Football Is Back

This time of year is when all of the colleges are hosting their spring practices before taking time off for the end of school and beginning of summer. A lot of colleges also are holding their annual spring football game.

And last Saturday the college I went to, The University of Houston held their annual “Red & White” game. It was basically a glorified practice game which was held on campus, open to the public, and free. So when you throw in the “free” word and “football” together, well the kids and I just had to go to it.

I dragged the kids (no not literally, they were happy to go) to my old school and watched the best two hours of my life since the Superbowl. You see I got to see FOOTBALL being played, live and in person. Yes I know I am into football like a crack addict is into crack, but I was able to get my fix.

We took in the sights and sounds of the game. The hitting, the cheering, the sounds of the ball hitting the ground, the whistles, and all of the sounds of the game in its purest form were heard. And for two hours last Saturday, it was great to have my old friend back.

 The kids had such a great time that they have even semi talked me into buying season tickets for the upcoming season.

Well until August my old friend, I shall miss you.

Party With Charlie Sheen

Have you ever wanted to just party like a complete fool?

Do all the booze, drugs, and hookers that you wanted to without any consequences or the need for a new liver?

Or basically live just like Charlie Sheen?

But you really can’t afford to hang out with him, well now you can.

For just $35.25 from this great website, you and all of your friends can party with Charlie Sheen. Ok it is not the real Charlie Sheen, but inflatable Charlie Sheen is just as cool.

Just imagine all of the fun you can have with Charlie Sheen. You can put him in the front seat of your car and your easily take the carpool lane. You can take him to parties and impress all of your friends. Just think you will never have to eat dinner alone ever again with Charlie at your side. Think about all of the “Winning” you will be able to do with Charlie.

Warning: Hookers, blow, and low self esteem are not included.

Road Signs

You have all seen them while driving. Those nice big orange flashing construction signs telling you stuff that you never read. Stuff like “right lane closed ahead” or “freeway closed ahead”.

Now the juvenile delinquent in me has always wanted to break into the compartment of one of these things and change the message to something funny.

A few years ago someone in Austin did just that. When I saw it on the news I laughed my ass off about it.

Well a few weekends ago, someone actually did just that in downtown Houston. You can see from the pictures that it is pretty funny, but I would have done it better than this.

I would have made the sign say something like:

“Oilfield Trash For President”

“Eat More Pussy”

“Save The Shrimp”

“Oilfield Trash Licks Ladies Da Best”

“Everyone Loves Your Momma”

“Pull Out”

“Read Make Daddy A Sammich”

“Shave Your Vag”

What would you have made the sign say if you were able to hack into it?

I Am A Winner!

I did not win the latest lottery drawing, but I did get myself awarded another blog award on Monday.

On Monday I was given the “Versatile Blogger Award” by Absolutely Primed over at Over Developed, Under Exposed. You should go check out her blog as she has a great blog and is also a pretty cool Canuck. Thank you very much for the award Primed.

I am not sure what the meaning behind the award is, but I guess it means that I am good at going from one totally goofy ass post to something serious. Hey come to think about it, that is pretty much how this blog actually is.

This little award comes with some rules (like all of them really) that must be “followed”.

1. Thank the person who gave it to me which was done above.

2. List seven random things about me which is done below.

3. Pass the award onto 15 other blogs. Well I am too tired to do this one and I think this award has already been spread around more the Snooki’s vagina. So yea I am not going to pass it on.

Well here is the seven random things about me:

1. I really shouldn’t bite my finger nails but I do. Especially in the car on the way to and from work, it is a bad habit and I know I need to stop doing it. Do they make a patch for this shit?

2. I own a cat. Don’t bash me for that, he is a “special” breed of cat and will be the subject of a future post.

3. I once worked as a life guard when I was a teenager. It took me three months of wearing SPF 500 to get a nice tan.

4. I coach basketball in a youth inner city league. I just finished my third year of coaching a boy’s team and a girl’s team. And yes I coached both of my kid’s teams.

5. I still want to do standup comedy somewhere but I am way too shy to get up in front of a crowd and actually do it. I would pass out quicker from being on stage than I would from having to get a shot (remember I am afraid of needles).

6. Sometimes I wish I had a really big family instead of the small one that I have. But then I remember what kind of a nightmare Thanksgiving is around my house without adding more people to the mix.

7. In college, my minor was theater. I had to take a costuming class and I actually can use a sewing machine without injuring myself. Hey don’t laugh; I needed something to help bring up my GPA.

Well that is pretty much it.

