehension.
To calm any fears your child might have, just remind your child that you will be there right by their side getting molested patted down and anally probed as well.
I hope you can see the craziness in what the TSA is doing to kids by feeling them up at the airport and are as outraged as I am by it.
Meanwhile in Hell, Michael Jackson is furious that his dream job has been created after his death.