Thank you again Primed for giving me the award.

Don’t Save This Tata!!!

About a month ago a 22 year old “woman” named Jessica Tata who ran a home daycare here in Houston had her house catch fire and burn down. In the house were seven kids that she was taking care of. Of those seven kids, four died as a result of their burns and the other three kids lived but were badly burned. Tata herself was not injured in the fire. This happened on a Thursday afternoon.

On Thursday night the news reported that Tata had left the seven kids alone in her home to go to Target to get some groceries. When Tata had returned from Target, the house was already engulfed in fire.

On Friday the arson investigators got a tip that Tata was a flight risk and was planning on leaving the country. The investigators tried to get charges brought against Tata; however the district attorney said that there was not enough evidence to have Tata arrested.

On Saturday night, Tata boarded a flight for Nigeria (she was born here but her parents were Nigerian) and disappeared.

On Sunday night charges were filed against Tata for injury to a child but then they discovered that Tata had fled the country.

This case made national headlines and pissed a lot of people off. A Local reporter even traveled to Nigeria in hopes of actually trying to find her and get her to come back. Since then, Tata was either captured or turned herself in to authorities and is currently back here in Houston awaiting trial.

Since she came back she has been charged with bunch of charges including four counts of murder, three counts of attempted murder, and a ton of other charges.

A lot of people have tried to “defend” this idiot and her actions in the media. All kinds of excuses have been made like she was young and had not grown up yet. Now there is no damn excuse you can make for a jackass who puts a pot of oil on the stove, turns it on, and leaves the home with seven young kids alone. Hell even my kids know that you don’t ever do either of those things.

Some people have even gone after the parents of the dead kids saying that they should never have allowed their kids to be left with Tata. Um newsflash assholes, Tata was licensed by the State of Texas as a home daycare operator and had been inspected. What kind of jackass blames the victims anyway? Like the parents had some prior knowledge that Tata was going to do this. Let me tell you something, when you put your kids on the school bus in the morning, you don’t think that the bus driver is going to drive over a cliff and kill the whole busload of kids do you? Exactly.

And since Tata has been in jail, it has come to light now that her juvenile record has been released that she was accused of starting two fires when she was kid. Lovely.

A lot of things about this case really piss me off.

First why the fuck didn’t the district attorney charge her ass on Friday morning with 7 counts of child endangerment and put her in jail? That would have kept her in jail long enough to sort out all of the facts and would have kept her ass from fleeing in the first place. Especially since it was already reported on Thursday that she had left the kids alone.

Second the State of Texas needs to be able to look at peoples juvenile records when they come to the State for some kind of license like this.

Third, why is it that the State of Texas requires between 20-40 hours of training for a home daycare operator but close to 500 hours of training to become a damned barber?

Fourth, what the fuck is wrong with people today? I mean seriously who in the hell leaves seven kids home alone? Damn this one really pisses me off.

It just pisses me off that this damn woman killed four kids and injured three others because she is a dumb ass. Those kids didn’t deserve this. I say they should up the charges to capital murder, try her, convict her, and then burn the bitch at the stake. Now I know this goes against the whole “cruel and unusual punishment” thing but I am pretty sure that in this case more than a few people would be willing to make an exception.

All About Oil

I figured since I work in the oil and gas industry that I would take a little time to educate you a little bit about oil. Especially since what the media tends to tell you about this industry is complete and utter bullshit 90% of the time.

Most people think that the only thing which comes from oil is gasoline and motor oil. That is not really all that comes from oil. A multitude of stuff is made from oil and has been for a really long time including stuff that you probably had no idea is made with or from crude oil.

The standard unit of measure when talking about oil is the barrel, which is 42 gallons. Of the 42 gallons of oil in barrel, here is the breakdown of what it is used to make.

19.4 gallons – gasoline

10.04 gallons – diesel

3.91 gallons – jet fuel

1.68 gallons – heavy fuel oil

1.24 gallons – heating oil

1.72 gallons – liquefied petroleum gases

6.80 gallons – other products

Now I know that the total here adds up to above 42 gallons, and that is because the process used to refine crude oil into something useful gets out more than the original amount. Pretty neat huh?

But what I really wanted to inform you about is the 6.80 gallons of crude oil that goes into making “other products”. Some of the products made from this portion of a barrel of crude oil are either made directly from the crude oil, or the crude oil is involved in some form or fashion of making the compounds used to make these other products.

Here is a nice little list of stuff made into these so called “other products”: cold cream, fan belts, refrigerators, movie film, car enamel, golf balls, contact lenses, shaving cream, toothpaste, drinking cups, ammonia, solvents, ink, upholstery, tires, dresses, cassettes, motor cycle helmets, cd players, curtains, vitamin capsules, dashboards, putty, percolators, skis, tool racks, mops, umbrellas, roofing, denture adhesive, speakers, tennis rackets, nylon rope, water pipes, shampoo, guitar strings, antifreeze, clothes, combs, vaporizers, heart valves, enamel, anesthetics, dentures, floor wax, sweaters, car bodies, bicycle tires, dishwasher parts, caulking, faucet washers, food preservatives, antihistamines, cortisone, dyes, life jackets, tv cabinets, car battery cases, slacks, yarn, toilet seats, linoleum, synthetic wood, rubber cement, candles, hand lotion, wheels, luggage, football helmets, toothbrushes, cd’s, dvd’s, balloons, crayons, pillows, artificial turf, model cars, motor oil, ballpoint pens, boats, nail polish, golf bags, tool boxes, petroleum jelly, antiseptics, basketballs, purses, deodorant, panty hose, rubbing alcohol, shag rugs, epoxy, insect repellent, fertilizers, fishing rods, ice cube trays, electric blankets, fishing boots, trash bags, roller skates, paint rollers, aspirin, awnings, ice chests, paint brushes, sun glasses, parachutes, dishes, artificial limbs, folding doors, bearing grease, football cleats, insecticides, fishing lures, perfumes, show polish, tape, clotheslines, soap, shoes, footballs, refrigerant, linings, electrician’s tape, paint, oil filters, hair coloring, lipstick, synthetic rubber, glycerin, dice, house paint, surf boards, shower curtains, safety glasses, eyeglasses, detergents, tents, telephones, cameras, bandages, and hair curlers.

That is just a list of roughly 100 or so of the products that are made from crude oil. There are THOUSANDS of products which are made either directly or indirectly from crude oil. And this does not include any of the associated natural gas or condensate related products which come from the gas phase during oil and gas production.

So why did I tell you all of this you ask? So that you can see that more comes from oil other than gasoline or travel related stuff. Plus in some of my upcoming posts I will refer you back to this post as well.

And if you are one of the anti-oil people, try living without all of the products that I listed above. Because unless you are Amish (and if you are Amish, chances are you are not reading this post), you are using crude oil. You don't hear the "environmentalists" talking about how they are "living like the Amish" when they lecture you about the evil oil and gas industry.

Final Four Baby!!!!

In case you did not know it, the Final Four of men’s college basket ball is here in Houston this weekend. And I am going to it. No I don’t have tickets to the games on Saturday or the final on Monday, but I am still going.

You see I am taking my kids out of school early on Friday right after lunch. Reliant Stadium (the site of the games this year) has a deal where you can get in free and park for free (I get to keep an arm and a leg) to watch all four teams practice. And after the practices are over, there is a college all star game to be played. So since the Final Four has not been here in 40 years, I would say that this is a once in a lifetime deal for me and the kids. So we are going to go and soak it all up. And the NCAA will be giving away tickets on Friday to people at the practices to the actual games this weekend. So cross your fingers, meditate, send positive thoughts, pray for me, put a bucket of KFC and some rum in front of Jobu, or do whatever you have to do to get me some tickets to the games.

Now I wanted Texas to be in the Final Four but they did not make it. So I will just have to live with UConn vs. Kentucky and VCU vs. Butler. This year’s tournament has played havoc on my bracket since my bracket was fucked by the end of the first weekend. Normally I do fairly well in my bracket with my friends but not this year.

All in all I am not really excited about the match ups as I would be in most years. But since this year has been a tossup I guess I will just have to live with it. It will be interesting though because a small school (either VCU or Butler) is guaranteed to be in the final.

Although I must admit to you readers that I am really excited that Kentucky has made the Final Four. Why you ask? Well I will tell you why. You see Kentucky’s number one fan is going to be here in Houston this weekend. And she happens to be one of the hottest, girl-next door, I would lick every inch of her naked body, bake you a burnt apple pie and you would still eat it types of women on the planet. And that woman is Ashley Judd.

I sure hope Kentucky makes it to the final so that they show Ashley on tv a lot.

Ladies you might want to look away from this point forward unless you like hot brunettes. Men folk, you can thank me in the comment section. God she looks good in them jeans.

By the way, it is only fitting for this blog that my 100th post has pictures of a very hot woman in it.